On the topic of recommendations

[Guest]

While I can see how you feel that way, probably because you are thoughtful, quite frankly you need not give it a bit of sadness as you state. If those feeling less special cannot wrap their heads around this being a service, it is them that should give it a second thought, not you. I feel odd writing this as almost every one of my posts to date have dealt with humour, but really, I think many logical thinkers out there feel this way. Anyway, we will see.

[someguy 67067]

Great topic.

 

I enjoy reading recommendations, and enjoy reading about other members adventures with the SP/MA. This gives me more confidence in choosing a SP/MA for a date when I know that she is safe and provides great service.

I also enjoy writing recommendations as this acts like a diary for me of who I met and how much fun I had with them. I tend to write long descriptive, sometimes humorous recommendations, which I hope people like to read.

And I have had pm's from members thanking me for the recommendations I wrote and also for more information about the SP/MA in question. I like to write recommendations for great sessions, as this will also help spread the word about the great service that the SP/MA provides. The girls seem to appreciate my recommendations as much as I enjoy writing them.

[Guest realnicehat]

Hi Nathalie,

 

I have to admit, I am equally confused by this idea.

 

The idea of exclusivity to me, even as a fantasy, seems dangerous as exclusivity tends to breed deeper feelings of attachment.

 

I enjoy reviews. They, along with posts by the ladies themselves, are very useful in helping me choose who I see.

 

The best experiences I have had are ones in which we are both totally in the moment. It is those connections that make it special and who she sees outside of our time together has no bearing on

 

I would be wary of anyone who needs to pretend that you are something other than what you are in order to enjoy the experience.

 

It is late and I am tired, I really hope this makes sense when I read it in the morning.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I look at reco's as what they are an opinion, so I don't put to much value on them. I'm appreciative of those who take the time to write one but I'm happy with or without them:) I do seem to meet a lot of men who are uncomfortable with the process. A lot feel its not discreet, they prefer to keep who they meet with and what they do with them private and then there are those who fear being found out if they post a lot. I try to explain that this is a very discreet site but in the end we all have to do what we are comfortable with:)

[Guest S****r]

Nathalie, I totally get what you are saying, and I feel and think the same way you do. Thank you for articulating it so well.

[Fresh start 17467]

I do read some rec's but not all, well cause some have just way too many to read. There are two reasons I read the rec's, the first being it may provide a bit of information on the ladies personality, or just a few tidbit about the lady. I like to try and get to know them a little first. The other reason it just gives a reinsurance that the lady is real.

I don't put value to the rec's as a deciding factor cause I know each client is different. I know I'm very different maybe even weird to some, but that's who I am so a great lady tailors her approach or how they treat their client, so its impossible to say that each encounter are the same. If they don't do this and each person and encounter were the same, were would the fun of that be. Might as well just get a blow up doll, cause to me that connection is what bring it to life.

When I write a rec I try to write what I see in the lady. I find qualities, that I try to highlight. Everybody like a nice compliment now and then. Also gives a chance to others to see what a wonderful person I perceived them to be.

Everybody should know and understand that they are not their only client and if they were why would they be on this site?

[Secret-Silhouettes 3385]

We Encourage Our Valued Clients To Give Reviews & Recommendations Whether It Be Good Or Bad As It Gives Us The Chance To Buckle Up And Improve On Our weaknesses.

Like Wise I Concur With The OP that sometimes Clients May (I am not implying that they always do) may read the Recommendations and feel that it intrudes on the intimate fantasy which they may have for that particular Service Provider whilst others may feel excited about the review and provides more passion and a need to book the recommended service provider.

[Nathalie L 112512]

Thanks for you input so far. It's great to read that for those who have posted so far, reading recommendations doesn't ruin the fantasy or cause sadness/jealously/insecurity.

 

I guess I just don't really know what to say when people bring up the topic of my recommendations. For example, when a client tells me they don't like reading my recommendations because it reminds them that I'm an escort, or it reminds them that I also host other guests... what am I supposed to say? What should I say?

 

I try and explain what I mentioned in the original post, but I don't want to ruin the experience for them either. It's a terribly awkward situation. Is part of the GFE a maintenance of the fantasy of exclusivity? That seems impossible to me and would involve blatant lying which seems really unethical.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Hi Nathalie,

 

Very thoughtful post from a very thoughtful person. I don't write recommendations of the ladies I visit and I haven't really considered why. Some reasons could be that it's not my nature to talk about or discuss this with others, even on here with admittedly likeminded people. It still has a sense of taboo to me. Not the act, just the talking about it. I have agreed though with some rec's by posting one liners like "she was memorable" or " call her, you won't be disappointed".

I do read rec's occasionally but mostly I read an SP's posts and look at their pictures to make my decisions about who to visit.

 

This business is built on fantasies like GFE and PSE and more, so I understand why someone would want to maintain some sort of illusion of exclusivity. It's an evolutionary virtue to be able to kid ourselves. Nothing wrong with that in these situations and it shouldn't be of concern. Just as each of your connections with clients is different, each of your clients expectations are different too. Vive la difference!

[mrgreen760 37785]

I admit that early on I found it difficult to read reco's for someone I'd seen and repeated with. To perhaps deal with my own guilt and insecurities I strove to be a "different" type of client and by doing so I hoped I would be viewed differently. Reading others reco's intimidated me in that not only did it point out that wasn't special or different but also made me feel that my performance wasn't up to snuff as it were. After getting emotionally burned a time or two I came to be able to put the game into perspective because a very well regarded SP unwittingly crystallized it for me. Time was never an issue with us and after conversations were wide ranging and one time she asked me why I wasn't a f/s player, my response was that I was intimidated by what I read of these studs whose performances seemed to set a standard I'd never achieve and I didn't want to disappoint anyone. She smiled and said don't believe everything you read. Other chats helped me understand that I wasn't (my words here "different") and was pretty much like a lot of other clients and her job was to make me feel special or as she put it I'm a prostitute and you pay for that.

 

It's much easier for me to read reviews and reco's now without feeling jealous or insecure. I do think more than me have struggled with this issue and it was good thing to resolve for my own peace of mind.

 

Peace

MG

[xxxAxxx 21016]

Thanks for you input so far. It's great to read that for those who have posted so far, reading recommendations doesn't ruin the fantasy or cause sadness/jealously/insecurity.

 

I guess I just don't really know what to say when people bring up the topic of my recommendations. For example, when someone tells me they don't like reading my recommendations because it reminds them that I'm an escort, or it reminds them that I also host other guests... what am I supposed to say? What should I say?

 

I try and explain what I mentioned in the original post, but I don't want to ruin the experience for them either. It's a terribly awkward situation. Is part of the GFE a maintenance of the fantasy of exclusivity? That seems impossible to me and would involve blatant lying which seems really unethical.

 

I know this is going to sound rude because my straightforwardness always sounds rude in text ( as opposed to in person where you would see me smiling and hear the sarcasm in my voice that is often missed in written word ) ...

...anyhoo here goes:

 

Tell that guy to stay away from the reco section of cerb.

There's lots going on in Genereal discussion area...

He should also stay away from threads asking for recommendations I suppose.

 

Does he expect you to not allow reco's?

Sorry, I thought he was a client, not a BF....then again, no BF of mine ever dictates what I do either, so...

It is not your fault or problem that he cannot cope with his reality, that of course being that he pays for a service and other people do too.

 

"Oh you don't like reading reco's of me? DON'T READ EM! kthnxbye"

[Wolf Knight 29667]

As a newbie I did read reco's in an effort to try to find a lady or ladies that I felt suited the type of experience that I was looking for in an encounter. So as a newbie I found them useful. Now that I have more experience with encounters as well as direct interaction with ladies here on Cerb I don't tend to rely on them much myself. However I do appreciate their value to those seeking validation that a lady is indeed a good choice for them. Therefore, I choose to write recommendations.

 

Right now, I'm actually a little behind on my reco's but I do write them for every lady that has provided me with a wonderful experience. Everyone desires something different out of an encounter and if, as in OP's original post the client likes to maintain the fantasy that there is just one man and one woman then that's what they desire from their experience. It's not wrong it's just the fantasy they like to maintain. As has been stated, stay away from the reco's.

 

Personally, every lady that I have met, I have had a wonderful time with and have come to respect very much. Out of my respect for her is born my wish that she be very successful in all her endeavours personal and professional. Her professional life (in this business) funds aspects of her personal life that she enjoys. Just as I want to help newbies feel comfortable in their choice of lady for their experience I want her to have clients who desire her specific particular qualities. When those two factors are in line it results in a positive experience for both parties. For me knowing that I might play some small part in the lady being financially successful while having positive client experiences makes me feel good.

 

I'm a realist, I know that she professionally sees a number of clients however, I'm quite confident that none of her other clients are exactly like me. Therefore the encounter that I provide FOR HER is actually unique and one of a kind. She appreciates her time with me differently than she appreciates her time with her other clients. This can be a mentally grueling industry for a lady at times and if there is anything small thing that I can do to show my appreciation and make the lives of the ladies I have known better in any way I'll do it.

 

I write Reco's, and I will continue to do so for the above reasons.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Thanks for you input so far. It's great to read that for those who have posted so far, reading recommendations doesn't ruin the fantasy or cause sadness/jealously/insecurity.

 

I guess I just don't really know what to say when people bring up the topic of my recommendations. For example, when someone tells me they don't like reading my recommendations because it reminds them that I'm an escort, or it reminds them that I also host other guests... what am I supposed to say? What should I say?

 

I try and explain what I mentioned in the original post, but I don't want to ruin the experience for them either. It's a terribly awkward situation. Is part of the GFE a maintenance of the fantasy of exclusivity? That seems impossible to me and would involve blatant lying which seems really unethical.

Nathalie I think this is a worry you are burdening yourself with unnecessarily. I find it surprising that anyone who would decide to meet with a provider would think they would be her only client, a bit unrealistic and I think its a bit silly for someone to say they don't like reading your reco's because it tells them you see others. Simply tell them not to.Why would someone read something anyways that they don't like? All you are responsible for giving is the type of encounter you are comfortable with and, in that experience its between you and him/her and its not their business who else you meet with. Gfe has nothing to do with exclusivity, imo, its about being genuinely intimate and passionate with the client you are with at the moment, no need to lie about anything, if he/she is asking about reco's or how many clients you see simply change the subject and say you aren't comfortable discussing those topics. After all reco's are a positive thing, here anyway, they are a persons opinion of how the encounter went, how they saw it, which for some are helpful, for others, if they don't like them then don't read or write them its just that easy. In the end you have to do what is right for you, that's first and foremost then take care of the clients needs. but don't feel the need to cater to someone especially when they are being inappropriate, all the best:)

[Hector17 9215]

Thanks for you input so far. It's great to read that for those who have posted so far, reading recommendations doesn't ruin the fantasy or cause sadness/jealously/insecurity.

 

If it does, well that's not on you anyway.

I will admit that early on in my venture into this hobby I felt a bit of a sting when certain ladies were reviewed/reco'd, but I grew out of that pretty fast, and on my own, without burdening my favourites with this petty problem that was mine to deal with .

[piano8950 32577]

Gentlemen of CERB, how does it make you feel to read reviews and recommendations?

 

I would not be seeing any lady without reviews. I'm not a TOFTT kinda guy, I don't like risks on this, I want to be sure that other clients who have seen a particular SP are having a great time with her. The only time I didn't appreciate reading a review was when a guy mentioned something that an SP did, which I would have much preferred to be a surprise.

 

After I've seen a particular SP, I don't read her reviews. Not that I have any jealously or any feeling of ownership, but the memory of an experience she and I had is better than anything someone writing down their own. I don't read it after I've seen her because I don't need to. But I'm always happy for her if I notice she gets another review.

 

 

 

when a client tells me they don't like reading my recommendations because it reminds them that I'm an escort, or it reminds them that I also host other guests... what am I supposed to say? What should I say?

 

I'm not going to pretend to know about your business and the challenges you face, but I do see a few warning lights when a client is entertaining the GF fantasy before/after a session to a point where it makes them upset.

 

But if your clients who have this concern are anything like the average male (including me), be mindful of our occasionally fragile egos. Maybe a simple reminder that the experience with them is different from anyone else (which is basically what you said in the OP). You do seem genuinely enthusiastic about what you do, and IMO that's what most clients want.

[royalflush131313 3480]

Okay I'm going to start by saying I think it's very inconsiderate for a client to even put you in that position. I would never bring up that topic during an encounter for a couple of reasons. First...I would like both of us to enjoy our time together as much as possible and that's not going to happen if one of us feels awkward or uncomfortable. Second...It's NONE of my business. We're exclusive only for the time we're together. I'm sure you would never ask a client about a recommendation that he/she has made about another companion. I'm not a high volume client, having only met a handful of companions. But each encounter was different from the others because we're all different and isn't that part of what makes this fun and interesting? And I can honestly say that during each encounter I never once felt like the lady wished she was somewhere else or with someone else. And I enjoyed each and every one! It sounds to me like someone is looking for a GF, not a GFE.

[Philander39 3705]

I really think the gentlemen who didn't like to read recommendations about you really hasn't fully acknowledge the type of situation he signed up for when seeing an SP. He has your full attention for the agreed period of time. After that period of time you both go on your merry ways and live your lives as you please.

 

Hopefully, the time spent together is enjoyable to both people. I know a gentlemen who did not have a good time probably would not return to that SP and I assuming that if an SP did not have an enjoyable time they would not see that gentleman again.

 

Personally, I enjoy reading recommendations as it gives me a rough idea as the personality of the SP. That coupled with any postings they make on CERB gives me a better sense as to who the person is on the inside. I also see that recommendations is sort of core "raison d'être" of a website like CERB. The tact agreement that if you have a good experience with a SP that you should provide a report of said experience so that others (both clients and the SP) can benefit.

 

By telling you he doesn't like reading recommendations about you as it destroys the fantasy, he essentially is passing along his worries and concerns onto you which is grossly unfair. He is putting all the work on you to maintain his fantasy by making you feel bad when all he needs to do is not read the recommendations, keep quiet about the subject and be blissfully ignorant of what you do after the session is over.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

First Nat thanks for such an honest thread. It is your heart and soul that we love and the way you see the world and care for those who know you that makes us love you. And we've yet to meet. Gotta fix that one day.

Anyway...my perspective.

First I know everyones comfort level with this lifestyle and choices is different. Our emotional states vary and in fact mine have dramatically in the 3+ years I've been participating. At times it is really hard to keep it all in perspective. So for any guy going through that - I get it.

 

The difficult thing is that is 'our' issue. And I'm saddened to see you feeling that burden. You really should not. But I've been there and I know placed the same pressures on a lady I cared about.

 

For me and somewhat surprisingly I've never felt jealous or threatened by recommendations. Maybe its my business background but I saw these as a needed tool for the ladies. I did/do read them and in particular when I'm seeking someone new. I also try and be diligent and post recommendations. I don't feel protective in this at all and in fact want to promote the lady I've met and see her do well. The recommendation I post and the knowledge that it might be helping her - actually makes me feel good. It is somewhat distant from her actual meeting with someone else so it has that disconnect if it was to ever bother me.

 

It is really hard to explain but I love the fact that we are all human and have these feelings and emotions when we're sexual and intimate together. Lets just make sure we can manage them and not transfer our insecurities and guilt to our partners.

 

Cub

[cat 262460]

I appreciate this discussion, reco's are something I have always had an issue with as is reflected in my brief reco thread. Initially, I had personal reasons for asking guests not to write them and now that time has passed, I'm still thankful that it's an exceedingly short thread. Many, many guests over the years have commented that it was instrumental in them choosing to see me. Given I've been here as long as I have it's obvious to them that I'm a reputable provider, they don't need 300 other mens experiences to reassure them they are making a good choice. Not having intimate details out there seems to be more palatable for the type of guest that I seek as well as for myself. My long term guests genuinely don't want to read about my escapades just as I don't want everyone on the internet to be able to read such intimacies if the fancy strikes. I'm probably not as busy as I could be but I prefer that my guests know that to me, discretion is a verb and I take it seriously. I would rather keep a guest happy and coming back for more than have to see new clients on a regular basis. Nat, to me this gentlemans reaction would indicate to me that he could very well be worth keeping because he sees you as more than just the next Baskin-Robbins flavour of the month. Men like that make our lives so much easier.

 

I truly appreciate that the internet has given us the opportunity to accurately portray who we are and protect guests from less than ethical providers but to have pages upon pages of recos that read like Penthouse forum letters is imo unnecessary. Quality guests can read between the lines...

 

cat

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

I have always avoided such clients. The ones that confuse, either intentionally or non-intentionally the nature of this business to the extent they expect an exclusive relationship from a provider advertising throughout the web. They could be, in my view, either naive or typical passive aggressive type of clients!

 

At all the times, I also refuted the argument that those type of clients might be of high quality to press on the issue of the exclusiveness! If they were of such a quality caliber there is nothing to prevent them from playing the "real" sugar daddies ($$$$$$). I don't find it convincing, at least for me, to demand exclusiveness when all what one can afford is one or two rendezvous per month/year ($$$).

 

Being more on the dominant side, I actually prefer to remind them of my profession. Not to ruin the fantasy of course, but to re-enforce my independence as a provider. Mind you that in certain fetish scenarios it could actually enhance the fantasy!

[roamingguy 300292]

Personally I view recommendations as having a threefold purpose.

First and most important too me at least. It is my way of giving a public Thank You

to a lady who provided a wonderful and special encounter

Second, knowing this is the lady's livelihood maybe a recommendation from me might help her business just a little

Third related to two, gentlemen want to see a wonderful companion in this lifestyle. So maybe a reco from me might help a gentleman select a wonderful lady to see

BTW I say this with no swelled head for all I know my recommendations aren't even read

I don't know LOL

But I do like writing them because it means I had a good encounter

As for the school of thought that writing recos takes away intimacy between two people because the guy realizes the lady sees other men, remember most companions don't mind providing a reference even though that means the gentleman she saw is seeing other women

A rambling

RG

[RoddyThomas 2746]

This may sound overly harsh, but men who would be upset that a SP sees other clients and delivers a memorable experience to them also, need to give there head a shake and maybe seek counselling. In my humble view, developing this type of dependency is unhealthy. There is no exclusivity agreement that I am aware of. Your dentist gives all his/her clients the same level of care. Would you expect him/her to only have you as a client? Seems irrational to me.

[Nathalie L 112512]

Thank you to everyone who has responded so far. It's been really helpful to read your comments and has definitely provided some insight on how I could handle such a situation in the future.

 

Perhaps the best thing to do would be to recommend they not read my recommendations if it causes them unhappiness and move on from there. I should probably also mention that although I'm a paid companion, the experience I have with everyone is different. I don't want to insinuate that they are more special than everyone else because that wouldn't be fair/true and could do more harm than good. Also, I shouldn't have to lie to appease someone's insecurity about my lifestyle, chosen employment, etc.

 

Perhaps the undercurrent of such comments about recommendations is a hope that the relationship can become more than what it is currently. Or a desire to move beyond the negotiated realm of an SP/client relationship. If that's the case, then obviously there is nothing I can do.

 

I'm simply not sure what's expected of me in those moments. I care deeply about people and it upsets me to think my lifestyle causes people harm in those moments. As many have expressed, it isn't my problem, and while I agree I definitely find it hard nonetheless. I'm empathetic, what can I say?

 

I think I get lost in my own thoughts when I start thinking about the complexities of these relationships we have on CERB. There are so many layers to our interactions!

 

I wouldn't change any of it for the world though. I absolutely adore this profession. I love interacting with people, making connections, and even in these more difficult moments I still learn so much about others, and myself. It's a great way to live.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Natalie.... first let me just say how nice it is to see how you care for your clients and want to understand them... you seem wonderful.

 

As for recommendations I write very few and only after I ask the lady if they are ok with the idea. I read almost no recommendations as I personally feel that it sets a false picture for what my meeting with the lady might be like. I know I am not that guy and so the dynamic I bring to the meeting is bound to make a unique outcome. Lol...no I am not saying I am special just that we are all different.

 

So while I don't read to many recommendations it is nice when I see the lady has recommendations from other CERB MEMBERS whose opinion I appreciate.

 

So Natalie maybe you could simply tell your new client who is seeking assurance before he books that you know that your session with him will be as unique and amazing as the two of you make it and that any recommendation he might read is not about the session he would have but only an indicator of your ability to create special one-on-one encounters that cannot be duplicated.

 

If you said that to me..... I would be interested.

 

Just my opinion.