How open are you?

[zorobaby 4121]

Morning guys!

 

I just had a thought (obviously because I started a thread). How open are most of you to your friends/families about what you do? Be it a sp or MA or dom or hobbyist.

 

I recently allowed two of my closest friends to see what goes on behind closed doors, and invited them to cmj for a bachelor party. I got a mix of reactions from them, from shock (at first) to intrigue, and finally excitement. We had a conversation about what had gone on once we left, and both of them thanked me ffor bringing them to the other side. To allow them to sit and talk to some of the girls at cmj, to get on the same level then go through and have a good time completely changed their mind thought. I was a little skeptical because in previous conversation, one of my friends had spoken about the industry with a very closed and media driven mind, now I'm happy to say that he is planning on becoming a member of cmj.

 

Do you guys have stories like this one? Did it go south? I'm interested to hear what has to be said.

[NotchJohnson 214129]

I'm not open at all about my lifestyle, I'm married and I would never want this to get to my SO ears.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I used to be quite open about this profession and my opinions concerning it. However those I told used it against me so now I keep it between myself and two of my closest friends, I would trust those two people with my life:). They had to know as I didn't think I could be truly close without them knowing everything about me. I believe great friends need to know about one another. But as the old saying goes -if you don't want anyone knowing anything then don't tell ANYONE!

[TGirl-Kay 7485]

The fact that hobbying needs to be kept private is one of the main reasons that understanding of what sex work is and how prevalent and necessary this industry is.

Our media presents a very one sided view of sex work and the voices of the men and women who see providers are all most never heard.

We need more books like Paying For It and more men and women who are able to speak openly about their experiences.

Remember your providers when you vote and remember us when folks are speajing poorly of us.

[6dave9 4008]

I'm not open at all about my lifestyle, I'm married and I would never want this to get to my SO ears.

 

Just like NotchJ, I also have the need to keep all of this under the radar..

There is however, one of my best friends of 35+ years, who has confided in me about his second persona last year. He is a Dom and has found his Sub and has his needs, wants, demons and desires fulfilled.

We have had a few excellent conversations about each other dilemma or alter ego, i recently told him that I am on CERB, as a vehicle to have and open and honest means to voice my feelings. which is true!! but i have not told him of a few connections I've made... But he is a very intelligent man... I think he has figured it out that I have sought solace in a lady's arms... :-)

 

I'll stop here..

D.

[Cleo Catra 178382]

I'm 100% open. My friends and family all know what I do, and are all completely supportive of me and my decisions.

[TGirl-Kay 7485]

Oh I should add that I'm open about the work I do also.

[zorobaby 4121]

Just like NotchJ, I also have the need to keep all of this under the radar..

There is however, one of my best friends of 35+ years, who has confided in me about his second persona last year. He is a Dom and has found his Sub and has his needs, wants, demons and desires fulfilled.

We have had a few excellent conversations about each other dilemma or alter ego, i recently told him that I am on CERB, as a vehicle to have and open and honest means to voice my feelings. which is true!! but i have not told him of a few connections I've made... But he is a very intelligent man... I think he has figured it out that I have sought solace in a lady's arms... :-)

 

I'll stop here..

D.

 

I also have a so, as does my friends I brought. The reason I had the idea of cmj was because one of the friends likes the strip club way to much and the other is basically a virgin, they both have confided in me very privately some information, so I decided to repay the favor. As cristy said, to be friends like we are, we have to be open about everything, he opened up aand now so have I. And honestly, being able to speak freely on Cerb helps, but now I can sit and have a true conversation about the industry with someone very close to me without judgment

[cat 262460]

I'm out to all in my life. The reactions were varied, some stepped up and supported me; others disowned me. I prefer to know who I can count on so I disclose it up front and allow people to make the decision for themselves to get to know me or not. I'm so far beyond caring what anyone else thinks at this point in my life that it is easy for me to do.

 

The only time it causes issues is when people are not honest with themselves about how they feel about my work. They misrepresent themselves as being ok with it when in fact they aren't. That has caused some rough patches in the past and now I take a long time to get to know someone before I let them get close so I know I've done my due diligence in protecting me and mine.

 

I do believe that the industry as a whole needs to be prepared to shed some light on the realities to dispel the myths but I understand those that fear the reaction and chose to closet their choices. I view every interaction I have with the "squares" as a chance to challenge their preconceived ideas and as a little one on one public relations. I don't fit the stereotype (as few of us do!) and most often than not they go away with food for thought. Planting the seeds of doubt and having patience is all it takes to change minds...

 

cat

[Nathalie L 112512]

My friends and family know that I'm an escort. Although I'm not out on 'paper' because I'm apprehensive about the effect this could have on future career opportunities. For example, if you Google my real name there is no indication that I've worked as an escort.

 

Apart from being slightly worried about my safety on occasion, mainly because of what they hear in the media, my friends and family know that I'm an intelligent young woman and I'm doing what's in my best interest, both emotionally, physically, and financially.

 

When I speak to 'square' folk (as Cat aptly put it) I do think it's a great opportunity to disrupt some of the stereotypes associated with the industry. Most people react with curiosity and want to ask questions without being rude or invasive. I've had good experiences almost everytime I've told someone, but that's perhaps because I surround myself with awesome people! I don't scream it from the rooftops but I definitely don't hide it either. It's definitely hard when people seem supportive but prove not to be later down the line...

 

It's an entirely different story for people in the industry who have SOs, be they sex workers or clients. Being out can have broader implications. Sometimes there are two (or more) people to take into consideration...

[Guest webothscore]

 

Most people react with curiosity and want to ask questions without being rude or invasive...

 

Good key statement you wrote above. Even myself, within Cerb, have had curious questions and because they have been asked or pointed out tactfully, most have responded back. Sometimes people need a little reassurance from time to time, so for sure somebody outside the community will have curious questions, and hopefully they are doing it out of love and care.

[Mister T 45020]

Of the people close to me, i've formally told only a friend of 20+ years of my direct involvement in the business, but i knew the news would'nt be a surprise.

 

Though i'm single, or because of it, i was able to be open about it some time ago, which went well (better than i ever conceived, though i know its not within everyone's reach to do). In the past 10 months, i've taken a discreet approach in trying to dispell the myths in regards to the industry. Cat said it well, planting the seeds of doubt and having patience is key to change minds.

[IsaMassage 54318]

50% of the people close to me know between close friends and family members...

 

I have open up to friends that in the past have shown to me that they are my true friends no matter what.., in good and in bad.. It was not easy because there is always the fear of rejection.. fortunately they have accept me and nothing has change between us...

 

Some friends not as close I dont feel omfortable talking to them about what i do and i just orefer to keep them in the dark...

 

And when it comes to the rest of the world... Is really none of their business what I do...

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

I am not open about this lifestyle with anyone for several reasons. I'm a bit of a loner and my personal life is no one's business(except for my wife), I'm married and wouldn't want my wife to feel embarrassed or responsible for my extra curricular activities, and as a business owner I have a certain persona I need to project/protect.

I don't wear a ball cap and sunglasses to a date or worry who might see me going into a hotel, etc. I just have a ready excuse in case I spot a friend or someone says they saw me.

I also don't have any friends I would consider close enough to even want to share this with and I'm ok with that.

[loopie 15358]

I don't really discuss my sex life with other people.

 

But I don't have any problems honestly expressing my opinions on the sex trade, which is a topic of conversation that comes up from time to time. I never feel under any pressure to pretend that I am some sort of conservative and condem the sex trade.

[MightyPen 67414]

Like others, I hardly discuss my sex life with anyone but my partners themselves. And most of the people I might be inclined to talk to about the sex industry's role in my personal life would react badly. I would get a lot of silly, misguided "but how can someone like YOU do THAT!?"

 

One of the problems is that to do that conversation right, you have to both describe what DOES happen, and work hard to dispel what they THINK you mean when you say "I visit prostitutes". For that you need time, focus, and someone who can be thoughtful and challenge their own media-driven (often emotionally charged) preconceptions. To do all that, there needs to be some benefit that's worth all that work and risk.

 

I've talked about it with one friend I knew when those circumstances lined up right, and she was great. We covered a lot of ground, she had natural concerns that I addressed one by one, and she understood by the end the positive role sex work could play with free, willing participants.

 

I've also found myself stepping up in conversations to defend sex work and sex workers, without saying I'm a client. I can see this continuing to evolve.

[roamingguy 300292]

I'm not ashamed about partaking in this lifestyle. And I'm single, no concerns if discovered. That said, this is my private life, and I treat it with discretion, not telling anyone (well except for those on CERB and ladies I see ;-) ) It's no one's business

Now if discovered I would tell, obviously without revealing ladies names. But what would come as a surprise to most I know is first, that I am even seeing professional companions. I doubt I would fit society's stereotype of a male who sees escorts. And second, that sex is only a small part of an encounter, companionship entails far more than sex and it is all aspects of companionship I enjoy.

A rambling

RG

[Guest c**io**m7]

I have one friend who knows and he was not at all shocked. I have also outed myself to my new lady friend. Through her curiosity, I have allowed her to read my posts and we have talked openly about many of my encounters. I have even had to answer the questions on favorite experiences, favorite ladies etc...

 

She took it all very well and I think she is enjoying reaping the benefits of some of the things I learned along the way...wink...wink

[Winnipegcub 21293]

For personal and professional reasons my activities within this community have remained with me. And they will stay that way. I am extremely discrete and private and very cautious when meeting ladies. I almost never partake in my home town and only when I travel to reduce chances of seeing someone I know and could be recognized. Also the reason why I've never participated nor would in activities like CERB socials. As much as I would love to meet more of the community and even some of the great guys here...just too much at stake.

[cometman 35115]

I am not "out" or open at all. This life and my public life are somewhat different. However, in many ways, this life is more honest.....no lies, no regrets. I have come close to telling a couple of my closest friends about this lifestyle, but have backed off for one reason or another. I am a fantastic best friend and confidante and never betray a trust, but cannot be sure about others. I love my girlfriends on here and hope we're always good for and to each other.

[zorobaby 4121]

Thanks guys!

 

I understand in alot of circumstances it is impossible to come out to your friends or family because of work or personal relations. I tool a hige risk and it panned out, i just dont think i will ever tell my family about my discrete personal life.

[Chanel Reign 28097]

I have never outed myself, nor do I intend to. There are 3 people outside of CERB that know what I do. For a lot of very important reasons.

 

The most important being my family. For one, this would be the cruelest thing I could do to my Mother. The hurt would be as if I had cut out her heart because of her personality and religious beliefs. And while she is my best friend, this is one secret she doesn't need to know. Why would I do that to her?

 

My very best friend knows and only very recently. She actually surprised me with her reaction (or lack thereof). She had a lot of questions because of her concern and the fact that she knows so little of this industry. I was upfront and honest reassuring her that the mainstream stereotypes she thought were fact were in fact not.

 

Discretion is a two way street, and I expect no less from my guests. Since I see some very high profile and recognizable Gents not on CERB (Ottawa is not that big) there is rarely any divulging, even between my SP friends. Who I see is my business, their business and no one else's. It would be unrealistic to say that we don't share on occasion but these are women in the industry that I trust.

 

My public life is mine and not relevant to what I do. Given my friend base I suspect I would lose some friends simply because of attitudes. I do not feel it is up to me to change that as I love them just the way they are.

[HalifaxMan58 2206]

I am not ashamed of my new lifestyle. My 32 year old trainer who I've become pretty close friends with over the last 2 years knows about my lifestyle. It just came up in the conversation about what I do and does that give me time for dating.

 

What I do really doesn't give me time for dating and taking the time to spend on a relationship that is needed to make it work. I was honest and up front with him and told him about my new lifestyle.

 

At first he thought I was joking, as I am probably not the type of man you would expect to be in this lifestyle. We talked about all the advantages. He told me he takes a lady out to dinner, movies, drinks and at the end of the night he might get a peck on the cheek, never knowing what the out come will be. Turns out that I am having more sex than he is. He wasn't very happy about that part. ;)

 

On a more serious note. I will tell people as the subject comes up. I figure what I do is my own business, but if asked by friends or family I certainly wouldn't hide my lifestyle.

I know I've said this before and I'll probably say it many more times. I am so happy I stumbled on this awesome cerb site!!!

 

My 5 cents worth.

[Guest a**4*]

I have not told any of my friends what I do because it is not there business I answer to no one but myself I make my own decisions and I am happy to be here should have started a long time ago.I am not ashamed of what I do it has taught me a lot about this industry so a big thank you to all the beautiful ladies here on cerb my two cents worth :D :ThankYou:

[mrgreen760 37785]

Closed.....

 

Peace

MG