Ottawa: The Upwards Battle (bit of a rant)

[Annessa 22743]

I took today off to go to dinner and then to a sex-workers' pride event at a local club thrown by the group POWER that I'm a member of, the event was a huge success and we generated a lot of support, I was beaming with pride at the cheers generated by the hosts to the plight of realizing what it means to have safety and independance and honour brought to our proffession.....and that it should be deemed as such: a noble proffession. supporters were cheered on too....everyone was appreciated.

 

However the night was not without its batch of naysayers and judgmental ignorants at the end of the evening....i actually lost some "friends" tonight (notice I use the term "friends" loosely) getting caught in debate as to what our world really was about and truly deserved. it leaves me a bit saddened...actually VERY heavy hearted.. but gives me hope in that this was a huge step for Ottawa. A difficult upwards battle is definitely in our future tho.

 

I was basically outed to everyone that I happened to know outside of work tonight who happened to be there (perhaps the shirt that said "I LOVE my job" played a part in this, lol)...but I dont care anymore. This is my life, I've chosen it and those who dont care to see past their own stereotypes yet still attend a night like POWER threw tonight wishing to scoff and cast stones....well I wonder why they showed up in the first place. (??) I for one know a few blokes who showed up seeing if they could meet some "hookers" and "peelers" first hand and were surprised and turned off that there was a homosexual market in ottawa and were disgusted that "queers" were even mentioned tonight. One (no longer) "friend" came up to me at one point and asked me to point out all the "hot whores" that were present. I said (in less polite words) that I regreted ever handing him a flyer.

 

Many people worked long and hard and planned this event thoroughly and delivered an amazing show...full of shout-outs and respectful cheers and amazing music and live performances.

 

I personally would like to applaud POWER (prostitutes of Ottawa Gatineau, Work Educate Resist) for bringing the community together tonight. I for one am not going to let tonight's naysayers affect my pride for my work...if anything I feel sorry for some who judge before they even try to understand.

 

I hope that everyone in support of tonight or in organization of tonight sees the contribution over the judgement and recognizes what a big step they have made for our industry in Ottawa. I for one (no matter what I may have lost tonight...that didn't matter in the first place now that I think of it) have gained more strength from coming to terms with who I am tonight....

 

 

....and I have POWER to thank for it.

 

all my love,

xoxo Annessa

[Guest f***2f***]

You go girl. I"m going through a time of finding out who my real friends are and starting to live with who I really am too. It ain't easy and I feel for you. It is a good reality check though and in the end you will be a happier person for it.

[smitty_McFlung 290]

There is soo much that I have to say about this.....this profession that you enjoy being part of Anessa is much much more that just the "release" that the client gets from the encounter. We as a society needs this industry legalized or de-criminalized...its a matter of safty for us and you! I don't understand why in this day that we we have gay marriage, but we shun sex workers, there is never any debate about it. I hope that POWER kicks some ass and gets some attention.

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

You go girl. I"m going through a time of finding out who my real friends are and starting to live with who I really am too. It ain't easy and I feel for you. It is a good reality check though and in the end you will be a happier person for it.

 

have went through this....finding out who your real friends are...believe me your better off knowing you has your back and will stand by you no matter what...some people are just to judgemental and do not realize what it is we really do...giving of ourselves..

This board has introduced me to some great people that i love and cherish their them.

kisses,

Emma A

ps-i want a t-shirt! lol

[Guest Ou**or**n]

Very powerful and personal statements Annessa. I truly admire the whole approach you've taken to this business on both a professional and personal level. I would certainly point any new ladies to this business to you as a role model on many, many levels.

 

Your many contribution here on the board have been outstanding and yet behind all that is a truly great person. It is people like you that affect real change in this world.

 

*glass raised in admiration and tribute*

[spud271 47779]

I bow to you Miss Annessa, as any good Scottish gentleman would to a lady! It takes a great deal of internal strength and fortitude to stand up for what you believe in. It's good to hear you love what you do for a living and are proud of it!

[bylogger 136]

During prohibition the parliament buildings maintained a bar.

 

It will take a long time for governments to accept as normal anything that might lose them votes.

 

However, as a bridging technique the focus on health and safety should help.

 

As well, television programs that bring the sex trade out of the motel, and onto the screen, may help change the public's opinions, and thus the ability for politicians to make a stand on the sex trade as a whole.

 

Best wishes,

and may the need for your rant disappear

[jerican 657]

Kudos to you Annessa, it took a lot of guts for you to come out like this and it is both a shame and a blessing that you saw this side of your ex-friends. As you go forward in your life the true friends will matter more and more and the idiots who made the below comments will be a well forgotten memory.

 

Great post from a woman I respect more and more.

 

I for one know a few blokes who showed up seeing if they could meet some "hookers" and "peelers" first hand and were surprised and turned off that there was a homosexual market in ottawa and were disgusted that "queers" were even mentioned tonight. One (no longer) "friend" came up to me at one point and asked me to point out all the "hot whores" that were present. I said (in less polite words) that I regreted ever handing him a flyer.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Man, I'm sorry I missed it. I heard there was some drama with the bouncers telling people not to go in, but I didn't know about this other shit.

 

I'm sorry I didn't see you, I left pretty much after I got there in my own dramatic fashion (my bf lost consciousness twice and was carted off on a stretcher to the ambulance and then hospital, but he's fine now).

 

I'm glad to hear that you stood up for all of us and our profession, I wish I'd been there to have your back.

[v*****m*n 220]

Annessa, i commend you. I know you really enjoy your job. If they can't accept what you do and what you realy enjoy, then they are not true friends. I really don't think you will have problems meeting new true friends.

Stay stong and keep focused.

[Athos 108589]

Wow, what a great post Annessa. There are times in your life that are pivotal moments ... where you can stand up for what you believe to be right and just, or stay safely and quietly seated. There is no necessarily negative judgment in staying seated -- each person needs to make the decision that is right for them, especially about such an important and personal issue. But when someone stands up, they should be applauded and commended. Once again you've shown the tremendous strength of character that many of us on the board have seen time and time again through your posts and in personal conversations. But now you've shown a much bigger world who you are and what you stand for.

 

When you take those sorts of positions, when you stand up for what you believe, you often find you lose friends, but usually you gain new ones. Its about growing as a person, and moving forward with your life. Well done and I know that many people here are applauding you ... far more than those who may be booing!

 

Porthos

[d*mm*y 887]

For so many years the moral majority and the politically correct have made this industry a nasty criminal activity crawling with the underbelly of our society. The traditional "whore" is a woman (or man) that has very low self esteem and very low pride, because of the social stigmas and criminal implications of the business. I think I see a glimpse of hope in the future, I think we may be fostering a new generation of sex workers that have pride in themselves and their career. If this industry can become legitimate, and people that serve it stop being chastised and belittled, than there is hope. If we can get some laws that protect instead of alienate the service providers than there is a glimmer of hope. It will take some strong individuals who are not afraid to stand up and say they are sex workers, and it will take some testing of the laws. But we may actually be witnessing a paradigm change in this industry! I have jumped on the sword in the past and pioneered ventures to find that it really is very hard and you feel like you are getting no where with no reward and no thanks. Ladies (and men if you are reading this) please do not loose hope, you are loved and supported by a large amount of admirers and most of us will be cheering in silence but know we are behind you. I would have liked to have attended and explained to the idiots how there words and thoughts demean sex workers, and asked them what the hell they were there for.

 

It's a funny thing how intolerant we can be, I recently purchased a used vehicle from a very nice mid 50's gay guy. He had the back of the truck strewn with bumper stickers and one that was particularly cool to me was the California gay pride rainbow bear, I loved that bumper sticker. I came out one afternoon last week after dropping some stuff of to my daughter and son in law to find him at the back of the vehicle and he had removed the sticker, we was afraid to ride in the vehicle because people might associate him with gays!! Not sure what he would do if I put a POWER bumper sticker on the thing :), this may take another generation, but at least it is getting some momentum.

 

Ladies (not Erin or Annessa) are you doing this because you feel unable to do anything else, has someone told it is all you are good enough for? Or are you dong this because it is truly a career that you aspire to? If you can't look yourself in the mirror and say I am glad to be an SP than quite. For you ladies that are proud of what you do please join the momentum and get the tides to turn in your favor give yourself a better work environment.

[buggernot 588]

I have to applaud anyone that comes out and announces to the world that they have chosen this line of work. Regardless of how you feel about the industry, to 'come out of the closet' takes a mountain of courage. I couldn't do it and I'm just a client, the consequences are greatly lessened. For the girls, it can be life affecting. I'm hoping for you Annessa that it goes in a positive direction. I'm sure it will ;) As for your 'friends', you never know who anyone is until they're put to the real test. Until then, you just have a few friends and many acquaintances.

 

Unfortunately, I don't hold out a lot of hope for the industry as ever truly being accepted. I know many things have changed over the years and we like to think that we're moving to a new world order, but there will always be staunch opposition to this...at least in my lifetime. It's so tied into moral/religious stigma and that makes change so hard.

[whatsup 11893]

With groups such as POWER and wonderful people such as Annessa and Erin involved, we just may see a positive change in how our society views the oldest profession know to man in the near future.

 

I commend you two ladies on your involvement. Cheers.

One thing is a given if you do not try there can never be an accomplishment.

 

We have seen groups like PRIDE make astronomical strides in the acceptance of the gay movement that had a significant moral/religious issue to overcome, just look how far they have come.

 

As society evolves there will be an even greater demand for the profession and in several countries it is an acceptable profession already. Now it's this country's time for acceptance.

 

In closing Annessa you did not lose any True friends, a true friend would have supported you.

[Andee 220524]

Annessa: I did not know about POWER. Thanks for educating us about their presence and being there to represent those of us who didn't attend or would be too chicken to attend. I do love what I do as well, but I still have one foot in the "straight life" and I have been outed myself, often with unpleasant results and other times surprisingly positive results.

 

The ones who I expect to judge me and not accept me were the ones who actually were cool with it. Like you, I had others who I thought were cool with it, show their true colours my asking me ignorant questions, like "when am I going to meet your hot hooker friends"...kind of like the guy you gave the flyer to.

 

I guess in the end, we just have to be true to ourselves, believe in what we're doing, have our support network, and hope and trust that we'll be kept safe along the way and be thick skinned enough to handle any negativity that is sure to come our way...but what comes with anything controversial and "different".

 

My question has always been, if we're suppsoedly so bad, how come we're so much in demand?

 

Every since I read Xavier Hollander's The Happy Hooker when I was 11 years old, I have always been fascinated by this industry. Perhaps that was a premotion of things to come...although I did not get into this until I was 34 years old....Oh well...

 

Thanks for the Rant...

[VedaSloan 119179]

Annessa: I did not know about POWER. Thanks for educating us about their presence and being there to represent those of us who didn't attend or would be too chicken to attend. I do love what I do as well, but I still have one foot in the "straight life" and I have been outed myself, often with unpleasant results and other times surprisingly positive results.

 

The ones who I expect to judge me and not accept me were the ones who actually were cool with it. Like you, I had others who I thought were cool with it, show their true colours my asking me ignorant questions, like "when am I going to meet your hot hooker friends"...kind of like the guy you gave the flyer to.

 

I guess in the end, we just have to be true to ourselves, believe in what we're doing, have our support network, and hope and trust that we'll be kept safe along the way and be thick skinned enough to handle any negativity that is sure to come our way...but what comes with anything controversial and "different".

 

My question has always been, if we're suppsoedly so bad, how come we're so much in demand?

 

Every since I read Xavier Hollander's The Happy Hooker when I was 11 years old, I have always been fascinated by this industry. Perhaps that was a premotion of things to come...although I did not get into this until I was 34 years old....Oh well...

 

Thanks for the Rant...

 

You should come to a POWER meeting sometime! There is one this coming Wed, if you're interested, you can PM me for details :)

 

xo Erin

[MandalayBay 575]

Annessa ... I admire you very much!

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Thank you for your integrity, dedication and courage, Annessa!

 

I expect the right-wingers, conservatives and the evangelical Christians to oppose decriminalizing prostitution. Those folks have never approved of anything I value, like gay rights, immigration, religious pluralism, desegregation, inter-racial marriage, or women's choices about anything important like education, access to birth control information and services, abortion, divorce, child support--I'm sure you get my drift.

 

What I do not understand is the position taken by many so-called feminists who insist that a prostitute, by definition, cannot make a choice to be in this profession because we're all "trafficked" and "prostituted" by our clients.

 

Someone recently tried to tell me that high-end prostitutes encourage the subjugation of First Nations women by legitimating the sale of sex which encourages men to believe that they're entitled to have sex whenever they want it which, according to this person, ultimately means that First Nations women are cornered into the sex trade because they're denied other options and choices in their lives. Apparently the fact that I charge $300 an hour for my time encourages men who can't afford me to put pressure on aboriginal women to enter the sex trade and to charge much lower fees. Therefore, if I am truly supportive of other women, if I believe that we are fundamentally and essentially equal, and if I am genuinely not racist, I would do something else to earn my living.

 

I was dumbfounded.

 

These so-called feminists just don't get it.

 

They generally refuse to listen to us but when they do, they don't believe what we say despite claiming to believe in every woman's right to tell her story and name her experience. They'll champion our right to safe and effective birth control, and to choose what we want to do in the event that we have an unplanned pregnancy. They'll preach long sermons about women's right to make informed choices about everything.... except when it comes to choosing to provide intimate companionship in exchange for money. In this one case, it seems, our judgment is suspect or has been damaged by having to perform such degrading acts....

 

WTF?

[Guest f***2f***]

I found the feminist movement to be fascists. They believe in their right to say their piece loudly and in your face but they are not tolerant of other views or other people's rights to say their piece. They demean and belittle other opinions .

They are no different than the fundamentalists you name as the enemies of progress. Intolerance wears many different disguises but in the end that is what it is. Whether it is a rabid feminist or a self righteous fundamentalist they are cut from the same cloth.

[buggernot 588]

Someone recently tried to tell me that high-end prostitutes encourage the subjugation of First Nations women by legitimating the sale of sex which encourages men to believe that they're entitled to have sex whenever they want it which, according to this person, ultimately means that First Nations women are cornered into the sex trade because they're denied other options and choices in their lives. Apparently the fact that I charge $300 an hour for my time encourages men who can't afford me to put pressure on aboriginal women to enter the sex trade and to charge much lower fees. Therefore, if I am truly supportive of other women, if I believe that we are fundamentally and essentially equal, and if I am genuinely not racist, I would do something else to earn my living.

 

It's logic like that which got O.J off. Wow. Incredibly inaccurate but I'll give whoever it was that said it marks for creativity. WTF totally though!

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Progress is extremely tough on this issue. I shake my head in amazement and admiration for those with the guts and fortitude to carry on with this Sisyphean struggle. The rock keeps rolling back downhill, into the dark valley of the stinking morass of unseeing moral righteousness. Current case in point: the apparent conversion of Natalie McLennan.

 

I finally got around this morning to reading last Saturday's "Globe and Mail" book section. It made me choke on my Wheaties. The G&M had commissioned Natalie McLennan to review Victor Malarek's book "The Johns: Sex for Sale and the Men Who Buy It". I had read Natalie McLennan's own book "The Price", published last year (see my review at http://cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=9994). In 2004 she was New York's highest-paid and most notorious escort; I found her own book to be an even-handed treatment of her own story; she did not then claim to be the "poor-victim", so to speak.

 

I have not read Victor Malarek's books; but he has investigated human trafficking and child-prostitution. Exposing and condemning these horrific practices is extremely important and commendable work. But now Malerak seems to have taken the extra, unwarranted, step of concluding that all sex-work is wrong. Upon seeing Natalie McLennan's name on Saturday's book-review byline, I expected that she would surely take firm issue with this position of Malarek's, like Antonia Zerbesias very admirably did in the Toronto Star on 13 May (http://www.thestar.com/living/article/633275). Given McLennan's record, this may also have been what the G&M expected from her (in their interview with her last fall, she referred to her escorting days as a "capitalist adventure in post-feminist relationship dynamics").

 

Not so. After a bit of reasonable demurral, McLennan ultimately falls for Malarek's demonization of johns -- hook, line, and sinker: "Men looking to pay for sex plus a money-driven society equals women and children treated as commodities and trafficked in a fashion similar to drugs and guns." Of sex-workers, the "callousness of the johns who rent their bodies" is emphasized. Although McLennan states that "Malarek villainizes every man who has ever paid for sex, and in doing so risks turning them into caricatures", and she does concede at one point that "Men who hire prostitutes aren't all inherently bad human beings, and the women who choose to work as prostitutes aren't all victims", she promptly turns right around and paradoxically seems to agree wholeheartedly that the caricature is perfectly accurate, supporting Malarek's advocation of "a crackdown on johns." From McLennan's conclusion to Saturday's article (words in bold are my emphasis):

No one wants to admit to contributing to the enslavement of a human being.

But there is no line between escorting and human trafficking, it's all the same industry

...

 

It would be irresponsible of me to sit back and say nothing,

now that I get it

. I was not willing to join the fight against prostitution because it meant admitting I was a victim ...

 

All you have to do is look in these girls' eyes to know that they are not happy ... Eyes are a recurring theme in Malarek's book:

Johns never look in the girls' eyes

.... I never opened my eyes when I was with a client. And I kept them closed until now.

Wow. How many every-day voices of reason will it take to offset the influence on public opinion of just this one celebrity-rant by newly-converted Natalie McLennan? The labours of Sisyphus, it seems, are truly never complete -- the maddening difference is that in this case, it's not Sisyphus himself, but rather his tormentors, who are the ones suffering from blind hubris.

 

Now, where'd I leave my barf-bucket?

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

Heh, clients always look into my eyes. Indeed, I'm told that it's truly wonderful when I look into your eyes as I cum....

 

Shame on Natalie McLennan. She knows better than this!

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

Shame on Natalie McLennan. She knows better than this!

 

Oh, yeah ... but the reading public doesn't ... and their wheels of understanding continue to spin fruitlessly in the muck and the mire ...

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

From McLennan's conclusion to Saturday's article: .... Johns never look in the girls' eyes ....

 

And the sunflower never turns toward the sun ... lol

[Suzirider 737]

Someone recently tried to tell me that high-end prostitutes encourage the subjugation of First Nations women by legitimating the sale of sex which encourages men to believe that they're entitled to have sex whenever they want it which, according to this person, ultimately means that First Nations women are cornered into the sex trade because they're denied other options and choices in their lives. Apparently the fact that I charge $300 an hour for my time encourages men who can't afford me to put pressure on aboriginal women to enter the sex trade and to charge much lower fees. Therefore, if I am truly supportive of other women, if I believe that we are fundamentally and essentially equal, and if I am genuinely not racist, I would do something else to earn my living.

 

I was dumbfounded.

 

Sounds like one of those, "I can't believe my ears"...should have had a laughing fit and passed out on the floor...must remember that for the next ???? brain I meet, moments. :roll: