If women are...

[jafo105 39057]

If women are just as horny as men, Why is it so hard to get laid?

 

:hump:

[Sweet Emily J 172062]

1)Many women just are not as horny as men.

 

2)Most of those who are, are not comfortable with their sexuality and don't express it freely for fear of being attacked and ostracized for being a "slut" and being undisciplined. And I do believe that #1 is an indirect psychological result of #2.

 

Society is a judgemental c---.

 

The brave few don't give a crap about them, and live their lives on their own terms.

 

And BTW, as long as your not a douchebag, it's fairly easy to get laid on CERB. ;)

[piano8950 32577]

Boo slut shaming

[Guest M*****le*****c-H***s (Reti]

I think that women are More Sexual than men. The problem with 'getting laid' as you call it, is that women tend to be more emotionally involved in a sexual relationship than men are. Women like relationships. They like to get to know the man they are having sex with. This takes time, and friendship-building. Some men don't know how to be friends with women. Nowadays, I am afraid that men get their sex education from porn: bad idea. Porn is not about what women like - it's about what men like. Men and women are very different, but do not despair, because that is just the spice of it. Because we Are different, it is wonderful to take the time to get to know one another, personality-wise as well as sexually and emotionally. And finally, as human beings are very diverse, it can be difficult to find someone with which you have that mutual attraction, the spark, the chemistry. Just a few ideas. Can you tell us, what is it you are doing to try to find a sexual partner? Maybe we can help. Or at least, we can commiserate; I too am finding it very hard to find someone to have sex with. You are far from alone, in that respect.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I'm surprised that a man would find it hard to get laid as I know a lot of horny women, lol. In my circle most of the women frown upon my lifestyle, they don't approve of escorting:( They do love to talk about and enjoy sex though. Some of my friends are coupled and I always find the male counterparts less likely to talk about and be open about sex. Women imo at least verbally are far more sexual and appear as they'd be easy to "lay" but a man would have to do the pursuing. I as well as some of my female friends would never approach-or pick up a man, we feel that's the mans job. I personally, when out, would prefer if that's all a man wanted from me, would just come out and ask me. I think I may be more male like as I don't require the emotional attachment, perhaps that's why I'm well suited for escorting, but I am a bit different than most:)

[Guest B**na***oy]

1)Many women just are not as horny as men.

 

2)Most of those who are, are not comfortable with their sexuality and don't express it freely for fear of being attacked and ostracized for being a "slut" and being undisciplined. And I do believe that #1 is an indirect psychological result of #2.

 

Society is a judgemental c---.

 

The brave few don't give a crap about them, and live their lives on their own terms.

 

And BTW, as long as your not a douchebag, it's fairly easy to get laid on CERB. ;)

 

As per her usual self, Emily J nails it. Thanks sweet Emily, you rock.

[jafo105 39057]

1)Many women just are not as horny as men.

 

2)Most of those who are, are not comfortable with their sexuality and don't express it freely for fear of being attacked and ostracized for being a "slut" and being undisciplined. And I do believe that #1 is an indirect psychological result of #2.

 

Society is a judgemental c---.

 

The brave few don't give a crap about them, and live their lives on their own terms.

 

And BTW, as long as your not a douchebag, it's fairly easy to get laid on CERB. ;)

 

I'm surprised that a man would find it hard to get laid as I know a lot of horny women, lol. In my circle most of the women frown upon my lifestyle, they don't approve of escorting:( They do love to talk about and enjoy sex though. Some of my friends are coupled and I always find the male counterparts less likely to talk about and be open about sex. Women imo at least verbally are far more sexual and appear as they'd be easy to "lay" but a man would have to do the pursuing. I as well as some of my female friends would never approach-or pick up a man, we feel that's the mans job. I personally, when out, would prefer if that's all a man wanted from me, would just come out and ask me. I think I may be more male like as I don't require the emotional attachment, perhaps that's why I'm well suited for escorting, but I am a bit different than most:)

 

Thank you for your responses Emily and Cristy. Always welcomed and appreciated.

 

Yes, thank heavens for Cerb ladies. If it was not for them, my chances of getting laid or experiences the pleasure of a woman's company. Would be zero.

 

The only girlfriends I have had in life have been women who approached me. That has been very few and far between. Those relationships never lasted more than a few months.

 

I do not believe I was a douche-bag (or other derogatory term). As the ladies and I remained good friends for many years after.

 

I have Adult Asperger's. This is an Autism spectrum disorder. (No not like the rain man.)

 

I look and act like everyone else. But I have trouble navigating social situations and making and keeping friends. Over the years I have trained myself to "fit in". But it is very draining emotionally and psychologically. Which often leads to major depression.

 

I just realized that I have hijacked my own post/thread. So I will stop here.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I think it's just because women (at least the women I know), tend to be a bit pickier.

 

I can't count how many times I've heard guys at a bar/party say something horrible along the lines of 'any port in a storm', as in, they'll fuck anyone willing. Women, even girls I know who are dying to get laid, will turn down man after man if she doesn't find him attractive.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Thank you for your responses Emily and Cristy. Always welcomed and appreciated.

 

Yes, thank heavens for Cerb ladies. If it was not for them, my chances of getting laid or experiences the pleasure of a woman's company. Would be zero.

 

The only girlfriends I have had in life have been women who approached me. That has been very few and far between. Those relationships never lasted more than a few months.

 

I do not believe I was a douche-bag (or other derogatory term). As the ladies and I remained good friends for many years after.

 

I have Adult Asperger's. This is an Autism spectrum disorder. (No not like the rain man.)

 

I look and act like everyone else. But I have trouble navigating social situations and making and keeping friends. Over the years I have trained myself to "fit in". But it is very draining emotionally and psychologically. Which often leads to major depression.

 

I just realized that I have hijacked my own post/thread. So I will stop here.

 

Big hugs to you, unfortunately not everyone is sensitive and willing to be open to making new friends. Especially as we get older. But fear not you are in good hands here, and I speak from my heart when I say I care about your well being and happiness. I also appreciate your openness and thank you for sharing. :)

[futileresistenz 28253]

Contrary to widespread opinion, not all males will want to fuck anything on two legs. Some of us can exert control over our reptilian brain's unbounded desires. A lot of what one hears about others can just be hyped machismo, and the ad industry and the MSM are not the least to blame here for these biases. Society at large believes these stereotypes we are fed, and it is hard to put them to rest.

 

We guys, too, at least some large minority, are picky and have needs other than just immediate release in any available receptacle. We want to feel appreciated, attractive, lovable, trusted and understood by the other, and yes, in some sense strong and virile. We have emotional needs, just like women, but keep them closed off and unavailable to remedy. We'd like to experience the same pleasures that, for the most part, women also do.

 

So why does this perception that it's hard to get laid, even if you're not a jerk, persist? If someone's having sex, there has to be another body present to tango with.

 

Just some mental meanderings that I hope will stir more discussion.

FR

 

Additional Comments:

I hope that made some sense. I resisted over-thinking this and editing it to death. :)

[MightyPen 67414]

Contrary to widespread opinion, not all males will want to fuck anything on two legs.

Thanks for posting that. I agree; "men are just all about sex" is the equivalent of "women are just all about babies", and neither one is always true.

 

That said, each is a pervasive idea in our culture and we see examples of people who match that expected behaviour all the time. So when you're in your teens or twenties and trying to plumb the mysteries of the opposite gender (and even ourselves), they're easy placeholders to start with -- but should be replaced with something more nuanced the more we learn and experience.

 

As for the original "why is getting laid hard" ... that's a complex one. A good starting point is: sex isn't always simple. Sometimes it's quite complicated, and sex with the wrong person can lead to drama, or worse. So lots of people, especially as we get older and some of the mystery and driving urge for immediate sex dissipates, tend to choose partners carefully. Prospective partners want you to be reasonably attractive, seem generally capable and to have a handle on stuff, and promise a positive experience that's worth the investment and risk. Everyone's got their own way of measuring those things, and their own set of priorities in that calculation (and this can be different at various times for the same person).

 

This has long been a deeply interesting subject for me: what is sex to each of us? What do we think it means to have sex, or not to, and with whom? Why exactly is it important to us, and what parts of us respond to the idea and to the the act of sex? Why do we respond to particular people or things? The variety is enormous. But I could go on for pages and pages.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

Contrary to widespread opinion, not all males will want to fuck anything on two legs.

 

I hope I didn't offend with my post, I most definitely didn't mean my comments were about ALL men. And not all women. I would never, ever, dare to try and speak on behalf of an entire gender. I have, in my lifetime, seen a lot of guys though, go home with anyone willing, and have seen many girls turn down guys even though I know they're horny as hell. But that in no way means it applies to all men, and it wasn't my intention to imply that. Perhaps it's because, as a woman, those women have shared with me what's going on, and all I see from the men is the projected machismo. Or perhaps it's that the guys I hang out with in my personal life are mostly jerks, and that's definitely possible, lol.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

To be perfectly honest, my sex drive soared in my mid to late thirties :). Prior to that it existed but not with near as much fervor. Like a great wine, better with age!

[roamingguy 300292]

Just some off the cuff ramblings. I really don't think there are hard and fast rules about men versus women and sex. I've known some guys who could and would have random sex with any women just for the moment of pleasure it gave them, even though they may be married and risk everything. Likewise I've known a few women who risk their marriage and family for random sexual encounters, just for the moment of pleasure it gave them. And then there are married men and women I know that wouldn't ever think of having affairs.

Likewise, a lot of sexual activity is also dependant on maturity. I'm sure when one is younger and less mature (meaning less likely to consider the consequences) he/she is more likely to have casual sex acting on his/her sex drive than when he/she gets older and more mature and can possibly foresee the consequences of casual sexual activity.

There are also generalizations about sex that I don't believe hold true. One generalization is that men can have sex but don't want strings. But how many threads have we read here about men wanting to date and develop relationships with an SP they are seeing? Or that seeing a professional companion is just about sex. Speaking for myself, seeing a professional companion is about companionship, and sex plays just a part of an encounter, but isn't the sole reason for the encounter.

Like I said, just some off the cuff ramblings. Men and women shouldn't be judged or generalized by their sex or age. They should be judged if you will individually, by how they behave and treat others

RG

[jafo105 39057]

Can you tell us, what is it you are doing to try to find a sexual partner? Maybe we can help. Or at least, we can commiserate; I too am finding it very hard to find someone to have sex with. You are far from alone, in that respect.

 

I have tried dating web sites to try and meet women. As well as church groups for singles.

 

Sex is the farthest thing from my mind when I am trying to get to know a woman. But if I have not gotten a hug and a kiss by the fifth date. I assume that she is not really interested.

 

With the asperger's, I am oblivious to any body language cues she may be sending out.

[Athos 108589]

I'm surprised there would be a 5th date is there wasn't some interest. If non-verbal cues are a problem, maybe you need to explain a bit more about your situation. She may be sitting there wondering when you'll make a move.

 

Porthos

[jafo105 39057]

I'm surprised there would be a 5th date is there wasn't some interest. If non-verbal cues are a problem, maybe you need to explain a bit more about your situation. She may be sitting there wondering when you'll make a move.

 

Porthos

 

That was before. I was diagnosed with Asperger's which was about 4 years ago. My response was, "So that is my major dysfunction". (Rye grin) Then anger. For not being aware of what my problem was for the last 42 years of my life... Then the doctors in their infamous wisdom decided to put me on early retirement. I felt ashamed, worthless.

 

I gave up on dating since I had a dry spell for about 10 years.

 

Out of desperation for affection I turned to escorts. I had a regular escort for three years, until last spring. when she retired.

[Athos 108589]

That was before. I was diagnosed with Asperger's which was about 4 years ago. My response was, "So that is my major dysfunction". (Rye grin) Then anger. For not being aware of what my problem was for the last 42 years of my life... Then the doctors in their infamous wisdom decided to put me on early retirement. I felt ashamed, worthless.

 

I gave up on dating since I had a dry spell for about 10 years.

 

Out of desperation for affection I turned to escorts. I had a regular escort for three years, until last spring. when she retired.

 

I really feel for your situation. While it may sound corny, I actually know several people who met life partners through on-line sites like e-harmony. That includes a 70 year old man who was lonely after his wife passed away.

 

Now that you better understand your situation, you should continue to try to find what you are looking for. Don't put too much pressure on yourself, never feel ashamed or worthless.

[Brad 49548]

One thing that makes these kinds of discussions tricky is that it is impossible to separate what may be physiological differences between the sexes (if there are any) vs. socialized differences, the later of which is something Emily and Cleo Catra have touched on.

 

Yes, of course each person is different and one can't stereotype an entire gender. But like it or not everyone is in one way or another influenced by the culture they grow up in. Sometimes it's subtle and we can't always be aware of where or how we've been shaped. I mean, just look at the recent article Cleo Patra shared in another thread about how people tend to talk to children:

http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=140617&highlight=children

 

In any event all you have to do is look at different countries and different time periods to see what a vastly different array of views various groups have held towards sex, and how those views have influenced the people in that society. Yes, individuals within a given group will vary, but you can still spot trends.

 

Our own society for a long time has generally said--sometimes explicitly and sometimes subtly--that men are expected to go after sex and that it is ok and natural for them to do so. On the other hand, how many messages are there out there telling woman that casual sex makes them something lessor or that it's shameful, that their bodies are to be protected? Hell, how many songs and jokes in movies are there about fathers protecting their daughters from boys? (While at the same time encouraging their sons when they make a "conquest".)

 

Can anyone really say that all of this isn't going to have--overall--an effect on the expectations and views woman and men have regarding sex?

 

I would think there's also a safety factor involved. I mean, if you look on any sex dating site you'll find a hundred men for each woman. But overall I suspect the man who meets someone online for anonymous sex is generally putting themselves at less risk than a woman.

 

All that said, I'd like to end with the observation that we also have to remember we're so much more than just our gender. Our age, ethnicity, class, family, experience, and I'm sure a hundred other things all combine to make up who we are (and who society says we should be).

[Guest ChantalSummers]

My heart absolutely goes out to you, Jafo. I can deeply understand how this can be frustrating and hard for you. Many people I speak to get lucky when they least expect it. Ultimately though to get the best results you need to make a lady feel special. Flattery and charm help. In a society where women are judged differently than men, it can also be harder for a woman to open up. Many also expect the man to make the first move. Many have trust issues. Illustrate that you're harmless and have something special to offer. When body language is hard to read try telling her how you feel. Take her hand and tell her she's beautiful and a lovely person.