Ashamed?

[Phaedrus 209521]

What exactly are we supposed to be ashamed of here? The simple exchange of sex or companionship for money, or some other material consideration? Everybody's done that; show me a sexually active person who claims to have never been involved in the exchange of a sexual act for something in return, and I'll question their honesty, self-awareness, or both.

 

All we do here is make the transaction more open, so that all parties know up front what's being offered on each side, which strikes me as a thoroughly good thing. The fact that society as a whole can't really cope with being open about these things is a problem with society.

 

And we, who are simply more honest about what's going on than most, are supposed to be ashamed of ourselves?

 

Sigh.

[Irina Adler 5376]

Absolutely LOVE this thread Empty83- if I could thank you a million more times I would! I'll have to post my own reply soon, but while I'm composing it I just wanted to say thank you for bringing up this topic! And thanks to all the cerb members who've given incredible replies already- it's so inspiring to see the intelligent and open-minded community we have here :)

[jessirayne 210]

Absolutely not ashamed!! Love what I do and the person it has helped me become (which is awesome btw ;) ), and the ability to make other people happy too :) ! It isn't necessarily something I am completely open about with everyone I know, as a lot of folks don't/wouldn't agree or don't/wouldn't understand, but the people and friends closest to me know, understand and support it.

 

And even if someone did happen to find out and have the kahunas say something to me, we'll I'd have a nice little earful for them :D

[roamingguy 300292]

Well I've been debating about including this in my other posts in this thread, but here goes, a post all on it's own. I think everyone agrees we all need companionship, intimate companionship. I know after my break up with my g/f in 2007, a real bad break up, I swore off dating and for three years I saw nobody. And yes, there was some, well a lot of emptiness in my life. And it was an emptiness that went away when I started seeing professional companions. Well fast forward to end of November 2012 when I found out dad had cancer, and depending on who I talked too, he could go anytime. I put this lifestyle on hold, haven't seen a lady since end of November 2012, and have been living with my phone with me 24/7 waiting for that inevitable call. Anyhow, while family is taking precedence, it has to, that emptiness that comes from lack of intimacy is also present.

My point to all of this is intimacy is a need, a real need. Why should ladies be ashamed of providing this intimate companionship? They shouldn't

Why should men be ashamed of seeking intimate companionship out? They shouldn't, it is IMHO a real need.

And as has been said, the SP/Client relationship is probably the most honest intimate relationship that exists, it can amongst other things fill an emptiness in someone's life. It is mutually beneficial with no strings or drama

A rambling

RG

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I used to be ashamed of it, but not so much anymore.

 

After a couple of long attachments, I've come to the conclusion that I'm too nomadic to ever live with anyone again, or even maintain a relationship maybe. But I still want to give and get physical pleasure, especially with somebody I might click with.

 

I was considered hot in my youth but I fucking hated bars and I was (and still am) totally clueless to the signals which come from women unless they grab my crotch! I was (and still am) shy too. So instead of staying home jerking off every night, I entered the hobby. Glad I did! One day when my kids grow up and my parents are gone, I won't give a shit and will tell anybody. Until then, it's under wraps (not that it would ruin my life if it got out, however). Hell, you never know, my Dad and I might finally have something in common! I've always had my suspicions. ;-)

 

I can't be bothered to date anymore. It's just too much bullshit. Forced blah-blah-blah on a $200 date just to find out you mix like oil and water. Bullshit. Unless fate intervenes and my true love and I bump into each other half-drunk at the wine store, hobbying is and will continue to be a major part of my life. Actually, I'd like to find a woman who would love to share this hobby! LOL Well, one can always dream.

 

Also, the financial risks involved in cohabitation (for either party, man or woman) are not worth it to me anymore. I'm lucky that I support only those I love; other people are not so lucky.

[IsaMassage 54318]

Ashamed? Maybe at first when I started, because of all the social lack of acceptance taboos and we all know about it!

Yes I don't have to announce it with screaming voices, but if anyone is to find out, oh well you don't like me because of my work, too bad so sad!

Maybe they should think about their sense of friendship,because if you accept people for what their job is and not for who they are as a person, then I don't want you as a friend!

And I ve got so many new friends here who wants more! ;) xxoo

[Guest]

While I have no problems sharing that I'm an escort out here in Ottawa, I would not bring this information back home. Not because I'm ashamed but because I don't want to deal with the drama it would create.

 

Everyone who knows me out in Ottawa knows I'm an escort, except maybe my hair dresser or nail artist and they don't really need to know that information anyway.

 

Life is too short to care what others think in my opinion. What I do is done behind closed doors, in a discreet manner, away from the public eye. If anyone has a problem with it they do not need to participate.

 

Even though I am happy with what I do. I still enjoy the privacy of not having my face online and not attending social functions. I like knowing that I have the control of who I invite in my life.

[Ashley Ann 75247]

Unfortunately, this is not something that I am proud of, , most probably for the fact that it goes against the morals and lifestyle that my family lives by and tried to pass on to me ;) And honestly, its just not family either, I would not share this really with anyone, accept for those I meet as clients, and a few select sps too. I guess you could say it is the shame that holds me back and keeps me from publically exposing myself as an sp. I am envious at times of those who are open about it, as I imagine that the freedom that comes with this job matched with the freedom of exposing your true self and not caring what anyone else thinks aside from those who count, must be so personally rewarding.

 

The one thing I am proud of though, is that I have remained to be my true self and not change for anyone or the money. I have always kept a level head, stuck to my restrictions, been selective of whom I spend my time with, only see clients when I feel to, and put my money to good use, which allows me to not only support me and my child, but also allows me way more time with her than if I were working shifts. I get to do and see a lot with her, and this make our relationship awesome. And that is something I am very proud of ;)

[Fresh start 17467]

The one thing I am proud of though, is that I have remained to be my true self and not change for anyone or the money. I have always kept a level head, stuck to my restrictions, been selective of whom I spend my time with, only see clients when I feel to, and put my money to good use, which allows me to not only support me and my child, but also allows me way more time with her than if I were working shifts. I get to do and see a lot with her, and this make our relationship awesome. And that is something I am very proud of ;)

 

My dear this is definitely not something to be ashamed of. To do what you do to support you and your child and to be able to spend time and have a good relationship with her. This tell me you are a great mom better than most I've seen and there is no one who can says otherwise without lying through their teeth.

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I'm not ashamed of me being a companion. I have come to terms that people in my life will either continue to love me or leave. The most important adults in my life know and they're still here and in my life and that is what counts.

 

I have been having an inner battle with myself to tell my select group of friends that did not know what I do besides my other "vanilla" business that I run and this weekend I did when we were having a gathering at my home. Were there lots questions? Oh Yes. Concerns? Oh Yes. Do they still love me? Yes they certainly do!

 

Being a companion allows me the freedom to do as I please, I'm the boss. I now get to take care of my Mom and put my sister through Dalhousie, where I went. There's six including me that I am financially responsible for and that is what I chose, it's not always easy but I love my family, my life and being together under my/our one roof. My family loves me.

 

I have have family that does not know and I feel the time is almost here when I do say something, we BBQ and camp a lot together in the Summer and they can't run from me out in the wild, I have no problem answering any questions that they may have. The ones I know I'm soon to tell, knew that I was a companion in the past, so why would it matter now. I'm older and much wiser.

 

I do wish I could be 100% open and show my face again but I have been blackmailed, slandered and harassed in the past and I fear that could happen again by those three people.

 

Anyone that knows me as a "friend" or personal friend, knows I am a mother of two growing boys and I don't believe they are at the age where I could or should tell them. My chosen professions allows me to be the best Mama possible, volunteer at a number of places and my sons school and be a present involved parent.

 

I love being a companion and wouldn't have it any other way.

When I finally get over the fear of being blackmailed and the threats of being outted to my sons, they will be prepared the best way I possibly can but not until then.

 

I may just come out 100% and tell the blackmailers to go suck the big one because I don't give a sweet shit anymore.

 

With that said, I have no shame and never did. I have fears but not for me but my children. There are many wolves in sheeps clothing out there, I'm just blessed to know who they are and have developed the radar through experience to detect them.

 

There is no room for shame in what we do, if you want to keep it private that is your right but what we do doesn't make us bad people, it's made me ever better in every aspect of my life!

 

All my love and support to the providers and hobbyist,

Lexy

[cyclo 30131]

I'm not ashamed of the choices I've made or how I live my life, including seeing escorts. I love the company of women and I've met many wonderful, strong and self determined women in this industry who I would be proud to call friends. Shame, guilt or self loathing would involve behaving inconsistently with my sense of identity. You can only do that for so long without developing unhealthy emotional and pyschological problems. Having said that like most people here, I keep this choice private for all the reason cited.

 

It would be hypocritical to say that I would be opposed to any of the women in my personal life becoming involved in the sex industry. At the same time I'm also not naive and I realize that participation in this industry involves unique physical and emotional health risks as well as safety risks. The sex industry is one of the few jobs you can enter with no training at all. I don't mean sex technique either, but rather basic health and safety training and how to handle "difficult customers". That has to be a concern to anyone who cares for those close to them because there are unique and serious risks in this industry.

 

While the CERB community is a positive one in which men and women generally view each other as equals and women are treated respectfully, this is not representative of the industry as a whole. I would want anyone close to me to understand the range of conditions and clients in the industry and the associated risks. Having said that if they were considering joining the military or becoming a coal miner I would want them to consider the risks unique to those jobs as well!

 

In general my experience is that most men are "good men". That observation seems to be confirmed by the comments of most of the women on this Board about their clients. I'm happy to hear that. However I've seen what men are capable of when sex is combined with inequitable authority, intimidation, physical strength and vulnerability. I've intervened to stop a rape in progress, fired men for sexual harassment and sexual assault in the workplace and been a juror in a trial involving the rape and physical assault of a sex worker. In addition, looking at some of the comments on other industry boards it's clear that many customers are mysoginists. Men like this will be clients or potential clients and that has to concern anyone who cares for the women in their lives. Hell, they could be friends, lovers or husbands and that concerns me too! As much as most of society sees the treatment of sex workers and women in general as separate issues, I see them as identical.

 

The bottom line is that I would not "tell" anyone how to live their life. The more mature a person is the more confidence I have to have in their decisions. I would however encourage them to speak to women who have managed to be safe, healthy and successful in the industry. There's a limit to how much useful advice I could provide from the client side. What I can give is unconditional love and support and if anything more care and attention if this is their choice.

[drlove 37204]

What exactly are we supposed to be ashamed of here? The simple exchange of sex or companionship for money, or some other material consideration? Everybody's done that; show me a sexually active person who claims to have never been involved in the exchange of a sexual act for something in return, and I'll question their honesty, self-awareness, or both.

 

All we do here is make the transaction more open, so that all parties know up front what's being offered on each side, which strikes me as a thoroughly good thing. The fact that society as a whole can't really cope with being open about these things is a problem with society.

 

And we, who are simply more honest about what's going on than most, are supposed to be ashamed of ourselves?

 

Sigh.

 

This is so true, and it goes back to what I said in my earlier post - society is a slave to convention. It's perfectly acceptable for a guy to go downtown, talk to a lady, buy her drinks (while spending lots of money in the process), and then get lucky... or not! lol. There are no guarantees in the civilian world, yet the hobby offers up an honest monetary exchange for a service. It's essentially the same as the millions upon millions of transactions we deal with on a daily basis. The only difference here is the type of service being offered. Throw that into the equation, and suddenly all bets are off. Go figure...

 

Similarly, it's perfectly acceptable for a couple to spend money on one another in the course of dating, only to arrive at the same end as paid companionship. Also, since we're talking about getting screwed, don't get me started on the amount of money which changes hands in divorce court! :icon_eek:

[PatrickGC 10792]

As Samantha's wonderfully articulated message indicates, people do not usually enter in the sex trade for healthy well thought out reasons. More often than not there is an act of desperation on some level. Since the stereotypes are so ubiquitous in our culture if someone told me that they wanted to get into the sex industry I would treat their statement as a red flag that something serious was going on.

 

Being a client for many years I have met people working in the sex trade on all levels from drug addicts in the survival of the sex trade to the "Madame" conducting business in nicely furnished surroundings. Of the people, after considering all the ramifications, that freely choose this profession, and this is my own personal opinion, they must have an above average work ethic. Unlike the rest of the employment sector these entrepreneurs have no support aside from [if they can find them] peer groups. On top of that they almost by default have to become activists and well-versed in the criminal code and legal discourse.

 

I have never been ashamed of being a client or of the people I date and can afford to be extremely open about it. The two main reasons for this are:

 

 

• I'm single.
  
• Physically disabled.
  

 

 

Having Cerebral Palsy means also in this context that I can come at the issues from a slightly different angle outside of the typical stereotypes. And it's been my experience that public opinion is slowly very incrementally changing in regards to sex work. Most people I talk to will privately admitted after a long discourse with them, that maybe some of their assumptions are based on erroneous information. But they are, as yet unwilling to speak out publicly.

 

PatrickGC

[Fresh start 17467]

Well I've been debating about including this in my other posts in this thread, but here goes, a post all on it's own. I think everyone agrees we all need companionship, intimate companionship. I know after my break up with my g/f in 2007, a real bad break up, I swore off dating and for three years I saw nobody. And yes, there was some, well a lot of emptiness in my life. And it was an emptiness that went away when I started seeing professional companions. Well fast forward to end of November 2012 when I found out dad had cancer, and depending on who I talked too, he could go anytime. I put this lifestyle on hold, haven't seen a lady since end of November 2012, and have been living with my phone with me 24/7 waiting for that inevitable call. Anyhow, while family is taking precedence, it has to, that emptiness that comes from lack of intimacy is also present.

My point to all of this is intimacy is a need, a real need. Why should ladies be ashamed of providing this intimate companionship? They shouldn't

Why should men be ashamed of seeking intimate companionship out? They shouldn't, it is IMHO a real need.

And as has been said, the SP/Client relationship is probably the most honest intimate relationship that exists, it can amongst other things fill an emptiness in someone's life. It is mutually beneficial with no strings or drama

A rambling

RG

 

I felt the same way, hence my cerb name. That feeling of emptiness would just get worse and worse, eating everything inside. You are a stronger man than me, to go so long with that emptiness inside you. A combination of loss after loss and that emptiness inside building up left me severely depressed and suicidal. With professional help I learn to get over the grief and came to realize that the emptiness was a lack of intimacy. Companion is the right word cause to be honest sex had nothing to do with it. Guys may think I'm insane but I've had wild threesomes and nothing felt the same. Only real relief is when it's intimate and meaningful to me, did it ever help. To confess I've been on dates just to be held and to connect. For that I used to be a shame, but not anymore, why should I be ashamed for something I need to live? So your not alone feeling empty, and stay strong there is nothing worse than to watch someone die slowly, just cherish every moment like it may be their last.

[piano8950 32577]

I don't know if I've ever been ashamed of doing this. I did have a lot of reservations, and I was much more guarded in the beginning. I still am to an extent, but I don't, nor have I ever felt a pang of shame due to visiting and SP or MA.

 

Just because the topic popped up about imagining a female family member doing this, I thought I'd add my thoughts. My cousin is a remarkable girl, and we're quite close because of our age. She's is as good as a sister. And I don't know if this would be an odd thing to say, but if she ever told me she was an SP, or MA, I think I'd be happy for her.

 

The thing is, and this is an assumption that I've made so forgive me for being so bold - SPs and MAs here know that they are desired. It is a contributing factor for you ladies to be in this business (Again, complete speculation, just reasoned logic). It is that sort of confidence in oneself that I wish she had emotionally. I mean she is just a fantastic person, intelligent beyond anyone I know, and a career on steroids. But after a couple of bad relationships, her self worth and outlook has been shot.

 

I always get the sense that the ladies here are quite sure of themselves. Everyone has doubts and those bad moments with everyone, but for the most part, I'm always in awe for how women her have taken the leap to get into this business, and thrive.

 

Sex between consenting adults isn't bad. And money passing hands doesn't cheapen it (in my humble opinion). I'm not ashamed, and should I find out that my cousin somehow decides that the industry was for her, even part time, I'd cheer her, and never check out this website again (Do NOT want to run into her pictures).

 

The only thing I was ashamed about was certain fantasies I've had. I've kept them to myself, and finally started to get the idea...wait a moment, I have carte blanche access to live all those fantasies out, wtf are you waiting for?!?

[PatrickGC 10792]

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I think service providers are the epitome of the entrepreneurial spirit, and without contradiction by their very work and other choices clearly state that sex and emotional connection are critical to the human experience. Whether a person is public about this career choice or chooses to keep it under wraps is very secondary to the fact that they acknowledge that both money and sex are critical to a person's well-being in this modern world. In short, it takes real balls to be this kind of true frontier entrepreneur.

 

It's a spirit I find lacking in general "out there" in the far too pasteurized world, where someone goes off on a bizarre tangent every few moments. For example look at some of the dialogues we've all seen on Face Book. But here at CERB, and a few unrelated underground sites, there is a real sense of community. Both clients and workers are passionate about what they do. Boy does passion ever bring people together.

 

Just wanted to put that out there and say thanks to everyone. Let's keep on going.

Take care won it all!

PatrickGC

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

Ashamed? No, I know what I do and don't feel that. I am recently open to some that live around me, not my family though

 

However, a neighbor I think has figured out who I am online. Asking stupid questions like "you are 5'4" right"? Not a question someone would normally ask a friend. So, I'm thinking, great now I have an idiot who thinks he knows something about me. I've managed to deflect his questions as someone who is rambling while drunk.

 

He pisses me off. When I am home, I am not Meaghan. I am me. I dress differently, act differently - I am me. I don't want people thinking they can spend time with my working self for free. I never see friends or aquantainces in this business. If they call me, I will tell them so. I would rather keep the friendship. However, if the friendship starts to intrude into my working self, I will sever the relationship. I still won't see them because they disrespected my boundaries. I am very blunt to those that overstep the boundaries. To the point of telling them I will deck them if they continue.

 

This neighbor has not taken it a step further. However, if he has not figured it out yet, he will soon. He has shown me disrespect by asking the type of questions he has asked. His opinion of me does not matter to me. However, my guard is up on him.

 

Ashamed? No, I am proud to be able to provide this service. Proud of the quality of the encounters I provide. Not everyone can do this. There are those that think they can, and quickly figure out they cannot.

 

xoxo

[PatrickGC 10792]

Meaghan's idiot neighbor really make me wonder about the male side of our species. What kind of selfish, top-down power based, world is this guy living in? My opinion on its is very prejudiced, but in various ways I have seen men doing incredibly judgmental 18th-century things when it comes to the stereotypes held by society and in this case that refers to sex workers.

 

Indeed this is not limited to the mainstream. I have dealt with disabled men who have acted with equal disrespect to sex workers. Being disabled you'd think they would know better, but no, the same old attitudes emerge. In this case the disabled client had arranged a date with a worker which was very involved. A fantasy date requiring a costume and a fair bit of preparation. Because I'm fairly vocal in the disabled community the client had approached me earlier to arrange something and that's how I was involved. Anyway after the sex worker had spent a fair bit of money and is the appointed date approached the client got cold feet. But rather than articulating that, he just would not answer his phone when she tried to confirm things.

 

This man had been disabled from birth with the same condition I have, Cerebral Palsy and he was sufficiently articulate and involved with disabled rights movements to the point where he understood about double standards and prejudice. When I finally spoke to him briefly on the phone he stated that he was no longer interested in pursuing the date. I asked him politely to call the worker back and tell her this if only to be courteous. This is not what he did, rather he enlisted a health-care attendant to call the worker back and threatened legal action. WTF!!! I was aghast and enraged. Still am to some point even though it's been many years since this happened. There was absolutely nothing her or I could do, even though the health-care attendant had broken every rule in the book regarding professional behavior etc.

 

There are times when I really wonder about how to uproot these bizarre behaviors. Although I have seen this occur on both sides of the sexes, this really does seem to be to be more openly prevalent with the male side of our species. Yet in closing I have also seen people come together to achieve great goals. But where in our culture are these bizarre standards rooted and how do we fix them? There is simply no excuse for the idiot neighbor or client anymore.

 

PatrickGC

[danjo 257]

My first visit with a provider was much like that described by empty83. I was quite nervous. My wife, a very wonderful, and beautiful person, was suffering in the throes of menopause at the time, and not very available. I didn't want to have an affair because I love her very much, and sex with her, when she is available, is great. However, I was in need, and turned to a provider. It was, without a doubt, one of the best sexual and intimate experiences I have ever had. She was the perfect therapist for the condition I was suffering at the time, and I wasn't ashamed at all, just thankful.

[Fresh start 17467]

My first visit with a provider was much like that described by empty83. I was quite nervous. My wife, a very wonderful, and beautiful person, was suffering in the throes of menopause at the time, and not very available. I didn't want to have an affair because I love her very much, and sex with her, when she is available, is great. However, I was in need, and turned to a provider. It was, without a doubt, one of the best sexual and intimate experiences I have ever had. She was the perfect therapist for the condition I was suffering at the time, and I wasn't ashamed at all, just thankful.

 

Now if only I can convince my insurance company that this is healing and no different than seeing a Rmt or other alternative healing specialist. Maybe they would cover it haha. Better yet if the government recognized it and became a tax write off lol. Think I'm dreaming too much.

[Tallguy007 4172]

I'm a bad liar. A very bad liar. Best I can seem to do is omit details.

 

Because of this, whatever I do I have to be ready to admit it. This means if my mom, kids, or an eventual girlfriend were to ask me, I'd have to answer the question.

 

It took me a while to take the first step (must have restarted that intro PM a dozen times). I had to convince myself that while this is frowned upon by the bible-thumping population, that I was doing no harm or even disrespect.

 

There was a lot of social conditioning to work through, which many of lurking members which haven't taken the jump yet are probably working through too. The "no shame" posts seem to predominately come from the more active members, those who have been around and have accepted who they are. I'm guessing that for each "no shame" post, there are at least a handful of those which do feel some shame. I invite them to take advantage of the cerb anonymity to share their views. It might end up being liberating.

[MsManda 25682]

I am definitely not ashamed of my choice to be an escort/companion.. If anything, I find it empowering. I took ownership for what I truly enjoy, exploring sexuality and pleasing people, and am spending my time and efforts into making my business out of it. I see this as one of my kinks, I just thank the universe that other people enjoy it too ;) Yes, I know its taboo, it blows my mind how porn, webcams and the like, as public and indiscreet as they are, are generally considered more acceptable than being a paid companion who noone would recognize, and conducts business behind closed doors. I wouldnt be comfortable exposed completely for all to watch, but remove the cameras and thats taboo? lol

Although I'm not about to announce my current career at a family dinner (I know most would never understand my choice, nor do I feel the need to justify it), I'm proud to be able to do what we do, I know its not for everyone, but it works for me, I enjoy it, and am not hurting anyone. If someone close to me wanted to start in the business, I wouldnt discourage them, but I would be completely honest of the pros and cons, risks etc, as it isnt a choice to make in haste. But done safely, and with the proper amount of care and consideration, I wouldnt have an issue with a friend/loved one trying it, they may truly enjoy it as much as I do ;)

[IamaGeek 3664]

I'm late in responding to this thread but I've just seen it so what the heck.

 

I would have to use Samantha's words:

"I'm not ashamed of what I do: I'm very self-protective. Some of the people who are most important to me would not understand my choices"

Unfortunately, this is a fact. I entered this world with my eyes open. After an initial period of secrecy I finally disclosed all to my wife. It is a very long story of how we came to that point but after a long and difficult discussion I know that she still clings to some of her prejudices about sex work and still disapproves. And while she is aware of my actions in general I am very careful to be discreet and protect her from any specific or detailed knowledge of what I do. I still care for her and have no desire to embarrass or hurt her.

 

She is representative of society in general. I would not disclose what I do to my employers because they would also disapprove and it might adversely affect my job. When it is prudent, I support sex work in discussions in my private life but I am very careful about the circumstances. It may irritate me, but trying to correct someone's mistaken attitudes about sex work might lead to me losing more than I can afford right now.

 

It isn't right but it is the way things are.