Newbie: time 2 change my name to Dangerfield??

[dunkinsailor 1220]

Hi ppl,

 

My first post in this forum, and don't know if my experience qualifies for TOFTT:)

 

After a bundle of nerves, and reading thru cerb, I finally took the leap and made an ppt with an sp I found on CER.

 

After arriving, we talked a bit, and started with a massage. Then I told her I was there cause, in my late teens and early 20's, I was a dense, nerdy kid who racked up a lotta rejections trying to get a love life, and wanted to create some better memories to replace a bunch of crappy ones (the theory, anyways).

 

I told her I din't want sex, but naked cuddle and caressing time.

 

Gawd, ain't irony an s.ob. The old days, ask a woman for sex, get a slap in the face. But this time, saying I DIDN'T want sex got me kicked out - there was no way she was gonna let me get her hot and bothered without mutual release.

 

I thought on the way back to the car, "damn, you can't even get a woman NOT to reject you if you PAY her. How bad is that?" Old days, that woulda been the reason to join the monastery. Irony is, I had to laugh.

And that's already made the past pain ease up a notch.

 

If there is a next time, I've learned I gotta clarify EVERYTHING important beforehand. Definitely never thought this request would be a deal-breaker.

[drlove 37204]

I've found that the best way to approach a lady on cerb is to start off with a few e-mails and/or PMs. The first would be an introduction, describing yourself, giving some background... whatever you feel comfortable with. I usually give a brief description, my occupation and location. You may then proceed to arrange a time for an appointment. In the follow up e-mails, it's a good idea to relay your preferences, and inquire whether the lady is comfortable seeing you within those parameters. Also, I find it's good practice to confirm an appointment approximately one hour beforehand, as a courtesy for both the lady and the gentlemen, to ensure that nothing unforeseen has occured in the meantime which may cause a delay or cancellation on either end. Hope this helps!

[dunkinsailor 1220]

Thanks for the advice. I'm finding a unique sense of community on cerb that - before a week ago - never knew existed.

 

I had the experience I did cause I wavered back and forth (nervously at first) bout jumping off the diving board. A few days before I went to the city, I started making calls and emails (incl. to a few sps with great reviews in cerb). My time in the city didn't match with any availability tho, so I went thru a list of other sps from CER before I found someone available.

 

I got my money's worth in my first time out, just not in the way I expected. Learned a lot, and I left on what I think were quite good terms. Miscommunication. Happens so rarely between a man and a woman:shock:.

[Annessa 22743]

Hi ppl,

I told her I din't want sex, but naked cuddle and caressing time.

 

Gawd, ain't irony an s.ob. The old days, ask a woman for sex, get a slap in the face. But this time, saying I DIDN'T want sex got me kicked out - there was no way she was gonna let me get her hot and bothered without mutual release.

 

....

 

If there is a next time, I've learned I gotta clarify EVERYTHING important beforehand. Definitely never thought this request would be a deal-breaker.

 

very odd but I have to ask for clarification, was her distaste and rejection fueled by a bartering for price over services. ie. you didnt want sex, just cuddling, so what was the rate for that? or was it based on the fact that she wouldnt see you unless you got her off? (even if you didn't)

 

if it was the first option (which is ok...it happens) some ladies see the "just cuddling" or "just a HJ" proposition as a means to bartering...which can offend some ladies who charge by their time regardless of what level of intimacy you're looking for. Often I have responded quite frankly to emails with requests like this trying to educate that its not the act but our time and intimate devotion to you that decides the donation.

 

Now, if it was the later situation thats very selfish of the SP to not respect your wishes. But like some said prior, laying out the expectations in an email or phone conversation can defibitely easily prevent that kind of situation.....very sorry u had to go through that :-(

[Cato 160314]

Nicely said, Annessa!

[dunkinsailor 1220]

no bartering, I paid up front (the donation was in the quite reasonable range). And I didn't ask for a refund when the snafu came up - figured if she didn't offer one, just likely to inflame the situation.

 

I did offer to get her off (I love that feeling), but the one-sided aspect is what upset her: she said that would make her feel "used" - I got the sense she needed it to be a mutual experience, and that the thought of a "one-sided romp" inadvertently touched a nerve.

 

She said it was the first time she'd ever had such a request. My hunch is that it caught her by surprise.

 

Btw, she and her friend (unavailable that day) are both sps, but it was her friend that offered gfe, not her. If I had gotten the date with her friend, maybe the experience woulda ended up different. Luck of the draw.

 

My hunch is, if I ever went back and asked for the full deal with both of them, they'd see it as a challenge to let me find out what I was really missing! (I wouldn't go back tho, cause I'd never know what other hiccups might pop up).