Random Musings: What's Worse??

[drlove 37204]

What's worse... being in a relationship and not appreciating what you have, or to turn down a relationship, only to later realize what you missed out on?? I have my own theory on this, but would like to hear your viewpoints.

[Guest gagagaga]

or...

spending $300000 in a crappy relationship and then realise that you could have had amazing sex with sp's 1500 times (3 times/week for 10 years).

 

divorce is expensive because it's worth it.

[drlove 37204]

I think the accepted wisdom is that over the long term, it's cheaper to rent.

[drlove 37204]

That being said, if someone wants to go the relationship route:

 

1) Don't get married

 

2) Have a solid cohabitation agreement

[BownChickaBown 4829]

or...

spending $300000 in a crappy relationship and then realise that you could have had amazing sex with sp's 1500 times (3 times/week for 10 years).

 

divorce is expensive because it's worth it.

lol - ones gotta love the economics of it all.

 

Reminds me of a quote I heard once...

 

"Dating and girlfriends are just an economic liability!"

[Guest gagagaga]

or...

" Sex is one of the most beautiful and natural things that money can buy!"

-Steve Martin

[cat 262460]

Disclaimer: The view expressed below is mine and is not shared with the majority of the female population...

 

There isn't a clear line here. It depends on where you are in life, what your life path is and what you want out of the days you have been given. Sheer economics will dictate that it's cheaper to rent, but do you really want to be alone....until the end? I am an abolitionist, no one can belong to anyone else so the concepts of legal marriage to someone who believes in monogamy is ludicrous to me now. Does that mean never falling in love or being committed to someone? Not in my little corner of life, it simply means supporting someone in their decisions even if it means he is going to have a relationship with a 20 something intern on the hill, a brilliant but pretentious 30 something from work or never get the divorce I thought he already had. If one can juggle 4 balls at the same time and smile, then it's all good from my perspective.

 

The funny thing is that people buy into the facade of "this is the one" and when the hormones change and things settle down they think something is wrong. There is nothing wrong, it's the way life rolls out. I believe that the day a man stops hunting is the day his spark has been put out. It shouldn't happen but it does and it's always sad to see. The zest for life is the foundation for appreciating the experience we get to have and men flourish as long as their virility is intact. If that takes juggling multiple women, so be it, as long as he goes to sleep knowing he's happy.

 

On our death beds it's never the things that we have done that concern us, it's the things we didn't have the courage to do that comes into focus. My philosophy is to do everything.....

 

Cat

[NotchJohnson 214123]

Disclaimer: The view expressed below is mine and is not shared with the majority of the female population...

 

There isn't a clear line here. It depends on where you are in life, what your life path is and what you want out of the days you have been given. Sheer economics will dictate that it's cheaper to rent, but do you really want to be alone....until the end? I am an abolitionist, no one can belong to anyone else so the concepts of legal marriage to someone who believes in monogamy is ludicrous to me now. Does that mean never falling in love or being committed to someone? Not in my little corner of life, it simply means supporting someone in their decisions even if it means he is going to have a relationship with a 20 something intern on the hill, a brilliant but pretentious 30 something from work or never get the divorce I thought he already had. If one can juggle 4 balls at the same time and smile, then it's all good from my perspective.

 

The funny thing is that people buy into the facade of "this is the one" and when the hormones change and things settle down they think something is wrong. There is nothing wrong, it's the way life rolls out. I believe that the day a man stops hunting is the day his spark has been put out. It shouldn't happen but it does and it's always sad to see. The zest for life is the foundation for appreciating the experience we get to have and men flourish as long as their virility is intact. If that takes juggling multiple women, so be it, as long as he goes to sleep knowing he's happy.

 

On our death beds it's never the things that we have done that concern us, it's the things we didn't have the courage to do that comes into focus. My philosophy is to do everything.....

 

Cat

I wish I could communicate my expression the same way you do, but I'm a man of small words. My philosophy is: Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that takes our breath.

[cat 262460]

I wish I could communicate my expression the same way you do' date=' but I'm a man of small words. My philosophy is: Life is not measured by the number of breath we take, but by the moments that takes our breath.[/quote']

What a wonderful sentiment! May I use it sometime?

 

Cat

[NotchJohnson 214123]

What a wonderful sentiment! May I use it sometime?

 

Cat

You sure can darlin', but only if you share the same feeling as me.

[Guest M***ell***A]

I personally think it's worse to lose a relationship that you took for granted - you know Excatly what you lost. With one you turn down you can never be sure that it would have been good - sure, it may have been the best relationship you ever had but it also could have been the worst. I have an easier time not knowing what I missed out on than I do knowing what I gave up.

[MandalayBay 575]

Cat, I have become a more enlightened person by simply reading your post. Thank you.

 

It is better to move on than to remain stagnant in anything you do ... whether it be a relationship, your career or personal goals/dreams.

 

There were a couple of men I've had in my lifetime who I felt "got away" and pined for.

 

Programs like Facebook and MySpace have allowed me to look them up and have realized it was the fantasy of what I thought they would be that I was pining for. They aren't still the handsome, young men I remember from my youth. Some haven't turned out to be very appealing at all and are men I would never consider dating at this period of my life.

 

One of my favourite songs is Give It To Me by Madonna and that is how I've chosen to live my life.

[buggernot 588]

What's worse... being in a relationship and not appreciating what you have, or to turn down a relationship, only to later realize what you missed out on?? I have my own theory on this, but would like to hear your viewpoints.

 

Not appreciating what you have is worse because you're not returning the sentiment (and perhaps vice-versa). When you turn down a relationship, you only think about the good that could have been, but it's all about the unknown. You have no idea what the warts and sores are like until you've experienced it. Unrequited love or passion lives more in a fantasy world where everything is perfect.

[Andee 220524]

I personally think it's worse to lose a relationship that you took for granted - you know Excatly what you lost. With one you turn down you can never be sure that it would have been good - sure, it may have been the best relationship you ever had but it also could have been the worst. I have an easier time not knowing what I missed out on than I do knowing what I gave up.

 

In retrospect, my ex-husband, who I divorced was still better than any subsequent boyfriends. Sometimes I think I should never have left him especially since we are still on friendly terms and I see what he's up to (via Facebook, etc.) I believe if he were available and open to it, I would consider trying again with him, even after all these years.

 

But, at least it has made me wiser about what I am willing to accept and not accept in a relationship should I ever wish to commit to someone again.

 

I also think about another friend (who ended marrying another friend in my circle of friends way back in my late teens/early 20s) who was totally in love with me, worshipped the ground I walked on and would have married me in a heartbeat. He also turned out to be fairly successful and financially set. I think about how I would have it made now if I went for thim. But then when I hear his wife tell stories of certain things that go on in their life, I think to myself "what an old grumpy cout he's turned into).

 

So you just never know, but I do agree with Michelle.

[Guest S**a*Q]

I am a firm believer in the saying...

 

"Never regret things you have done. Only regret the things you didn't do."

 

I like that. Regretting things you've done is not really good, as it builds who you are for the next experience. Yes I have regretted things in the past, but I've learned that I'm happy the way I turned out and well, it's what I've done that has molded me into the person I am today. :)

[Guest]

If you do not appreciate the person your with. Someone else will. Why waste that persons time. It is like putting a triangle into a circle. If it's not working don't shove the dam piece into it.

 

Sometimes we over think things. We start imagining what it could be like with this or that person. It is a fantasy and maybe it should remain that. Some of the best relationships I had were flings. They were hot, intense and were let go when needed.

[Suzirider 737]

Cat, dear lady

re Disclaimer:

I'll bet there are a thousand guys across this country that would like to meet you someday.

:bowdown: (can't find the heart throb smily)

[VedaSloan 119179]

Regarding the question, it is much worse to not appreciate what you do have than to have missed out on something.

 

That being said, I'm with Cat. Polyamory is where it's at. We're sexual beings, having sex with other people doesn't necessarily mean we don't love our partners.