professionalism, boundaries, rules

[CristyCurves 169032]

With each new client and the longer I'm in this the more I realize I don't follow the norm, if there is such a thing. I mean we all advertise time limits, types of services, and we all tend to follow the protocol of these or do we? As I have begun to realize that for me this is hard to do, every client I meet is different, obviously, so then are my actions and reactions. Sometimes I run over my time, sometimes I may cross some of my own boundaries, sometimes I may give more service than what was paid for, after all it is my choice isn't it? I mean if I advertise a massage and a manual release and I decide to give the guy head, isn't that my choice and okay, if I'm paid for an hour and it runs into 2 isn't that my choice and that's okay. That doesn't make me less of a professional, or does it? They are my boundaries, my rules so if I decide to cross them isn't that my right? Shouldn't each service be as individual as each client? After all I'm not in this to prove anything,to garner recos, or to impress anyone, I'm in it to have a little fun, excitement and probably many other reasons that I don't even understand, either way I am me and professional or not that's what you get:)

[Guest Ot**w***og****n]

As it should be Cristy in my opinion. We are all different and circumstances vary widely.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Of course. As long as you feel right with what you are doing, who cares what others think?

 

However, what are you going to do when the guy you saw for an extra hour for free, comes back to see you? Are you going to give him another free hour? Will he feel that something is wrong this time vs. last time? What happens if the guy you saw and gave a bj instead of a hj tells all his friends and they all want the same treatment?

 

It all comes back to "this is your business, you can decide what you want to do (or not do)". I would just make sure your communication to your clients is clear and that "this is an exception" to my rules is conveyed if you decide to do things differently. It can be a slippery slope.

 

xoxo

[Ashley Ann 75247]

Yes it is your right to run your business however you see fit!

 

However, from a financial perspective-you are the one who ends up losing ;) For instance, the guy that came and got the bj for the hj price, will probably have difficulty paying for the bj price next time he sees you, and expect the very same thing again. Same goes for the man that you give 2 hours of your time for the one hour rate.

 

But hey, if you are happy-then that is all that matters. :)

 

With each new client and the longer I'm in this the more I realize I don't follow the norm, if there is such a thing. I mean we all advertise time limits, types of services, and we all tend to follow the protocol of these or do we? As I have begun to realize that for me this is hard to do, every client I meet is different, obviously, so then are my actions and reactions. Sometimes I run over my time, sometimes I may cross some of my own boundaries, sometimes I may give more service than what was paid for, after all it is my choice isn't it? I mean if I advertise a massage and a manual release and I decide to give the guy head, isn't that my choice and okay, if I'm paid for an hour and it runs into 2 isn't that my choice and that's okay. That doesn't make me less of a professional, or does it? They are my boundaries, my rules so if I decide to cross them isn't that my right? Shouldn't each service be as individual as each client? After all I'm not in this to prove anything,to garner recos, or to impress anyone, I'm in it to have a little fun, excitement and probably many other reasons that I don't even understand, either way I am me and professional or not that's what you get:)

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

The two main problems I see are expectations and chatter. Expectations are those things everyone has that can either cause great disappointment or great enjoyment. The more we limit expectations as people, the better off we will be because then whatever we get is wonderful.

 

Every encounter with every person will be different. Even if it's with the same person, every session will be different. The only expectations that should be in place are ones of cleanliness, great service, on time appointment, safety, discretion and a monetary exchange. The rest is icing. It's when there is an expectation either based on someone/something else or even a "last time" that the trouble starts. As an SP you give a little bit extra based on whatever is happening at the moment. The client believes this is a wonderful thing and everyone is happy. If there is then an expectation next time around, both parties end up unhappy. The provider gets burned for the extra given because they wanted to and the client gets burned from thinking there should be more.

 

It is a slippery slope because can impacts both parties equally. As an SP do you really want to NOT be able to make these decisions in your business? Do you want your ability taken away? Gentlemen, do you want to miss out on the extra gifts or attention you might receive? Do you want there to be this thread of holding back existing because of expectations? I think the answer to all these are no. Unfortunately there is no right or wrong answer because it falls on each individual to govern themselves to make each session the best it can possibly be.

 

I believe an SP should run their business as they see fit and make decisions on their interactions based on their own factors as long as they are up front, honest and discreet about it. I also believe clients should only expect whatever was agreed upon in conversations and consider anything extra as the gift it is. If this becomes a negative, it is on the people involved to correct the situation by parting ways. I believe most of the gentlemen who are seriously involved in this industry understand what's happening and have limited expectations. Others can either learn or find ladies who better suit them. Like everything else, YMMV. This is one of those things that doesn't really have a definitive answer.

[CristyCurves 169032]

The two main problems I see are expectations and chatter. Expectations are those things everyone has that can either cause great disappointment or great enjoyment. The more we limit expectations as people, the better off we will be because then whatever we get is wonderful.

 

Every encounter with every person will be different. Even if it's with the same person, every session will be different. The only expectations that should be in place are ones of cleanliness, great service, on time appointment, safety, discretion and a monetary exchange. The rest is icing. It's when there is an expectation either based on someone/something else or even a "last time" that the trouble starts. As an SP you give a little bit extra based on whatever is happening at the moment. The client believes this is a wonderful thing and everyone is happy. If there is then an expectation next time around, both parties end up unhappy. The provider gets burned for the extra given because they wanted to and the client gets burned from thinking there should be more.

 

It is a slippery slope because can impacts both parties equally. As an SP do you really want to NOT be able to make these decisions in your business? Do you want your ability taken away? Gentlemen, do you want to miss out on the extra gifts or attention you might receive? Do you want there to be this thread of holding back existing because of expectations? I think the answer to all these are no. Unfortunately there is no right or wrong answer because it falls on each individual to govern themselves to make each session the best it can possibly be.

 

I believe an SP should run their business as they see fit and make decisions on their interactions based on their own factors as long as they are up front, honest and discreet about it. I also believe clients should only expect whatever was agreed upon in conversations and consider anything extra as the gift it is. If this becomes a negative, it is on the people involved to correct the situation by parting ways. I believe most of the gentlemen who are seriously involved in this industry understand what's happening and have limited expectations. Others can either learn or find ladies who better suit them. Like everything else, YMMV. This is one of those things that doesn't really have a definitive answer.

Chatter I could care less about, I can't control that and no matter what one does it goes on anyways, 2nd time expectations well that would be between me and that person, so again how we interact will be as natural and unacted as the first time, maybe with more of the same, perhaps less, or something totally different. The point of my post was to make it clear that I find it more comfortable to just be in the moment and not constrained by rules and boundaries and the ways of others. To be true to myself, that's all that matters , its my revelation.Anyone I meet will understand what happens here and now may never again happen, or it may come close or it may be completely different, however it happens it will be natural, me and in the moment. :)

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I am 100% with you on that one Cristy. I'm sorry if anything I said came out differently than that. Each session is its' own "moment" and every moment is to be embraced and enjoyed in whatever way the people involved wish. Yes, we are in an industry that has many boundaries and rules and many agreed upon standards however as an independent SP, it's our business to do with what we wish and that is between us and the client. If everyone is happy, not much else matters.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Cristy,

 

I've thought about your post and it has some particular relevance to me so I thought I'd comment. Just as you state, there are some firmly written rules in this business and there are some unwritten rules.

 

I have always tried to be a "by the book" type client in hopes that the lady would never feel like I was attempting to take advantage of her or her time. So in the past even if the lady was not a clock watcher I definitely was and in fact as a result I have stopped a lady mid encounter (in terms of physical acts) because my time was up and left. I was just trying to be a gentleman and respectful of the ladies time and what I had paid for but what happened was the lady was left with a WTF feeling.

 

I am aware that my view is probably not the norm in terms of clients and I've been informed that perhaps I might be a little weird because of it. Recently, I had a visit with a lady scheduled for two hours and she was so wonderful to just be with and talk to that I forgot to be my normal clock watching self (she was definitely not) and as a result before I realized it my scheduled visit was almost over. I had thoroughly enjoyed every minute of my time talking and connecting with her and could have left the visit feeling satisfied by her company. However, I found her very attractive and desired very much to be intimate with her (she was very hot). When I mentioned to her that it was almost time for me to leave she seemed shocked that I would be willing to leave without having had any physical playtime. Although my time was up she invited me for some playtime. Quite frankly I didn't know what to do. If I stuck to my "by the book" I think that I would have insulted the lady even though I really didn't want to leave her anyway. Ultimately, I couldn't stand to walk away from such a beautiful woman offering to be with me so I took her hand and she lead me away to an amazing time.

 

When I finally left her that evening I left completely mentally and sexually satisfied. She was a fantastic lady in every way and a true professional. I did appreciate that she was sweet enough to see me beyond my allotted time and I did offer to compensate her for it (which she declined).

 

My only thought or caution would be if the lady choses to take liberties with her time often with her clients, then some less gentlemanly clients may start to expect "off the clock" services. That would be a terrible thing to take advantage of such a good natured lady.

[Guest]

I'm a spur of the moment kind of person and I do what feels right for me at the time. If I feel like spending extra time or giving a deal is the right thing for me to do at the time, then I just go with it. If I'm happy with the arrangement that's all that matters. I know that people are going to talk about me no matter what I do, so I just do what's best for me. I feel like I should be only focused on myself and my business only. I do not focus on other people or what other people are doing in their business. What's right for me in my business may not work for someone else and they are entitled to their opinion, however, we do not have the right to judge each other for the way we run our individual businesses. We all have our own business style that works for us.

 

I'm not saying that it's okey for clients to ask for extra or deals because they heard you gave this and that for this person or the next. I am saying do what feels right for you. Negotiation or asking for things out of the norm will only rub me the wrong way and make me NOT want to do anything special. This is a very intimate industry and things change from person to person and situation from situation. I would not be to hard on myself because I bent the "rules" a little bit. That's the good thing about being my own boss, I can make my own decisions and I don't have to ask for permission first. Remember "ymmv" is a great way to describe sessions. I also think that gentlemen should not have the expectation of getting a deal or break just because you gave them a break before. It's no different than posting a special or a gentleman giving a tip, it's something that should be appreciated but not expected. If someone crosses the line by asking for "extras" I would just politely explain that it's inappropriate to do so.

[Fresh start 17467]

I think it's your decision, as long as you do what you want and the client is ok with it, no harm no foul. I totally agree with you, live in the moment.

I admire your attitude, who cares what other people think or say. You're right cause in the end its your choice, this may sound selfish to some but the most important person should always be yourself then others. So do what you want:)

Hehe if you want come to ottawa do it lol!

[mrgreen760 37785]

This is one of the reasons I ask very few questions about services offered by a provider. It's a chemistry thing more than anything else for me. If I get there's the right feel going in then nature will take its course. Whether I end up with extra time or provided with a service that's not advertised then that's between us.

 

And oddly I tend to be the clock watcher and not the other way around.

 

Peace

MG

[Hector17 9215]

Yes ..it's up to you, and if you're not in the mood the next time to enhance services or relax your time restrictions, then the hobbiest should have nothing to resent.

I know when I am being treated (especially in massage) ...and that's what it is, not an expectation on future rendez vous.

I have had that both ways, where the Sp has a meeting or an engagement she has to attend and we are right on time, and then the same Sp on another day has said "what's the rush?...why dont you stay and hang out a bit longer?", even though we were in OT already.

[renegade 11027]

I agree with the always honest MrGreen here as my encounters echo his, but would like to ad that in my opinion the true Professionals i,ve met in this business never follow a "script" so to speak and let chemistry decide the flow both good and bad. Its what keeps me going back for repeat visits ! the truly great sp,s seem to have the inate ability to know or determine what your desires are sometimes even before you do ! I have experienced more intense and fulfilling encounters with a couple of very special sp,s than i ever thought physically possible !and those experiences only improved with the incease in comfort the more times we have met and i do not share those moments verbally or otherwise ever , they are as far as i am concered unique to me.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

Of course every provider has the right to run her own business the way she feels comfortable. Is running the session over the time professional?

 

The answer is variable depending on the respondent's view of professionalism. I, personally, lean towards perceiving it as unprofessional. Having a passionate and non-mechanical type of a rendezvous can be achieved through various ways and talents within the allocated time!

 

Yes, this is a more intimate type of service, but there is always a fine line that is once crossed the results are not favorable!

[RoddyThomas 2746]

I often compare other industries to SP services as a way of explaining myself. I have a lady barber who when she cuts my hair, cleans up my neck, goatee and that ultra sexy ear hair etc. Some places charge extra for that she doesn't. The point is it is up to her. She may do it for a select few or all of her clients. An SP should have the right to run her business as she sees fit. It is her time and choice. As far as expectations most mature men would realize that it is not a guaranteed thing, and maybe time permitted it one time and not the next. Perhaps one client is a very respectful chap and a great tipper and she has decided to treat him that day. In my opinion, it is a great way for repeat business. Nobody likes to feel rushed, and if a little extra happened occasionally I would definitely want to re-book. I guess this was just a long winded way of saying it is the SPs choice as it is her business. To me professionalism is more about a clean environment, punctuality, great hygiene, and the ability to make a hobbyist feel at ease.

[Guest t****ster***ke]

first off, this was something that crossed my mind when i read a thread yesterday about PSE, and what it means. one of the thoughts i took away from it was, if part of that service is the attitude of the sp during the encounter, does that mean when you opt for pse over gfe, are you getting a performance, or are you experiencing intimacy with that person in their natural, or comfortable, state.

 

i mention this because, for me, even though it is a paid arrangement, it is my preference to experience the sp as close to "herself" is possible. i am not looking for an actress, or someone to perform to my whim. i want intimacy with that woman, and i find that difficult to experience if she is not at least in some way true to how and more importantly, who, she is.

 

That is one of the great elements of sites like this, as you can peek behind the curtain a little bit and discover a little more about what some of the women are really like and get a better sense if there will be some level of chemistry (which despite the nature of the arrangement, i find extremely important).

 

so i guess what i am saying is, to hell with professionalism if it means being someone you are not *laughs* all kidding aside, every business is different, and in the absence of government regulation, every individual owner has the right to run their business how they see fit.

 

post script: i'm sure some people do, but if i get a "bonus" of any kind with an sp, i do not expect that the next time :) each session is different.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

first off, this was something that crossed my mind when i read a thread yesterday about PSE, and what it means. one of the thoughts i took away from it was, if part of that service is the attitude of the sp during the encounter, does that mean when you opt for pse over gfe, are you getting a performance, or are you experiencing intimacy with that person in their natural, or comfortable, state.

 

 

I can only speak personally for myself when I say that there is never a "performance". As was discussed in the thread I believe you're talking about both PSE and GFE are a style of service. Both these aspects make up my personality and I am able to shift back and forth seamlessly because they ARE me and who I am. I may have a client wanting a more erotic lustful session and he gets that part of me. Someone wanting a more intimate sensual session also gets me, just that different side of me. From what I've seen of many SP's here, they play to their strengths and to their personality. If someone is more wild sexually and less of a sensualist, their approach would be one of looking for and attracting that kind of gentleman. Some ladies are more of the GFE/sensual/connection personality and they to play to this. There are those who enjoy each for what it offers and can be fully present in either. I don't believe in performances because that takes a lot of effort and energy. If this business was not enjoyed and part of ones personality and who they are, they would burn out very quickly because of the energy required to maintain the performance. The real ladies of the industry grow in beauty, confidence and happiness because it is part of who they are and it is more effortless to be ones self.

 

Hopefully that makes sense....

[piano8950 32577]

if I'm paid for an hour and it runs into 2 isn't that my choice and that's okay.

 

However, what are you going to do when the guy you saw for an extra hour for free, comes back to see you? Are you going to give him another free hour? Will he feel that something is wrong this time vs. last time?

 

I just want to address this part since it was brought up a few times in this thread. I've had one or two sessions where it's gone over by 5 or 10 minutes. The last one, we kept on talking till I realized 30 minutes had passed by, and I did not even notice the time. As I was leaving, I felt a bit guilty that I didn't check the time, but I was just wrapped up in the conversation (I'm assuming she was too).

 

Anyway, personally, I don't have that expectation for the next time or any other time after that. What I happened was not planned, and I think most of not all the ladies here have a good judge of a person when they meet them.

 

I don't want to knock any bad experiences because of a bit of an allowance, I just wanted to put a client's perspective on this if it helps any.

[Guest Magnus Krexus]

Well some sp or ma simply put mileage may vary in their ads. it's a great way for the client to limit his expectations. Also, sex is sex. Its perfectly normal for the sp or ma to do some things they wouldn't do for others if there's a better chemistry or if she's more aroused by the client.

 

Me personally I'm not really into daty, but sometimes I see a beautiful vagina and well... You know: p

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Following a script is way too laborious lol. Can't we just let the passion dictate the time we spend together? Now, I can act out a fantasy with ease (my mom always told me that I was a great actress after my temper tantrums lol) but isn't it more fun to act in moment? Now, that being said, I do like knowing the basic premise of our encounter prior but once we are together, lets be together!

[Luckyme 41401]

I'm a spur of the moment kind of person and I do what feels right for me at the time. If I feel like spending extra time or giving a deal is the right thing for me to do at the time, then I just go with it. If I'm happy with the arrangement that's all that matters. I know that people are going to talk about me no matter what I do, so I just do what's best for me. I feel like I should be only focused on myself and my business only. I do not focus on other people or what other people are doing in their business. What's right for me in my business may not work for someone else and they are entitled to their opinion, however, we do not have the right to judge each other for the way we run our individual businesses. We all have our own business style that works for us.

 

I'm not saying that it's okey for clients to ask for extra or deals because they heard you gave this and that for this person or the next. I am saying do what feels right for you. Negotiation or asking for things out of the norm will only rub me the wrong way and make me NOT want to do anything special. This is a very intimate industry and things change from person to person and situation from situation. I would not be to hard on myself because I bent the "rules" a little bit. That's the good thing about being my own boss, I can make my own decisions and I don't have to ask for permission first. Remember "ymmv" is a great way to describe sessions. I also think that gentlemen should not have the expectation of getting a deal or break just because you gave them a break before. It's no different than posting a special or a gentleman giving a tip, it's something that should be appreciated but not expected. If someone crosses the line by asking for "extras" I would just politely explain that it's inappropriate to do so.

 

I totally understand and agree with what you said, Peachy. Since this is your business and you are your own boss, you have the right to do whatever suits you and no one should complain including whether you charge more or less than other providers.

 

This is a very special intimate experience. No one should expect two encounters to be the same. A lot depends on the mood and circumstances. If you decide to give a client a deal or extra time, as a client, I will not expect the same treatment or deal that I received today at the next visit. This is akin to the scenario that - when I buy a ticket to watch a hockey game and the game ends in a draw and takes two OT's to settle the score, I should not expect the same thing ( with regards to OT's) will happen at the next game even between the same two teams.

 

In addition, I will also refrain from discussing anything or any deal that happens between me and a provider with anyone else. If I do that, I will have lost the trust we have for each other and which we both observe and respect.

[Guest webothscore]

Cristy,

 

Nothing out of the ordinary at all my friend. In fact, what you stated in your first post on this thread, really comes down to YMMV. Others cannot expect the same exact service as somebody else. That's why we as hobbiests and you as SPs are unique :)

[Guest t****ster***ke]

i think an important issue to consider in this thread, is the motivation of others to call out a perceived lack of professionalism, and whether or not that motive is genuinely sincere. there are definitely core principles of professionalism in any line of work, regardless of whether people follow them or not. when a competitor undercuts your price, it stings, but it's their right to make less money, or perhaps even take a loss in order to get their foot in the door somewhere. when that competitor starts offering bribes, stealing property or personally bad mouthing you in a very slanderous way, that is a real breach of ethics, and while that can be a relative term, i am not aware of any professional who feels those are legitimate business practices.

 

i can see how some of the situations cristy describes might rub other sp's the wrong way, as those same hobbyists might feel that's the "norm", but i don't see that as unprofessional, like saying another sp has a venereal disease, or steals from or extorts their clients.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Perhaps one client is a very respectful chap and a great tipper and she has decided to treat him that day.

Exactly, if a client has been generous with me why not be the same with him, even though he's not expecting it.

To me professionalism is more about a clean environment, punctuality, great hygiene, and the ability to make a hobbyist feel at ease.

Again I agree, being professional can entail a lot, not specifically just keeping track of time. Most importantly being a professional means taking good care of your clients needs, respecting his privacy and discretion, representing yourself in a good light, having a clean and comfortable locale, being well dressed and groomed, having good ads, an online presence/webpage, ect, ect.But most importantly being a professional to me means you care about who you see and how they feel when they leave, its not just about making them feel good when they are with you its also important that they feel good for having met you, to me that's a sign of a professional sp:)

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

Great topic Cristie. I definitely don't follow the norm either. I can easily transition from the sensual romantic lady to a wild PSE tiger. I also love role playing and there are some bad boys in the world that understand a visit to Lady Katherine is the only way to correct bad habits.:biggrin:

 

So what guest gets what and for how long? As some have mentioned our time is really important and we need to be compensated, agreed.

 

Time, time, time, it is very important. I tend to be generous with it when the situation permits. I have my home in service but I travel extensively as well. At home things are more relaxed and I do tend to go over, I do like to talk and at the same time I don't feel pressured or that anything extra given is presumed.

 

When I am travelling it is a little different. It has to be, as a touring lady I spend a lot getting to destination and our hotels, meals etc really ad up. So for me I need to keep on schedule and that usually means if you are visiting for a certain time frame that is the way I need to keep it. I have never felt judged for this in the least.

 

Its also great to have the opportunity to show your appreciation once in a while by giving more. That is exactly what it is, appreciation, I don't expect anything more from my guest in the way of a tip or a gift. So at the end of the day ( for me ) it always works out as it ought to.