The Indecision Division

[Guest realnicehat]

First, let me be very clear, this thread is not designed to make fun of or put anyone down. It is an honest question about something that I find very puzzling.

 

Almost every day on Cerb (or other boards) I see one or two "Who should I see" threads. Sometimes they are from out of town visitors with no time to do research but more often than not they are from a hometown boy who just can't decide.

 

Now I can certainly understand the hesitation when getting up the nerve to finally pull the trigger and see a professional. Been there, done that. What I honestly don't understand is how hard it is for some guys to pick a provider.

 

Perhaps I've forgotten what it was like in the beginning but I can't recall it being that hard to choose. A well reviewed lady who I find attractive and fits within my budget has never been hard to find.

 

Bearing in mind that a lot of those "Who should I" threads receive very little response I'm sincerely hoping some guys will come forward and share their ideas on what holds them back. Perhaps if I (or others) had a better understanding of why you find it so difficult we might be more forthcoming with info in the future.

 

I understand that this is an expensive endeavour and no one wants to have a bad experience but it is very hard for other members to tell you who is right for you.

 

Ladies, while this question isn't directly for you, you spend a lot of time speaking with us so I would certainly welcome any input you have.

[Brad 49548]

I suspect in part it is a case of what can seem obvious to the experienced is simply unknown to the newcomer.

 

How often are such threads answered along the lines of "there's plenty of options and it depends on you"? Just like with the various "best of" threads a lot of people seem to eventually realize that each person is likely to have their own preferences and chemistry.

 

It may also be that this is--perhaps unconsciously--a way for a newcomer to introduce themselves to the board and the community. I remember when I first started I thought I'd never get through my first five posts. It took a while before posting seemed natural and initially I couldn't think of anything to contribute. Since the main thing on a newcomer's mind is the nervousness of who they should see, it perhaps makes sense that it's what someone would post on.

 

I also wonder if it takes a person a while to feel confident in doing their own research and reading the recommendation threads. Perhaps it feels more real and reassuring to have responses specifically directed to them.

[Guest Miss Jane TG]

This is a very good thread and thanks for brings this issue up.

 

I have seen this phenomenon in all the forums that I came across. The distinction is that in CERB the gents tend to respond in a more classy way and avoid making direct comparisons among the providers, at least in public.

 

In other forums, I noted that the whole issue is completely different as new comers are looked upon as the first-grade school boys who need to be taken under the arms of the big boys. Therefore, they will receive all the kind of advice which IMHO are more confusing than helping in making a decision.

 

What puzzle me most is that some potential clients view this business as a completely different form of enterprise when the guiding principles are essentially the same as any other business. Each provider convey a message through her ads, website, way of communication via email/texts/phone, posts etc.

 

I have noticed that business and career driven clients on average are very good at spotting the right companion for their own purposes, be it a trip of leisure, a night out, a short rendezvous etc. they are simply good at picking up the message!

 

There are always going to be some clients who will pose the same type of questions again and again. Wish them the best of luck. My philosophy on this subject is that if a hobbyist can't pick up my message, then we are simply not a match.

[Fresh start 17467]

Good question, I do remember my first time but I didn't have cerb nor much to think about at the time.although my first time I did use a agency and she did an outcall which may of helped ease the nervous. My mind was else where at the time and didn't spend any time hesitating or worrying.

 

I wonder if some are just over thinking it, or perhaps they think they are ready but aren't and are not capable of choosing cause subconsciously they aren't ready. Then again I've seen men who can't even shop alone without getting some sort of validation on their choice.

 

Even today before any encounter I try to communicate before hand with the lady of my chose explaining what I'm looking for and to see if she thinks we are a good fit.

[Guest ChantalSummers]

Excellent idea for a thread, realnicechat!! My guess is that more than likely the person is new and when logging onto our fine community here on cerb, he/she just see so many beautiful and amazing ladies to choose from when reviewing profiles, websites, recommendations that the decision to pull that first initial trigger is exciting yet overwhelming. Also the new person would very clearly see that there are many experienced friendly gentlemen who may be of help. So as a result he/she decides to place his trust in them and ask for help. Maybe it's also as a way to introduce him or herself and attempt to build a rapport with members on the board. Please keep in mind this only an educated guess of mine. I absolutely see where you are coming from as well.

[CristyCurves 169032]

There are some who aren't good at making choices on their own and this goes on in all aspects of their lives. Then there are those who just need to be assured, to hear reassuring comments or perhaps it's just a subject that is popular and fun to discuss for some. Hearing someone tell you so and so is this or that can be titillating it seems:)

[roamingguy 300292]

Maybe something else to consider. A newbie may have heard stories of bait and switch and other negative aspects of this lifestyle. He may want to ensure that his first encounter will be a positive experience...it's not so much a case of who is the right lady to see, but a way to avoid the wrong ladies, those who give this lifestyle a bad name

One more thing. A newbie to this lifestyle can be overwhelmed. It is more than sex for money. There is a lot of etiquette to learn. There are many beautiful ladies on CERB, how to select one, not to mention it may be a big hurdle just to decide to embark on this lifestyle, so maybe the guy just wants help narrowing his choice of a lady to see.

A morning rambling

RG

[muncher459 1040]

Uncertainty...comes in many forms....I sometimes have trouble making decisions if there are too many wonderful choices in front of me....but eventually everyone has to take control of his life and make the best decision you can...based on what information you have in front of you....follow your instincts, listen to what your mind/body is telling you....and then be prepared to accept the results , even if they are not what you expected.

 

Indecision of choosing your first rendezvous partner could be a sign of cold feet, are you really ready to take the plunge? Sometimes people don't want to be responsible for their own decisions, or are worried about finding perfection right out of the gate.....some times you just need to get off the edge and take the plunge....confidence isn't about making the right decision all the time....its about accepting failure and recovering from it without being devastated.

 

"take my advice, pull down your pants and slide on the ice":icon_biggrin:

[Guest realnicehat]

Interesting insights everyone, thank you. I am still hoping to generate some input from the indecisive gentlemen themselves though.

 

While I realize a lot of newbies struggle to fulfill the obligation of their first five posts (which really should be a "gimme" based on the number of post padding threads in the general area) it isn't necessarily the first "who should I" post that I'm referring to.

 

Quite often, out of curiosity, I will check the post history of someone asking for this kind of help. A lot of the time it isn't their first (or even 15th) post. I have seen guys ask specific questions about ladies, do all of the leg work, narrow it down to two choices and then ask the board to decide.

 

Often, after other members weigh in, the poster just drops the subject only to ask the same questions a month or more later. It honestly makes me wonder if these guys are for real or if they just get off on perusing ads and asking questions. I know that might sound cynical but let's face it, the board has over 40,000 members (almost 12,000 active), if all of those members were here to meet ladies we'd never be able to get an appointment.

 

So for the guys who truly do get stuck when it comes to choosing please feel free to share what holds you back. No one is here to judge and what you offer can only help to distinguish you from the lurkers.

[gc1968 2033]

As someone who is still on the fence about who to see, or even if I want to see anyone, I can give you a little insight into my own issues (for lack of a better word) and why I might post a thread like that. I haven't, and probably won't as I've decided the only real way to make a decision is to contact the lady I choose directly and work things out. (or not, depending)

 

A lot of you have touched on many of the reasons I would post one of those threads already, but I'll list them here. Maybe it will help let you know why some people need to ask questions.

 

 

• Nervousness - Being both new, as well as having low self esteem, I might ask who to see because I would want to make sure that whoever I see will make me feel comfortable and not feel judged. I might be hoping to find someone who was in the same boat who could give advice as to which SP they found would make me feel most comfortable.
  
• Having a good experience - As was pointed out by someone, I would want my first experience to be an enjoyable one, so I might be asking just to reassure myself that the lady(ies) I have picked out will be a good fit. Sometimes you can't get that from reviews. (especially if the review is written like a play-by-play of sexual positions with little else added in)
  
• Too many choices (this one wouldn't be for me yet, due to geographical location) - I can see how someone might be overwhelmed with choices. Every woman here on CERB is beautiful, but maybe someone might be looking to narrow things down a bit, maybe looking for a bit more insight into the lady's character in order to make a short list based on what they are looking for. (If I could do it, I would spend time with every lady on here :) )
  
• Bait and switch / horror stories - Until I started finding sites like CERB I never really thought about this possibility, but now that I am aware of it I am a little more leery of things. Some guys might be looking for reassurance that the lady they have picked is going to be who they think they are.
  
• Not enough time to do the research - Not really an excuse, but if someone is traveling they might try to do some research on their own, but in the end might decide it is easier just to ask others. I can't see this being an issue for me personally, as all my traveling is planned well in advance, but you never know, it might happen some time that I will have to take an unexpected trip and decide I would like to see a lady while there.
  

These are some of my main concerns, and why I might ask advice on who to see. However having said that I am of the opinion that the best way to narrow things down is to look at the lady's posts if possible, website as well, and if things look good from that aspect, contact the lady herself. I think those are really the only way to make an informed decision. (and even that isn't infallible)

[roamingguy 300292]

As someone who is still on the fence about who to see, or even if I want to see anyone, I can give you a little insight into my own issues (for lack of a better word) and why I might post a thread like that. I haven't, and probably won't as I've decided the only real way to make a decision is to contact the lady I choose directly and work things out. (or not, depending)

 

A lot of you have touched on many of the reasons I would post one of those threads already, but I'll list them here. Maybe it will help let you know why some people need to ask questions.

 

 

• Nervousness - Being both new, as well as having low self esteem, I might ask who to see because I would want to make sure that whoever I see will make me feel comfortable and not feel judged. I might be hoping to find someone who was in the same boat who could give advice as to which SP they found would make me feel most comfortable.
  
• Having a good experience - As was pointed out by someone, I would want my first experience to be an enjoyable one, so I might be asking just to reassure myself that the lady(ies) I have picked out will be a good fit. Sometimes you can't get that from reviews. (especially if the review is written like a play-by-play of sexual positions with little else added in)
  
• Too many choices (this one wouldn't be for me yet, due to geographical location) - I can see how someone might be overwhelmed with choices. Every woman here on CERB is beautiful, but maybe someone might be looking to narrow things down a bit, maybe looking for a bit more insight into the lady's character in order to make a short list based on what they are looking for. (If I could do it, I would spend time with every lady on here :) )
  
• Bait and switch / horror stories - Until I started finding sites like CERB I never really thought about this possibility, but now that I am aware of it I am a little more leery of things. Some guys might be looking for reassurance that the lady they have picked is going to be who they think they are.
  
• Not enough time to do the research - Not really an excuse, but if someone is traveling they might try to do some research on their own, but in the end might decide it is easier just to ask others. I can't see this being an issue for me personally, as all my traveling is planned well in advance, but you never know, it might happen some time that I will have to take an unexpected trip and decide I would like to see a lady while there.
  

These are some of my main concerns, and why I might ask advice on who to see. However having said that I am of the opinion that the best way to narrow things down is to look at the lady's posts if possible, website as well, and if things look good from that aspect, contact the lady herself. I think those are really the only way to make an informed decision. (and even that isn't infallible)

 

Not offering suggestions on who to see but a couple comments that may help

In terms of nervousness/low self esteem. Well I know for me, even when I'm seeing a lady that I've seen for a fourth, fifth, tenth encounter well you get the idea, I have pre date jitters, excitement, nervousness if you will. But that's part of the excitement of meeting a lady, and if I no longer was getting pre date jitters/nervousness, well what's the point...building excitement and anticipation is part of the enjoyment of this lifestyle

In terms of low self esteem, while I can't relate, what I can tell you is all the ladies I have seen, Goddesses all, are down to earth, and would make you feel relaxed and at ease, and treat you like a king. And after an encounter, maybe help your self esteem too

As for who to see, take a look at the recommendation section in CERB for the city you will see a companion in. It would be a good starting point. BTW it's also a good way to avoid those bait and switch and other bad

dates. As for reassurance remember every encounter is unique, no two dates are alike. But if you select a recommended lady, and you are a gentleman, it's a pretty safe bet you will have a pleasant and rewarding encounter

Also there are many many beautiful ladies here. But remember you just need to decide on one lady. You can have an encounter with another lady who also interests you at a future date. Just don't let the number of ladies overwhelm you

Finally, when you schedule your date, tell her that it is your first time and you are nervous. And when you have your date, be a gentleman, pay in full, maybe a gift and tip too

Good Luck

RG

[Guest realnicehat]

gc, thank you for your honest answer.

 

One can certainly see how nervousness and self esteem issues might play a part.

 

In the past, when I have been on the fence about a provider, I have always relied on my own gut instinct rather than asking for input. I guess that is why I am curious about the other side of things. I'm a little unclear on how having four or five guys throw a name in to a ring helps a person make that final decision on who to see.

 

So far all of the responses have been great but the majority are all still speculation. I've yet to hear (unless I've missed something) from someone who actually has used this method and found it helpful. Please guys, even if it was years ago or if you are brand new, say what's on your mind.

[muncher459 1040]

However having said that I am of the opinion that the best way to narrow things down is to look at the lady's posts if possible, website as well, and if things look good from that aspect, contact the lady herself. I think those are really the only way to make an informed decision. (and even that isn't infallible)

 

This is the real key, use the forum posts, ads, and websites, to get a feel for the ladies personality and views......when somethings jumps out and grabs your interest you are on the way to a successful visit....because you feel it is the right choice

[NotchJohnson 214123]

I do not like to refer someone to a stranger or even a friend, I will only make a suggestion. I have a brother that does not speak is mind during family reunions but after a decision is made and he is not happy or it could have been a better choice he likes to blame everyone but himself.

[xxxAxxx 21016]

I feel that these are just people too "lazy" to find the info themselves. I could be wrong, this is simply how I perceive them. I'm glad most members avoid chirping in with reco's on those particular threads because they can only recommend someone who was good FOR THEM! My best friend can go on all day about her damn Pho soup, doesn't mean I'm going to love it.

[Guest realnicehat]

Thanks for the clarification Alexis, it is much appreciated.

 

So gentlemen, would anyone else like to share their difficulties in choosing?

 

Or we could start a "Should I reply to the Indecision thread" thread ;)