Should we be defined

[CristyCurves 169032]

I had a rather deep conversation with a friend and it got me thinking about what really matters, what should matter and why. When we exchange opinions, comments and simple statements. Should a compliment matter, should I/we be flattered, should I/we feel bad when someone criticizes or condemns me/you, should any of us care when someone gives an opinion, should it affect us? I mean in the grand scheme of things, people dying of disease, with all the environmental issues at hand, crime, day to day issues, should any of us really put any credence into what's said about us. Perhaps actions are more important and defining? I mean if someone on cerb thinks I'm/or you are a wonderful cocksucker, sexy or "worth my/your rate", "worth seeing" should I/you care or be complimented or when I or you help a person up from a fall, perhaps out of a financial crisis, or do them a favor, shouldn't these things be more defining, matter more, or are they all irrelevant? Or should what we think of ourselves be the only thing that defines us, if anything at all. I guess I'm wondering how or when do you know if you I/he or she is a good person, bad person, worthy person and, who if anyone should determine that?

[Guest webothscore]

I think every variable matters. It all defines you as a person. Fine, don't sweat the small stuff they say, but ultimately, most of what you mentiond matters. Why? Two majors reasons. How you are perceived by others affects your life. Secondly, it's nice to sleep tight at the end of the day knowing you tried your best in all aspects of the day. Hope you are enjoying your evening.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I think every variable matters. It all defines you as a person. Fine, don't sweat the small stuff they say, but ultimately, most of what you mentiond matters. Why? Two majors reasons. How you are perceived by others affects your life. Secondly, it's nice to sleep tight at the end of the day knowing you tried your best in all aspects of the day. Hope you are enjoying your evening.

 

 

Interesting and thank you for your reply. I believe none of it matters as inevitably what we think of ourselves determines how we live our lives and treat others. Love yourself and you'll be open to love others. Can what others say and do affect these feelings, yes, maybe, sometimes, but in the end I believe the only opinion that matters is the one you have of yourself:) My evening was stupendously wonderful:), thanks

[Tsukiyo_Chevalier 3242]

there will always be people that want to tells us who we are or what we should be. in the end the kind of person you are, will always be defined by you. But most people look at what a person is on the outside by there job or how that look or even but there own personal biases by grouping you in with others, and they will over look who you really are on the inside. it has happened to me on more then one time because i like to stand out from the crowd.

a truly good or bad person is subjective as long as you make what you think are the right choices that is all that matters.

 

Have a great day and talk more later.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

The only thing that really matters is how you view yourself. This is not to say that if you're blind to your own faults that's a good thing but you can be happy AND blissfully ignorant of what's around and in you.

 

Honestly though, most of us have some shadows inside to some degree and when things get said or done, those things can impact how we feel about ourselves. This is where personal work comes into play to figure out why we react that way and to heal the shadow.

 

We generally value the opinion of those closest to us and accept constructive criticism given in the right light. While we value them, they are their own person so it's more our opinion of ourselves and how things feel to us that is the important aspect.

[Guest]

[CristyCurves 169032]

 

Thank you Peachy so thoughtful and so appropriate, you are always so thoughtful and kind, cerb is lucky to have you. :)

[roamingguy 300292]

I had a rather deep conversation with a friend and it got me thinking about what really matters, what should matter and why. When we exchange opinions, comments and simple statements. Should a compliment matter, should I/we be flattered, should I/we feel bad when someone criticizes or condemns me/you, should any of us care when someone gives an opinion, should it affect us? I mean in the grand scheme of things, people dying of disease, with all the environmental issues at hand, crime, day to day issues, should any of us really put any credence into what's said about us. Perhaps actions are more important and defining? I mean if someone on cerb thinks I'm/or you are a wonderful cocksucker, sexy or "worth my/your rate", "worth seeing" should I/you care or be complimented or when I or you help a person up from a fall, perhaps out of a financial crisis, or do them a favor, shouldn't these things be more defining, matter more, or are they all irrelevant? Or should what we think of ourselves be the only thing that defines us, if anything at all. I guess I'm wondering how or when do you know if you I/he or she is a good person, bad person, worthy person and, who if anyone should determine that?

 

Maybe in the grand scheme of things, in this huge thing called a universe, where we probably are alive for a nano microsecond a compliment doesn't matter.

But and just my opinion, first and foremost we have to remember we are all people interacting with one another and how we treat one another in life does

matter. A compliment, whether it is on how you dress, the advice you have given or so on provides both positive feedback and makes you feel good. Criticism, if done to help is good, if done to bash, bad. Example, telling a person going to a funeral that a red shirt and white slacks is inappropriate clothing to wear, that is positive criticism. Telling a person it is wrong to wear jeans and a t shirt for day to day wear because the criticiser believes in always wearing suit and tie, that is negative criticism. (sorry, best examples I could come up with). You use the example of (I'm paraphrasing) you are wonderful at giving a bj. On the surface it may seem you are complimented on providing a sexual service. And the man may not articulate it well or at all but at a deeper level, it can mean "you provided me with pleasure, happiness and an escape for a few hours" Maybe he is in a non intimate marriage, or single unattached. Now this doesn't apply for everyone I'll grant, but I'm sure for some gentlemen myself included, the intimacy you ladies provide does matter, and provides some pleasure and happiness in our lives.

Yes people are dying of disease. But how their life was, when they were alive, that is what is important. Part of that is did they receive positive feedback/compliments and give positive feedback/compliments when alive or was their life just giving and receiving criticism. There is more to life than being alive. There is also living. And part of living is how we think and interact with others and others think and interact with us. If none of that matters, by extension then, and just my opinion, does the human race matter? And as the saying goes, no man (or woman) is an island. So yes, compliments and statements, they do matter

Some convoluted long winded ramblings

RG

[piano8950 32577]

After 9/11, I was defined by many. Words that people used for me included, but not limited to terrorist, sand-nigger, muslim (said with as much vile repulsion as if they were to call me a nazi), bin laden, etc.

 

I was a teenager at the time, and if I was labelled in a social setting, I'd joke around with it. I embraced it, thinking that if I fought it, people would think I'm being a downer. Even the girl I was with at the time, who is Caucasian would joke about it.

 

During the 2008 election, and after Obama won, I started to notice that at least in the American media, people like me are pretty hated. And while I bear no resemblance to the people who flew those planes into buildings except for the colour of my skin, and the name of the religion I follow, I started feeling that no matter how much I tried to play it off as a joke, or an insult from a fringe part of society, it just wasn't working.

 

I did a 180, and rejected any jokes on the topic. I may not be able to control insults hurled my way, but I can change the way I allow the people around me to act on the topic. I am probably one of the more polite people you'll come across, I do not like fights, I try my best to help others even if it inconveniences me, and I have never in my life shown any violent inclination. So I deserve better than to be defined as a monster.

 

I've learned that in this regard, only a few things get to define who I am. My family, my closest friends, and most importantly, myself.

[toklat77 4616]

"No man is an island" and to update that quote for the 21st century, "No one is an island." Every human on this planet needs attention, respect and love and getting compliments helps to boost your self-esteem and feeling of self worth. I wouldn't worry if you feel if they are genuine or fake, the bottom line is how do they make you feel? If they bring a smile to your lips then that is almost as good as a kiss and everyone needs kissing especially the lovely ladies on Cerb!

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I've had conversations with other people about this a few times in my life. I find when you're young, you're told by your parents to do this or that, to be this or that and you want to gain their approval so you do it. We all have.

 

However, I found as a person gains more life experience and really begins to know who they are as a person themselves and not through compliments, insults or approval or praise from others, it is only then that we know who we really are from a state of loving ourselves and most importantly self acceptance.

 

I've been called "bad" for being an SP from a closed minded individual. Ten years ago this type of comment would have bothered me but now being at the age that I am and knowing who I am, I would let this comment roll off my back because *I* know who I am. My job doesn't define who I am. It is your actions and character that define and shapes who you are as a person. And these qualities can be based upon qualities you've created yourself or perhaps influenced by others.

 

Some people may believe that my decision to become an SP was a bad one and therefore I'm "bad" but that is not such a black and white example and many people fear what they don't understand or something that is not considered acceptable by society's standards.

 

While I do value other people's opinions, compliments and insight, I am okay with who I am and that's all that matters. I have my faults and am by no means perfect but I know I'm a good person. If I wear something tomorrow that was in fashion last year but not so much this year, do I really care what someone else says? No. How is their opinion going to benefit me?

 

We all want to be accepted and approved by others but as one grows older, this becomes very trivial and you realize you have to do what's best for you. Not what others want you to be. Once you know that, life becomes much easier. :)

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Actions always speak louder than words, and always should!

 

As for the rest, I always consider the source when dealing with an opinion, criticism or compliment and ask myself "Is this sincere or are there ulterior motives at play"? That helps me when deciding whether someone's comment toward me is valid. Although with compliments I usually just smile, say "thanks" and put it behind me.

[JuliasUndies 7288]

I am one of 7 billion people. 7 billion minds and 7 billion opinions. And none of what they think are any of my business.

:)

[cat 262460]

In my early 20's, a very wise man taught me the proper response to unsolicited input was "Your opinion of me is none of my business" and I have lived by it ever since and even when I don't say it out loud, I think it loud and clear. If I were a tattoo lover, it would be displayed in bold letters across my shoulders as it has served me well beyond my expectations. From this mantra flowed a new awareness of how I formed opinions of others that I challenge myself with to this day. I work daily at remembering that other peoples actions are not necessarily taken with direct thought as to how they affect me and often it isn't personal but is simply the suchness of life and making a judgement about it on my part is unnecessary.

 

I explain often to people that I believe the brain is an organ designed to do a job. It thinks, like a heart pumps blood or lungs extract oxygen and to always be aware that your thoughts are not who you are. Our brains are spectacular computers that if properly controlled can change our worlds in an instant but most people choose to believe that their thoughts are a tangible reality when in fact thoughts are simply energy flowing thru well developed circuits and we need to remember that judgements, opinions and beliefs are all an illusion and transient by nature because more often than not they were developed by our brain with only self in mind and without awareness or direction. By not defining ourselves or others we allow the opportunity for authentic interaction to take place and everyone benefits from it.

 

When I ask someone "Tell me about yourself, who are you?", it is telling to me when they answer with content answers like their age, job, where they live or whatever it is they believe makes them who they are. I always know I've found a true kindred spirit when they respond with answers that are not content based and they see that who we are is really unknowable as it's an ever evolving process...

 

cat

 

p.s. These words are babbling before coffee. Next time I'll have the coffee first!

[CristyCurves 169032]

In my early 20's, a very wise man taught me the proper response to unsolicited input was "Your opinion of me is none of my business" and I have lived by it ever since and even when I don't say it out loud, I think it loud and clear. If I were a tattoo lover, it would be displayed in bold letters across my shoulders as it has served me well beyond my expectations. From this mantra flowed a new awareness of how I formed opinions of others that I challenge myself with to this day. I work daily at remembering that other peoples actions are not necessarily taken with direct thought as to how they affect me and often it isn't personal but is simply the suchness of life and making a judgement about it on my part is unnecessary.

 

I explain often to people that I believe the brain is an organ designed to do a job. It thinks, like a heart pumps blood or lungs extract oxygen and to always be aware that your thoughts are not who you are. Our brains are spectacular computers that if properly controlled can change our worlds in an instant but most people choose to believe that their thoughts are a tangible reality when in fact thoughts are simply energy flowing thru well developed circuits and we need to remember that judgements, opinions and beliefs are all an illusion and transient by nature because more often than not they were developed by our brain with only self in mind and without awareness or direction. By not defining ourselves or others we allow the opportunity for authentic interaction to take place and everyone benefits from it.

 

When I ask someone "Tell me about yourself, who are you?", it is telling to me when they answer with content answers like their age, job, where they live or whatever it is they believe makes them who they are. I always know I've found a true kindred spirit when they respond with answers that are not content based and they see that who we are is really unknowable as it's an ever evolving process...

 

cat

 

p.s. These words are babbling before coffee. Next time I'll have the coffee first!

 

 

How humble you are Madame Cat, if these are just babblings I can't imagine a truly thought out comment from you. As usual you put things into perspective and, in a way that only you could. You are wise beyond the wisest and deserving of the highest compliments when you post, how lucky are those who are near and dear to you:)