not wise to fall for an sp

[tennessee 110]

Made that mistake - not the sp's fault cause I was warned by her many times - now I'm not sure how to not care - ?

[bcguy42 38594]

Continue to care. How could you not care at this point. But do it from a distance. Don't read her ads. Don't read her posts. Not until you can do so with some degree of dispassion, some distance.

 

If you need to, leave CERB for a short while to give yourself a chance to be distracted by the Real World.

 

In any event, the most important thing for you to remember is that this is your issue. Not her's. It would be tremendously unfair for you to look to her for help in this.

 

I hate to be blunt, but it is like this. You broke it. You fix it. You are not alone. There are lots of people here at CERB that have been where you are right now. Most of them are willing to help. Chat with people - other people - not her.

 

Good luck as you follow this path.

[Dauphin 150]

Brilliant answer, bcguy42, right on the button. I've seen a few friends get caught in this predicament, never a happy one, and the pain they inflicted themselves for letting it happen...

[PhantomKnight 7914]

Happens to the best of us. We're only human! Don't take it too much to heart.

Keep your head up!!!

[Guest D***el B***e]

Yup, agree totally with PhantomKnight. We're humans, and there's a fine line between having great chemistry with your provider, and thinking there's more.

[roamingguy 300292]

Take a step back from the lady. Don't see her, read posts from her and so on, as bcguy suggests. One thing about this lifestyle is it's poly amorous

nature, it's one of the things I like about this lifestyle. So see other ladies and enjoy their company. But give yourself a break from the lady, and also, give the lady a break from you. You don't need the emotional rollercoaster of falling for someone, especially when you know the feelings aren't reciprocated. If after a period of time you can see her without falling for her, have an encounter. If you can't see her without falling for her, do both yourself and the lady a favour, and don't see her. But remember there are many great ladies to see

Good luck

RG

[Guest ***rd**n]

I have had some great chemistry with a few dancers and yeah it is easy to fall for them. How do you know if there isn't anything more. I don't spend what I used to because I cannot afford to anymore but the dancers that I have gotten to know still want to talk to me. Should I rip up their phone numbers and ignore them. I saw one at comic con and she gave me a big hug and was happy to see me. We even walked around together. If I were just a client would that have happened.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

This is a risk we all take. Much as we work hard to maintain good boundaries and keep expectations in line, human beings are human beings. Everyone wants to be loved. As a species, we don't do very well when we're alone too much.

 

Sometimes these things work out, but that's very, very rare. You might consider taking a bit of time to reflect on your own life and what you really need. We all have aspects of ourselves and places in our lives that aren't quite what we think they are. A super-independent person may not recognize their need for close, intimate companionship, for example.

 

You didn't say anything about your own life, and there's no reason why you should, but if you're married, perhaps there's more missing from your relationship than you'd thought. If you're single, maybe you need more connection than you'd been prepared to recognize. Think about other relationships in your life, too. How are things going with your friends and family members? Have there been major changes recently, such as the death of a parent, the loss of a friend or co-worker? And how is your health? Are you working too hard, too many hours or at something you no longer enjoy? Or are you in a time where you just don't feel like anyone knows you very well? Being lonely is not a trivial matter at all. It's a real life-issue that we rarely talk about, but is important to work on.

 

My point in all of this is to say that if there are things in your life that you're missing, or that you've lost, or maybe never found before now, perhaps if you do some work on those, you'll find what you really need from someone who is in a position to really and completely be with you.

 

I wish you all the best.

[ngtime 560]

Don't get involved. My advice. Toss the phone number, more than likely it will rarely be responded.

If you are married or attached look inward and try to fix that. She's the one that stood by your side.

 

Enjoy those passion moments with the MP, SP or whomever, a visit once in a while. Don't make it an expensive habit and concentrate on your home life. Eventually you may choose to leave the hobby life behind.

[BootyLoving 2441]

I fall for all the sp I see. Thank god for ADD!Once the deed is over, the desire is gone, reality sets in, and I calculate the value for dollar exchanged. Some were more enjoyable than others, but remind yourself, there was a transaction involved, and that before you and after you, others are exchanging the same transaction as you.

[Hollywood Thomson 553]

This is a risk we all take. Much as we work hard to maintain good boundaries and keep expectations in line, human beings are human beings. Everyone wants to be loved. As a species, we don't do very well when we're alone too much.

 

Sometimes these things work out, but that's very, very rare. You might consider taking a bit of time to reflect on your own life and what you really need. We all have aspects of ourselves and places in our lives that aren't quite what we think they are. A super-independent person may not recognize their need for close, intimate companionship, for example.

 

You didn't say anything about your own life, and there's no reason why you should, but if you're married, perhaps there's more missing from your relationship than you'd thought. If you're single, maybe you need more connection than you'd been prepared to recognize. Think about other relationships in your life, too. How are things going with your friends and family members? Have there been major changes recently, such as the death of a parent, the loss of a friend or co-worker? And how is your health? Are you working too hard, too many hours or at something you no longer enjoy? Or are you in a time where you just don't feel like anyone knows you very well? Being lonely is not a trivial matter at all. It's a real life-issue that we rarely talk about, but is important to work on.

 

My point in all of this is to say that if there are things in your life that you're missing, or that you've lost, or maybe never found before now, perhaps if you do some work on those, you'll find what you really need from someone who is in a position to really and completely be with you.

 

I wish you all the best.

 

Even though I am one of the few people who has managed to be involved in a relationship with an SP, I agree with this wholeheartedly. You are going to find nothing but pain in trying for something that simply will never come. I have always made it one of my commandments as someone who has provided and hobbied to not fall for the other person.

 

Providers do not want to date you, you could be the nicest guy in the world, won't happen. My suggestion is to simply find someone else. If you already have someone else, SO, girlfriend, etc. it might be time to reevaluate the relationship. I am not saying leave them, merely suggesting seeing what you are missing to make you happy and address it.

[ngtime 560]

It happens every time. Phone number given, rarely a reply. The weak point in us men is that we are looking for a little love. As the song goes 'looking for love in all the wrong places'. These aren't relationships, you have that home maybe, if not then work on it. Don't mix passion with love.

[Guest ma***7]

Made that mistake - not the sp's fault cause I was warned by her many times - now I'm not sure how to not care - ?

 

 

 

 

At least the SP you may be falling for is not fooling you. Be grateful for that. If you really are feeling that badly it might be a good idea to not come on this website for time being and get a few other hobbies until you are at peace with your feelings

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

This is a topic very near and dear to me and one I hope you all won't mind if I ramble about for a few :)

 

As the subject of my post suggests, I firmly believe in there being a difference between lust and love, as well as arousal and attraction. And it is VERY easy for us, as human beings, to blur the lines between the two.

 

I speak from experience when I say that... as I have blurred them in my past.

 

LOVE is a choice. It is something that we CHOOSE when we commit ourselves to one other person for the rest of our lives. It is born out of history, respect, unconditional admiration and acceptance. Out of knowing things about the other that no one else knows. About seeing them at their worst, their most vulnerable, and believing that is when they they look their most beautiful or most handsome; Their most attractive. It comes from complete openness, complete honesty and complete trust. With it comes a desire to be a better person - for yourself so that you can be better for THEM. It comes a complete freedom to be yourself, no matter WHAT that entails - because you know that no matter what you say, or do; no matter how grumpy you get, or how crazy or silly, at the end of the day you are welcomed into the loving arms of your CHOSEN partner.

 

LUST is a feeling. An intense, passionate feeling. It is born from newness, from sexual desire, from excitement, anticipation, anxiousness, intimacy and arousal. It is all encompassing, it is amazing, it is FUN.

 

The reality of this is though, lust fades. Even in a relationship with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with (because you've made that CHOICE to do so), lust fades. This is why marriages ebb and flow, have their ups and downs, and often fail. Too many people believe that if the lust is gone, then the relationship is over. What they FAIL to see, is that if you make a CHOICE to love someone, and ride the rollercoaster through the next down, the next CLIMB is better than anything lust could ever allow you to experience. The CHOICE to love someone is a conscious choice that requires great effort, great committment and great amounts of work. The FEELING of lust is involuntary. It just happens. It is beautiful and natural and wonderful. But it just is.

 

Let's face it: Being with someone we've CHOSEN to love, vs an SP/client that we LUST for is very different. Even the SEX is different. Sex with someone we lust for is fun, yes. It may even be intense, or passionate. It may leave you reeling, thinking about that person and longing to see them again. It envokes all kinds of strange thoughts in your mind that you are left trying to make sense of. But really, it IS just sex. It is erotic, enjoyable and wonderful -- as is the connection that precedes it. But it does nothing for the soul in the long term.

 

On the flip side, SEX with someone you've CHOSEN to love, and have a history and committment with is the kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because its as much of an emotional release as it is a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside them and you still wouldn't be close enough to them.

 

NO SP or client could ever replace that very thing with someone you've CHOSEN to love. And that is why although the client/SP relationship may be good... no, GREAT experiences, nobody will ever be better, or replace the ONE person you've chosen to let in your heart. No matter how good the physical connection between SP and client, they will never replace that very same thing in your bed.

[Athos 108589]

enjoying time with a lady you care about ... especially when it's only a few hours at a time, spread over weeks, or even longer, always means that you're subject to that really intense "new relationship energy". Minus all the things in between that happen in a regular relationship that lead to its dissipation.

 

As others have said, if she has warned you and made it clear that your feelings are not reciprocated then you need to back off and exit her life. Of course, this would be the case in any relationship, whether it be with a co-worker, friend, or someone you met at a party. Don't try to book for a while until it well and truly out of your system. Even then, it might be unwise. Don't put her in the position of having to tell you that she won't book you.

 

Porthos

[BootyLoving 2441]

<dr.loving's prescription>Time to see other people!</prescription>

[RoddyThomas 2746]

I think as men we are attracted to and fall for beautiful girls in many occupational fields. I have had a secret crush on a server at my favorite breakfast spot for about 6 months. There is also a Celtic looking lass at the Veterinarian next to work who I think is gorgeous and we exchange smiles and an occasional wave but that's it. I keep these "crushes" to myself as I would never want to make either gal feel awkward or uncomfortable. I would imagine falling for an SP is more intense as there is intimacy involved. I have only visited one so far as a newbie (I am planning to fix that!) but if I did fall for a CERB gal I would keep it to myself, enjoy our time together and treat her very well. Now if for some unknown reason, an SP fell for me.....

[Guest ma***7]

Please ignore this post. I tried to delete it but it wouldn't delete. The advice is useless. Ignore it!

[Hector17 9215]

I fall for all the sp I see. ..... remind yourself, there was a transaction involved, and that before you and after you, others are exchanging the same transaction as you.

 

Me too! I "luv" them all, and some (3) more than others...

It's good advice given here to branch out.

[Guest ma***7]

To the OP, Buddy I think I have already have too many posts in this thread.

 

Let me tell ya something...

 

"I Love You" = 8 letters

 

"Bull Shit" = 8 letters

 

Think of it what you will...Love and Bullshit are synonymies as far as I am concerned. Do Not mix it with what is real. Count the time you have to live and then go from there. Do not let one person stand in opposition to your life. Live life, love life and enjoy and move on to better things.

 

Just my opinion whatever you think is better for you go ahead.

 

Wish you the best, better than what nature gave me.

 

Cheers.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

While I enjoy my chosen profession, my SP relationships and my personal relationships are completely separate. I didn't embark on this adventure to find a mate. I really hope I don't come off as sounding too harsh because I do understand that feelings can surface. Sage advice has been given and though it may not help heal the heart, it is necessary to move on!

[Athos 108589]

I'm not convinced that love is always a choice. Often it might be, but I'm not sure that really describes how most of us fall in love. I think the expression "falling" in love is very apt. Just as gravity is an undeniable force that makes us fall to the ground, love is an undeniable force that sometimes seems to just capture us. Inexplicably, and there is nothing you can do. Yes, I suppose you can choose to walk away, but that is a denial of the love. Not a choice to not be in love.

 

In any event, another similarity with gravity ... love also sometimes makes you fall flat on your face!

[ngtime 560]

It's a classic, so precise and sums it all up.

 

Maybe this sounds a bit 'square' but those of us who have spouses or significant others in our lives, just think of the dreadful thought of losing that person for whatever reason. Not a good feeling. Maybe the sex is not as exciting as it once was but she's your soul mate. A relationship of many years. Don't mix passion and love with an SP, MA or SC. Sure there may be rare exception.

Been there, done that; a wonderful fantasy world. Embrace it for what it is.

[tennessee 110]

Thx to all for the advice and heartfelt thoughts - I appreciated the analysis of love and lust- have always understood that transactions take place before and after me -we ( or better I - I guess) crossed that line and to get back behind that line is probably impossible. I have seen other ladies from cerb and other sites - always been able to control the emotions - not always easy but this time! Last time felt great and then realized that well the fantasy had ended and it was another Joe blows turn and it just became a hurt that is hard to handle - I do understand as a hobbyist that it is a fantasy world but this time well - can't talk it out with friends or family so I chose here to vent thx again

[PatrickGC 10792]

What a remarkable thread! In the sheer diversity of responses and suggestions.

 

The overall common theme and advice articulated thus far is: "Client, know thyself." Clearly everyone is different in almost every emotional aspect, and there are no hard and fast rules. Everything can and will happen. But clients and service providers alike must be more aware of their motivations and boundaries than the average person is.

 

I suspect those who choose freely to be involved in the sex industry, as a group, are more emotionally matured. This is not meant to sound arrogant or judge mental of the mainstream, but consider the thoughtfulness which is gone into the preceding posts. Others on the "outside" may consider these things, but they are not discussed sincerely and openly.I wouldn't be at all surprised if we have a higher than normal number of people here with degrees in the various psychological disciplines.

 

Apologies, for going off the thread topic but I just wanted to knowledge the tremendous amount of sincere consideration people have put forward on the issue of falling in love with a service provider.

 

In appreciation of the "University of CERB" faculty and alumni.

PatrickGC