Observation on a long term relationship

[bcguy42 38594]

The recent passing of two of our member's fathers and the thread on "Do you believe in love" got me to thinking about a lot of things and I want to share something with you. It is a note I sent to my aunt on the day of her anniversary and her reply.

 

Dear #####,

 

This is one of those days where you reminisce about all the good time you had together (discreetly passing over those not-so-good moments that all couples who've had a long and full relationship together have every now and again) and survey that which you accomplished together.

 

Cue the Happy Dance.

 

Love,

*****

 

Hi *****,

 

Aren't you thoughtful! I doubted that anyone else would remember that this was our anniversary -- our 66th if Sam had still been with me. I did go out to the cemetery this morning which I don't do too often, so I had my remembrance that way. The day is beautiful and I thought about the fact that we probably would have been hiking in the past years. In fact, we hiked to our favorite lake on our 55th anniversary, the last time we made it up that rather steep 2 miles. As you say, that was one of the moments I do remember. I do dwell on the good times we had together and not the last few years when Alzheimer's took over.

 

Anyway, thank you so much for thinking of me. I hope all is well with you and the rest of the family and that you are enjoying a very nice start to summer, too.

 

Love,

 

#####

 

I think I would be a lucky man if someone thought that of me some 20 odd years from now.

[PhantomKnight 7914]

It's not often a story touches my heart like this. This one managed to force a tear down my cheek.

 

I can't even begin to imagine what it feels like to have your loved one pass away. As I read this I turn to kiss my SO on the forehead.

 

We may have our differences and problems but to lose someone like that seems like an impossible thing to move on with.

 

She's a very tough lady. It was good of you to send her that letter and share it with us.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

This is one of the important things about ANY relationship: FOCUS. If you focus all your time and attention on what's wrong, you'll never see what's right. If you focus on what's good and right, the negative things get smaller or fade away or at least become easier to handle.

 

I still think of everyone I've ever cared about. Some are gone, some have chosen to be gone and some I stepped away from but they all hold a piece of me and I wish them happiness. I think about their impact in my life every now and then and smile for the good.

[IamaGeek 3664]

Thanks to the OP for sharing his lovely story. The post and the responses have put me in mind of a blog entry I read this morning. It talks about how the people who we love and those who love us shape our identity. It tends towards considering the parent/child relationship but is applicable to anyone you love.

 

The TED talk at the bottom of the article is beautiful.

 

"I do not accept subtractive models of love, only additive ones."

 

http://www.brainpickings.org/index.php/2013/06/12/andrew-solomon-far-from-the-tree/

[Guest C**Tra****er]

Every relationship has it's ups and downs, trials and errors, good times and bad. Whenever I'm at a down turn with my SO, I remember talking on the phone with my Dad when shortly after we found out that my Mom wouldn't be winning her long cancer battle and her time was drawing shorter, with the doctors giving her about 2 months.... I remember my Dad crying on the phone and choking back tears when he said to me "it isn't enough time." At that point they'd been married about 43 years and been together about 45. I suppose that I never really understood just how much he loved her.

 

It actually brings tears to my eyes to type that, but it's a good memory and I'm happy to share with the community.

[Athos 108589]

There seem to have been a lot of really lovely reflective threads lately on love and relationships.

 

It gives one lots to think about.

 

For myself, I do positively believe that it is possible to love more than one person, and that there is nothing more beautiful and cherished than a long term relationship that lasts a long, long time. I don't believe that seeing service providers, or even necessarily having an affair, always or fundamentally endangers a long term and loving primary relationship. I've felt, over time, that my partner and i have been both very close, and drifted very far apart. As I've suggested in the heartbroken thread, we've recently reopened our lines of communication, and started talking about how we've "lost each other".

 

I realize that I've looked to others to fill a hole in my life, and sometimes, when those others are gone, it feels (mistakenly) like they have left a hole. That hole was already there. And i realize that only one person in my life really fills it. I wish I'd figured this out earlier, but I'm glad I understand it now.

 

So, while on this board we often pay tribute and homage to the wonderful ladies that enrich us so much, sometimes we shouldn't forget the other women that also share our lives. I realize that I may only be speaking to those of us with SOs. And I also realize that there will be many relationships out there that are not loving, and which likely will end. But for those of us with devoted and wonderful partners in our lives, take a moment to think about where you want to be in 20 years.

 

I'd love to be hiking up that hill to a beautiful lake with my love.

 

Porthos