Is it wrong to fall for a client?

[karina 2491]

I just want some opinion on this. From the beginning Ive always set and follow my own rule which is, not to get too attached or not to fall in love with any of my clients, just have a lot of fun . Unfortunately i am falling for someone now and i really dont know what to do about it ,its so hard because I can't even tell him I miss him or how I feel because he might think I'm trying too hard for the money.. I just can't help it every time I see him he just melt me inside. I really need some good advice on this one, maybe clear my head a little. I would really appreciate it.

[spud271 47779]

We are all aware these things can happen Karina. It's natural for people to fall for each other. My best advice is to just tell him. Never pass up the opportunity for something special in life or you'll regret it. If you word it right, he won't think you are just trying to get him in as a client. Just be honest with him and speak from the heart! Good luck Karina :D

[Old Dog 179138]

Karina...

 

Spending intimate time with a client or conversely when we spend intimate time with a provider is bound to have emotional challenges.

 

Intimacy comes not only from the body, it comes from the mind and spirit. The greater the time spent with another human being, the greater the bond is that is being forged.

 

Is it wrong? Absolutely not; it's human. Therein lies the challenge.

 

The challenge is fulfilling that desire, that need to requite, to validate. The checklist is infinite but you probably should ask yourself a number of questions.

 

First, does he share the same strength of passion for you? If the answer is yes, it becomes simpler and more complicated. It is however the key in determining whether your feelings are insatiable or open to further provocation.

 

Second, if the answer to the first is yes, are you both willing to make sacrifices - significant sacrifices - to see the relationship flourish or flounder?

 

Men, for the most part, do not share well. Your current career is an avocation that might not be in line with his traditional values; he might not be willing to accept a partner that has intimate relationships with other men. It's a paradox, considering the nature of your current relationship, but it is a clear delineation - a line in the sand. Would you be willing to forego your current position to fulfill a relationship that may or may not work out?

 

Further to this - would he be free to make the choice to be with you, without making significant personal sacrifices? Is he married? Does he have children? Does he have a career? Would his family accept the relationship?

 

The typical client-provider relationship is safe because it is discrete and fulfilled at the end of each session. Guilt is diminished - it's a transaction of the flesh rather than of the heart. When you add emotion, the intimacy is enhanced and the safeguards come down - you genuinely give yourself to him as a whole - but the price to yourself is vulnerability. YOU need HIM.

 

It's a struggle that many people on both sides of the industry face. It can be incredibly beautiful. It can also be psychologically crippling.

 

The best advice I can give? Be analytic. Before you approach him, ask yourself whether you would be willing to make equal or greater sacrifices to the ones you may have to ask him to make. Ask yourself whether you really know him or whether you just idealize him. It's far easier to love the idea of a person than actually live with that person.

 

It's a tough one that each of us has to deal with. I don't know whether I have helped at all or over complicated things - but I do hope that I have given some food for thought.

 

A quote comes to mind, not written by Shakespeare but of that era:

"Love is the most beautiful of dreams and the worst of nightmares."

[roamingguy 300292]

If I were you Karina, let him know. He may have the same feelings for you. The risk, he may not have the same feelings. If he is a client who sees you for repeat encounters there is something about you he does like.

My guess, if you tell him your feelings, he won't think you are doing it for the money, in fact if you tell him your feelings and things progress, a monetary transaction wouldn't even form part of your relationship, should you develop a relationship.

Things to keep in mind. Is he receptive to a relationship (is he single, will you stop being a professional companion, if that is an issue for him, does he need to stop seeing professional companions if that is an issue for you,

will both your families accept each other, is there an age difference etc)

And if he says he isn't interested, could you continue to see him as a client and would he feel comfortable continuing to see you.

All that said, I would, if you really have fallen for him, let him know. There is an underlying risk in letting your feelings show, but there could also be great rewards...maybe he is "the one"

Good luck

RG

[Trickster 520]

Well Old Dog, I was going to latch onto this post but after reading you eloquent opinion, little else needs to be said. I was going to comment about a similar experience and it ended abruptly because my wife found out. At that seminal moment when confronted with a choice, I chose my wife because the pain it would cause her and how it would disrupt my family. I feel terribly bad for my SP girlfriend but I had to make a choice with my head not my heart. Loving someone doesn't always translate to a happy ever since the reality of meshing your lives, families, occupations, opinions of friends, etc. will mount formidable challenges. Having said that, if your heart is true and your conviction firm then you have nothing to lose by telling him how you feel. Good luck and I have genuine empathy for your situation.

[Athos 108589]

I would tend to agree with RG. The question is when. Keep in mind, that the client-provider relationship is one that is quite bounded in terms of what happens and the circumstances under which it happens. Ladies often say about clients who fall for them, that the client "really" doesn't know who they are. They see them in a fantasy context, in which everything is being geared to their pleasure. Clients don't see their providers lounging around the house in sweatpants eating chips! (although, depending on context that could be quite incredible).

 

Well, it may be the same with clients. Clients as well are on their best behaviour (or at least good clients, so I assume this applies to your gentleman). The question is how well do you actually know him. Falling in love involves a certain degree of emotional intimacy and understanding of each other. I think that can happen within the context of sessions, but perhaps a fuller ability to get to "know each" other outside the bedroom is required.

 

Maybe you should suggest lunch, followed by a session. Discount the lunch, or even say "I really enjoy talking to you, and we never have enough time. Let's go for lunch before our session." If you wanted, you could deeply discount the social time, or even offer it "off the clock". I realize that in general this is frowned upon, but this is different than the situation where the client suggests it. Make sure he understands this is a unique offer, because you think he is special. This will be a good testing ground to see what he's like in a different setting, and his reaction may be a guage of his feeling to you.

 

Perhaps say to him ... "I was thinking about you the other day and nearly dropped you a text, just to ask how you were doing ... but didn't want to intrude on your private life" ... see how he reacts.

 

Anyway, perhaps there are ways of testing the waters, before plunging in.

 

Porthos

[lastchance69 914]

I've always thought you ladies have an incredibly tough job. There is way more to being an SP/MP than the physical sex. The 'old dog' offers some great advise/thoughts. Love is a complicated thing and I wish I could give you an easy answer.

[JustJack 4689]

Karina, having met you during your last visit to Ottawa my first reaction to your post is that the person you are referring to is one lucky fellow! In a very short time I felt your kindness and passion for life.

 

Having spent "off the clock" social time with a few SP's and several dancers over the years I've found that many times people are different outside the bedroom. In a hotel room, without a personal relationship, there is the fantasy component for which the chemistry doesn't always translate to a personal relationship.

 

I'd strongly recommned, if you havn't already, spend some time "off the clock" time with him in a personal social setting; perhaps dinner, hockey game, going for a walk, anything mutually enjoyable. Its not as unusual as some think for an SP and client to do something casual, especially out of town SPs. Goodness, last year I took a visiting SP to the grocery store since she had just arrived in town, was staying in a suite and needed to do groceries lol.

 

I really feel the key is to get to know the guy in a real social setting. You may find a different person, or perhaps your initial feelings will be confirmed.

 

I think then, after spending time together, through conversation you'll be able to tell if his feelings are mutual and if his personal circumstances are such that he is even able to pursue a relationship.

 

I will say thou, I'm not an expert on this, but wanted to at least give you my thoughts.

 

JacK

PS: Feel free to fall for me anytime!

[CristyCurves 169032]

Old dogs advice is the best you'll get I'm sure, so well put OD, but I'd be interested in what Cat has to say, hopefully she'll respond.

This is a tricky subject-no pun intended.In the begining my attitude towards clients was somewhat guarded and impersonal. For many reasons, I was versed that this business wasn't about being warm and intimate but about sex, straight sex, which as I knew it was all about the genitals and genitals alone. Also those whom I knew in the business had coached me into thinking that these men involved just wanted my body and would never think anything nice about me afterwards.Then I came hear-cerb, still guarded, then I was introduced to the gfe session. I was shocked that so many men wanted to caress me, kiss me, get to know me and not to simply use my body. So the point to this rant is feelings do sometimes evolve in these types of encounters,especially with gents you see over and over. How could they not, we share intimacy,passion,feelings and if all the stars align and your match comes along you are going to fall, nothing wrong with that. Your feelings are yours, express them keeping in mind the upsides and downs to doing so and prepare yourself for both. If you feel you know him well enough then you should have a sense of how he'll react as well. After all his feelings have to be taken into account as well. What ever you decide to do my dear remember wanting /caring/desiring someone is never wrong, you are lucky you have found someone you can want. Best of luck.

[BootyLoving 2441]

Keeping it short.Is he married and in a happy relationship?

Just because he's seen you many times and really enjoys your company, doesn't mean he's available for beyond the transactional relationship. He just might be a sweet guy in general and easily lovable and Prince Charming'ish. But do your homework and study well. Go ahead and turn the table and find out a little more about him.

 

 

Love is wonderful, don't let it slip, but as we all get older, things tend to get more complicated.

[Hoppinhorny 1219]

I've always had a personal motto/saying:

 

"We cannot control who we fall in love with. We can only control what we do about it when we do."

 

Personally, I would be open and honest with him. Keeping it inside could make things more difficult as time passes.

 

That being said, Old Dog made a good point when he said that men don't share well. Some do, but I've never met anyone that's 100% ok with it. Si take that into consideration too

 

Best of luck!

[cat 262460]

Miss Karina,

 

I understand where you are, I've been there and it isn't easy to know what to do. With the right man, we can develop the most amazing relationship on every level and it can be good for both parties. I have a small client base and intense connections happen and they can grow stronger with time. The key is to ensure that it stays within the boundaries of being a mutually beneficial experience for you both. My guests understand that my feelings are genuine but it doesn't come with the usual strings of a romantic relationship because the envelope ensures it doesn't. If your client is open to exploring a more intimate emotional relationship, then take it slowly and enjoy the ride. Just remember that we are suppose to make their manhoods hard, not their lives so put no pressure on him to change his life for you and expect the same respect from him with your life. Maintain the business aspect as it keeps you both real and emotions in check when things have the potential to go left. Life is too short to miss amazing opportunities, just proceed with care and awareness...

 

cat

[Athos 108589]

The original question was whether it is wrong to fall for a client. In my view it is never wrong to fall in love. It's all the things we do when we are in love, and the things we expect/demand of those we love, that sometimes are wrong.

 

I say this as a hopeless romantic.

 

Porthos

[SamanthaEvans 166766]

There's a lot of very good advice here, Karina. While telling this gentleman your feelings could be good, pay attention to the wise advice you've received from Old Dog and Cat.

 

Take some time to think about you, too.

 

 

• 
  [--][--]How are you feeling, in your own life, right now?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]What kinds of stresses and concerns are you dealing with in your life?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Ours is one of the loneliest professions in the world. We spend time with many people but few ever know us well. We need to maintain good boundaries for the sake of our clients and for ourselves. Most of the time, our friends and family don't know how we're making a living or, if they do, they don't approve. It can be difficult to integrate both parts of our lives--professional and personal. Who knows you well and knows about the reality of your life and work? What kind of care and support do you receive from them?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]When was the last time you had a great evening with friends or family?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]When was the last time you took a vacation by yourself or with a friend or family member?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Most of the women in our line of work are kind, nurturing, compassionate, highly intuitive givers who get a lot of satisfaction out of caring for other people. One thing many of us struggle with, in our personal lives, is feeling that others care for us. If you get sick, who makes soup, brings you some tea, a movie or a stack of books? Who remembers your birthday without being reminded? Who calls you just to say hello, not to get you to do something for them?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]How many clients are you seeing, on average, each week?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Do you take last-minute meetings or do you know a day or two ahead of time who you'll be seeing?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Do you see more clients than you'd like to because you need the money? Or are you working hard to advertise and communicate with potential clients but not actually entertaining as many or as often as you think would be ideal?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Our clients come to us for sex. Sure, other things are part of the encounter--talking, sharing a meal, exploring one another's thoughts and ideals. Those things are often part of what makes sex work really well for us women. Only you can know whether you've really enjoyed the sexual intimacy in your work. Be honest: how has it been for you, especially in the last couple of months? Even when our bodies respond, becoming aroused, having orgasms, we might feel that something is missing, or that our responses are almost automatic. Other than with this particular client, when have you felt lust, deep desire, yearning and exaltation for someone?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]When you entered our profession, what were your long-term plans? Maybe you thought you'd work for a year or two. Perhaps you were needing to earn some money, quickly, and then realized that you might be able to pay for your education, put some money away for the future, buy a house or do some other significant thing. What goals did you have?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Every paid companion should have a retirement plan, whether that's based in putting away a certain amount of money, reaching a particular age, or being in a position to pay for something important for her future. What was your plan, originally? Has it changed, and if so, how and why?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]With many important things in our lives, the reasons we start doing something are often different from, and less important than, the reasons we continue. How might this be true for you, as a paid companion?
  

 

• 
  [--][--]Have you had a boyfriend or partner while also working as a paid companion--even one who may not have known about your work? If you did, what was it like for you to work and have that intimate relationship? Did you feel that the two things gave you energy? Did you feel that one got in the way of the other sometimes? If your boyfriend or partner knew about your work, how did he handle it? Did you believe what he said? Did his behaviour match his words?
  

 

Some time ago, I had a client who was perfect. He never hit a false note, never did even the tiniest little thing wrong or at the wrong time. Over a couple of months, I saw him three or four times a week, for two or three hours at a time. The erotic pendulum swung very wide and never wobbled at any point in its arc from tenderly gentle to wildly kinky. I have never, in all my adult life, known anyone who always knew exactly how to touch me, where to touch and when to do it. It felt like he could look deep inside me and find things that I wasn't really sure were there. It was exhilarating. It was madness of the most delightful kind. He paid me a small fortune, though after the first couple of meetings I hardly noticed. It couldn't have continued the way it was, though. Heated romance like that always burns out eventually, and I knew it. When I realized that our interaction was basically taking over my life, not in terms of the amount of time we were spending together, but in the amount of time I was spending with him in my mind, when he was gone, and when I recognized that he may have been the best sexual partner I'd ever had but he really didn't know anything about me (and that maybe that's why it worked so well), and that my own emotions were driving me very strongly, I stopped seeing him. For weeks, I felt bereft. I felt empty. I felt dull. But after awhile, I started to feel myself again. A year or so later, he asked to see me again and I agreed. Having had some time to ponder, I was curious about what had happened. It was as good, or better, than it ever had been. And so I ended it permanently. Others might have made a different choice. But for me, this was more like an addiction than the kind of love I want to feel and to give.

 

Everyone wants to be loved. No one ever feels loved enough. We all feel insecure about the love we feel, whether we're showing it adequately, whether it matters to the ones we love. I think this is part of being human. I also think that, if there's a grand purpose for our lives, it is to learn to love others, even when loving doesn't bring us what we most deeply need for ourselves.

 

Love and be careful.

[PatrickGC 10792]

Karina:

 

The key point in this thread thus far seems to be: [paraphrasing] "Make sure both you and your client are on the same awareness level of emotionally and intellectually." In the current social climate, although things are improving, this is often much easier said than done. We are all products of the culture we are born into, and those influences run very deep; much deeper than we are often aware of when we initially embark on something which challenges us personally and society's boundaries. So a few months down the road either of you may find emotional strings being pulled you never knew you had. This will most likely be a long trip of discovery. And everyone involved[because it may involve ultimately friends and family] on the many levels will discover something.

 

However, it is indeed worth the effort! Because as said earlier in the thread "you never know what you might be missing." Not only for both of you, but for others as well. It is a chance to change believe systems, one person at a time, or who knows.

 

As a disabled activist I am by no means considered a bashful client, and by virtue of the condition being lifelong, I am quite used to breaking new ground socially and personally. However, for many people this opportunity/challenge does not come along. We all need challenge, it is how things change. This can therefore be a rare chance.

 

Some of the best joy can be found over a long journey. Be as clear as you can be about where each of you are emotionally right now and realized that things will change in unexpected ways. Then proceed with the relationship they've all seems understood.

 

All the Best.

PatrickGC

[MNO4 789]

is it worth the risk of losing him as a client (how much does he bring in) and are you willing to let that go if you tell him and he gets awkward and doesnt come back anymore

 

romantic situation that unfortunately translates into a business decision

 

Additional Comments:

and you know all your clients are now wondering if its them..... he might present himself to you now if he reads this.

[mrgreen760 37785]

I think this happens both ways a lot more often than we read or hear about. I've developed feelings for a provider and know that a provider has developed feelings for me. I stopped seeing both and explained why and the reason was simply that I started to like them. It may seem like an odd way to put it but I know it wasn't a love thing it was a like thing. It's very easy to become confused, it's kind of like a vacation romance in that everything seems perfect and idyllic and it is because it's only for an hour or two it's not all day everyday reality.

 

When I start to "like" some one or sense they are starting to "like" me, I move on. It's much simpler.

 

Peace

MG

[volvolater 657]

Karina:

 

Lots of good input and comments already from many much wiser and more active here than me. And while I don't dare to offer any advice, I pose the following comments and questions.

 

If your feelings for this fortunate gentleman are indeed as strong as you describe, and you have seen him quite regularly over a period of time, then it is quite likely that he already senses some of your feelings and should be picking up on the signals and type of interactions you are having with him.

 

How is he responding to those hints, be they deliberate or involuntary?? Is he engaging with you in a similar fashion and does that thrill you or scare you? Do you pick up any similar vibes from him?

 

What is it that makes you believe you are falling for him? Is it only the sex and physical intimacy or is there some other emotional connection beginning to flourish? Does he bring anything more to the table, beyond an envelope, and does he add any value to your life in a significant or meaningful way? Are you prepared to allow him into your thoughts and is he willing to share as well? Are you prepared to lose him as a client, even if you gain him as a friend or more?

 

More questions than answers I know, and some have already been asked, but if you and your gentleman can navigate this minefield while still maintaining the fundamental boundary (pay to play), then I dare say that you will both find much satisfaction, pleasure and strength from this rare, but not unheard of, type of special relationship.

 

I trust it all works out for you.

[PistolPete 61421]

Has happened twice to myself over my time. Taking a break from each other is was the the correct path both times.

 

I like to think that it was a strong like for each other, therefore not "love" my humble opinion, and it certainly worked out for the better for the 2 ladies and myself.

 

The get togethers that I enjoy with ladies is all about a "romantic fantasy" for me,therefore I like to keep it always on the professional level. Sure I have some strong feelings for ladies I have been with, but I like to ensure both parties understand that the fantasy is not reality and therefore it is always best to keep it that way.

 

Communicating and letting each know, where you stand is paramount for not having those "hurt" feelings is always good to get out in the open.

 

But for you Karina, I think you are a very smart lady (having met you) I think you will do what is best for "you"

 

Just my comment on it, you have lots of other good advise as well.

 

 

 

 

I think this happens both ways a lot more often than we read or hear about. I've developed feelings for a provider and know that a provider has developed feelings for me. I stopped seeing both and explained why and the reason was simply that I started to like them. It may seem like an odd way to put it but I know it wasn't a love thing it was a like thing. It's very easy to become confused, it's kind of like a vacation romance in that everything seems perfect and idyllic and it is because it's only for an hour or two it's not all day everyday reality.

 

When I start to "like" some one or sense they are starting to "like" me, I move on. It's much simpler.

 

Peace

MG

[Qwerty420 1067]

its so hard because I can't even tell him I miss him or how I feel because he might think I'm trying too hard for the money..

 

Couldn't you tell him the next time he sees you its no charge? That would let him know.

[LeeRichards 177238]

I just want some opinion on this. From the beginning Ive always set and follow my own rule which is, not to get too attached or not to fall in love with any of my clients, just have a lot of fun . Unfortunately i am falling for someone now and i really dont know what to do about it ,its so hard because I can't even tell him I miss him or how I feel because he might think I'm trying too hard for the money.. I just can't help it every time I see him he just melt me inside. I really need some good advice on this one, maybe clear my head a little. I would really appreciate it.

 

Karina. Any time when you see a man and he makes you melt inside that is pretty darn awesome and also one of those rare things in life I would suspect. Whenever a fella hears that he is missed or desired...that's pretty darn awesome too !!

 

We all live life somewhat by written rules, but more so by unwritten rules and what is expected of us. We all make decisions that may not be right but are from the heart. and we all make mistakes and live and learn from them. Lord knows I have !!

 

My opinion is don't be scared to tell him how you feel. I myself as an example I would very much welcome it if you wanted to share. It sounds like you two have a connection. If it wasn't met to be anything more than you have right now or the circumstances didn't work or make sense, then life goes on and my guess is you will continue to get along wonderfully as you are now with just a little stronger connection !! If it is meant to be.....it will be. Once again my opinion.

 

Sometimes ya gotta step outside the box, roll the dice and gamble.

 

Good luck Karina. You are in a tough spot with a tough decision to make. But hey....it's always nice when a tough decision is because you feel something great inside and your heart is fluttering :)

[1963Kennedy 10698]

Nothing left to say other than:

 

Good Luck Karina; you're a wonderful lady and hope everything turns out well. Hoping for another "Pretty Woman" moment.

[shaved 3174]

That is a question I often wondered about. I am glad it came up. It is a very interesting topic. There is a lot of great advice out there Karina.

Whoever this guy is he is a lucky one. As other's have mentioned is he married? That will pose a major factor in all of this.

Last thing to think about is if he does have the same feelings are you will to give up the profession. He most likely would not want you to continue is this profession. Or to him is just for the sex part. Are you the only Lady this person sees? Just my thoughts.

I hope everything works out for you and for the best.

[BootyLoving 2441]

In regards to awkwardness ... I once connected so well that we went 2 hours past our 30m session, and we both knew that neither one cared about that. Most of that time was chit chatting, exchanging stories, and just dating. When it came time to doing the deed, both of us felt weird, being brought back to the reality, that this was a paid for service. So my lesson has been, get the deed over first, connect after. However, that never happen since with anyone else. Being unavailable for a real relationship, because, as we get older, things gets complicated, I never saw her again. Luckily, she almost never posts. Else, reality and fantasy might be a little confusing.

[PatrickGC 10792]

Hello again Karina and one and all:

 

One trend I see a lot of nowadays is the desire to compartmentalize or develop rules for almost any situation. Many things in life cannot be broken down, without losing their value, in such discreet ways because often it is the larger context which gives the experience its full meaning and value. In other words, your lives and perceptions are unique to you. No one else can fully understand what it is to be you. We can only do so through the context, and coloring of our individual, always biased to some degree, perceptions.

 

After some reflection I can personally say that the only true red flag I watch out for in any situation is the urgent/pressured flag which screams "A decision must be made now." on one level or another. Which in my book is an indication that the entirety of the situation is not being considered. Relationships evolve over time and that needs to be taken into account.

 

Don't rush, but do proceed as you uniquely see fit.

Take care,

PatrickGC