Leading a Double Life

[Guest c**io**m7]

Double life? Sure. Some may argue that I have had a triple life these last several months.

 

At first, not many knew...now, it's out and it is one single life. The multiple is gone.

 

I can say this. I may have led the double life for a while but there has always been a little bit of me in C7...respect, caring, gentleness and there has always been a little C7 in me...pursuit of an amazing physical connection and a love for all things sexual and sensual.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Yea... my Hobby life is certainly a secret... absolutely no one in my day to day life knows anything about it. That said I just see this as one of the dimensions of who I am... people who know me privately know a dimension of me that is different than my work profile if my community worker profile or family profile so it is not unusual from my perspective to have a sexual dimension that is not shared with everyone.

 

I think the privacy and high level of discretion associated with this hobby is actually one of the liberating facts for us clients however it is unfortunate that the wonderful ladies face negative stereotyping for an industry that is nothing like most people think.

 

Just my opinion.

[Liv Waters 52360]

While there were times in the past where it was essential that I keep details about my work private from many people, the secret life thing never worked very well for me... I'm only speaking for myself here, of course, but, it's alot of work to keep things heavily compartmentalized....and I value the continuities between my many selves too much to keep my life as an SP separate. My son knows what I do, my family and friends know, and I like it that way.

 

:)

[Nathalie L 112512]

I wrote my post on this thread about 9 months ago. It's interesting to see what's shifted since then, and in what direction. At least for me, the boundaries between all the different facets of my life shift continuously. Sometimes they are firmer, sometimes they are less firm. Sometimes I feel like I can share everything, and sometimes I feel like I can't. Depends on the context, on the people present, and on my own state of mind.

 

My last post was a lot firmer - "I don't live a double life" - because I believed I lived my life with a certain degree of integrity. I think now I'm coming to realize that sometimes, my life (be it the fact I'm an escort, or a research assistant, or a student) is no ones business. We all have a right to privacy, including the privacy of our thoughts.

 

What I've written might seem obvious to most, but I feel like I'm constantly growing and learning how I want to live my life... I think about this sort of stuff a lot!

[Luscious.Tianna 12254]

I like to think of my MA lifestyle part of my double life, although living this lifestyle is definitely a part of who I am, and the people who are closest to me in my life know about my profession (to some aspect) and are for the most part of with it....Im not at all ashamed of this profession, however there are some people in my life that I choose not tell them about this lifestyle simply because it is none of their business....

Everyone is entitled to have their own privacy and their own secrets

I believe that everyone in life has their own double life, even if its something as small as walking around the house naked when no ones around...(i know thats nothing compared to our double lifestyle, but to that person its as big as ours)

 

I have been caught once (by a close friend) and I tried to deny it at first, but then I realized that if this person truly loves and cares for me, and values our friendship, then they should be able to accept me for me, and they did :)

 

I love this lifestyle and I have no reason to deny it, but I do enjoy the sneakiness of it all ;)

[Triple HHH 12345]

I definitely lead a double life in regards to my Cerb life, being on this site is my secret and I enjoy that immensely. In regards to one lifestyle to the other I got a lot of traits from my mother in regards to being polite and respectful to people in my normal lifestyle. When I started seeing the special ladies here on Cerb I didn't change any of that actually I even try harder to be polite and respectful.

I joined in 2010 very nervous at first going anywhere to see anyone even got too nervous to enjoy my visit when I tried to visit here on PEI. I now feel so much more comfortable I take at least two steps at a time on my way to visit my special Ladies now, thanks Cerb for making me a very content and happier person.Magician

[Guest M*****le*****c-H***s (Reti]

I can't find the article. :(

[Guest M****ella's C****s (retire]

For me personally I'm lucky to have the support of an amazing woman I call Mom. I've openly told her what I do, so she wouldn't worry about me financially. When I told her, she said " You're a grown woman, I don't care how you choose to make you're money. I just want to know that you're okay. Jesus, you should have known you could tell me that, I'm not a prude and it's not something that's new to me. I've been around it. Just promise me you'll be smart and safe! I love you no matter what." How cool and amazing is my mom?! My friends know, I even told one of my employers as he let me come and leave a little early on Fridays to accommodate my schedule. Mind you, he was around my age and we had a fairly laid back attitude. Clearly there are some people and situations where I wouldn't be so open. I guess you have to gauge the situation and make a choice for yourself. Do what works for you. If you don't feel comfortable sharing then don't. Although to those who juggle the separate/double life regularly, kudos to you!

[Eva Laperle 7898]

Very interesting thread. I believe that hobbyists and providers have this thing in common, we have that side of our life that not all people know about... (I mean not everybody can't openly talk about the way they live their sexuality if you know what I mean). From my experience, it's not always easy managing 2 lives, especially when you know you can tell others because of the consequences that comes with it. In another hand, people don't always need to know lol.

 

As of matter of fact, everybody has secrets anyways and most people lead a "double life in a way or another". As long as one's happy with the choices he/she made and it's not harming anybody than I think it's fine.

 

@ Michaella, I wish I had a family that was open minded and understanding like your Mom. You are lucky and I'm happy for you. :)

[CristyCurves 169032]

I too wish my mom was like Michaella's. Wouldn't it be nice if all parent s were that non-judgemental and accepting:) But like many I hide what I do from family and some friends, my closest friends know. Doing so does cause some discord in my life.As it's never easy to lie to loved ones, but when you know you'll be judged and probably rejected, what other choice does one have?

Some may say if someone doesn't like what I do then they don't belong in my life, but that can be easier said than done. We all have choices to make and although I choose to lead a double life I'd also come clean if I were questioned, only then and accept the consequences. I do envy those who can live openly and proudly doing this, someday maybe:)

[someguy 67067]

I've noticed that there are many men here that have been leading this life for a long time and still have managed to keep there double life a secret. Has it been hard and have you almost been caught? Or have you been caught and your life accepted?

[Guest c**io**m7]

I've noticed that there are many men here that have been leading this life for a long time and still have managed to keep there double life a secret. Has it been hard and have you almost been caught? Or have you been caught and your life accepted?

 

Some have accepted, some have not. It is what it is and I no longer lose any sleep over the ones who have cut me out of their lives. I did what I did, C7 was born and I cannot turn back the clock and undo anything...and, even if I could, I wouldn't.

[Ice4fun 78407]

For me keeping the secret and maintaining the separation between my hobby life and my day to day life has not been that hard... only one close call... that said I think it has been done what easier because while I gave been fairly active in the hobby it gas been with a limited number of SP'S ... if the number increases in the future that will probably increase the risk....

[Triple HHH 12345]

So far I have being fortunate I have not being caught, as I mentioned previously I would not see a SP here on the Island until last year, simply put I was scared to be caught, tried a couple of visits just way too nervous for them to be fun . In 2013 this changed a little I feel more comfortable now but I have my own set of rules which I try not to break.

Being a married man my time frame for visiting is very small, I only can visit a SP during the day Monday to Friday this restriction is tough especially when someone on tour is visiting and she picks a weekend to visit PEI this is hard to deal with personally you want to visit but you can't

the visiting SP might not come back due to lack of customers.

I never shut my computer off without deleting history is another rule I have for myself, I am also lucky my wife hates computers and the internet plus my kids are moved out.

[6dave9 4008]

A few close calls, one recently when my SO picked-up my laptop because hers had frozen and CERB page was still open...

" So is this what you look at all day..??

I quickly reclaimed the laptop and close the tab..

" I have to keep myself entertained once in a while.. " as I laugh it off..

She didn't get the chance to look at it closely........

 

she doesn't say anything else and the rest of the day progresses as usual.

 

With a certain degree of certainty, I believe she thought it was just another internet porn page, and not an actual site where I was actually signed-in..

I am beginning to think there maybe a slight "I dont want to know.." aspect to the SO...

[Nathalie L 112512]

I think the "I don't want to know..." sentiment is completely legitimate. To open up a conversation about what you are doing, and why, could potentially result in a conversation your significant other is simply not ready to have yet. Ignorance is blissful, to a certain extent, and sometimes the status quo is preferable to change. For a lot of clients in the industry, there are financial dynamics between their significant others' and themselves, children, a property or multiple properties... I'm sure I don't need to tell you how complicated all of that is. Even if there's a glimmer of suspicion, I can totally see why someone would decide not to address it until they are ready (or they have to because it's overt).

 

I guess the thing I like the least, to be honest, is when someone is 'almost caught' and/or 'caught' but feels like they've dodged a bullet and then proceeds to tell me about it. As a service provider and as a woman, I don't actually want to know when some of the clients I've met have dodged their own bullets, or the reasons they give their SOs to come and see me. There are some things about the lives of my clients that I simply don't want to know. I think that's valid. I have great (and I mean great) respect for clients who speak to me of their significant others with respect, and with a nuanced understanding of lives and how complicated they can be. The double life is a difficult one to lead, but I don't necessarily want to be privy to all of the details...

 

I'm really sorry Someguy, but I don't want to hear about the moments where people have almost been caught, or been caught, and what their significant others think of that. It feels really personal and could (potentially) be disrespectful too, no?

[roamingguy 300292]

Thinking on it more and more, I think it's more accurate to say, at least in my case, that I lead a compartmentalized life. That not everyone I know knows everything about me doesn't really mean I'm leading a double, well triple, quadruple, whatever life does it? I think, and being single, having less need to hide this lifestyle than those in relationships, that everyone has compartmentalized their life. And this would be true whether in this lifestyle or not. Not everyone, in fact very few, are an absolute open book to everyone

Hope that makes sense

A rambling

 

RG

[Gentleman11 10508]

I find this double life idea quite interesting and applcable to many other areas of life. When I used to travel on business through many continents, seeing "after hour activities" mainly married males and also the occasional female was pretty much the norm, alcohol, the great equalizer.

 

I hobbied a bit while I was married but never as much as till I was separated / divorced. In general terms I view SP / hobbyist relationships much more honest and direct than what I saw on the business circuit with marketing staff, secretaries and government workers (to name but a few) get it on, but calling it something else - "partying, team building, hooting with the owls but up with the eagles", you get the drift.

 

I love and respect the ladies, feel at home here on CERB and am quite comfortable in my skin.

 

Thanks fellow CERBites!

[mrrnice2 157005]

I am not really comfortable with stating that I live a double life with regards to Cerb. My involvement is certainly not something that I publicize, but that is due to the stigma and stereotypes that are prevalent in general society, and perhaps that may be true even more so in insular PEI - I wonder if that is true?

 

The fact that I don't advertise my participation probably could or should be interpreted as hiding or leading a double life, but I am very content that should I be "discovered," then I have no issue with that at all, in any way. I am widowed, I am totally alone, and I have no rational reason to feel guilty about what is now my very minimal involvement.

 

I hated, absolutely and irrevocably hated, that in the beginning I lied to my children about where I was at various times when I was travelling. It's a long and roundabout and interesting story about why they now know, but they know that I have seen sex workers. They were all perfectly okay with that. It has led to some pretty good discussions about stereotypes and it's most curious that they were worried about me being taken advantage of, whereas from my perspective I always worried about me taking advantage of a woman in an unfortunate situation. My kids are pretty awesome. :)

 

Everyone has things that to them are private and of no concern to anyone else and if involvement with sex workers is included in that then so be it. It does not mean that there is a right or a wrong involved. Your little voice will tell you that.

[1612049 110]

Absolutely, we almost have to live double lifes in order to survive, good thread !

[Philander39 3705]

I know that being on a site like this when the discussion comes up about leading a double life it almost always falls into the interaction between clients and SPs and how both lead a double life in some form.

 

I found it interesting that even if a person is not an SP or a client they still live a sort of double life as we all keep some aspect of ourselves private. For example, I am a supervisor and I have x number of employees who directly report to me. More than once, I have been out in this world and have met them in places or situations I would never expect to see them. There is no need for me to know what they do in the private time. Sometimes they are embarrassed or are jarred seeing me either in a location or doing something they did not expect of me.

 

So in essence we all live some sort of double life as we very rarely show everything about ourselves to others. We may show large parts of our lives but we almost always keep a small part to ourselves.

 

For those of us who are clients or SPs we probably have more hidden from view but in the big scheme of things we really aren't hiding much more than others.

[Guest P**aq]

For me this isn't a double life, it is simply part of my life. I'm open for the most part so I've told some of my friends and family.

[Frank7 3939]

I hated, absolutely and irrevocably hated, that in the beginning I lied to my children about where I was at various times when I was travelling. It's a long and roundabout and interesting story about why they now know, but they know that I have seen sex workers. They were all perfectly okay with that. It has led to some pretty good discussions about stereotypes and it's most curious that they were worried about me being taken advantage of, whereas from my perspective I always worried about me taking advantage of a woman in an unfortunate situation. My kids are pretty awesome. :)

 

Haha, i lived the same situation except in reverse. I didn't want to lie to my parents about it. They were understanding, but they were really worried for me. Mostly stereotypes, scared that i'd get STD, get robbed, get killed, get arrested, etc.

[someguy 67067]

I find that I spend a lot more time on Cerb, reading all the ad's and post, chatting with interesting people in chat. Getting to know women thru chat and pm with the chances of meeting them soon if I find some chemistry between us.

This is taking up a bigger portion of my day. But it keeps life interesting.

But still you need to keep these activity secret from friends and family.

And hope that you don't leave any traces behind.

With bill 36 coming. I am not sure that i will keep up with this hobby if getting caught means a criminal record. Too much will be at risk then.

[loopie 15358]

I also would not say that I live a double life.

 

I have never expressed any stance against prostitution, when discussing the issue I will always say I support prostitutes' right to earn a living doing what they do. I'm not a member of any religion or political party that opposes prostitution. I am also single, so I do not project an image of being monogamous with a woman and there is (sadly) no woman in my life expecting me to be monogamous to her.