GHT 798 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 I've been hanging out with a friend of late. He's pretty cool, open minded and likes ladies, all sorts of ladies. Well after hearing stories about his latest interest (hot married woman), I was temped to fill him in on my great hobby and what I was up too. You know, you just want to talk to someone. However I chose to keep my mouth shut. I wasn't sure of the reaction I would get although he would likely have approved. I just felt that nothing good could come of it. There is no point in risking the relationship I have with my SO. So my questions to the hobby community are; Do You keep your mouth shut with respect to your hobby when talking to friends or acquaintances. If you have opened up to people, what was their reaction? What were some of the unintended consequences of opening up? Are you glad you did it? I'm interested to read your responses. This won't be the last time I'm faced with the same dilemma. GHT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest S***e Report post Posted September 14, 2009 I keep my personal life and my business life totally and completely separate from my "hobby" life. Therefore, I do not discuss my "hobby" activities with anyone involved other aspects of my life. I just prefer it that way. Uncomplicated. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
antlerman 17064 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 seperate......or I will end up seperated!!!! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
alinan 118 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 i've kept it separate, and plan to keep it that way. i have pointed friends towards the hobby in anonymous ways, not sure if they take part, don't want to know either. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jerican 657 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 I hear you GHT, I listed this as the only thing I dislike about the the hobby shortly after I started: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=11950 There is no one in my life that I feel I can open up to about this wonderful fun and adventurous 'hobby'. There have been times after I have been with someone that all I wanted to do was find the nearest person and say how OMFG amazing the time was, but alas, I feel I can't. Even without SO's in the picture society is incredibly judgmental and I fear that I will tell the wrong person and either they will write me off or it will get to the wrong ears. I have laid feelers out at times as well and either the people I felt who were likeminded were also trepaditious or they just don't know this world exists in the manner we know it. So I write rec's, chat occasional with others I have developed a rapport with on CERB and talk to myself about how much I enjoy it. Hey at least the conversation is with someone I respect and trust!:-D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
jg24 3708 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 The old story telephone telegramm tell a friend dont tell anybody that way you dont get in trouble Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
scout251 166 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 Like Jerican I've sometimes wanted to tell a good friend about an amazing experience ... however my better judgement tells me that everyone is given to "sharing" juicy secrets with those they are closest to. Thus, thinking in terms of degrees of separation ... the risk that our hobby will eventually become more common knowledge than we'd like ... I prefer to remain silent. (and also like Jerican, talk to myself ... at least I usually like the responses I get ;)) Scout Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loki318 1631 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 GHT if your friend is bragging about all the "married" women he is boneing then chances are he wont keep your secret ? INHO most guys that tell a lot of stories about all the married women ther are getting it is 99% just that stories .... Personally there are a few ladies that know my hobby;) even a couple that arent in the hobby/business... ;) and there is one guy that know only because we have "partied" together a couple of times LOL but we know enuf dirt on each other it would be a mutual disaster to tell stories out of school.... but other than that mums the word..... The big D cost way too much to let the "Kitty" out of the bag... Loki318 I've been hanging out with a friend of late. He's pretty cool, open minded and likes ladies, all sorts of ladies.Well after hearing stories about his latest interest (hot married woman), I was temped to fill him in on my great hobby and what I was up too. You know, you just want to talk to someone. However I chose to keep my mouth shut. I wasn't sure of the reaction I would get although he would likely have approved. I just felt that nothing good could come of it. There is no point in risking the relationship I have with my SO. So my questions to the hobby community are; Do You keep your mouth shut with respect to your hobby when talking to friends or acquaintances. If you have opened up to people, what was their reaction? What were some of the unintended consequences of opening up? Are you glad you did it? I'm interested to read your responses. This won't be the last time I'm faced with the same dilemma. GHT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cat 262460 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 I find it depends on the prevalent attitudes of the area. Here in Ottawa I have only ever received 2 personal referrals in 4 years. Down South I had a client base of over 100 within a year without ever advertising. If the social customs dictate that this is something that is done but discreetly for the ladyfolk in their lives then you simply feel out your friends. Because this is the capital and things like security clearances and promotions are so precious, it's important to keep the reputation pristine. Who knows where they will be 5 years from now. Someone who is today changing tires on OT buses could be applying for a job with the NCC and tarnished reputations are hard to fix. I also agree that if your friend is "telling" he's not someone to tell. A long time friend and I have matching mugs that say "your my best friend because you know too much". A history of shared indiscretions is the only real insurance to knowing someone is going to keep your confidences. Catherine Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest s******ecan**** Report post Posted September 14, 2009 No I don't discuss the hobby with those I know. Thank goodness for CERB so that we all have somewhere to talk. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
APower20 400 Report post Posted September 14, 2009 I've only once mentioned it to my roommate the first time I was ever with an escort, he approved and has kept his mouth shut and agreed to keep it private. Since then, I've always just said I was going out to the bars/pubs with friends... I regret having told him about it, but his reaction was a good one, and I recommended an agency for him... I'm just glad I found CERB, without it I wouldn't be able to talk about my experiences openly. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
o****m** 100 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 I have been doing this a really long time and have never even once mentioned it to anyone. Once I went onto a friends cpu and when I was typing in a url to use I saw he was surfind an escorting site. I never said anything to him, he had just split up with his wife. I don't take any chances at all when I do this. Posted via Mobile Device Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
coachg 388 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 Well, GHT, it all depends how well you know this friend and how much you can trust him. Unless you have partied and shared similar experiences then I personally think it would be best to keep things quiet. I have a close friend who I have shared some experiences so I have no problem talking to him about my adventures as well as his. I actually help him out with selecting the ladies, as I have been hobbying a lot longer then him. It feels good to have someone you can share stories with, especially someone who understands the situation. But we certainly don't share with anyone else..one time in a bar, there was a guy at our table, who had no trouble sharing his hobby with people (and he is married)...well he mentioned the name of an SP I had seen a few times and although I felt like talking to him about her, I thought it wiser to keep my mouth shut. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
F***s*t 145 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 I keep my personal life and my business life totally and completely separate from my "hobby" life. Therefore, I do not discuss my "hobby" activities with anyone involved other aspects of my life. I just prefer it that way. Uncomplicated. Exactly...and besides, that's what these boards are for!!! I've never discussed my hobby with anyone - ever. Loose lips - Sink ships. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buggernot 588 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 You have to be able to trust the guy 100%. And even then how can you be sure? The cardinal rule of not getting caught when you're doing something 'wrong' is to never tell anybody. Fuck all that shit you see on CSI, cops will tell you that most of the time they catch somebody for murder, it's because somebody either saw it, or the perp had a big mouth... Your buddy doesn't sound like he has anything to lose by telling you his tales - you do. It's nice to be able to talk about this stuff to a friend but you have to be sure. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest gagagaga Report post Posted September 15, 2009 loose lips sink ships....I know nothing...see nothing...hear nothing...say les than nothing. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bylogger 136 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 If you cannot keep a secret, why should the person you tell it to? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GHT 798 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 I find it depends on the prevalent attitudes of the area. Here in Ottawa I have only ever received 2 personal referrals in 4 years. Down South I had a client base of over 100 within a year without ever advertising. If the social customs dictate that this is something that is done but discreetly for the ladyfolk in their lives then you simply feel out your friends. Because this is the capital and things like security clearances and promotions are so precious, it's important to keep the reputation pristine. Who knows where they will be 5 years from now. Someone who is today changing tires on OT buses could be applying for a job with the NCC and tarnished reputations are hard to fix. I also agree that if your friend is "telling" he's not someone to tell. A long time friend and I have matching mugs that say "your my best friend because you know too much". A history of shared indiscretions is the only real insurance to knowing someone is going to keep your confidences. Catherine I think you have it right Cat when you say that Ottawa people like to keep their reputation pristine (me included). Unfortunately it makes many of them uptight and reserved. I imagine that people in Montreal think much differently. My friend and I do have a history of shared indiscretions. And I know for a fact that he's seen an SP one time while traveling. Maybe that was him leaving a hint. Still there is no point in spilling the beans. GHT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
v*****m*n 220 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 keep it quiet Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GHT 798 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 You have to be able to trust the guy 100%. And even then how can you be sure? The cardinal rule of not getting caught when you're doing something 'wrong' is to never tell anybody. That is so true Buggernot, why take chances. I've resolved to say nothing. I'm sure that resolve will be put to the test some late beer filled evening HAHA. GHT Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
GHT 798 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 Thanks for the replies everyone. I've come to realize that sharing my hobby experiences with friends outside this community is likely a dead end. Hence I will share here on CERB and hopefully make some friends. Maybe in time I'll even find some drinking buddies LOL. GHT :wink: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest S***e Report post Posted September 15, 2009 I think you have made a wise decision. Certainly, if you feel the need to discuss anything pertaining to the "hobby" you can do so either openly on the forum or more discreetly via PM or emails provided you are not requesting personal information concerning SPs or other hobbiests. Everyone I have had contact with here is very candid and helpful. Just enjoy yourself in a respectful, safe and intelligent manner and you will find the hobby to be rewarding over the years to come. Thanks for the replies everyone. I've come to realize that sharing my hobby experiences with friends outside this community is likely a dead end. Hence I will share here on CERB and hopefully make some friends. Maybe in time I'll even find some drinking buddies LOL. GHT :wink: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungStud 468 Report post Posted September 15, 2009 There are some After Party buddies I've shared some things with. Kind of hard to be into group sex and not trust the other people in the group to a certain extent. Lol. Also a few close friends who are open to variety in life themselves. And of course some women in the business who have become good friends over the years. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
LarryTomato 100 Report post Posted September 16, 2009 Its just like that episode of 'Friends' , where Ross thinks he's breaking up with Rachal , and sleeps with a girl . She tells a friend , and so on and so on , and it eventually gets back to Rachal . If no one gets told , then the vicious cycle is broken! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MrFun1 100 Report post Posted September 16, 2009 I'd say 80% of my "real life" friends know about my participation in the hobby. I'm single and older and I have absolutely nothing to lose by people knowing. What I've found interesting is the marked difference between the reaction of my female friends to that of my male friends. The women are incredibly curious about the whole thing and generally have a ton of questions (mostly about the escorts) whereas the men I've told rarely seem to go much beyond "oh really" and I frequently detect an undercurrent of resentment. I attribute that to the fact they are all married and probably a little bored with their situation. Hey, I made the decision to be single back in my early 20's and didn't have any idea of how things would turn out in my later years. Don't blame me if you chose a different path and now are having some second thoughts. :D Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
