Hector17 9215 Report post Posted May 20, 2013 (edited) I have experienced unrequited love in life ...both in and out of "the hobby" I suspect everyone has, or will in at least one or the other... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JNQ0GkGN3yM Edited May 20, 2013 by Hector17 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Happysperm 226 Report post Posted June 9, 2013 Being detached is the best way to go. I view SP's as professionals offering a valuable, let me stress this, VITAL and FUN service...pure and simple. A transaction takes place, cash compensation for services rendered...pure and simple. I hope I don't come off as too mechanical/robotic. I've had the pleasure of meeting some incredible female providers that were loaded with charisma, outstanding sex-appeal and playfulness. Berlin and Taylor Munroe...to name a couple. ;-) My suggestion is to relish in the simplicity and joy of the interaction. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Ice4fun 78407 Report post Posted February 18, 2014 This is a topic very near and dear to me and one I hope you all won't mind if I ramble about for a few :) As the subject of my post suggests, I firmly believe in there being a difference between lust and love, as well as arousal and attraction. And it is VERY easy for us, as human beings, to blur the lines between the two. I speak from experience when I say that... as I have blurred them in my past. LOVE is a choice. It is something that we CHOOSE when we commit ourselves to one other person for the rest of our lives. It is born out of history, respect, unconditional admiration and acceptance. Out of knowing things about the other that no one else knows. About seeing them at their worst, their most vulnerable, and believing that is when they they look their most beautiful or most handsome; Their most attractive. It comes from complete openness, complete honesty and complete trust. With it comes a desire to be a better person - for yourself so that you can be better for THEM. It comes a complete freedom to be yourself, no matter WHAT that entails - because you know that no matter what you say, or do; no matter how grumpy you get, or how crazy or silly, at the end of the day you are welcomed into the loving arms of your CHOSEN partner. LUST is a feeling. An intense, passionate feeling. It is born from newness, from sexual desire, from excitement, anticipation, anxiousness, intimacy and arousal. It is all encompassing, it is amazing, it is FUN. The reality of this is though, lust fades. Even in a relationship with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with (because you've made that CHOICE to do so), lust fades. This is why marriages ebb and flow, have their ups and downs, and often fail. Too many people believe that if the lust is gone, then the relationship is over. What they FAIL to see, is that if you make a CHOICE to love someone, and ride the rollercoaster through the next down, the next CLIMB is better than anything lust could ever allow you to experience. The CHOICE to love someone is a conscious choice that requires great effort, great committment and great amounts of work. The FEELING of lust is involuntary. It just happens. It is beautiful and natural and wonderful. But it just is. Let's face it: Being with someone we've CHOSEN to love, vs an SP/client that we LUST for is very different. Even the SEX is different. Sex with someone we lust for is fun, yes. It may even be intense, or passionate. It may leave you reeling, thinking about that person and longing to see them again. It envokes all kinds of strange thoughts in your mind that you are left trying to make sense of. But really, it IS just sex. It is erotic, enjoyable and wonderful -- as is the connection that precedes it. But it does nothing for the soul in the long term. On the flip side, SEX with someone you've CHOSEN to love, and have a history and committment with is the kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because its as much of an emotional release as it is a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside them and you still wouldn't be close enough to them. NO SP or client could ever replace that very thing with someone you've CHOSEN to love. And that is why although the client/SP relationship may be good... no, GREAT experiences, nobody will ever be better, or replace the ONE person you've chosen to let in your heart. No matter how good the physical connection between SP and client, they will never replace that very same thing in your bed. A very Sexy Lady with a wonderful way with words. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
all-in 300 Report post Posted February 18, 2014 One way feelings are easiest to deal with. Keep a level head, tell yourself that its great to have this person in your life, and that she is available when you need that connection, all for an agreed upon price, no need to complicate matters. Not so different from a traditional relationship where your money provides a house, a car, food and other necessities. I think its worse when the feelings are reciprocated. Walking in to a strip club 12 hours before my wedding to see her one last time, prepared mentally to say goodbye, and hearing her say that she loves me and wished she had more time to figure it out, then start to cry, that shattered my neatly separated hobbyist existence. Be thankful your situation was one sided. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
southie 652 Report post Posted February 19, 2014 Suspension of disbelief. Which is to say, a visit with a charming, beautiful woman who engages in guilt-free activities is analogous to immersing yourself in a movie. Who hasn't had a crush on an actress, but an SP also provides physical contact, exacerbating an already touchy (!) situation. If you are confusing her paid-for affections and attention for love, you need to disengage and remember, she loves your money, not you. I am sorry for the harshness of that statement, but I am certain that most SP's do not want to date you, civilian-wise. To illustrate my point, think of any bad experience with an SP you didn't click with...it only serves to remove the illusion of a GFE SP that made you fall in love in the first place! It would take a much bigger man than I to date an SP. My jealousy and insecurity would destroy the relationship in 5 minutes. Any time I can't shake the feeling of falling in lust with a provider, I need only remind myself that a real world relationship with this person is guaranteed to fail. My two cents... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bellafan 11341 Report post Posted February 20, 2014 I have no experience with SP's. But I have to say that in my experience with MA's, (ok, Alexxandria and Vitto at ALO Spas), if you are fortunate, you may have a special connection with people sometimes, when it goes way beyond money to a personal connection of affection and caring. Sure, the relationship has its practical limits, but it is personal and wonderful! Additional Comments: I have no experience with SP's. But I have to say that in my experience with MA's, (ok, Alexxandria and Vitto at ALO Spas), if you are fortunate, you may have a special connection with people sometimes, when it goes way beyond money to a personal connection of affection and caring. Sure, the relationship has its practical limits, but it is personal and wonderful! Additional Comments: I have no experience with SP's. But I have to say that in my experience with MA's, (ok, Alexxandria and Vitto at ALO Spas), if you are fortunate, you may have a special connection with people sometimes, when it goes way beyond money to a personal connection of affection and caring. Sure, the relationship has its practical limits, but it is personal and wonderful! Additional Comments: I have no experience with SP's. But I have to say that in my experience with MA's, (ok, Alexxandria and Vitto at ALO Spas), if you are fortunate, you may have a special connection with people sometimes, when it goes way beyond money to a personal connection of affection and caring. Sure, the relationship has its practical limits, but it is personal and wonderful! Additional Comments: I was just trying to change the headline to: "Way More Than Money", but the CERB software didn't want to cooperate :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest c**io**m7 Report post Posted February 20, 2014 One way feelings are easiest to deal with. Keep a level head, tell yourself that its great to have this person in your life, and that she is available when you need that connection, all for an agreed upon price, no need to complicate matters. Not so different from a traditional relationship where your money provides a house, a car, food and other necessities. I think its worse when the feelings are reciprocated. Walking in to a strip club 12 hours before my wedding to see her one last time, prepared mentally to say goodbye, and hearing her say that she loves me and wished she had more time to figure it out, then start to cry, that shattered my neatly separated hobbyist existence. Be thankful your situation was one sided. And this, kind sir, is where complications can really kick in, the two-sided love. We may be able to choose who we love, as has been suggested however, we do not choose who we fall in love with. Fact is, client and provider can fall in love with each other just as easily as two people who meet in a bar. When the compatibility is there, it is there. The choice, in such cases, is whether or not you see it through and/or when do you see it through. It's not easy considering we all here have other lives. Do you make each other a part of your lives or do you walk away and risk the lifelong "what if" scenario. So much to consider... Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest P**aq Report post Posted February 20, 2014 What I find interesting in this thread is how love/lust is viewed as tragedy. Sometimes we let our guard down; I don't think that is tragic, it is human, regardless if the person is an SP or the girl next door. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Miss S. Lane 67128 Report post Posted February 20, 2014 Precisely what I said in my commentary here. Lust is a wonderful feeling that not many get to experience. Enjoy it while it lasts because it does end!!! Xo 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
all-in 300 Report post Posted February 20, 2014 What I find interesting in this thread is how love/lust is viewed as tragedy. Sometimes we let our guard down; I don't think that is tragic, it is human, regardless if the person is an SP or the girl next door. Its tragic because in this case I found out the feelings were mutual hours before my wedding. She had known how I felt for a long time and had made it clear she wasnt interested in anything as long as she danced, and I was ok with that. Now she won't see me as a customer. We go for meals out, movies, chat on the phone occasionally, but she doesnt even want me in the club when she is working. Tragic because I met the perfect girl at the wrong time in both our lives. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scribbles 6031 Report post Posted February 20, 2014 May I be so coarse as to ask what seems to me to be the obvious question: if you had such deep and abiding feelings for this "perfect girl" who is a dancer, how were you marrying someone else, and what are your feelings for them? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
all-in 300 Report post Posted February 21, 2014 May I be so coarse as to ask what seems to me to be the obvious question: if you had such deep and abiding feelings for this "perfect girl" who is a dancer, how were you marrying someone else, and what are your feelings for them? I simply told myself I was happy with 1 person before I met the other and could be again once I moved on... lets just say lying to yourself eventually catches up to you, and the situation at home is far from perfect. A pissed off wife because I bailed out a stripper who wont see me because I have a wife. Life is messed up sometimes. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Heartburn 155 Report post Posted February 22, 2014 It's sometimes hard not to fall for them. We are genetically programmed to. But our reality is that we should not. So confusing at times to say the least. It takes time and effort, but your sentiments will stabilize with time and you shall never forget her. I keep my experience as some of my favorite memories and fantasies. Good Luck. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted February 22, 2014 This is a topic very near and dear to me and one I hope you all won't mind if I ramble about for a few :) As the subject of my post suggests, I firmly believe in there being a difference between lust and love, as well as arousal and attraction. And it is VERY easy for us, as human beings, to blur the lines between the two. I speak from experience when I say that... as I have blurred them in my past. LOVE is a choice. It is something that we CHOOSE when we commit ourselves to one other person for the rest of our lives. It is born out of history, respect, unconditional admiration and acceptance. Out of knowing things about the other that no one else knows. About seeing them at their worst, their most vulnerable, and believing that is when they they look their most beautiful or most handsome; Their most attractive. It comes from complete openness, complete honesty and complete trust. With it comes a desire to be a better person - for yourself so that you can be better for THEM. It comes a complete freedom to be yourself, no matter WHAT that entails - because you know that no matter what you say, or do; no matter how grumpy you get, or how crazy or silly, at the end of the day you are welcomed into the loving arms of your CHOSEN partner. LUST is a feeling. An intense, passionate feeling. It is born from newness, from sexual desire, from excitement, anticipation, anxiousness, intimacy and arousal. It is all encompassing, it is amazing, it is FUN. The reality of this is though, lust fades. Even in a relationship with someone you plan to spend the rest of your life with (because you've made that CHOICE to do so), lust fades. This is why marriages ebb and flow, have their ups and downs, and often fail. Too many people believe that if the lust is gone, then the relationship is over. What they FAIL to see, is that if you make a CHOICE to love someone, and ride the rollercoaster through the next down, the next CLIMB is better than anything lust could ever allow you to experience. The CHOICE to love someone is a conscious choice that requires great effort, great committment and great amounts of work. The FEELING of lust is involuntary. It just happens. It is beautiful and natural and wonderful. But it just is. Let's face it: Being with someone we've CHOSEN to love, vs an SP/client that we LUST for is very different. Even the SEX is different. Sex with someone we lust for is fun, yes. It may even be intense, or passionate. It may leave you reeling, thinking about that person and longing to see them again. It envokes all kinds of strange thoughts in your mind that you are left trying to make sense of. But really, it IS just sex. It is erotic, enjoyable and wonderful -- as is the connection that precedes it. But it does nothing for the soul in the long term. On the flip side, SEX with someone you've CHOSEN to love, and have a history and committment with is the kind of sex that relaxes you and makes you feel all warm and loved inside. The kind of sex that makes you want to stay in bed all day naked. The kind of sex that can make you cry because its as much of an emotional release as it is a physical one. The kind of sex that makes you want to crawl inside them and you still wouldn't be close enough to them. NO SP or client could ever replace that very thing with someone you've CHOSEN to love. And that is why although the client/SP relationship may be good... no, GREAT experiences, nobody will ever be better, or replace the ONE person you've chosen to let in your heart. No matter how good the physical connection between SP and client, they will never replace that very same thing in your bed. One thing to add. There is a difference IMHO between being in love with someone and to love someone To me being in love means that person is the one person you can't live without. Someone you want to share and build a life with, forsaking all others (ok maybe, just maybe that's not realistic...that was the romantic in me coming out) You think about that person 24/7, miss her/him when they are away. Even at someone's absolute worst, you will still be in love with him/her, it is the person you are still in love with. Those feelings don't change. Case in point, my dad and his wife. Near the end besides being almost an invalid, finally bedridden, he needed a lot of daily medical care not done by medical professionals, such as draining his lungs. His wife did that sort of thing daily. He could not be left alone. It was more a caretaker/patient relationship but she did it because she was in love with him even though all the romantic aspects of their relationship were gone (they couldn't even sleep in the same bed any more) That is being in love with someone As opposed to love someone. To me that is a special affection, a deep friendship for a person. It does imply that, well obviously that you like them. You also trust and respect them. It doesn't mean you are looking for a serious relationship beyond being close friends. You are not looking to share and build a life with them, but you are glad they are a person in your life (if that makes sense) Being in love with someone is in my opinion a very strong emotion carrying with it intents of commitment, exclusivity building a life together and so on. To love someone indicates a deep affection and friendship, but there is no intention of building or attempting to build a life together or any sense of an exclusive relationship Probably worded badly, but a rambling for what it's worth RG 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
radius 280 Report post Posted February 23, 2014 The problem isn't falling in love with an SP. The problem is unrequited love is painful. The girl you want could be a CEO or a truck driver or an artist and it would still be rough. The only relevance her being an SP has is that you guys have been in more intimate situations than usual. Which shows you that if you want to recover, you have to quit putting yourself in those situations with her. If this was a reciprocal relationship you'd have no trouble with it at all right? Posted via Mobile Device 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
OtownCapone 100 Report post Posted February 24, 2014 I love them all, but never fall for any of them, unless she moves in and everything is kosher. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dazedandconfused75 455 Report post Posted February 24, 2014 Great post and food read be it SP, MP, or Dancer.. No matter what some great tips for all Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LDBF123 675 Report post Posted February 24, 2014 The problem isn't falling in love with an SP. The problem is unrequited love is painful. The girl you want could be a CEO or a truck driver or an artist and it would still be rough. The only relevance her being an SP has is that you guys have been in more intimate situations than usual. Which shows you that if you want to recover, you have to quit putting yourself in those situations with her. If this was a reciprocal relationship you'd have no trouble with it at all right? Posted via Mobile Device I know it's never simple when it comes to relationships but I agree with radius in that the biggest issue is unrequited love. obviously in this industry it's easy to become infatuated or confuse lust with love, but the real risk here is when one person does fall in love and for the other it's work. if they were two people in love does it really matter what they do? I know I am over simplifying it and probably naive but I for one do believe it is more than possible to fall in love and will say first hand the pain and risk is great. Just my 2 cents. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nicolette Vaughn 294340 Report post Posted February 24, 2014 If I may interjet for a moment... clients only see SPs in a certain mode. She is offering the perfect fantasy being the woman the person wants her to be in that moment through the way of intimacy. They truly do not know her in everyday life. I don't think many people would want to see me in a bad mood when I'm not working. lol. I am a grouch! This isn't to say when you see her that how she receives you is a put on but everyday life is complicated and being an SP and dealing with this is even more difficult and awkward at times.. Two weeks ago, I had 3 clients ask me out off the clock. I declined because I don't get involved with clients and no matter how great the chemistry or intimacy was, it is not indicative of real everyday life. I enjoy what I do for a living for various reasons but it doesn't make me a nympho on the hunt for a f**k buddy or because I have a great chemistry with a client that a more serious relationship should occur. I'm not looking to date anyone. I think people who see SPs or MAs should just enjoy what they have and when they walk out the door to leave it in that special place between the two of them until they meet again. So many people get too ahead of themselves with what "could be" but life is so much more complicated than that. The purpose of seeing an SP is having those lust feelings and the chemistry with someone you enjoy but also being able to leave it just the way it is which is how it's supposed to be. That's when you know you've met a very good provider! ;) 8 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted February 25, 2014 The problem isn't falling in love with an SP. The problem is unrequited love is painful. The girl you want could be a CEO or a truck driver or an artist and it would still be rough. The only relevance her being an SP has is that you guys have been in more intimate situations than usual. Which shows you that if you want to recover, you have to quit putting yourself in those situations with her. If this was a reciprocal relationship you'd have no trouble with it at all right? Posted via Mobile Device First as I have already posted, there is a difference between being in love with a lady versus to love a lady, at least there is in my opinion Now being in love is a treacherous minefield to navigate. And for the purposes of discussion lets assume you really are in love Not infatuated, not in lust, it's not the fantasy, but this lady is someone you want to share your life with, not just the good times but the bad times too. Remember it takes more than being in love to make a relationship work. For example, can you deal with the lady being a professional companion. As for it being unrequited love, how will you ever know unless one person brings it up and says those magic words "I've fallen in love with you and want to marry you" or words to that effect...and herein lies the minefield but it is a potential minefield that not just exists in this lifestyle but in any intimate relationship. But if a client or a lady really is in love with the other person how will they know if that feeling is mutual unless it is asked. But be fully prepared, given the nature of this lifestyle that those feelings aren't mutual. And how will you deal with being turned down if the feelings aren't reciprocated. Could you continue seeing her as a SP. Or would you no longer see her. And if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings, are you going to be mature about it or get angry with her. If you can't be mature about it, don't bring up the subject. Anyhow, a quick rambling from a happily single guy who intends to keep it that way RG 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LeeRichards 177238 Report post Posted February 25, 2014 Precisely what I said in my commentary here. Lust is a wonderful feeling that not many get to experience. Enjoy it while it lasts because it does end!!! Xo WHAT !!! ??? !!!! Lust ends ??? Tabarnack !!! ;) Oh ya right...it lasts until wedding vows. "As I slide this ring on your finger we vow now to have sex on our wedding night and maybe on the honeymoon a little bit and then never again until ovulation time. ;)" Now take out the garbage while I vacuum. And in a few years my lawyer will contact your lawyer Fuck. whether you fall for an SP or a bartender or an accountant or the sushi guy with the big knife chopping up fish. Doesn't matter. if you pursue it and she or he isn't interested move along folks. And "love" or "in love" doesn't really happen overnight IMO. It's just a word at that point. That truly takes a little time. And once it happens it never truly goes away. The "good and loving" memories are always there :) 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
all-in 300 Report post Posted February 25, 2014 And when an SP does spend a ton of time off the clock with you and refuses to see you as a client? When you get to share the good and the bad with her? When you regularly see the side of her that is not "on", and the feelings are still there? What then? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
mangotropicana 442 Report post Posted February 25, 2014 maybe see various other SPs to get your mind off her. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest c**io**m7 Report post Posted March 6, 2014 And when an SP does spend a ton of time off the clock with you and refuses to see you as a client? When you get to share the good and the bad with her? When you regularly see the side of her that is not "on", and the feelings are still there? What then? Then, my good man, you have a choice to make. Do you pursue a relationship with her and fully accept her line of work or do you step away? This is something that needs to be discussed by the parties involved. Are the feelings mutual? Are the feelings love? So many questions that can only be answered by the two in question. Good luck and as you quest for intimacy, remember this: her job does not define her. Love her for who she is...and support her with your love 100%. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
