Ethical Quandry

[Irina Adler 5376]

From time to time clients will ask me if I like my job. They typically follow this question with the comment "You must get all sorts in here!". And indeed we do!

 

I'm very open minded, and I think exploring one's sexuality is an important and enriching part of life's journey, however there are some clients whose requests go beyond the norm. One such request has brought on an ethical dilemma for me and I hope CERB members can offer some insight.

 

There is a client who would like me to pretend that I am a very young girl. Now I am 20 and can dress to look high school age, but there is no doubt that I am at least 16, even in pigtails. I do not personally feel too uncomfortable with his request because I am just role playing, but someone mentioned that accepting this man as a client may be a decision with ethical implications. Will indulging his fantasies potentially fuel his imagination and increase his desire for the real thing (a criminal act)?

 

Is my involvement beneficial as I act as a substitute and divert him committing a serious offense? Or do my actions only encourage his fancy, thereby normalizing the behavior, potentially causing the desires to escalate to the point where he feels compelled to act out his imagination with a real life subject? Moreover, is this even an issue I should be concerned with? He has not spoken of doing this with any real girls, and I do not know his profession so cannot comment on the risk he poses to children around him. Is it possible that this is just a fantasy and nothing more?

 

Thank you in advance for your replies! I am new to the industry, but surely I'm not the first to ask this question. Any help is greatly appreciated :)

[Guest K***e D****ls]

When I was first starting out with an agency, I was asked to do this and thought nothing of it. Until the person asked that we run through this fantasy in his small daughter's bedroom. Needless to say, the thoughts running through my head speculated the absolute worst in that situation and it's stuck with me every since.

 

I've been asked to do this type of roleplay since and I refuse each and every time. I'm a grown woman and want to act and be treated that way. When it comes to fantasies and what people see us ladies for, to each their own, but I cater to the gentleman who likes to wine, dine and spend his time with a woman. I find the entire little girl/any authority figure (daddy, principal, etc) role playing creepy.

[roamingguy 300292]

First, if acting out this fantasy makes you uncomfortable in the least, don't do it. If seeing him as a client thinking he might have a predilection towards underage kids, makes you uncomfortable don't see him. Stick to your boundaries and comfort zones

Also, a pedophile will always be a pedophile, you cannot cure them (well except one way, but that will get you locked up in prison LOL) So acting out a underage fantasy with him will not curb him of wanting to see kids, nor will it make him more wired to want to see kids.

Good luck whatever you decide

RG

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

First of all, we all get these types of requests. You have to make a decision based on your own beliefs and boundaries. If you feel comfortable about this type of scenario, go for it. If however, you feel uncomfortable about this, decline the invitation.

 

You are not responsible for what others choose to do after they have seen you. That is their decision.

 

It would be the same as someone who wants to enact a rape scene. Does that make it ok for them to go out afterwards and rape someone? Of course not.

 

How about a client that wants you to be his mommy and change his diapers? There are so many scenarios out there. You have to decide what you are comfortable with and go from there.

 

Good luck!

[Guest realnicehat]

 

There is a client who would like me to pretend that I am a very young girl. Now I am 20 and can dress to look high school age, but there is no doubt that I am at least 16, even in pigtails. I do not personally feel too uncomfortable with his request because I am just role playing, but someone mentioned that accepting this man as a client may be a decision with ethical implications. Will indulging his fantasies potentially fuel his imagination and increase his desire for the real thing (a criminal act)?

 

Is my involvement beneficial as I act as a substitute and divert him committing a serious offense? Or do my actions only encourage his fancy, thereby normalizing the behavior, potentially causing the desires to escalate to the point where he feels compelled to act out his imagination with a real life subject?

 

 

I don't think you need to worry about what the client may do after the fact. I found this and it may be helpful:

 

Ageplay is not considered pedophilia or related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.[4] Individuals who ageplay are not attracted to children, but instead enjoy portraying children, or enjoy childlike elements typical of children present in adults.

Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one's youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants.

 

 

A true pedophile is only attracted to children and would likely have little interest in sexual activity with you no matter how well you play the role.

 

As others have said, it is really a matter of your comfort level.

[Frank7 3939]

Is the client asking you to pretend being a very young consensual girl or a pretend-aggression?

 

If it's the first, I see nothing un-ethical about it. 18 is an arbitrary number and as long as everyone participating is consenting, it's all good morally. The laws are there cause in most case, there's abuse in those situation and because of how our society is.

 

Another thing to remember is pedophilia isn't all black and white. Some are attracted to people there age as well, just like some people are bi or like all skin/hair colors and ethnics. And media always act like if pedophilia necessarily means pedophile rapist. It's the rape part that is unethical and should be dealt with (more harshly then our current laws). There's pedophile that are disgusted by anything non-consensual but we never hear about them cause they don't do anything.

[Guest B**na***oy]

Ultimately, it comes down to whatever happens between two consenting adults. If it falls within your boundaries, go with it. But if you have an issue with it, don't do it.

[Brad 49548]

Unless there's reason to consider otherwise, I tend to give people the benefit of the doubt when it comes to fantasies.

 

I've known woman who like the "robber breaks in at night" roleplay scenario but none of them have any desire to be actually raped!

 

I've seen some pictures of ladies dressed up in sexy cat outfits on this site that get my blood pumping...but that sure doesn't mean I have any attraction to actual cats!

 

What goes on between consenting adults (and those are the two key words) is in my books between them.

 

There's fantasies/roleplays I enjoy, others I'd indulge in to please a partner, and some I just wouldn't be comfortable with. For me, the younger girl one falls into the last category. But I think the only question you have to ask yourself here is which category does it fall into for you.

 

Additional Comments:

I don't know how he does it, but I'm starting to think Miquelon is a superhero, and his power is to get his post in right before mine where he manages to make the same point but in a briefer, more eloquent manner.

 

Next time Mr M...next tiiiiiime!

[Irina Adler 5376]

Thanks for all your replies! In response to Frank7's question, the client does not seem to be aggressive in any way, if anything he is very gentle. His fantasy is more voyeuristic, and in it I am a sexually precocious girl who is consenting to the arrangement.

[Guest B**na***oy]

I don't know how he does it, but I'm starting to think Miquelon is a superhero, and his power is to get his post in right before mine where he manages to make the same point but in a briefer, more eloquent manner.

 

Next time Mr M...next tiiiiiime!

 

LOL, It's pure coincidence. You're the eloquent and classy one my friend.

[SamanthaEvans 166767]

I just want to underscore the importance of recognizing and staying within your own boundaries. If you're not comfortable with this scenario, there's no reason for you to go through with it.

 

That said, many men come to us to explore or engage in things that just aren't available to them with other partners, or that they're nervous raising with them. Erotic play can take many, many forms but not everyone's comfort level or repertoire is the same.

[Lowdark 5613]

When I was first starting out with an agency, I was asked to do this and thought nothing of it. Until the person asked that we run through this fantasy in his small daughter's bedroom. Needless to say, the thoughts running through my head speculated the absolute worst in that situation and it's stuck with me every since.

 

I can only imagine how profoundly disturbing that must have been. Just reading it sent a cold shiver up my spine. I'm not casting judgement on anyone who maintains the school girl fantasy (within reason), even though I've never understood it. But this kind of participation well, it invites a little judgement. The only thing I can suggest to Ksenia is that you listen to your instincts. If you don't want to do it, then you are the one with ultimate say.

[PistolPete 61421]

This is a huge difference between a school girl and acting like a underage teenager,in fact even to talk like one,and dress like one. Just ensure, you are comfortable in the role play,if not, a simply no will certainly be understood I'm quite certain.

[Two Thirty 1422]

The fact you expressed doubts demonstrates that something about the request doesn't sit quite right with you - and that's the key. You need to be comfortable in giving informed consent. If after this discussion you have even the slightest doubt, simply decline the request.

[piano8950 32577]

First, if acting out this fantasy makes you uncomfortable in the least, don't do it.

 

I think this is the best advice for this situation.

 

 

Now I am 20 and can dress to look high school age, but there is no doubt that I am at least 16, even in pigtails. I do not personally feel too uncomfortable with his request because I am just role playing, but someone mentioned that accepting this man as a client may be a decision with ethical implications. Will indulging his fantasies potentially fuel his imagination and increase his desire for the real thing (a criminal act)?

 

There are two things that came to mind when I read this.

 

First of all, some people do have fantasies that goes beyond taboo. For whatever reason they derive a certain pleasure from it (I hope this doesn't come across as judgmental). There are women with rape fantasies, but I doubt any of them actually do want to be raped, to them it's role play. There are people like myself that dabble with bdsm that involves a certain level of physical pain. It does not mean that I would ever inflict pain on someone else without consent in an appropriate setting, nor subject myself to it. There is a very specific time and a setting for these sorts of activities, and done with full understanding on both/all parties involved.

 

Second, I'm not sure if your client has some sort of underage fetish or perhaps just something with 16 year olds. This might be a bit unpopular to say, but certain societies accept individuals of this age to be able to make informed consent with regards to sex. Some places the age is higher than it is in Canada, where 21 is the appropriate age for such activities. This one is your call, and like RG said, only do what is comfortable for you.

 

But games with respect to age is a bit more common that one might think.

 

Slutty School Girl

 

Diaper Fetish

 

 

/edit - I didn't notice this earlier but realnicechat gave a much better explanation on ageplay.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

I don't think you need to worry about what the client may do after the fact. I found this and it may be helpful:

 

Ageplay is not considered pedophilia or related to pedophilia by professional psychologists.[4] Individuals who ageplay are not attracted to children, but instead enjoy portraying children, or enjoy childlike elements typical of children present in adults.

Sexual ageplay itself does not involve the sexual attraction to biologically underage people. Rather, when a consenting adult takes on the roleplaying mindset of a young person, it is motivated by re-experiencing emotional states and social interactions of one's youth, which also happen to be pleasurable in a sexual context to the participants.

 

It should also be pointed out that this type of roleplay fantacy is often more about pushing the limits of what is considered taboo. Sex acts in public places where you may get caught can also fall into this category. For some it is going against "normality" that is the turn on. Remember that they are chosing to act out these fantacies in a manner that involves only concenting adults.

 

That being said, I agree with everyone here in that if you don't feel comfortable with any situation, don't do it. Your comfort is what is important here.

[Irina Adler 5376]

In response to Mikeyboy- I do think there is a boundary though for most people between fantasies that are "taboo" because society finds them unacceptable and fantasies that are "taboo" because they involve harming another person. For example, a rape fantasy for a woman involves her being taken advantage of, whereas a man fantasizing about molesting a child involves harm to someone other than himself.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

In response to Mikeyboy- I do think there is a boundary though for most people between fantasies that are "taboo" because society finds them unacceptable and fantasies that are "taboo" because they involve harming another person. For example, a rape fantasy for a woman involves her being taken advantage of, whereas a man fantasizing about molesting a child involves harm to someone other than himself.

 

Agreed. Although most men who like the idea of roleplay involving a girl school outfit or cheerleader uniform are not peophiles and are not interested in harming other people. It is likely more of a nostalgia for their own youth, along with the thrill of the impropriety of being with someone who actually is younger than them. (as is often the case in these relationships). These are very common roleplay activities and to condemn them would be to condemn many of the photos right here on cerb. I have seen many sp's advertise with pics in school girl outfits and I think its fair to say that it is not their intention to promote petophilia or to cause harm to others.