angry wife

[Susie 1472]

cameto me on facebook; unacceptable.....

 

a young women working for us ,my husband is 20 yr her senior found out that my husband was suffering from some sexual disfunction,he was having a problem acheiving erction.after telling himthat she was a prostitue and had helped other men with this problem they proceed to attempt to have sex in the back of a dirty carpet shop..didn't even take of their close,he just bent her over his desk like she was a dog..she road bare back..any after telling her that he was devistated at what he had done and had tell his wife (he was sure i would leave him) she proceed to blackmail him for several month's threating to tell me. He sugested we go marriage counselin..he thought it would be easier to tell me there.We left on a short holiday and while we were away this slut called my young daughter at work and told her that she had fucked her daddy 5 time's without protection and that she had HIV and he had probaly given it to her mother and that i had probably infected my little grandchildren...Needless to say everything came out in the open,we have had all the test's and are clean.My daughter is still dealing with the uggliness. I am not say'ing that my husband is exempt from any blame or me either for that matter i wasn't there for him. Our marriage is now better than it ever was (SO THAT IS AWSOME).But this little hooker still live's in our community and anoucing she has aids and is willing to have sex partner's without using protection is scary for everyone involed.My husband could have unkowingly contactrd a deadly disease and passed it to me.I think that a prostitue should be responsible to make sure that protection is used and if the condom dosn't fit then she should be saying sorry no sex then...My heart is still broken and i hate this girl so much that it's not healthy i would love to see her hurt like me..she is now in a relationship with some guy. Prostitues have their place i guess but not with married men. thank you

 

 

from me-susan davis to angry wife....

Today at 8:03am

 

 

this is terrible!!!!and one of the reasons we need an industry association so badly!!!workers like this ruin it for all of us!!!

 

that said, this sounds like sexual assault and balckmail.

 

if a vulnerable woman had been exploited and cohersed into having unprotected sex in an emotional state which clouded her ability to freely consent and then was blackmailed, the assailant would be in jail!!!

 

this worker is a criminal and needs to face justice.

 

i am so sorry this happened!

 

when you have been the victim of a crime you experience trauma. the rage you feel is normal and a symptom of trauma.

 

the following is some information about post traumatic stress disorder. not listed below is your symptom but i have seen it described as emotional imbalance in which a trauma survivor feels nothing when they should ( like- i didn't cry when my grama died)but are over whelmed whelmed with feeling when they shouldn't be(i cry at phone commercials).

 

it also plays out as extreme emotion or as i call it, explosive rage disorder.i cry in public when triggered and sometimes expode with anger at people around me sometimes even violently.

 

the symptoms will get better with time so don't despair. google PTSD and get to know symptoms so you can recognize it when it happens to you. for me knowing my symptoms was key to me beginning to recover. also, i am an extreme case and have multiple traumas and survivor guilt so you probale will not experience it as severely.

 

 

Triggers

Triggers are things that cause physical, mental or emotional changes within a trauma survivor such as certain smell, sound, place, or person. Generally symptoms and feelings become more intense and survivors may avoid thinking and talking about trauma-related topics because the feelings associated with the trauma are often overwhelming. They may use alcohol and substance abuse as a way to avoid and numb feelings and thoughts related to the trauma. Survivors may also engage in self-mutilation and other forms of self-harm.

 

 

When the intensity of these feelings has passed identify any particular smells, touch, place, and/or sound that may have set off the intense feelings and reminders of the crime. Getting a sense of triggers can help a survivor avoid situations where they may encounter them. Then ask, what do you say to yourself? A survivor’s understanding of their reactions to triggers can empower them to change those reactions, see themselves differently or to understand why those feelings emerge.

 

Coping Mechanisms in PTSD

Coping mechanisms can also be described as Survival Strategies. These strategies have been utilized by survivors in the past, or they are using them at present to help numb the pain of the abuse. They are also used to control feelings, which may threaten to overwhelm survivors. Survivors may have experienced or are presently experiencing problems associated with drugs, alcohol, food/eating, and/or self-injury.

• Recent studies have shown a relationship between the frequency of drug use and a history of abuse.

• A similar relationship has been noted with the development of alcoholism and the impact of abuse.

• Eating Disorders are common to female survivors. They may develop anorexia nervosa or bulimia. For a survivor, compulsive control of food intake can be a way of exerting control over her body, control that was denied when she was being abused.

• Some survivors injure themselves, hurting their bodies by burning, slashing or cutting. The reasons for this behavior vary. It can be a way of relieving unbearable anxiety, triggered by memories of the abuse. It can also develop as a way of dealing with and confronting strong, painful emotions, "using new pain to hide old pain".

• Social Isolation and withdrawal is also common. Survivors report feeling uncomfortable and unsafe around others. They also report feeling uncomfortable talking about themselves and their experiences.

[A***** A***** 510]

Could you be a bit more clear about this? Did this happen to you, or someone you know? Thanks

[Susie 1472]

it came to me as a letter...i get all kinds of hate mail because of the advocacy work i do...and people complaining about street workers, religious nuts....by mail by phone....i just heard this woman was posting on ..... in edmonton... and stuff so when the message came i knew who she was and thought i would post it ...

 

it scares me that she wants to hurt the ex-worker.....

 

i have been attacking people who promote hatred of sex workers on facebook so that must be how she found me....

 

using condoms is all the more important in this context, wife seems angriest about possible exposure to disease.....at least if you use a condom and are caught you can say "i never put you at risk, i used a condom"....

 

imho

[A***** A***** 510]

it came to me as a letter...i get all kinds of hate mail because of the advocacy work i do...and people complaining about street workers, religious nuts....by mail by phone....i just heard this woman was posting on ....c...l..edmonton... and stuff so when the message came i knew who she was and thought i would post it ...

 

it scares me that she wants to hurt the ex-worker.....

 

i have been attacking people who promote hatred of sex workers on facebook so that must be how she found me....

 

using condoms is all the more important in this context, wife seems angriest about possible exposure to disease.....at least if you use a condom and are caught you can say "i never put you at risk, i used a condom"....

 

imho

 

Thanks for the explanation

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

a young women working for us ..any after telling her that he was devistated at what he had done and had tell his wife (he was sure i would leave him) she proceed to blackmail him for several month's threating to tell me....

 

this is terrible!!!!and one of the reasons we need an industry association so badly!!!workers like this ruin it for all of us!!!

 

According to the story as posted, the husband didn't go out looking for a Service Provider; rather, he simply jumped at the opportunity to boink someone he already knew, and who was available on the spur of the moment -- a woman working for him in his carpet shop (and that he was therefore in a position of authority over!). Even if the woman also happens to work as a prostitute after she has finished work for the day at the husband's carpet shop, her relationship with the husband is obviously not primarily that of SP/client, and definitely is not claimed in the story to have started out that way.

 

The woman turned out to be extremely vindictive when subsequently spurned. (Engaging in blackmail, claiming to have HIV (truthfully, or not) to scare his family, etc.) That's just a tawdry slice of regular life. People rejected in the world of love do crazy things all the time. Doesn't matter a fig what their occupation is -- prostitute, carpet shop worker, or electrical engineer. (And ... on the subject of whether or not the writer of the story is right in stating that the woman was a prostitute at all ... would an unscrupulous prostitute really be interested in spreading the word throughout the community that she works in ... that she has HIV??)

 

This doesn't sound like a typical case where an Industry Association of Sex Workers would have helped. A fellow who chooses to have unprotected sex with anyone except his SO surely can't also be expected to be a fellow who would have bothered to check out industry- credentials of the object of his lust, anyway or anyhow? To me, lack of conscience and/or judgement by the husband in one regard makes lack of conscience and/or judgement in the other regard seem extremely likely.

 

That said, the husband in the story certainly would have done much better to have chosen to go to a real Service Provider, instead. Shagging someone one already knows in one's personal life can indeed wind up being quite needlessly "complicated", lol!

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

If my husband had been CHEATING ON ME, with a HOOKER, that infected with AIDS, UNCOVERED, especially WORKING IN THE LAW DOMAIN, I would go in TRIAL right away...

 

Either you're lying in a goal to have attention, or you want to kill the buisness on CL (you would'nt be the first one...) or YOU BADLY NEED HELP!!!

 

Also, in the Canadian Law (and as working in advocacy), you should know that you can poursuie this young lady in criminal court as ATTEMPT OF MURDER or go to civil court for a HUGE amount for attempt of reputation, attempt of murder and interest...

 

Yep, Susie, GO GET SOME HELP...

[Ariane Valmont 332]

Yep, Susie, GO GET SOME HELP...

 

Did you read her post properly?

 

Susie isn't the "angry wife". She posted this letter because she received it from the said angry wife!

[Susie 1472]

If my husband had been CHEATING ON ME, with a HOOKER, that infected with AIDS, UNCOVERED, especially WORKING IN THE LAW DOMAIN, I would go in TRIAL right away...

 

Either you're lying in a goal to have attention, or you want to kill the buisness on CL (you would'nt be the first one...) or YOU BADLY NEED HELP!!!

 

Also, in the Canadian Law (and as working in advocacy), you should know that you can poursuie this young lady in criminal court as ATTEMPT OF MURDER or go to civil court for a HUGE amount for attempt of reputation, attempt of murder and interest...

 

Yep, Susie, GO GET SOME HELP...

 

dude...WTF? i am a 23 year veteran cock sucker....you think i wrote this...and flashed my cleavage....c'mon......lol

 

what about him experiencing some vulnerability as a result of ED? it seemed to me the former sex worker took advantge of hiss emotional state and the tried to extort him....maybe not an industry association solvable thing but at least we could defend legit workers in these cases.....maybe by saying legit workers don't do this kind of thing, she is a criminal not a sex worker....

the problem is episodes like this damage overall perceptions of our industry and no matter what we think this woman's campaign against sex work will affect us all....know what i mean?

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

Anyways, I don't see what's the point of publishing this...

 

I had a similar situation where a working girl told me she was infected and was refusing condoms, and contacted the mod. He has refused the acces to me for the warning area.

 

Those things should remain between us...

 

Did you read her post properly?

 

Susie isn't the "angry wife". She posted this letter because she received it from the said angry wife!

[WhatARide 282]

Wouldn't it be interesting if there were a place like this where male and females met only on the condition that they provide negative test results periodically. I guess the issue would be how do you maintain privacy and discretion. It would require some thinking but could be done - it would make this a safer activity for all.

[Susie 1472]

because it had been mentioned before that an angry wife was posting sex worker hatred in edmonton i thought people might find it interesting.

 

no names were given, no confidentiality breached....so what's the problem? i my mind forums for sex industry ARE "keeping it between us".

[hairyblueeyes 121]

...which would be sad.

 

I think CERB is a great place to show this type incident. It is CERB that gives "consumers" like myself a safe place to "research" my next adventure. Of course it would not be possible without the CERB community as a whole acting responsible and in particular the hard work of the mods keeping things under control.

 

This is what I learned:

There are truly some sick individuals out there.

ALWAYS insist on protection. BBBJ is nice but is it really worth the risk. Maybe once a "relationship" has been established,and I use that term loosely ladies. But even then there is some risk.

What is really needed is greater availability of anon testing as well as a professional association for SPs with guidelines and ethics to be followed.

 

I can tell you one thing for sure, if I had a choice between 2 women, one belonging to an organization that promotes good choices, safety and ethical business practices and one that puts a blurb up on CL, I think the choice is a no brainer... even if I have to pay a little extra 'cause that lady is a member..

 

Thanks Susie for posting that. Doesn't matter whether it actually happened.. it just shows we are living in the wild wild west and need to learn from our EU friends.........ORGANIZE AND LEGALIZE

[mod 135639]

I had a similar situation where a working girl told me she was infected and was refusing condoms, and contacted the mod. He has refused the acces to me for the warning area.

 

I have no idea what you are referencing this to? But... if one service provider comes to me and says that another service provider has a std/sti and wants to post about it here on cerb I must say no unless you have 100% proof of this (and telling me that she told you this directly is not proof to me).

 

Many people (Guys and Gals) think they can slander someone they do not like by spreading very damaging lies like this. What they end up doing is reinforcing stereotypes and adding to the problem we already face.

 

Why do people still have unprotected sex?

 

We are all intelligent adults here who are all capable of making choices and unless you live in a bubble you know the risks of unprotected sex... it has been drilled into us since the 80's so no one has any excuse for doing it!

 

First... If a SP is offering to have unprotected sex chances are she feels she has nothing to loose. The guys are just idiots for agreeing to this (or) they are willing to take a change of a serious STD/STI infection being spread. Everyone knows the risks of unprotected sex. If the lady even gives you the option guys... you should end the call right on the spot and leave as your risk factor just increased significantly because if she is offering this to you she offers it to others as well!

 

Secondly... if she knows she is HIV positive and she does not disclose that before sexual contact she is seriously breaking the law here in Canada. If this is the case you should report her to the police. She should face trial and be put in jail if this is what she is doing. No excuses for that. If someone has HIV they must disclose this to any partner before having sex.

 

Thirdly... you can still contract different stands of HIV. So even if you have HIV and you should still use protection.

 

HIV is not the only risk either... Syphilis is also a killer! Also.. it's rare but HepC can also be passed by sexual contact as well.

[Exotic Touch Danielle 31713]

Personally in my opinion WHY THE HELL WOULD A CLIENT OR AN SP WORKER WANT TO HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX?????

Im sorry but I have been doing this for some time now and NOT ONCE have I ever considered having unprotected sex or oral without using condoms

That is disrespect to yourself and to your family

This is 2009 time to be safe!!

To those sp workers who feel the need not to use protection just for a little bit of cash you make it hard for us who do value our lives and the clients!!

Ill never understand it

[YoungStud 468]

It's interesting to read this thread and then go and read all the posts and recommendations on this board which promote BBBJ and DATY/DATO.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Sounds like bogus to me. As much as I am for the equality of both sexes, I don't think there is such thing as a woman raping a guy, unless he is 12 years old and the woman is 200 lb with a karate belt.

 

Rape is about force and somebody being raped has no free choice.

Just because someone exposes her pussy to you you can always chose not to stick it in...

 

This "rape" would be the equivalent of a guy exposing his penis to a girl and telling her to sit on it without forcing her and she would comply. That would be no rape.

 

Anyway, I think the whole thing is made up. No woman is stupid enough to say things like "Our marriage is now better than it ever was (SO THAT IS AWSOME)."

 

There are women who blame the other woman only in a cheating case, but they are beyond hope and need serious therapy:) If they believe their husband has been coerced to the deed they might as well believe in Santa Claus.

 

The second part is just as stupid.

 

I have a feeling whoever wrote this was trying to get a rise out of you by pushing the limits. I would tell them to take their problem to the Maury show and put them on ignore :)

 

 

Anita, rape of men by women DOES happen. Force doesn't need to be used for it to be rape, I can attest to that myself. It's this kind of shameful, "well you're weak if you got raped by a woman" kind of thinking that makes men not want to report their rape. It's basically the equivalent to telling women that they deserved their rape because they were prostitutes or because they dressed provocatively. In this case, you're saying that the man couldn't have been raped solely because he was a man. And that is a fallacy of epic proportions.

[mod 135639]

It's interesting to read this thread and then go and read all the posts and recommendations on this board which promote BBBJ and DATY/DATO.

 

I too find this surprising but it's obvious that the risks are significantly lower.... but personally I would want to reduce the risk (with anyone I am having sexual contact with).

 

Here is a list of known STD/STI's that can be passed by oral sex...

 

HIV: Although oral sex is a relatively low-risk activity, particularly when compared to vaginal or anal sex, it is possible to transmit HIV through oral sex. Unless a female has significant amounts of blood in her mouth, such as from dental surgery, oral sex is unlikely to expose the receptive partner to HIV. She is however at much greater risk (especially with CIM)

 

Herpes: Although genital herpes and oral herpes are usually caused by different strains of the herpes virus, HSV-2 and HSV-1 respectively, it is possible for either virus to infect either site. Herpes is contagious even when symptoms are not present but the risk is far less - It is however always contagious when symptoms are present.

 

HPV: It is possible to spread HPV through oral sex. Condoms reduce the risk of infection, but they will not necessarily eliminate it entirely since HPV spreads via skin-to-skin contact.

 

Gonorrhea: Gonorrhea can be transmitted in both directions when oral sex is performed on a man. Condoms prevent transmission during oral sex.

 

Chlamydia: It is possible to transmit chlamydia when performing oral sex on a man and both the recipient and the person performing the act are at risk.

 

Syphilis: is extremely easy to transmit via oral sex. Responsible for as many as 15% of syphilis cases. syphilis can only be transmitted in the presence of symptoms during the primary and secondary stages of the disease however the painless sores are easy to miss.

Question should be ... What is the reason so many people still do this? Is it because they are not aware of these risks? or is it simply because they are ok with the odds?

[buggernot 588]

Anita, I think you're stuck on the idea of a man physically overpowering a woman, holding her down and raping her. But if a girl says no where the guy doesn't stop, yet she does nothing to stop him physically or verbally after saying no, is that not rape as well? He had sex with her against her wishes and with some people in that situation, their instincts are to freeze because they are scared and feel powerless.

 

It may seem harmless enough, but any girl who has been in that situation will likely tell you otherwise. And the same thing can happen to a man if he is in a position where he is fearful of the outcome to reject a woman's advances. Of course it does not happen with anywhere near the same frequency as man vs woman, and the situation described in this case is not a case of rape. He had a choice and had sex with this woman. But with his diminished mental state/confidence, the ensuing debacle and grief that was caused by this woman, I can see how one can make that correlation that it was 'rape'...in the end, it's all how you perceive it, regardless if it's true or not.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

There are a number of ways to coerce anyone into engaging in non-consensual sexual activity, be they female or male. Coerced, non-consensual sexual activity is rape, no matter the form of the coercion. For sexual activity not to be rape, the decision to be sexually intimate must be made without coercion -- both partners must have the option to freely choose whether to be intimate or not.

 

Coercion need not by physical; it can be psychological. Psychological factors such as previous victimization, threats to "out" someone, and other fears or threats can prevent an individual from freely consenting to sex. The gender of the person being victimized is irrelevant.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

OK, let's say a woman walks into your hotel room, takes her clothes off, pushes her breasts in your face and starts rubbing you..... You don't know her, have a family and want to be faithful, but can't help getting an erection.

 

If you can't resist the temptation and have sex with her, have you been raped? Because coercions did happen, but the end decision was yours.

 

There is no coercion here in your example. Therefore, it's not rape.

 

And if you give in, can you be put in the same bracket as the woman who is attacked by gun point on her way home, beaten up by a stranger, dragged into the bush and raped?

 

Of course the two examples are not equivalent. Some rapes are worse than others. Just because an offense is not the worst example imaginable, it doesn't mean that it isn't an offense nonetheless.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

A bank cashier is forced at gun point to give the robber all the cash in the till OR somebody approaches the cashier, threatens to tell his wife he cheated if he won't steal money for him from the bank.

 

Both are serious crimes, but only the first one is a violent robbery.

 

One is violent, one is not. But both are robbery, nonetheless.

[ford1976 1074]

This is not rape, by not resisting the temptation the man made a decision, he gave consent. Alternately if the man gets helped to his hotel room, after a long night of drinking, by some woman he met that night. He's pretty much gone to the world, she proceeds to rub him, he gets an erection, she figures he's game. This is rape, at least in my opinion.

 

If the person, being male of female, can not give consent, its rape. A person can be in no shape to give consent by both physical and mental trauma. While I would wager that most rape is committed by males, women are not excluded from the act. It takes all kinds to make up this world of ours.

 

 

OK, let's say a woman walks into your hotel room, takes her clothes off, pushes her breasts in your face and starts rubbing you.....

You don't know her, have a family and want to be faithful, but can't help getting an erection.

 

If you can't resist the temptation and have sex with her, have you been raped? Because coercions did happen, but the end decision was yours.

[whatsup 11893]

OK, let's say a woman walks into your hotel room, takes her clothes off, pushes her breasts in your face and starts rubbing you..... Please book me into this hotel :lol:

You don't know her, have a family and want to be faithful, but can't help getting an erection.

 

If you can't resist the temptation and have sex with her,

have you been raped? No

Because coercions did happen, No, an erection happened :wink:

but the end decision was yours. Absolutely *

 

And if you give in, can you be put in the same bracket as the woman who is attacked by gun point on her way home, beaten up by a stranger, dragged into the bush and raped? No

 

*Consent was given

[Susie 1472]

throughout my life an career i have known men from all walks of life. Men who fought against rommel in north africa....young men fearful facing their first time....

 

i have also known men who are trauma and abuse survivors.

 

to begin with we always cry out "save the women and children" but at what point is a child magically transformed into a man and no longer in need of support? at what point do they change from child in need of protection into a man who we all blame for everything?

 

i remember a friend of mine who was a slight man, spending days on my couch because he was afraid to go home.his girlfriend was a big girl and used to terrorize him. i remember one instance when we went to pick him up for band practice and she went crazy!!!she put on a pair f army boots and started kicking him...in front of us!clearly she was doing worse when we weren't there.

 

another man whose wife denied him sex for 17 years. he was shaking and began to cry when i took my clothes off. we lay on the bed and held each other and he wept while he told me his story. he was so devastated he couldn't take his clothes off....a shell of the man he was...

 

another , manipulated by a woman he believed was on birth control into having sex which resulted in pregnancy. being a man of honor he did the right thing and married her. she quickly became controling and abusive both physically and emotionally. he was a big man and so who would believe he was abused? she made false abuse accusations, embezelled money from his mother, lied about him to his children saying he was a drug addict so much so one of his daughters began voluteering in vancouver's downtown east side in an effort to find and save her father, and defaming his character so far and wide he eventually lost his business, became homeless and ended up in jail. once in prison she made false accusations of threatening letters which complicated his time in jail by casting him as a violent offender, less privelges and freedom inside.

 

as sex workers we see men at their most vulnerable and over my 23 years in the industry i feel i have developed a heightened awareness of mens emotions in particular when they are feeling sad or vulnerable.

 

this is an enormous power to hold over men and there are those workers/women who exploit this power.

 

ethical people comfort those in need, criminals exploit them.

 

the man in this case was vulnerable. i another letter from his wife she described the situation to me.his business was failing, he was worried about providing for his family and was suffering from a physical symptom of stress in the form of ED.

 

he was vulnerable and the worker sensed it. she sensed it and moved in for the kill.she did it consciously, with malice and intent to cause harm.

 

it's an assault.

 

if a woman gets "wet" durng a sexual assault - is it no lnger a sexual assault?

 

whether a man gets "hard" or not should not be a determining factor as to assault....imho....but conditions surrounding the case could be used to deterine specific intent to cause harm and thus assault.

 

what say you all?

 

love susie

 

ps. how could he consent, he wasn't given all the facts- in order to form free and informed cosent a person must be given all facts and information related to the decision to consent, she never said " i am a crazy woman who will extort you". one can not consent under duress and with out all info related to decisions.

[Honey306 103]

Ahaha poor Maury lol