Instrument of Pleasure

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I had someone recently make the statement that I was responsible for their pleasure. Which started me thinking that a lot of people, not just in the SP dynamic but also in real time relationships think this way as well.

 

I do NOT believe I am responsible for anyone's pleasure. Each person is responsible for their own, I am but an instrument of pleasure bringing my own unique talents, attitude, and body to the table. I am not a mind reader, so if something I'm doing could feel better or be done in a different more pleasing way, share this and allow me to pleasure you better. I am here for your pleasure so I want you to feel as good as possible.

 

If your expectation is that I am responsible for your pleasure and what I do or don't do, even on first meeting, reflects my standing as an SP, then many SP's may fall on the negative side of the balance sheet which isn't fair. Yes, I know life isn't fair but shouldn't we take some responsibility for ourselves?. It's one thing when there isn't that connection or appeal, that's something you can't fake. However when I hear "it wasn't done the way I like it or how I expected" it makes me want to ask where they were because they apparently weren't fully present as a participant.

 

So, just a frustrating happening that gave me food for thought. Maybe my thinking in flawed in that this industry does make us responsible as SP's/MP's for someone's pleasure but I really hope it's more the exception than the norm.

 

Does anyone have any thoughts on either side of the equation?

[cyclo 30131]

I agree with you. Everything I've read on the topic of sexual satisfaction, and my own personal experience supports this idea. Personal responsibilty involves feeling good about yourself and your body; knowing what gives you pleasure (physically, emotionally, mentally); and here's the kicker being able to communicate that verbally and non-verbally (moans, groans, body movement...). All of these elements are part of being responsible for your own sexual pleasure whether your masturbating or with a partner. We all hope our partners (service provider, romantic, fling, friends with benefits) are empathetic, intuitive and creative but we can't expect them to be mind readers. No one knows how to touch us or turn us on better than we do ourselves ;-)

 

Of course sometimes part of the pleasure of being with a new sexual partner is the novelty, unpredictability and discovery of a new pleasure. When we learn something new about our bodies, minds or emotions, that's a great bonus. It plays a part in why some of us like to have multiple sexual partners. We certainly have a right to expect our sexual partners to be attentive, in the moment and open minded. Still the responsibility for our satisfaction should never be exclusively in our partner's hands. Personally I find it's a real turn on when I'm with a woman who's comfortable stimulating herself while I'm stimulating her also. The same goes for me. Sometimes it just takes pressing that special button that you know, to take you to the next level or over the top.

 

I recall reading an advice column in which women wrote in and provided advice to men on how to perform great oral sex. It was all over the place "Stick your tongue in.... Never, ever stick your tongue in"; "Nibble on my clit with your teeth... If you use your teeth on my clit I will tear your head off"; "Use your fingers and tongue... Only do one thing at a time, it's too distracting if you're using your fingers...". The obvious conclusion of the advice column was... for both partners to communicate, especially the person on the receiving end of any stimulation. In other words... Take personal responsibility.

 

I know the women on this board want every client to leave weak kneed and with a smile on their face that they can't hide :-) At the same time I'm sure you've seen it all from clients in terms of self awareness and personal comfort communicating needs and desires.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I never ever feel solely responsible for anyone's pleasure when they come to see me and I don't let people make me feel that way even if it's in a positive way.

 

It's also what that person brings to the table during the encounter. If that person is in a bad mood, it is going to affect them, myself as I can read a person's body language and mood very welll and ultimately will affect THEIR pleasure. Receiving pleasure is a two way street and if there is no communication, then there is not a lot of pleasure on the receiving end.

 

To me, it's like doing the Tango. You have to be on the same page with your partner. I cannot be held responsible for a person's pleasure as there are so many varying factors brought into a session from that person whether it's their mood, personality, communication skills, etc. Pleasure isn't just a physical sensation, it's a mental one as well especially when having an orgasm. Like dancing the tango with a partner, the physical and mental aspects both go hand in hand with one another.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Oh by the title I thought there was a new sex toy out, lol. But a great subject to bring up, thank you. I always felt soley responsible for giving a man the "time of his life". Causing a bit of stress for myself before each meeting. I especially felt extra pressure to do this when meeting someone new as I thought it would leave a bad mark on my name if I didn't, which I now know isn't fair to myself. I finally realized as you said, that it takes two. No matter how talented one is or how many tricks you have up your sleeve you'll never be able to "create the perfect experience" if the other preson isn't engaged, if the chemistry isn't there, if the mood of either person or both is off, if there is an interuption of any kind,ect,ect,so many things factor into making a wonderful experience,wonderful. It is rather silly to think you can just lay back and expect someone to push all your buttons and make something happen without you "working" as well.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I understand the stress we can put on ourselves to be "all that" and we really aren't treating ourselves well when we do it. We are responsible for having ourselves prepared and ready, upbeat, positive etc. so that we can give ourselves in the best way possible.

 

I love sharing with someone either new or repeat and having them share with me. As Cyclo said, it's the novelty and discovery that amps up the excitement. Within that I like to also know what feels good. Sometimes in my discovery I find them and sometimes they are a little hidden or need to special treatment, this is when communication is important to me.

 

It really is mental as well as physical too. I love the comparison to a tango as it really is that give and take and melding of energies.

 

Do you prefer, as a client, to be asked or to just communicate if you want something a little different in terms of pressure, tongue, no tongue, faster slower? Do you enjoy being asked knowing someone is focused on your pleasure?

 

 

Personally, I love to give that "smile that lasts all day" and when I know I did, it gives ME a smile that lasts all day. When unsure, I have to fight with myself not to take full responsibility.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Midnite,

 

Excellent thread and points. In fact all the posters so far have made great points. It's unfortunate that you had a client say that to you and really it would have been my assumption that its a given that most clients (in my mind) should be sexually progressive by nature to result in them deciding to seek out an SP.

 

Really, unfortunately it comes down to people being comfortable with their own sexuality and being able to verbalize that to their partner either SP or SO. Do to my personality I have always felt comfortable talking about sex and verbalizing my wants before, during and after an encounter. My wife on the other hand has always struggled with being able to say what she wants, (I've had to pry it out of her) luckily over the years she's loosened up alot almost to the other extreme (if i'm playing with her and I'm taking too long or not hitting her spots just right at that moment she'll give a little growl push my hand away and take over herself, very hot BTW). Once upon a time she'd have never done that for fear that she might offend me. For me as a partner it's very liberating knowing that her pleasure doesn't hinge on me as it allows me to enjoy and savour the monent much better.

 

The more people realize that sex is natural (the most natural thing actually or we all wouldn't be here) the better it opens the door to a much more beautiful experience for everyone. We in western culture (specifically North America) still suffer from the view point that sex is private, taboo, you don't talk about it, keep it behind closed doors. Its unfortunate because its so freaking awesome.

 

My last point on the subject is this, nobody can make me cum faster than I can myself and it's the same for every other woman and man on the planet. We all know our own buttons, life is better when we share those buttons with each other ;)

 

As for instruments, I've got a Trombone that needs playing, slow, soft and drawn at first with a loud and boisterous finish.( I know how I like to be played and now so do all of you)

 

 

That's a little bit of Friday morning rambling

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Thanks for the rambling @nlwoodchuck and the wonderful points on trombone playing, very informative! LOL. Love your view on sex and agree completely and love how your wife has become this sexually liberated creature...I think your patience was rewarded!

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I have never had a problem communicating with any lady from Cerb and they can all attest to that, I also enjoy getting feedback from them as well. I have noticed that no 2 lady is the same and I have different sensation with one and the other even during the same position or act. Cerb ladies are fantastic.