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The "play on words" thread

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Hello Cerbies :)

 

As someone who loves clever word play, witty puns and sarcastic quips, I would be most interested to see what you have in store for us.

 

The following was recently posted in another thread and I thought I should share it with you because it was brilliant!

 

Don't believe everything you hear. Real eyes, Realize, Real lies.

And it's even worse when former trusted mates betray you; 'cause then it's re: allies! ;)

 

On a different note...

 

"I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me."

 

Or even something like this:

 

"If you're talking behind my back, you're in a real good position to kiss my ass"

 

 

Brainy teasers and riddles are great too!

 

Riddle: I am eight letters long "12345678." My 1234 is an atmospheric condition. My 34567 supports a plant. My 4567 is to appropriate. My 45 is a friendly thank you. My 678 is a name. What word am I?

 

 

 

 

Mistaken

 

 

Have fun!

 

Gabby xox

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I don't know if this falls in line with "play on words", but I saw an ad on BP the other day for a lady that was advertising herself as a "beautiful mix of chinese and cockasian". Twice in the same ad. Maybe it would have been a funny play on words if it was done on purpose, and not by accident. I feel bad for poking fun, but seriously, proofread & spellcheck your shit, people.

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I hope you get a little chuckle out of these like I did :-)

 

 

 

Play on Words

How do crazy people go through the forest?

They take the psycho path

 

What do Eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?

Polaroids

 

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

 

What do you call cheese that isn't yours?

Nacho Cheese

 

What do you call Santa's helpers?

Subordinate Clauses

 

What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?

Quatro sinko

 

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk

 

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?

Frostbite

 

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck

 

What's the difference between roast beef and peasoup?

Anyone can roast beef

 

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him

 

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?

Because they have big fingers

 

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?

Because it scares the heck out of the dog

 

What kind of coffee was served on the Titanic?

Sanka

 

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?

The location of the dirt bag

 

Why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?

Because they wear their belt buckle on their hat

 

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?

A bad golfer goes, WHACK! "Darn."

A bad skydiver goes, "Darn." WHACK!

 

What do you call a man with a car on his head?

Jack

 

How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it!

 

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way, unique up on it!

 

What do you call skydiving lawyers?

Skeet

 

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop, clop clop?

An Amish drive-by shooting

 

How are a Texas tornado and a Tennessee divorce the same?

Somebody's gonna lose a trailer

 

Source: http://elmblog.eddiesnipes.com/humor/jokes/play_on_words.shtml

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Guest webothscore

This is more of a rhyme while asking for less of something and more of something. Given the industry, an SP could use it during a session ;)

 

Less talk, more cock.

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Oh, ya gotta love a thread about play on words...it's likely to be very punny. :P

 

 

 

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

 

Q: What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen?

A: Snowballs.

 

One lady says to another, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The other replies, "Oh my God! How many is a brazilian?"

 

Man: "Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, its too long."

Woman: "Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won't get it."

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Credit to OARC for this:

 

Mahatma Gandi walked bare feet for most of his life which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little which made him very frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Therefore we may refer to him as a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

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Good from far...... far from good!

 

When you see a lady from afar, she may look good (hot)

When she is near, she may look far from good (hot)! :)

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