Are you happy?

[Motorbykerider 4754]

I know this is kind of a tough question but in general, are you?

 

For me, no but I try. I am currently on a solo bike ride through NB and Gaspe and am enjoying the fuck out of it. No kids. No wife. No work.

Just me riding my bike, taking pix and listening to tunes and podcasts, drinking wine and staring at the fire. It doesn't get any better than this.

I couldn't think of any place I'd rather be, except between the legs of a certain SP. But still, in general, I'm not happy and it sucks.

 

Is happiness a "moral obligation? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQqJvfh9irs

 

Please, watch this and tell me what you get from it.

In my world, I am SO in tune from what I receive, it sets my mood and I give it right back. I'm desperately trying to not let the moods of others effect me but it's hard.

Nobody wants to be the "Debby Downer" but when you're smothered by it 24\7 (I'll even round that up to 30\10) it's hard to escape.

 

So my fellow cerbists, please enlighten me in your words of wisdom.

I live for this.

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

I know this is kind of a tough question but in general, are you?

 

For me, no but I try. I am currently on a solo bike ride through NB and Gaspe and am enjoying the fuck out of it. No kids. No wife. No work.

Just me riding my bike, taking pix and listening to tunes and podcasts, drinking wine and staring at the fire. It doesn't get any better than this.

I couldn't think of any place I'd rather be, except between the legs of a certain SP. But still, in general, I'm not happy and it sucks.

 

Is happiness a "moral obligation? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gQqJvfh9irs

 

Please, watch this and tell me what you get from it.

In my world, I am SO in tune from what I receive, it sets my mood and I give it right back. I'm desperately trying to not let the moods of others effect me but it's hard.

Nobody wants to be the "Debby Downer" but when you're smothered by it 24\7 (I'll even round that up to 30\10) it's hard to escape.

 

So my fellow cerbists, please enlighten me in your words of wisdom.

I live for this.

 

I'm very happy with myself and where I am in my life. I wake up grateful every single day.

 

If you're on a solo bike ride with no wife no kids how are you smothered by anything? Last month I enjoyed a solo drive to Vancouver and back and I simply love the peace and quiet of my alone time.

 

Many of us are continuously bombarded with negative self talk and that's often what brings us down. Try to catch yourself doing it .. we do it to ourselves all the time but once you start paying attention you can turn your negative self talk into positive.

 

We have a beautiful country. Smile and enjoy the ride :D

[TiffanyXXX000 21415]

I would answer YES!!

 

I LOVE my jobs, yes I am busy most of the time but I truly love them!

I LOVE my Family.... they are always in my corner no matter what and I can never thank them enough for this!

Every Morning I am happy for the new day and to see what it brings!

 

I am 110% a glass half full person and am always looking for the positive in everything, and I enjoy sharing the positive with those that can not see it for themselves at that moment!

 

In life we need the Hard times to make the Good ones that much better....

 

My Wish is that we may all learn the value of a smile and what it can do to help you and others through the day!!

 

Kisses

XoX

[Guest realnicehat]

Am I happy? Yes, I believe so. I mean, I'm not elated or walking on air but I'm also not mopey or sad. I enjoy my life. It's not perfect, I get lonely, stressed, frustrated but no more than the average person.

 

As far as what I got from the Prager video: absolutely nothing, which is what I normally get from keen on Jesus right wing windbags. Hmmmm........that didn't sound happy at all did it? :) Well, I guess happy people can still get annoyed right?

 

I'm sorry to hear that you aren't happy MBR, you seem like a pretty interesting guy. I do have a question for you: If you have all this free time for a solo bike ride why aren't you between the legs of that certain SP you seem so smitten with? You don't have to answer that if you don't want to, I think I've read that you are struggling with the idea but there is the possibility that it could bring some happiness in to your life.

 

Ooh, there's a puzzle for our Christian friend Prager. If I have a moral obligation to be happy, and spending time with sex workers makes me happy, am I then morally obligated to see sex workers? Ladies, good news!!! :)

[JoyfulC 132299]

Watching the video. The part about the spouse being in a bad mood and somebody coming to the door. A) If my spouse is enjoying my bad mood, then he probably deserves it. And B) I don't make nice with anyone who comes to my door unexpected. Call first, and I'll try to receive you better. But just show up? You'll get what's happening.

 

But that said, I don't really think this video was about happiness. I am a very happy person, in general, but I get pissed off, I get down in the dumps, I get snarly. That's just being human. It's when you can't just experience it, get it over with and move on that it's a problem. What the guy in the video is discussing is more what I'd call anger or mood management.

 

My husband and I are both from families where our parents bore long lingering resentments and grudges. And when we were first married, we did too, because that was what we figured you did when you were married. But then one day, it's like a light just came on and we realized that it just doesn't have to be that way. Shit happens, and always will, but you have some wiggle room WRT how mangled you get by it, and you can optimize your experience by how you react to it.

 

Judging by my daughter and her friends, it seems that many young people think that feeling less-than-fulfilled or disappointed or blue means you need therapy or antidepressants. While there are situations where a person does need these things, I'm convinced a lot of people are using them that really need to just understand that life isn't all rainbows and unicorns all the time.

 

I think it's okay to be unhappy sometimes. And let's face it, we live in a world where we get run over daily, and have to witness some pretty terrible stuff. I think you have to decide you're going to be happy (if for no other reason than it will drive the bastards nuts ;) ). It helps to find happiness fixes. For me, Looney Toons cartoons and Just For Laughs Gags can knock me out of the fiercest funk. Other times, a good cry or chasing my partner around the house with a butcher's knife, threatening homicide really does the trick. But whatever you do, live in the moment and do it as authentically as possible.

 

And pursue happiness. Because there is no heaven or hell after death. All you get is this life. Make it a heaven or languish in hell. Good luck!

[cometman 35115]

Go see the SP. You have a family, but no sex life. So fix the sex life part and remove the major stressor in your life.

LOL......you're so like me it's uncanny.

Btw, I did the Gaspe' bike run last year.......through NS, up the NB coast, crossed at Campbelton, around the Gaspe' to Matane, then back south, did Parrsboro, and home. Like you,I do a lot of solo......to the US 3 years running, and Ont and the US 2 years ago. Nothing like the solitude of a long bike ride. No employees, no business, no phone........I get it just like you. By seeing SP's, it took the pressure off the lack of sex at home and I'm a much more patient person now. Good luck.

[zoro1990 806]

Been suffering from depression for 9 years now it's not easy I just live my life day by day

[Motorbykerider 4754]

For me, I guess the glass is half empty but I am desperately trying to fill it up.

I know how other people's moods can affect mine and sometimes I'm successful in dismissing it and not letting theirs determine mine. But sometimes it's just too damn hard.

 

I arranged this bike trip a month ago. The day before I leave I get a lot of agro from the SO that could potentially ruin the trip. I have since dismissed it and choose to do what I have planned and try to have a great time. So far so good but in the back of my mind I fear for what shit is happening at home and I should be there to fix it.

This is a constant theme that runs through my life and it's no wonder I'm not as happy as I think I should be.

 

RNHat. If I could have this certain lady here with me tonight, enjoying the campfire in a rented travel trailer, having a glass of wine and just enjoying the moment, I would be happy. For reals.

 

WRT the Prager video. I believe his main point it that your mood affects others moods and visa versa.

If you are happy on the outside, others will see this and treat you the same, thus impacting your mood positively.

 

That's how I took it.

[JoyfulC 132299]

For me, I guess the glass is half empty but I am desperately trying to fill it up.

 

It's good to have more in your glass, of course. But perhaps you misunderstand the analogy a bit. The amount of water in the glass is the same, but different people see it differently. Glass half empty people only see what they're missing. Glass half full people appreciate what they have.

 

Learning to appreciate whatever you have, no matter how little it might be at times, is a terrific survival skill and can help you get a lot more mileage out of life.

 

Additional Comments:

Been suffering from depression for 9 years now it's not easy I just live my life day by day

 

Can I make a suggestion? Make a skydive. First jumps are done tandem these days, and are very safe. You get a high altitude exit, freefall and a long parachute ride. Spring for the extra for video. It's more than worth it. I have seen this make the difference for quite a few people who were suffering with depression. Maybe it's the adrenaline. I dunno.

 

If you're in the Ottawa area, may I suggest www.SkydiveGan.com

 

And if you do it, don't forget to hook us up with your video!

[Antoine 502]

Ah! The pursuit of the elusive happiness. In my opinion, if a person cannot find happiness, he or she must figure out what needs to change to turn it around. Most of the time it requires changes from within.

 

I struggled with serious depression for 20 years and then I spent the last 2 years working on myself, changing my habits and changing the way I was thinking. I spent a lot of time reading and learning about topics like happiness and personal development.

 

I can now say that I have finally found true happiness but it took a lot of work to get there.

 

Each person has a different genetic make-up and was brought up differently so for some it will take a lot of effort to achieve happiness.

 

For those who like to read, the book "The monk who sold his Ferrari" is a great book about creating great habits, including mental habits. The book "Making happy people" is a scientific study on happiness but written for the layman, a joy to read and very revealing.

 

A statement I live by now is: "The world is exactly how it should be, it's our attitude towards this world that determines our level of happiness."

[andflemcol 3975]

If you really think about it; what is the point to life if it is not to seek happiness?

 

When I wake up in the morning, I am going to do things that in one way or another, hope to make me happier. Maybe it's to go to work (I enjoy my work so that makes me happy) so I can earn money so I can take my family on a trip (that makes them happy which in turn makes me happy). Maybe some earn enough money only to put food on the table and that makes them happy. I go golfing because it makes me happy (sometimes it makes me happy... but I go with the expectation that it will be a happy time for me). I go to the doctor because good health hopefully will make me happier for a longer time. I am also a member of cerb because it makes me happy.

 

If people did not seek happiness in their life then what's the point.

 

Generally, people's happiness can be defined by the success in finding that happiness. Currently in my life, I have been able to find the happiness more than not. That makes me a generally happy person.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

I am a happy person. I am grateful for what I have. I am grateful for my true friends in my life. I am grateful to be alive.

 

I too suffered from depression as a result of getting sick. An undiagnosed illness, took away things in my life that I loved. Like swimming - I am a dolphin in life, and suddenly my health prevented me from enjoying something that was my biggest enjoyment in life. I went to every specialist out there - they all said the same thing, we can see something is wrong, we just cant diagnose it yet. We have to wait till it gets worse to diagnose it. I went into a real funk. They put me on every medication out there, and my health was getting worse.

 

Finally one day, after months of intensive therapy, I decided to take my life back. I slowly went off my meds and I got better. I am still unable to work in my career, but my life is simpler now and happier.

 

You are the master of your destiny. Enjoy it.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I have always been an easy going happy person:), unfortunately, throughout my life I have allowed others to affect my feelings, change my moods, goals and thoughts. It's taken most of my life to realize, but finally I have:)that what someone says or thinks about me is irrelevant it won't and can't change my thoughts, etc, what they say I can or can't do isn't up to them its up to me:) If we all lived our lives and followed our own paths knowing this and as we saw fit perhaps many would be much happier. I think of happiness as being a sense of inner peace, not material gains or status, etc. But we all see it differently. The video has a point, happiness spreads as does hate, sadness, and any other energy. The secret is staying true to yourself in light of the energy around you. But is it a moral obligation? Well to you it should be. We all need to be a bit more selfish imo because until you are complete, until you find your purpose, know your true self, then and only then can you "spread" happiness. A person can only truly add to someone else's life when they have fulfilled their own. I'm not saying we all shouldn't be thoughtful, giving, helpful, etc I just think its important to fulfill your own needs, goals, etc first then as a "whole" person one would be better able and more equipped to lend help, support, etc:)

We all face adversity, good times, bad times, crises the way to get through any of it is to truly know yourself -what you are capable of, like, dislike, feelings, etc, etc, and the only way you ever will is to be very honest with yourself, sometimes this is the hardest and most fulfilling accomplishment any of us will face:) Then and only then can we spread happiness:)

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Happiness always begins and ends within ourselves. We can't be truly happy if all we do is play to everyone else and be what everyone else believes we should be. We all have to be in situations that might not be optimal or deal with things we would rather not but it's how we deal with those situations that determines which way we go. One of my favorite sayings is "how someone treats you in their karma, how you react is yours". This simply means if someone/something is flinging stuff at you, you have the choice to make the situation worse by adding to it, reacting it kind or letting it get to you or being kind, ignoring or walking away.

 

If the home situation isn't good and is constantly draining your good energy, you have every right to take care of yourself and find those things/people who restore your positive energy. You cannot change what doesn't wish to be changed so you change yourself instead. If seeing your desired SP gives you pleasure and is a positive thing for you that then allows you to deal with the rest more effectively and positively, then it is a need more than a want. We all soemtimes get into situations we either can't or don't want to change but we can make it better for ourselves and for others.

 

As for being happy, there is so much in my life I do love and yet, there are things I would like to change. I focus on everything to be grateful about and try to change the rest as I can. Practicing the act of gratefulness positively impacts things I find and gives a different perspective on even the not so great.

 

When you change yourself, you attract more to you or what you're sending out which then gives you more to be grateful about. One step at a time, one day at a time.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

Each person is born perfect with 100 percent power to manifest anything in the world they want. We are born with a sense of true happiness, with the ability to stay this way, that has always been the plan for human beings.

 

However the human mind makes up reason as we age to be unhappy. We quickly lose that perfection we are born with and if we are not aware, conscious individuals soon we create misery instead of abundance and happiness.

 

It is very true that appreciation for what we have is one of the keys and the more we appreciate the small things the larger will follow. When the energy field is clouded with dissatisfaction, fear and worry more will follow.

 

If we can spend just a few minutes a day in appreciation and true gratitude it is surprising what will happen.

 

I consider myself to be very happy and a co creator with the universe. Anything I wish for comes to me easily and freely. What I want is already mine, if I can see it, it is.

 

Not that I do not have times of being angry or pissed but that is also part of happiness. You can't have one without the other.

[Guest B**na***oy]

When I was a kid I fell in a pool, drowned, died and was brought back to life by the rescue personnel. I'm one of those people that saw the bright shinny light, experienced this out of body sensation and had this deep sense of fulfillment etc... I don't tie this to a religious or spiritual experience, but it certainly had a profound effect on my appreciation of life.

 

Since then, my happy switch has been turned on permanently. Every breath I take, every color I see, every feelings I experience are precious moments in my life that I fully savor. Happiness has nothing to do with material possessions, the position we occupy in society or the number of facebook friends we have.

 

In my opinion, happiness is about mutual respect, a just appreciation of things and people, a soft caress or a tender kiss on someone you care about. It's about lifting a kid to reach a chocolate chip cookie on the counter when nobody is looking.

 

Above all, happiness is not something that comes from the outside, but it lies within everyone of us. We just need to get in touch with it. I don't have the recipe on how to be happy, but pills won't do it, religion won't do it and drowning is a risky proposition. ;-)

 

Perhaps happiness is not the destination, maybe it's the journey. Enjoy it.

[IsaMassage 54318]

For me, I guess the glass is half empty but I am desperately trying to fill it up.

I know how other people's moods can affect mine and sometimes I'm successful in dismissing it and not letting theirs determine mine. But sometimes it's just too damn hard.

 

I ve had bad and good moments in life... One thing I did learn is that the more I tried to fill up the glass the worse it was because you never get content with what you achieve... Maybe try to stop thinking so much how to get the glass full.. And just take one day at a time.. Pay less attention to the negative events and embrace the positive ones and make the best out of them! The glass will be filled!!!

 

A few ywars ago I went through a really hard time... Even spent time at the hospital for depression... I think it was the best time for me.. Away from everything and everyone... Had time to think about just myself... Now I feel great, I am happy, may not have a" perfect" life..n but really, who does?? Or what is Perfect?? We all face problems, desicions, sadness, joy... We have to learn to accept with the good and the bad... And remember it can always be worse!

 

Yes your mood reflects with the people around you.. I am a believer of that, it even reflects in things that can happen to you during the day... Think positive. And positive things will happen... Smile even when you don't feel like it.. Smile at everyone even if you don't know them... When you least expected you will feel always like a million bucks! And people around you will feel it.., specially your family and loved ones!

[muncher459 1040]

Happiness, comes from within, if someone is seeking happiness thru external stimulus, chances are nothing will ever live up to their expectations, from this comes a dissatisfaction with life. Alternately to be truly happy you must be able to be happy with just the way things are today. This doesn't mean that you stop trying to improve the quality of your life. You just enjoy what there is to enjoy today.

 

I have suffered depression all my life, and yes some days my energy levels and mood are down, but there is always something that can give peace and happiness. I eventually have come to realize that everything we need to survive , all the answers we seek are right there inside of us if we stop and take the time to listen to our own intuition and not search out happiness with the herd. Just my thoughs on the matter and good luck to all in finding balance.

 

oh...one more thing, it probably won't happen quickly or easily.

[Frank7 3939]

If you really think about it; what is the point to life if it is not to seek happiness?

 

When I wake up in the morning, I am going to do things that in one way or another, hope to make me happier. Maybe it's to go to work (I enjoy my work so that makes me happy) so I can earn money so I can take my family on a trip (that makes them happy which in turn makes me happy). Maybe some earn enough money only to put food on the table and that makes them happy. I go golfing because it makes me happy (sometimes it makes me happy... but I go with the expectation that it will be a happy time for me). I go to the doctor because good health hopefully will make me happier for a longer time. I am also a member of cerb because it makes me happy.

 

If people did not seek happiness in their life then what's the point.

 

Generally, people's happiness can be defined by the success in finding that happiness. Currently in my life, I have been able to find the happiness more than not. That makes me a generally happy person.

 

 

A very brilliant way of exposing it. If you can do or get the things that makes you happy, then everything is perfect.

 

To answer Motorbykerider's question, unfortunetly i'm also not happy. I try very hard to change the one thing that doesn't work in my life, while staying true to myself. But it's not very successfull. I've been on medication for a few years now, to at least help with my mood and let me be neutral at least.

 

Pills alone will never work (unless it's a purely biological depression) but for some, they are very much needed. Without them, some people wouldn't have the time to work on the problems.

When i took the wrong medication for a bad cold, they ended up negating my normal medication. I had to check in at the Hospital, cause i was about to kill myself.

 

Now i'm doing better and i'm very caryfull with what i mix. =P

 

Best of luck Motorbykerider!

[Hyperion 270]

If anyone here is unfamiliar with TED talks I would highly recommend them. They are interesting, amusing and generally short (about 10 to 20 minutes generally).

 

This thread reminded me of this TED talk. Interesting look at what happiness is and what influences it. Hope you enjoy.

 

 

Incidentally, I would conisder myself to be very happy in general. I have a great job I like, great kids that I love to be with and the women of CERB to add a little beauty to my life now and then.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Yup, I am and I believe in taking personal responsibility so it's not up to any one else but me.

 

Peace

MG

[Guest a**4*]

Yes I am I make my own decisions come and go as I please I am responiable for choices I make.I am very happy to be here on cerb to be around so many beautiful ladies and wonderful people and for that I am very grateful for that and to have meet a very wonderful lady here ;) so yes I am very happy thanks to everyone in the cerb community :bigclap:cheers :chug::D

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Am I happy? Sometimes I'm happy and sometimes I'm not. Some of us seem to be born with a sunny disposition and some of us are not. I do think if you are generally always unhappy it can be helpful to "act" happy. I don't mean pretend to be filled with joy and have a skip in your step, I mean just place a smile on your face and try to feel contentment. Seek peace, not happiness. Happiness is a fleeting feeling of joy and can be affected by your environment, job, spouse, even ice cream or dare I say it, an SP. Seeking it externally is wasted effort in my opinion. Just try and find 5 minutes a day to quietly reflect on how unique you really are and find peace and acceptance with yourself. Some of the most truly contented people I know are Buddhists. You may want to read more on this or google happiness and Buddha.

 

Coincidentally, I just read an obituary for a brilliant Psychiatrist who believed you could resolve your mental and emotional problems by accepting responsibility for them. He said "We choose everything we do, including the misery we feel". His name was William Glasser. Read this Saturday's Chronicle Herald for the obit. Interesting read.

 

As for the video, I thought it preachy and amateurish.

 

I hope you find contentment and leave happiness to find you, not the other way around.

 

Steve

[gc1968 2033]

Seems I am in the minority (at least as far as the posts go) but I am very unhappy.

 

However, having said that, I have reached a point in my life where lately I have been re-examining everything I have done up to this point. It's funny that this thread has popped up when it did, because I was actually toying with the idea of posting on here asking for advice, mainly because there seems to be a lot of people on here willing to help people out on a variety of subjects. I just hadn't made up my mind to do it yet.

 

Lately I have actually been doing a lot of soul searching, crying, self-analysis, more crying, reflecting, reminiscing, and just generally trying to figure out what went wrong to get me to where I am now.

 

I've come to realize that what went wrong was simply me. More specifically the choices I have made, most of which have not been good ones. I have done things that I thought would make me happier, when in fact they just made things worse. I realize that I am often too impulsive when it comes to making decisions, and tend to jump too quickly before getting all the facts. I also am too trusting though and have made decisions based on promises, only to have the person making them not live up to their end of the agreement, causing me stress and worry, and further adding to the unhappiness. (like my present situation)

 

I also found that as things got worse, so has my self esteem. I cannot motivate myself to do anything to better my health for example, because (and this is something I've only just realized, and may sound overly melodramatic) somewhere along the line I think I've subconsciously decided I no longer want to live. I also seemingly have no purpose in life, at least in my mind. Not that I am actively going to go out and kill myself, but I seem to deliberately do things that will put me at great risk for heart attacks, strokes, etc. I am considered morbidly obese, and do nothing to lose weight, even though I keep telling myself I will. I have been diagnosed as a borderline diabetic, and am supposed to watch my diet, exercise and monitor my blood sugar, yet I do none of these. I started to when I was first told, but it lasted maybe a month. I even went out and bought a mountain bike, which I ride occasionally, but nowhere near regularly. I completely lack discipline in my personal life, yet in my professional life I am completely the opposite. Haven't figured out why that is yet though.

 

Add to this the fact that I have struggled with depression for years without knowing what it was, and looking back I can see how my depression has influenced a lot of my decisions. I did have a prescription for an anti-depressant that actually worked for me, after a lot of trial and error, but since my doctor moved away I can't seem to find one that will renew my prescription. Seems a lot of the newer doctors don't seem to believe in them, or are overly cautious about prescribing them. Also add in that I am shy and reserved by nature, so don't connect with a lot of people. Funny thing is I talk to hundreds of people in a day for my work, and get along fine, but when it comes to my personal life forget it. This is actually how I found CERB. I know I need human contact, and started thinking that if I found an SP or two it might help me out in that way.

 

So now that I've posted all this negative stuff, I will end this on a positive note; now that I am coming to understand that my life is exactly the way I made it, I'm pretty sure that going forward I will now look at things in a different light. Hopefully it will translate into better decisions, as well as a renewed way of looking at myself and how I feel about myself. I know it is going to take a lot of hard work, but I think the biggest thing is just getting out of some bad thought patterns, which now that I see them I can hopefully change them.

 

p.s. sorry for the negative rambling. I didn't post this to get anyone's sympathy or anything, in fact still not sure I should be posting this at all, but since MBR asked.....)

[roamingguy 300292]

Me, I'm a happy guy. Look at the glass half full. Yes, there are days when something pi$$es me off, but that's life. In the overall scheme of things, life is good and I'm happy

And as a sidenote, a few years back I had a bad breakup with my g/f and after that swore off dating. Well after three years without any female companionship I decided to try seeing escorts. Not only have the ladies I've met in this lifestyle provide a enjoyable no strings no drama alternative to dating. The ladies also filled a emptiness (one which I didn't know I had till it was filled btw) in my life too.

I only mention this because if you are still on the fence about seeing SP's, you may be like me, and find the companionship the ladies provide will help fill an emptiness in your life

A rambling from a happy guy

RG