angry wife

[JoyfulC 132299]

I dunno. I see another side of it. My sister and I once were present when our mother confessed that she'd been "date raped" -- she'd skipped school to go skinny dipping with a guy, and he "raped" her under a raft. Our first questions to her were what was she doing skipping school and going skinny dipping?????

 

Men are not women. I'm not suggesting that all "rapists" are innocent -- but my own life experience has led me to believe that there's only so far you can lead a man on before nature takes over and makes his desire for sex inevitable. My husband has always said that if he was on top of a woman with his dick between her legs and she suddenly said 'no' he'd assume she was nuts and back off -- but... I don't think that's ever happened to him.

 

The fact is that there's aggressive, pre-plannned aggressive rape (which is pathological) -- and then there's a man having to fight between his natural instincts and his intellectual input. I'm not saying that it's right that a man isn't able to conquer his natural instincts intellectually -- I'm just saying that my own advice to my own daughter was to never put a man in that position. Always make it clear from the get-go that sex wasn't on the table, unless it actually was.

 

I guess a lot of this stems from my own personal matrilinealist beliefs that woman are designated by nature to be superior/supportive to both men and children. I feel that nature equipped us to be the guardians of humanity, and therefore, we must be very clear in our interactions with all others of our race.

 

(Weird, eh?? ;) )

[YoungStud 468]

Well. not "weird" Joyful C, but a bit unclear and diffuse in how the details would work, though very well intentioned and heart-felt. Lol. Kind of like much of our (speaking generationally and philosophically) mutual legacy from the 60's. Lol.

[Jenna J 100]

yes i agree that is why it is important to use discretion on bbbj and use con...

4 other parts of session, i always get tested every two weeks myself, i just cant believe this girl knew she had something and spread it and affected a whole familly, it definately should be arrested for attempted murder or something!:x

[YoungStud 468]

I am trying to stay positive, but it's almost scary to think we do not seem to be have made much progress in the dispelling some of these myths. A few days ago while attending the Navan Fair, I overhead a man saying to a young woman (I believe to be his daughter) that her and her girlfriend were wearing too much makeup and looked liked 'whores' and were asking to be raped looking like that. I had to do everything in my power not to say anything, so I moved on.

 

Those girls didn't look to be more than 15 or 16. I am wondering what kind of effect those words will have on them and their self-esteem.

 

Yeah, you gotta love rural Ottawa Valley Ontario. I grew up there but eventually worked myself out of it. Many, many salt-of-the-earth give you the-shirt-off-their-back good people, but also a lot of super-retarded red-neck assholes.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I dunno. I see another side of it. My sister and I once were present when our mother confessed that she'd been "date raped" -- she'd skipped school to go skinny dipping with a guy, and he "raped" her under a raft. Our first questions to her were what was she doing skipping school and going skinny dipping?????

 

Men are not women. I'm not suggesting that all "rapists" are innocent -- but my own life experience has led me to believe that there's only so far you can lead a man on before nature takes over and makes his desire for sex inevitable. My husband has always said that if he was on top of a woman with his dick between her legs and she suddenly said 'no' he'd assume she was nuts and back off -- but... I don't think that's ever happened to him.

 

The fact is that there's aggressive, pre-plannned aggressive rape (which is pathological) -- and then there's a man having to fight between his natural instincts and his intellectual input. I'm not saying that it's right that a man isn't able to conquer his natural instincts intellectually -- I'm just saying that my own advice to my own daughter was to never put a man in that position. Always make it clear from the get-go that sex wasn't on the table, unless it actually was.

 

I guess a lot of this stems from my own personal matrilinealist beliefs that woman are designated by nature to be superior/supportive to both men and children. I feel that nature equipped us to be the guardians of humanity, and therefore, we must be very clear in our interactions with all others of our race.

 

(Weird, eh?? ;) )

 

 

Personally, I think that whole theory about men not being able to keep it in their pants, who are overcome with lust, is complete and utter BS. If I decide to rub my tits all over your face, and then decide that this isn't a good idea anymore, that's it. Game over. That blue balls shit is a myth designed to get women to give in and to perpetuate the notion that men are helpless slaves to their dicks.

 

Not to mention, people have a right to change their mind, for WHATEVER reason, and it should be respected, hard-on or not.

[JoyfulC 132299]

Personally, I think that whole theory about men not being able to keep it in their pants, who are overcome with lust, is complete and utter BS. If I decide to rub my tits all over your face, and then decide that this isn't a good idea anymore, that's it. Game over. That blue balls shit is a myth designed to get women to give in and to perpetuate the notion that men are helpless slaves to their dicks.

 

Not to mention, people have a right to change their mind, for WHATEVER reason, and it should be respected, hard-on or not.

 

But why would a woman do that to someone?

 

I do think that men should respect that no means no -- but if I were a man and a woman did that to me (played with me like that), I'd want nothing more to do with her. I'd assume she was either cruel or psychotic.

 

We women must take some responsibility for our sexual outcomes. There's a big difference between having someone jump out of the bushes and club you over the head, and rubbing your tits all over some guy's face, then, when you know he's all fired up and you know you got him that way, changing your mind.

 

I guess I am very old-school this way. I hate to see victims put on trial once things go to court, but on the other side of the coin, I always cautioned my own daughter not to advertise for what she doesn't want. I mean, technically, we should be able to walk around with $100 bills loosely hanging from our back pockets and no one should take our money as that's stealing and it's wrong. But this is the real world, and I don't think any of us should count on every other person we encounter doing the right thing. Most people will do right -- but there are people out there who can't or won't control their urges.

 

Do you happen to remember that famous date-rape trial in Kingston in the early 90s? In that case, it came out in court that at least two of the three victims continued dating the guy AFTER the alleged date-rape occurred. One of the "victims" even knitted a pair of mittens for the guy for Christmas, again after the alleged incident. (I believe he was acquitted, but still, it must have been quite an ordeal.)

 

"No means no" can be abused too, and if we women want to be taken seriously, we have to start by behaving responsibly.

[VedaSloan 119179]

But why would a woman do that to someone?

 

I do think that men should respect that no means no -- but if I were a man and a woman did that to me (played with me like that), I'd want nothing more to do with her. I'd assume she was either cruel or psychotic.

 

We women must take some responsibility for our sexual outcomes. There's a big difference between having someone jump out of the bushes and club you over the head, and rubbing your tits all over some guy's face, then, when you know he's all fired up and you know you got him that way, changing your mind.

 

I guess I am very old-school this way. I hate to see victims put on trial once things go to court, but on the other side of the coin, I always cautioned my own daughter not to advertise for what she doesn't want. I mean, technically, we should be able to walk around with $100 bills loosely hanging from our back pockets and no one should take our money as that's stealing and it's wrong. But this is the real world, and I don't think any of us should count on every other person we encounter doing the right thing. Most people will do right -- but there are people out there who can't or won't control their urges.

 

Do you happen to remember that famous date-rape trial in Kingston in the early 90s? In that case, it came out in court that at least two of the three victims continued dating the guy AFTER the alleged date-rape occurred. One of the "victims" even knitted a pair of mittens for the guy for Christmas, again after the alleged incident. (I believe he was acquitted, but still, it must have been quite an ordeal.)

 

"No means no" can be abused too, and if we women want to be taken seriously, we have to start by behaving responsibly.

 

Obviously I used an extreme example. My point was that people can change their minds and even if they got halfway into it and then for whatever reason change their minds, it should be respected. And I wasn't implying that someone would purposefully get a guy all fired up and then quit (although I'm sure there are people out there who don't think that's a fucked up thing to do OR that they're asking for trouble). I too, was taught not to give the impression that I wanted something I didn't. But if you can't control your urges, you need help, and if you won't control them, you belong in jail.

 

That being said, I think men and women are too caught up in gender roles and the proper way to act, when really they should just treat everyone with respect and be themselves.

 

Everyone talks about women getting the short end of the stick, and we do for the most part. But have you ever thought of all the fucked up things that men have to deal with? Like, if a middle aged woman commented that she thought your child was really cute, you'd thank her and think nothing of it. If a middle aged man said the same thing, you'd assume he was some sort of child molester and even if that wasn't your first thought, you'd still be wary.

 

Until everyone sees each other as equals, as human beings, rather than trying to fit everyone into proscribed gender roles, this kind of thing is still going to continue.

 

The date rape that occurred in Kingston, I'm not familiar with, mainly because in 1990 I was seven and living north of Toronto.

 

But everyone, not just women, needs to take responsibility for sexual outcomes.

[Andee 220524]

Wow, what a long-winded, tedious and rather precious set of arguments to get to the basic point: rape is rape.

 

My sentiments, exactly!:ablow: