Rules for escorts and love?

[Guest S****r]

Now that I am in escorting, I don't know how to proceed with dating anymore. When I entered the industry, i was already in a relationship, (with his knowledge). but now that that relationship has derailed, i am wondering how dating someone new is supposed to work.

 

If I meet someone new, do I tell him right away that I do a little escoorting on the side? You all know how much honesty means to me. But this information puts my personal life and career at high risk if it gets known by the wrong person. So it is not something that I share with hardly anyone in my personal life. But if I want to be involved with someone, I want to be honest, so....I definitely would need to tell someone if we started getting serious. But at what point do I have that conversation? At what point is one trustworthy of that information?

 

Then there is the flip side to that conversation. Will a guy remain involved once he knows I do escorting? I recognize that not every guy can live with that fact. Could I accept it, if I found out a guy I had been seeing for some time, was involved in something similar? Actually, at this point in my life I could, but only because I have been involved in the industry myself. But prior to my involvement in (and therefore understanding of) the industry, I doubt that I could have. Of course the answer is that a relationship could only work with a partner who knew and was okay with it. That much I already know. But when...and how....to proceed ?

 

I feel that I am stuck in a conundrum. It is a riddle, and I can't figure out the answer.

 

What about dating someone who is a hobbyist himself? Hmmm....... for me, I have seen that that could work. But for the guy....I still wonder. Can he get serious about someone who is escortng? The jury is still out.

 

I am seeing now that it is indeed a complicated thing for an escort to fall in love. Not because I can't love, because I have discovered that indeed I still can, but--by being an escort, have I now put myself into a category of the unlovable?

 

Thoughts from others? Would love to hear from both ladies and gents.

 

(Where else could I ever ask this question?! love this community!)

[CristyCurves 169032]

Summer the only rules that pertain to your life are the ones you make. Yes I believe its important to be honest with your partner but only you will know when that time is right and if and when you can trust this person with your intimate details. Trust is so very important and you are right your privacy in the wrong hands could be devastating. Follow your heart but more importantly your female intuition. Seldom does it steer us wrong.

As far as being the "unlovable"-certainly not. Its sad to think that some may judge us as being such and such for being providers but we are just as worthy and loveable as the next person. Maybe more so in a lot of cases. All the best to you and may you find that true love, your soul mate:)

[aimtoplease1 1839]

If you & a hobbyist fell in love...would you be ok with him still seeing escorts?? I think it would be simular to couples who swing.

[Guest webothscore]

 

 

I am seeing now that it is indeed a complicated thing for an escort to fall in love. Not because I can't love, because I have discovered that indeed I still can, but--by being an escort, have I now put myself into a category of the unlovable?

 

Unlovable? Not at all, however, the level of trust and communication would no doubt have to be something special and without question. I wish you the best in what you are striving for, now or in the future.

[ivyjune 100]

... and I've decided, for now, to NOT DATE anymore ... until I figure out a way to make it work for both me & my partner.

 

If anyone has any clue; please share !!! Farewell !!!

[sparky7545 390]

I sincerely hope you would not catagorize this conundrum as an escort being "Unloveable"! However, it would take a special sort of person to enter more than a casual relationship. The majority of folks think of a relationship as a monogamous thing. I have spoken with some more adventurous couples who can be very happy and very much in love while at the same time being very comfortable sharing their partner with others.

[Boomer 33202]

There aren't any rules for this sort of situation, however "tell him right away" NO. Develop the relationship first and when you are confident and able to trust the guy or girl, then it's time to confide in them.

 

You laid out a number of options in your initial post, but omitted one. Could you give up the job if you became seriously involved and it was the only way to go forward.

[Guest S****r]

Hi Hank,

That would depend on the financial situation at the time.

Thanks for bringing that up!

Summer

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

There aren't any rules for this sort of situation, however "tell him right away" NO. Develop the relationship first and when you are confident and able to trust the guy or girl, then it's time to confide in them.

I'm going to have to disagree with this one, especially if the relationship involves sex. I know that many hobbiests are at the other end of the spectrum, but I'm a firm believer that my lover(s) should know the extent of my involvement with others and the risks that may extend to them because of that, even though safer sex is practiced. You don't necessarily have to come out as an escort; many folks nowadays are engaging in poly or non-exclusive relationships, so it has become a little more mainstream than it was previously. One possibility is to tell potential partners that you are not ready for a monogamous/exclusive relationship at this point, and see how the relationship develops from there.

[Chanel Reign 28097]

I am in a poly open relationship. It goes much deeper than sex and has for over 20 years. I am lucky that when I chose to become an SP he came around. I took a huge risk, but he now views it much differently, as does he the whole industry.

 

Hypothetically though, I don't come home from work though and talk about my day like a regular job. But when he comes home, it's our home and not my workplace anymore. It looks no different than when he leaves in the morning.

 

So yes, there are men out there that are not threatened by your being an SP, they are just hard to find in a mainly monogamous culture.

[cat 262460]

From one mature provider to another, I will say it isn't easy. I've tried and have decided that the headaches and heartaches simply aren't worth the investment at this time in my life. The work just brings too many issues, even with those who know and understand it when combined with a strong will that we old broads seem to embody. What I would like to ask is if your relationship has ended, is there a need to seek another at this time? If you are anything like me, you have lived to raise your children and take care of others. I'm assuming here but I have never met a mature provider that wasn't instinctively nurturing, even if they haven't had children and most of us have sacrificed everything for those we love. Now your family is grown or almost, perhaps it's time to have an authentic relationship with yourself!

 

I've decided to simply live each day and enjoy those who are in my life during those moments. I do have friends in my personal life but it's on my terms and my time. I've adopted a new approach. Rather than looking at things from a duality perspective ie. positive/negative contributions, I only consider if a relationship brings balance to my mental, spiritual, physical being. If a relationship doesn't contribute to the harmony I craft in my life then I bow out. I love but don't commit in a traditional way. I'm spending time with me, doing the things I love and want to do. If someone I enjoy wants to tag along, great! If not, great! If I want someone to sleep over, they can stay. If I want to wake up alone, they go home. Anything that disrupts the balance I'm creating is immediately eliminated.

 

Embrace being a woman of mystery! Like Kathryn said, you do need to disclose your profession before intense intimacies take place but you would be amazed at how much fun you can have without going all the way. I get all the hard action I need with work but I love the foreplay most. I will spend months getting to know someone and never go further than high school couch make out sessions that have been the described as the best sex they've ever had without sex! Until I know they are trustworthy, they don't need to have information that is sensitive. Protect you and yours foremost. Life is suppose to be fun, make dating an adventure and I have chosen to make these experiences fun and without commitment or drama. They are simply for me to enjoy, nsa.

 

Perhaps spending some quality time with you, for you, by you is in order. The right man may fall from the sky into your lap when you least expect it but if he doesn't then you are still living a life worthy of you, that you will find fulfilling. My grandma always told me that she never regretted anything she did in her life, she just regretted the things she didn't do so that is my focus. I'm just doing the things that I enjoy on my terms and seeing where life takes me...

 

cat

[Guest realnicehat]

If I could tell you the "rules for love" could you find anyone that obeys them?

 

While I won't argue that your situation doesn't make a relationship more challenging I think you'll find that the world is full of people wondering if they are in fact unlovable.

 

I think the best advice you have been given is to love and live your life for yourself (and those you care for). When someone comes along that you feel you could be serious about then it will be time to make some decisions on what to reveal and how.

 

For now, just go about your day to day knowing you are as easy and as difficult to love as anyone else.

[Frank7 3939]

I'm going to have to disagree with this one, especially if the relationship involves sex. I know that many hobbiests are at the other end of the spectrum, but I'm a firm believer that my lover(s) should know the extent of my involvement with others and the risks that may extend to them because of that, even though safer sex is practiced. You don't necessarily have to come out as an escort; many folks nowadays are engaging in poly or non-exclusive relationships, so it has become a little more mainstream than it was previously. One possibility is to tell potential partners that you are not ready for a monogamous/exclusive relationship at this point, and see how the relationship develops from there.

 

Extremely good advices. Since there is always risks with sex, you should tell the person before you two start doing it. It's there choice if they want to "risk it".

 

 

 

Yes there is some guys that would seriously date an escort. There was a few post about love between an escort and hobbiest or if someone would let her keep working if you started dating an escort.

 

Dating an hobbiest could be a good way, but you have to be carefull. Some hobby cause they don't want to be monogamous, they need diversity or cause they like being infidel. That wouldn't end too well in that case.

 

Another possibility, would you be willing to stop escorting if he's not comfortable with it? Of course, that depends if it's your full time job or you have another career as well.

 

As far as undateable, i don't think so. There's a lot of people with bigger hurdles. Like not being charming/good at conversation...

[Happyjack 1090]

"There's a lot of people with bigger hurdles. Like not being charming/good at conversation..."

 

ha!