Grieving

[CristyCurves 169032]

In light of a recent post concerning a member going through the toughest part of life-losing a loved one. I thought I would start a thread that hopefully will help those of us going through or who have gone through the grieving process. I realize this is a tough and personal subject as we all grieve differently but in the hopes that this thread will bring comfort to some I ask you to share your ways of getting through the grieving process.

In my time of need I wrote alot of poetry, went on alot on very long walks, talked alot to friends, family, to anyone who would listen. I just tried to keep busy because when I found myself alone or still I would feel to much pain.

This thread is meant to support those who have lost a loved one-human or pet-love is love.

[royalflush131313 3480]

The first person I remember losing was my grandfather when I was 10 years old. I was very close to him and I remember missing him but not really understanding what was going on. 6 months later my 8-year-old brother passed away from a brain tumour. I struggled with that a lot because we were best friends. I talked a lot with my mother and she was a big help. Looking back now I don't know how she managed losing a father and son so close together and staying strong enough to help to other sons deal with their grief. As an adult I kind of had a life changing moment when my best friend passed away from cancer in our mid thirties. It made me realize just how short our time on this earth can be and to take advantage of every moment. It's actually one of the reasons I'm on this website and in this hobby today. It also made me realize how fortunate we are to have wonderful friends and family to lean on during difficult times. Talking about my friend, remembering the great times we had and sharing stories with his young daughter were very cathartic for me. I still make regular trips to the cemetery.

[Fresh start 17467]

I'm by no means an expert at getting through grieving, but I've lost a lot in my life even at my young age. So I've spent years grieving various loss after loss. What is harder is to watch someone you love suffer until they are gone. I do not believe anyone ever gets over it they only learn to cope and as time passes the pain goes with it. It's still there and resurfaces from time to time. What I find helps me is not to think about the loss try to remember the good times even thought it is hard. For me as simple and strange it may sound but feeling loved helps tremendous. One of the reason I started this hobby. Also exercise helps a lot, for me I concentrate on the exercise I'm doing and when you do a good workout it your body sends good endorphin to the brain and help relief the pain and its good for you.

One thing I've learned the hard way is I used to shut out my emotion, even though it help get through its like a bomb waiting to go off. I held so much back and inside that one day it was too much to Bare and when it came out, everything came out even stuff from way back that I had forgotten came out as well. When there is too much grief and pain it doesn't take long until that emotional pain effect you physically. So the best thing you can do is figure out what you need and try to hold on. If you wanna talk, talk to someone. If you been a friend, call a friend ect. You will still grieve but at least you will have something to help.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Thank you Royal and Empty for sharing. I know it's not easy to talk about loss but I'm sure your posts will bring comfort to those that read them. As empty stated it's never a good idea to hold any feelings inside, the sadness and pain will eventually become less as you learn to cope. We are lucky to be able to still have them with us in our hearts, minds and memories.

[roamingguy 300292]

This subject has hit me recently with events in my family. My dad has cancer (Stage III CLL leukemia, bone cancer and lung cancer) When he was first diagnosed, my reaction was normal, wanting him to beat cancer.

When I saw him in January, he was skin and bones, if he looked any worse he would look like he came out of a concentration camp. He is alive, but not living. I've come to accept what the outcome of his cancer will be. I'm certainly not looking forward to that day, but I have accepted that it will come. When that day comes definitely I will be grieving. But even though I know that day will come, I can't yet grieve, till the day come. And grieving is part of the healing process. Now it is like being in limbo, not just for me, but for everyone, especially dad. Every time my phone rings my stomach churns, if it rings while I'm driving, I pull off the road to answer, just in case it is the call.

The one positive is my brother, his wife, my mother and myself are closer now.

Now my mother, not a case of grieving, but she had a cornea transplant.

The surgery is over but requires post op follow up exams. So today I was in Hotel Dieu Hospital in Kingston, and again tomorrow, back down to Hotel Dieu. On the plus side, her eyesight is improving. On the down side, I'm beginning to really hate hospital waiting rooms LOL...ahhh it's the cycle of life

A rambling

RG

[Guest *l**e]

I've had to deal with this issue myself a lot. I buried my wife a few years ago, and have had to deal with several other deaths of people close to me, and other forms of grief as well.

 

I think the most important thing to remember is that even though most people go through all the normal stages of grief, most of us exhibit each stage in very different ways. One of the most common questions I get is "is this normal". The answer is yes and no. No, because sometimes the things we do to get by are unhealthy to us or even dangerous. Yes, because almost everyone has problems/issues getting through.

 

I guess the thing that can help the most is knowing that almost everyone has to deal with grief at one time or another, so you are not alone. There are friends, family, or even online or live support groups that can help. You have to try and recognize when it is time to reach out.

 

Hope this helps

[shyellie 363]

I just lose my uncle a few weeks ago. my siblings and I were very close and when I found out the sad news, I was at work. my bf wanted me to go home. But I tried my best to focus on work. I barely survived. But when I got home. my bf by literally ran to the door, while i was going the door. and gave me a hug. I just started crying. For me, its hard to talk/show about my feeling. I just take it one day at a time. I miss him greatly. And I know, he and my other uncle are watching over me.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I just lose my uncle a few weeks ago. my siblings and I were very close and when I found out the sad news, I was at work. my bf wanted me to go home. But I tried my best to focus on work. I barely survived. But when I got home. my bf by literally ran to the door, while i was going the door. and gave me a hug. I just started crying. For me, its hard to talk/show about my feeling. I just take it one day at a time. I miss him greatly. And I know, he and my other uncle are watching over me.

 

I'm so sorry for your loss, my thoughts are with you and your family. Thank you for sharing.

[Fresh start 17467]

I just lose my uncle a few weeks ago. my siblings and I were very close and when I found out the sad news, I was at work. my bf wanted me to go home. But I tried my best to focus on work. I barely survived. But when I got home. my bf by literally ran to the door, while i was going the door. and gave me a hug. I just started crying. For me, its hard to talk/show about my feeling. I just take it one day at a time. I miss him greatly. And I know, he and my other uncle are watching over me.

 

I'm sorry for your loss.

 

I too was like, never talked or shared my feelings. You hold it in until you can't, sometimes burst into tears when its too much. You often can't explain what you're feeling or find it difficult to discuss with the ones we love. I can assure you if you keep too much in for too long you are making it worse for yourself. I've learned that lesson the hard way, too much pain, stress and grief caused me to have a mental breakdown. What helped the most is talking. I found it easier to talk to complete strangers than family members. Cause who cares what they think of you, you don't have to ever see them again if you chose not to. Honestly cerb has helped me so much, there are so many kind and caring people here.

[Serena Blake 14066]

My step Father had passed away a few weeks ago from a heart attack. As the only positive male role model in my life he will truly be missed.

Knowing he will be remembered fondly with his huge smile and even bigger heart by everyone that knew him lessens the hurt. Knowing he died without suffering helps too :). you never know, someday I may get a wolf tattoo to commemorate him. He LOVED Wolves.

[CristyCurves 169032]

My step Father had passed away a few weeks ago from a heart attack. As the only positive male role model in my life he will truly be missed.

Knowing he will be remembered fondly with his huge smile and even bigger heart by everyone that knew him lessens the hurt. Knowing he died without suffering helps too :). you never know, someday I may get a wolf tattoo to commemorate him. He LOVED Wolves.

 

I'm so sorry Serena for your loss, I think the tattoo is a great idea, another way of keeping his memory alive.