Comfort level with social interaction within this community.

[Guest]

Comfort level with social interaction within this community.

 

We all have different comfort levels with interacting in this hobby. Knowing that a social just passed I was curious to read peoples opinion about comfort levels with social interaction and this community.

 

Myself, I feel comfortable interacting online. I feel like I can put just the right amount of information online and I somewhat have a filter of what I can put out there. However, I don't feel comfortable going to the social meetings that some people arrange. I'm not saying that the social parties are not fun, they just are not for me. I have been invited but do not feel the need to attend myself. I'm not good in big groups and enjoy intimate one on one settings. That must be the introvert in me. I also like to keep a little mystery and enjoy the privacy of interacting online. I find it comforting to be able to have control over the people I invite in my life. Kind of like the same reason I don't put my face in my pictures.

 

I know some of my clients find it too much to even interact online. They say that cerb is a great tool for finding great ladies but they don't feel comfortable putting information online.

 

So my question would be what is your comfort level and why.

[Fresh start 17467]

As being a shy person in nature. Cerb has been great, being able to interact anonymistly and partake in discussion with out worry what people are going to think of me, cause I don't have to see this people unless I chose to. So I'm getting more and more comfortable discussing thing online.

 

In person it's different one on one I can open up with some time. much easier to read somebody alone, but social setting with lots of people isn't my thing unless I know most of them in person and even then it still difficult. If its an outing like going to a restaurant just as a date with someone is fine but mingling is out of my comfort zone.

 

As for why I'm guessing maybe low self asteam, perhaps cause of bullying as I was younger or abuse, I'm no sphychologist I'm sure this things had a factor, but as I realize grown up now not everyone is like that and slowly getting out of my comfort zone seems to widen my area of comfort.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

I am comfortable in a group setting, one-on-one or online. If I am in a setting where I don't know anyone, I can be shy, almost a wall flower. However, in a large setting of those that have similar interests, I love moving around, introducing myself and meeting new people.

[Wolf Knight 29667]

Peachy, great thought provoking post (as always).

 

I'm naturally a solitary person and if given a choice would take intimate one on one over group function any day.

 

In terms of social events, I'd have no real problem attending an event in a city other than my home city. However, here's the issue in a group setting I am a completely different person than the real me. In a group social event I transform in to an outgoing person that interacts with ease with anyone depending on who I'm talking to and the vibe I get from them. It comes from years of schmoozing with business people at more events than I can even remember. It was a skill I had to develop to succeed in business and it's not the real me. If I were to meet people say at a CERB social the person that they would interact with would bear virtually no resemblance to the real me that an SP would meet one on one.

 

One on one, the real me can do (or try to do depending on who you ask) sexy, soft and deep which can be appealing to a lady. The social me trying that would just come off as goofy.

 

Well given my participation on CERB I don't have much of an issue interacting online and find it just light, fun and relaxing a facebook with out the shit of people sending you stupid crap. I have actually been told that the way I write is exactly how I speak so I guess more of the real me gets to shine through here and I'm fine with that. As far as maintaining some mystery goes, that doesn't really bother me to much. Mystery is fun during "the chase" but once the chase is over I'm just a normal guy with a normal life and I don't mind sharing it with the SP's I trust.

[Tallguy007 4172]

I'm pretty much only on the message boards and using pm for one-on-one discussions. I'm preoccupied by avoiding saying something inappropriate, probably too much so considering how tolerant (and sometimes goofy) people are here.

 

I did attend the social. This was stepping quite a bit outside my comfort zone. I initially did it because there were a lot of ladies there that I wanted to meet, but ended up talking with a bit of everybody. Now when I read posts from people I've met, the posts now have their voices. Vitto's posts are especially cheery now.

 

I'm still ridiculously shy about calling someone on the phone (and not just with this community). Will have to work that one out eventually.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Peachy I just think you are the dearest sweetest person . Anyone that reads your posts will know that, it resonates through them. In saying that we all have comfort levels with everything involving this business and I much like yourself prefer to interact with this community online or in person, one on one. I'm not a social person, very much a loner and make no apologies for being so :)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

As someone who used to be shy, being an SP has brought me out of my shell. I have participated in organizing 2 or 3 socials before and has made me more outgoing. By nature, I'm an introverted person and tend to keep to myself a lot and keep my social circle at a minimum. I find I'm better one on one but at this time, I find myself comfortable interacting online and in person at a social should the opportunity present itself again. My job as an SP has brought out the good things in my personality that people should see so I have no regrets there!

[Cato 160314]

Great post, Peachy. I would actually love to attend cerb-type social events, and I have done so in other cities, but the chance of running into a co-worker makes it just too uncomfortable for me. I have met several cerb members one-on-one (and I don't just mean sp's lol), but am hesitant to sign up for group events in town.

Anyway, a touch of mystery isn't a bad thing :)

[mrgreen760 37785]

I'm a very social person but in the context of this game I prefer online contact versus attending an event. And I'm much taller, better looking and generally hotter online as well ....which is bonus :)

 

Peace

MG

[Guest webothscore]

Cato, I totally know where you are coming from. In fact, I wish more faces were posted, but my privacy is not more important than others. Also, yeah, running into somebody could be interesting at a social. I can see a funny situation. You would be like, "wait, what bar is this? Where am I?" "I must be..." As you fade off in he night ... Nevermind out there. What if am SP opened the door and you knew her? Has this happened to anyone? My heart would literally come out of my chest. As for interacting. One on one, bring it on. Social events, even better. Extrovert baby!

[Luckyme 41401]

Another interesting and thought-provoking post, Peachy. Much like you, I feel a lot more comfortable with one-on-one meetings, communicating by pms, emails and so on. If needs be though, I could mingle and have done that in the past in my professonal life in a group situation. For privacy reason, I will not find it comfortable in attending events such as the cerb social events.

[PatrickGC 10792]

Hello Peachy

 

For me personally and I suspect others in the community, our comfort level predisposes us to appear to others as introverts initially. This however is an incorrect assumption. People in this community tend to be more sensitive and aware on average and this means we require more personal space in my case literally to recharge emotionally.

 

To answer your question specifically my comfort level requires the following:

 

My comfort level would equal "A Mild Introvert". Emotions and nuances of environment have always had a big impact on me. So while being a disability activist I can speak with and for people on various causes-sexual rights for all being one of them-I need regular downtimes to reflect and consider on all the levels. Sometimes being physically disabled is like a name tag which has to come off. One needs time and space to disconnect from all the issues just so you can find your center again. This has the nasty unfortunate effect of driving many people crazy on the outside so to speak ["outside" refers to those not part of my immediate group of close souls.] when I close the doors to reassert my space.

 

Surprisingly, Internet sites like face book do not hold much of an attraction, even though I am a geek and have five old computers tied together. Sometimes I find a dialogue on these sites,CERB is an exception, just as draining as going to a party. Perhaps that is because real dialogue or debate is very much appreciated, whereas hyperbole is not.

 

So there it is, my comfort level in a nutshell. Apologies if I rambled somewhat.

PatrickGC

[Guest C**Tra****er]

I like the idea of a social but I don't think I'd ever attend one in Halifax. I know far too many people in this city, and Halifax tends to be very close-minded on this subject.

 

My "home" self is very private and I tend to be a bit of a home body. I like my seclusion most of the time.

 

My "work" self is very out-going and I'm comfortable in most situations. I chair large meetings and I'm comfortable speaking in front of a crowd.

 

There is a fair bit of cross-over between both, but I really only share all of myself with the closest of friends.

 

If I was to attend a social, it would have to be in a different local.

[Guest D***el B***e]

Woooooo, this is a heavy thread ... the allure of attending a private social Cerb 'event' is certainly there but I share Cato's opinion. I certainly would not want to meet anyone I know. It seem everywhere I walk downtown these days at lunch hour, I bump into someone I know, I worked with in the past, I've interacted with, or I know personally ... so I will gracefully decline the invitation but as it was mentioned earlier it is better-looking online and generally hotter ... hehehe ...

[emiafish 30979]

What Cato said goes for me as well.

 

Additionally, I think seeing the ladies, some of who I may have seen previously, interacting with other men would shatter some of the girlfriend fantasy. Intellectually, I understand the women I see also see other men. But I fear when confronted with visual confirmation my ability to suspend disbelief would be compromised. You should know this has nothing to do with jealousy. This is more about sharing something unique and intimate with a provider and not wanting the uniqueness tarnished.

 

Additional Comments:

As far as my comfort level on the board, at first I was shy; essentially a lurker. But after reading many informative, funny and erotic posts, I started to test the waters. The warm reception from the board members encouraged me. Now I feel very comfortable sharing thoughts and observations with this community.

[Guest webothscore]

Although it could never happen, wouldn't it be the neatest thing if every cerbie in the country were to come wearing t-shirts with their cerb handle printed on it? We would all be under a dome for the evening, have a blast meeting one another, and then we all developed a memory problem when the night was over ... Crazy random thought. Just finished ice hockey and my heart is still pumping...

[Guest D***el B***e]

emiafish ... you've expressed my exact thoughts ... from lurker to comfortable poster, from shy to expressive, from not wanting to break the girlfriend fantasy ... you've said it all...

 

I like your style man!

[Brad 49548]

I'd say I'm fairly comfortable, especially online, either on the forum or private message. I like having some time to phrase my thoughts and try to find a nice turn of phrase (not that I always succeed mind you...and it doesn't explain all my typos!)

 

I'm also comfortable in person, and quite like the conversation aspect of a encounter. As for a social, I like the idea of it and suspect it would be a blast, but like CdnTraveller I don't think I'd attend one in Halifax. I love my city and province, but it's not quite big enough to offer the anonymity I'd prefer heading in and out.

 

Now, where I am quite nervous is on the phone! Face to face I can usually string a decent sentence together (though admittedly sometimes I have to wait for my jaw to come back off the floor--there are some very beautiful ladies in our midst!) but for some reason I never feel like I quite know what to say when I make a phone call. I usually prefer to chat as much over private message as possible, so that there's less that needs to be discussed over the phone before the in person conversation can start.

[piano8950 32577]

I've thought about attending a social event of this nature before, but decided not to. Truth be told, I would have no idea what I'd be doing over there. I've gone to meet and greets before, but this one is much different in nature.

 

I think it would be great, a chance to meet a few ladies at once, see which ones I have more of a personality connection with, meet a few clients and get their perspective on all of this (obviously from a client side of things). But there are a few things that nag me.

 

Privacy - I keep getting a bit nervous about perhaps running into someone I know, either a client, or an SP/MA. Especially if they are friends, it would add a completely new dynamic to our relationship, whatever that may be.

 

Also, I'm fine with the fact that the only people who can attach a face to my cerb handle are the women I've met through here. I just don't feel comfortable yet going beyond that.

 

 

For all the advantages that a meet and greet has, remaining online, and having cerb greatly eliminates the need for me to attend one of these events.

[Guest a**4*]

I have thought about going to a social but i get nervous about going,I am in the same boat as Cato, there are awesome members there and beautiful ladies there that i would like to meet and get to know then they know who i am and a good way to know who is who in the cerb community,So for now i am comforable just here but maybe one day i may go to a social, this is a excellent gathering

[Athos 108589]

This is an interesting thread. I have attended similar events in the past, although not any of the CERB socials. I've also had a good time at them.

 

Although I do enjoy parties, in general I'm not a huge party person. I think in some ways I'm fairly complicated (or boring depending on your perspective). I'm a bit of a gregarious introvert. Most of my friends and colleagues would be very surprised to learn that I can be quite shy. If I'm at a party I'll tend to gravitate to those I already know, and not mix and mingle with people I don't. I'm fully able to do so, and if forced to I will usually end up making new friends. I can also be the so-called "life of the party." I can quite enjoy the limelight and attention. My kids think I'm the biggest extrovert around and are dismayed by my inclination to dance or sing in public.

 

But, having said all that, if left to my own devices, I'd probably stay in, read a book, or watch t.v. I think the socials are a great idea. I'm not particularly worried about running into anyone I know, and I'd consider attending if the schedule lined up. But I also don't feel I'm missing out terribly by not being there.

 

Porthos

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I love meeting new people but did and still do for the most part prefer the 1-on-1 with my "friends" and meeting other providers but I usually don't and keep to myself besides a very small select number of ladies that I go and eat with and/or have cocktails and go dancing with on certain occasions or they are visiting and we get to meet and have nice relaxed fun time.

My personal life and the company I keep and surround myself with are a very select group.

I was quite nervous to attend the Halifax social last Summer. I live and work in Halifax and if it wasn't for two ladies that I've met through here, one from away and one from Halifax I would not have gone and my two lady friends were quite aware of this and my fears but it was so not what I expected. To me it felt like a group of co-workers all out for a low-key celebration with drinks, food and fun after work. Not at all what I expected and not a soul that wasn't apart of the group was any wiser and that was very refreshing and eased any fears of somone I know seeing me or my privacy being invaded and I felt pretty safe. I hope we have another one!

[Old Dog 179138]

As time goes by, I understand the importance of social interaction within the CERB community, especially as it relates to me.

 

I think we all start out as shy within any community. There are senior members, founders that we perceive will judge our every move. I felt that way. Hell, I was intimidated by the top posters. I lurked for the first week or so. I was in awe of the ease at which some of the senior members interacted. Then I jumped in...

 

... and I was accepted. Hell, some of the CERB gods actually wrote nice things on my wall and wanted to be my friend!!!!

 

Then the socials started happening on a regular basis... and again, it was scary. It's easy to talk behind the cyber wall of courage, but this was face to face. Hobbyists and providers. Men that I have seen post, and articulate women with whom I wanted to spend time... and they were going to be seeing me as a man rather than as an avatar. So I mingled....

 

... and I was accepted. Since that first meeting I have met hundreds of members, both male and female. Some of my best friends in the world are on this very board. Men and women that I love, respect and cherish... heck, they saved my life. I don't go a single day without interacting on some level with members of this board... and that interaction happens OFF of this board. Sometimes it's play... very very very exciting play, but more often, it's a text, a call, a lunch, a dinner, or just a drop in to chat. My lifestyle avails me to that interaction; and it can't happen for everyone.

 

Whatever your level of social interaction, the one thing that I have learned is this - practically every one of us is in the same boat. This is our private indulgence, our secret other life. To meet one of us in a CERB social setting is less intimidating than you could imagine - and it's because we share this pastime.

 

So... um yeah. I'm pretty shy. NOT.

[Irina Adler 5376]

Well I'm new to CERB but I already feel very comfortable. I checked out CERB before getting into the business and it provided me with a great deal of valuable information. I love how everyone here is so open and honest, and more than that, genuinely kind. From my first day, I had members posting on my wall, welcoming me, and helping me out with useful tips. One of my first clients was a CERBie I met in the chat room- you know who you are ;)

 

When one of the girls says her next client is from CERB, we all immediately know it should be a good session. The CERB community allows providers and hobbyists to have an open dialogue about expectations and limitations, which in my opinion, leads to a more gratifying session for both parties. The most difficult aspect of catering to a client who is new to massage is letting him know the possibilities and boundaries during the session without sounding too crass or mean. CERB offers a venue where we can get all of that out of the way beforehand, so that when the client arrives, things can just flow naturally and the experience can be more realistic and organic rather than mechanical.

 

I think going to an actual social event would just further breakdown the societal boundaries that can sometimes prevent a more fulfilling client-SP/MP interaction. The only problem is the "one bad apple" concept. I think we are all concerned about privacy and the reason one might decide not to go to a social event is because there is always the chance that there is the "one bad apple" who will expose you.

 

Thank you CERB <3