private section

[LeeRichards 177238]

My take on it ...

 

A ladies private section is very valuable and provides safety among the ladies....cause they realllllly need it !!!! unfortunately.......and maybe even supports comradarie and soothes the atmosphere among the ladies working side by side in the industry ....I don't know...just surmising. Worst case a guy might not get his rocks off with a certain chosen provider or several maybe. Life goes on.

 

A private section among the boys has the potential to destroy reputations and careers and livelyhoods of the ladies and in some cases their kids wellbeing. Even if moderated that sometimes will not and cannot prevent irreputable damage IMO. Life doesn't just go on and heartbreak and hard times can be involved.....

 

Use the PM system and recco's fellas status quo is my opinion. That's all I got.

[roamingguy 300292]

I personally don't want a mens only section. CERB isn't a boys club, here both ladies and gentlemen are opposite sides of the same coin

There isn't anything I write that I feel should be kept secret from some CERBites

My two cents

RG

[Samurai 7678]

I personally don't want a mens only section. CERB isn't a boys club, here both ladies and gentlemen are opposite sides of the same coin

There isn't anything I write that I feel should be kept secret from some CERBites

My two cents

RG

 

Wow, a lot of great points and responses. I'm really seeing now that there are a lot of potential negatives in a private section for men. I'm really glad I asked the question as I have now had the benefit of all of your perspectives on the matter. The safety of everyone is of the up most importance and if a private form for the men could add to the risk that is already taken by providers then I'd have to say that it is a bad idea.

 

Thank you for your input everyone.

[IsaMassage 54318]

I personally don't want a mens only section. CERB isn't a boys club, here both ladies and gentlemen are opposite sides of the same coin

There isn't anything I write that I feel should be kept secret from some CERBites

My two cents

RG

 

You are better than me to getting to the point. ..

[Samurai 7678]

Hey there splitz:

 

I guess ultimately my own feeling is that adopting two different spaces with two sets of rules -- one exclusively "men only!" -- just wastes healthy open discussion, and lays the groundwork for a needless division.

 

great points MightyPen

[Mikeyboy 27133]

Splitz,

 

I apologize if my post was one of the ones you took offense to my friend. I assure you my intention was not mean spirited or malicious. I was having a bit if fun with the imagery of the "all boys tree house" while trying to keep things light spirited. I confess that I've been told on occasion that my sense of humor is an acquired taste ;-) . None the less, I'm sorry if I sounded sarcastic, or even less than supportive.

 

That being said, I still am not convinced that such a section is in the best interest of cerb. You have actually put fourth some good arguments, (which I was struggling for with any previous threads on the subject), but I still think that the potential for abuse out weighs any positive benefit it could bring. I still see it as a means for guys to say things about sps behind their back. I believe that at least on this site, one shouldn't say something about someone if they wouldn't want them to see it. Perhaps I'm an idealist.

Either way, I'm sorry if I offended you.

Mikey

[Samurai 7678]

Well I'm convinced, too many negatives for a private hobbyists section

-unnecessary division

-boys club mentality and may become disrespectful

-may pose increases danger to the provider with regard to the exchange of a providers personal information without there knowledge.

-And I'm sure there is more..feel free to add.

 

However, I think that there is one thing that should be cleared up. Its the big white elephant in the room.

 

As the most common comment made by people in this thread surrounds the following:

"if you have something to say about someone and you can't say it too them then don't say it at all" I think the perception here is that if you for any reason would prefer not to say something to someone than what you have to say is negative. So I have to believe that this way of thinking must have left some with the impression that Splitz (me) wants to talk negatively about providers and is looking for a forum that allows me to do that behind a closed door. Just to be clear.. that is NOT SO.

I believe that there are times when one may not want to speak on a topic in front of someone that involves that person but the reasoning for not including that person who it relates to is not malicious but more of a social norm.

 

For example: (fake names ahead) Julie and Jake are on a 1st date and just as Jake is kissing Julie good night for the first time, Jacky(Julie's best friend) just happens to be walking up the road. Julie introduces Jake to Jacky and as this is happening Jacky is just dying to ask Julie a ton of questions like: what is he like, is he a good kisser, is he a good conversationalist and Julie's dying to tell Jacky all about it because that's what people do. So guess what happens when Jake leaves. The conversation begins. Now is Jacky betraying Jake? If Jacky wanted to know if Jake was a good kisser or a good conversationalist than shouldn't Jacky have been able to ask those questions in front of Jake, and if she didn't want to, is that because Jacky had bad intentions? I wouldn't say so. Some people would just find that a bit awkward.

Now the dangers of having a private section for the hobbyist have been well stated and I have been convinced that its probably not a good idea so please know that my above example is in no way advocating for one. I just believe it would be understandable for someone to have misinterpreted my intentions as malicious and I sensed that some had interpreted them that way.

 

Thanks everyone. This has been quite eye opening for me. It's great to have an environment where people can ask questions, debate, and learn without it getting petty and shallow like I see happening in many other online forums where knee jerk reactions and trading insults sadly dictate the flow. And having the privilege of being part of a forum that allows providers and hobbyist to share their perspectives with each other in an environment of mutual respect is so valuable. I think part of that value may be in that it helps highlight the importance of the legalization/normalization of this industry within society. Only with legalization can there be major leaps forward with regard safety and the prevention of exploitation. Peace....

[Brad 49548]

Splitz, first of all let me say how cool it is to read that you've changed your mind on this. A reasoned exchange of views and ideas online leading to someone adjusting their view? I think we may have just broken the Internet! :)

 

I understand what you are saying in terms of clarifying that you weren't envisioning a private section for negative remarks. But personally I don't think your comparison to discussing a new boyfriend and their first date quite holds up. After all, I think we know that the details that would end up getting discussed in a private section would end up being a lot more than just 'were they a good kisser or conversationalist'. Plus, it would be shared with a larger audience.

 

To keep with your comparison it would be more akin to Julie and Jake finishing their first date, and then Jake going to a private group on Facebook and sharing with all the people there--many he doesn't even know enough to trust--the intimate details about Julie's sexual preferences, what activities she offered, how her breasts felt, etc. Not quite the same thing as sharing with a best friend some details about a new crush.

 

You're right that these aren't necessary negative details or SP bashing--they could be shared with the best of intentions--but it would still end up discussing things better left for the lady to decide whether she wants shared or not. For one thing this allows the lady to control which activities may become expected by others.

[Samurai 7678]

And I agree of course that the kissing analogy is not a good comparison. Your very explanation as to why it isn't a good comparison is one of the reasons I changed my view on the private section in the first place. So of course that comparison doesn't hold up. If I thought it did than I wouldn't have changed my mind. My reason for bringing up the comparison was to convey that Prior to my changing my mind about the private section my error in thinking was not inspired by malicious intentions but rather an unrealistic perception of how the private section would have run. I realize now that it wouldn't work like that.

 

Splitz, first of all let me say how cool it is to read that you've changed your mind on this. A reasoned exchange of views and ideas online leading to someone adjusting their view? I think we may have just broken the Internet! :)

 

I understand what you are saying in terms of clarifying that you weren't envisioning a private section for negative remarks. But personally I don't think your comparison to discussing a new boyfriend and their first date quite holds up. After all, I think we know that the details that would end up getting discussed in a private section would end up being a lot more than just 'were they a good kisser or conversationalist'. Plus, it would be shared with a larger audience.

 

To keep with your comparison it would be more akin to Julie and Jake finishing their first date, and then Jake going to a private group on Facebook and sharing with all the people there--many he doesn't even know enough to trust--the intimate details about Julie's sexual preferences, what activities she offered, how her breasts felt, etc. Not quite the same thing as sharing with a best friend some details about a new crush.

 

You're right that these aren't necessary negative details or SP bashing--they could be shared with the best of intentions--but it would still end up discussing things better left for the lady to decide whether she wants shared or not. For one thing this allows the lady to control which activities may become expected by others.

[Barney 2550]

If you need to say something just say it , are we all not Adults here, most of us here can read between the lines in most cases. Also all things in life are not always positive, so just say what ever it is people need to say and move on. I hope everyone has a nice Sunday Go Patroit's !!!!

[Guest realnicehat]

Well I'm convinced, too many negatives for a private hobbyists section

-unnecessary division

-boys club mentality and may become disrespectful

-may pose increases danger to the provider with regard to the exchange of a providers personal information without there knowledge.

-And I'm sure there is more..feel free to add.

 

However, I think that there is one thing that should be cleared up. Its the big white elephant in the room.

 

As the most common comment made by people in this thread surrounds the following:

"if you have something to say about someone and you can't say it too them then don't say it at all" I think the perception here is that if you for any reason would prefer not to say something to someone than what you have to say is negative. So I have to believe that this way of thinking must have left some with the impression that Splitz (me) wants to talk negatively about providers and is looking for a forum that allows me to do that behind a closed door. Just to be clear.. that is NOT SO.

 

I realized I have gained a little weight but the white elephant comment is just mean ;)

 

Don't worry Splitz, often it is not the questions that you ask or the statements that you make but how you conduct yourself while doing so. You made honest inquiries and offered your opinion but from my point of view, the best thing you did was to keep an open mind.

 

When people disagreed with your point of view you didn't get defensive, you asked for clarification. To me, the fact that you changed your mind isn't nearly as important as the fact that you were more than willing to consider the views of others.

 

Congrats on starting a provocative and educational thread.

 

ps. does this post make me look fat? ;)

[fortunateone 156618]

I personally don't want a mens only section. CERB isn't a boys club, here both ladies and gentlemen are opposite sides of the same coin

There isn't anything I write that I feel should be kept secret from some CERBites

My two cents

RG

 

 

 

Very good answer! If it is too questionable to share on the open forum, it's too questionable to share in a private section.

 

If some members are too shy to post publically, they can continue to send pm questions. If they don't have any posts, don't reply to them, imo, because you have no idea who they are, what are they hiding, what do they want, etc. So if it is info that is readily available to them if they went to an ad or website, just add to your reco "I've been getting enquiries by pm about X and Y, and refer everyone to the sp's website or ad, or contact her directly about this." That way you aren't sharing sensitive info if you felt that it wasn't appropriate info to put in the reco in the first place. If you get a bunch of pms asking the same info and realize it would be OK to have in the reco, then just add a post that provides that info.

 

Whatever you do, the sp will be able to see what you are saying in the reco, if it is a private matter she will let you know. If it is something that needs clarification or correction, she will also let you know.

 

Doing any of that in a private section means there are some 'facts' posted that she is unaware of, and which may lead to issues when she hears "I read that you provide X under the right circumstances" or "Are you still at the Hotel XXX?" or even "You should know that cerb member W is telling everyone your exact address."

 

 

 

But aside from the obvious, if you are inundated with pms, just post in the reco itself you don't want any, there is also the chance that it will redirect discussions away from the General lounge, and there will be less happening publically where everyone can participate. This could lead to disinterest from many members, and sps, and change the dynamics of the site the way it is.

 

The way the site is now, even tho the site is focused on eastern provinces, I still make copious posts on a variety of topics just because I am able to read them all :)

[Athos 108589]

I also don't see the point or the need. I understand the reason for the ladies only section. But beyond that I agree with RG that this is a community, and segregating our interactions into different sections would be undesirable.

 

Speaking personally, there is nothing I would post on this board that I wouldn't want everyone in the community to read. If there was, I simply wouldn't post it.

 

If one does feel the need to reach out to people on a more private basis, there is the pm system.

 

Porthos

[qwertyaccount 15793]

Granted, a tree fort would be cool.

 

 

But I don't have any interest in a guys-only private section.

I can't think of anything I'd like to discuss that I wouldn't want the ladies to see, and in fact actually enjoy their input -- it is the main reason that I come to CERB.

 

A guys-only section could turn into a he-man woman-haters club.

 

The ladies are screened before they are allowed into the SP-only section. I can't begin to comprehend the effort that would be required to screen the guys.

 

And how many guys could refuse the request to let them see the private section on their account from a lovely lady wearing just a smile? Ladies are strong, men a weak -- nothing in the guys-only section would be private for very long.