The Pros & Cons of Being a Hobbyist.

[Guest f***2f***]

Good news. I hope everything goes well for you r100rs.

 

I agree with you belladonna that there are huge pitfalls to the GFE delivery of service. But there are other pros and cons to the hobby.

[daddio 2704]

This has been a very interesting thread and has helped me with perspective.

 

It's the intellectual perspective versus the emotional perspective. I suspect a lot depends on the personal circumstances of the hobbiest.

 

Intellectually I think we all understand that a "date" with an SP is a business transaction.

 

If we lack sexual affection and intimacy in our lives and a good SP fulfills those needs then the associated emotions can blur the line between fantasy and reality.

 

I walk that line and, as I understand from reading this thread, so many others do. And, for me at least, it is good to know that I am not alone in entertaining those feelings.

 

There is another recent thread on the subject of needing to know how to (sexually) please a(n) SP.

 

Posts from the SPs on that thread say that if you come to a date with that perspective then, chances are, you will not be (completely) satisfied because the business is about satisfying you.

 

I needed to have that spelled out to me because I've often felt that what I need to do, is satisfy the woman in my arms. If that were to happen it would be a bonus - a big bonus.

 

Now, if I could only translate what I've written here into my own reality I 'm sure I would feel better.

 

Or would I.

 

Anyway, thanks to cerb for providing a forum to discuss these issues. Far better than a local chapter of SANS (sex addicts anonymous - sans le sex)

[cuteFrenchy 403]

The service provider amplifies the romantic situation to make it seem that she is more than just a sp, she is the ultimate girlfriend. A no-strings-attached, eager to please, and yet, completely unattainable girlfriend.

 

I think it is a subject that should not be ignored. Myself, I have been victim to feeling more than I should for a client. This can be extremely damaging, especially since professional boundaries have been constructed. Even more so is you already have a significant other that knows nothing of your pass-time/hobby/job.

 

I consider it to be very difficult to write about such a touchy subject, even a misuse of language could offend. However, the GFE phenomenon and its consequences are very real to this community. :oops:

 

 

First off, I would like to welcome Belladonna to the CERB community. You seem to be a passionate person. I admire that very much.

 

I agree with you that it is easy in this hobby to get attached to and maybe even fall in love with the other person. As a hobbiest for many years, I have grown attached to many service providers and did miss them greatly as they retired or as they moved on to other things. However with time I have learned to understand my emotions. In general I am a caring person and I care for and appreciate most people around me including the older lady that serves me breakfast at a local pub and the SP that is much more intimate with me.

 

Where I disagree with you, is with your definition of GFE. We must be careful not to equate GFE with romance. There are some people who desire more than just genital simulation that leads to orgasm. Sex can be and for myself must be more than just a sprint to the finish goal. One of the most pleasurable parts of sexual intimacy is the experience of touching and being touched all over. For many, touching and kissing have great benefits such as feelings of reassurance, calmness and happiness. This calmness helps me to survive and to thrive in the busy world that I live in. So when I seek out a GFE, I am not on a quest for romance, but rather simply a more fulfilling experience.

[buggernot 588]

So when I seek out a GFE, I am not on a quest for romance, but rather simply a more fulfilling experience.

 

That should be what it's all about, but it is like anything in life - ain't that simple. So many different people, different sets of circumstance, and different connections.

 

You can control what you do with your emotions, but you can't control how you feel.

[Loki318 1631]

First the SO of 38 years and yes still do love her just cannot get all the fulfillment there sexually that we had for the first 10 yrs or so ... I'll never leave willingly but may someday get kicked out......

Second the first SP for me which lasted the longest most sex charged night of my life and started me down the hobby trail.....

Then the SP who has been semi regular for way over 10 years and at some times more than semi regular, she professes to love me also but I cant get past the feeling she love my wallet more :( ......

Then the "on-Line" romance that turned to a relationship that now is a mutual booty call Could be more in another time and place but never "married".....

Oh! and lets not forget the cute little Number that we Flirt with a couple times a week, at work, or coffee shop or where ever, that we would jump in a heart beat but never really will ;)

 

Yea :) I have loved a lot :) !!!

So many Lady's Soo little time and resources .......

 

Loki318

[Loki318 1631]

the pros .... see above post .. I have loved a LOT!

 

the cons ..... the possibility of "getting kicked out" and the associated cost of that!!!!

 

Loki318

[Loki318 1631]

Interesting thread. I started a thread last year about "did I fall in love with my SP" where I explained about my sense of loss when she left town/the business. I hadn't realized how attached to her I was. I am in a different place now....something miraculous happened: I become unemployed and could no longer afford hobbying. I am past withdrawal symptoms now and have relapsed only a couple of times but those times were not pleasurable anymore, I feel although I loved hobbying, in the end it distorted my sense of reality: it became too easy to minimize women as sex objects, I was so addicted I couldn't see a single women without visualizing her naked in a sexual position with me. I was in no place to even contemplate a relationship. I am starting over now, abstinence has given me the ability to be less impulsive and to work towards dating maybe a relationship again. Will I ever have that relationship? I hope so and am working towards meeting the right person....then there's the devil in me fantasizing again, well I'll meet a retired escort and we'll be a perfect match .. but so if the life of an addict...one day at a time. And what brought me to login today after a long while? destiny to see this thread I guess. I am fully employed again and actually saving money and have hopes/plans for the future - this is a far cry from the impulsive addict I was... I am in control now for today.

 

r100rs

 

r100rs:

I applaud you and I hope you can manage to stay the course you have set.

I once had to semi retire due to lack of funds and it WAS difficult to pay the monthly bills instead of a SP and it was more difficult that I can describe here! There is such a thing as a sex addict!!!

My Name is Loki318 and I AM a sex addict!

 

One day when being a sex addict becomes more painful than quitting, then I will try to quit again ..... Although this hobby right now is not as fun as it used to be ... I am not ready to totally retire... Yet but ...

 

So the question although off topic is Can we "retire" ?

 

Loki318

[pjrd 324]

I agree with you Loki, being addicted to this hobby is very real. Much more than a love fantasy, there`s no way I can retire either. I suppose that would be considered a con but I`m not complaining.my name is PJ and I`m an addict

[a-lone42long 117]

Myself, I have been victim to feeling more than I should for a client. This can be extremely damaging, especially since professional boundaries have been constructed.:

Even more so is you already have a significant other that knows nothing of your pass-time/hobby/job.:

 

Thank you Belladonna, for what is one of the most open, honest statement i've yet read here. (or anywhere else for the matter)

S.P's, despite the fact that they set personal boundaries within themselves they NEVER expect to break, are HUMAN , and vulnerable to the same things we are. As with any occupation, the law of averages dictates you will run into someone with whom there is an attraction.

Despite the love felt for the signifigant other, sometimes you can't help but wonder if the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, or that they could be more like a client/provider in certain circumstances.

 

What motivated my reply was actually the 2nd quote (and some replies it engendered). I found it disheartening that despite how far humanity has come as a civilization, there are times where we feel we have no choice but to live a lie to keep what we value most.

 

My best wishes go out to you, and all caught in those circumstances, truly.

 

My last relationship was an open one, we could and did talk about everything you could imagine. It take a special understanding to know that while you or your partner may want to have sex with another for now, they want to be with You Forever.

Some of you may well ask then, why am I here if things are so perfect ?

I found my way here after C was killed in a car accident a few years ago, thinking that I may find some solace with another. While there appear to be some truly beautiful S.P's both outside and inside, i've yet to make an encounter happen. I remain;

a-lone42long

[roger dodger 2160]

i must say that i have always liked variety in women. i have always known the the rules and boundaries of hobbying. i've LIKED and cared about many sp's and mp's, but i always knew to not get so close as to fall in love with them. I know, sometimes easier said than done lol. i had always put in my mind to treat the ladies with the outmost respect and consideration, but at the same time to realize that although many encounters were incredible and sometimes very passionate, this was still business. Let's be honest gentlemen, 99.9 percent of us hobbiest would never be able in all our dreams, to hook up with these girls if there was no money involved. Now it doesn't mean that sometimes u can't form a relationship or frienship, but to most ladies, if your first encounter with them was a business one, that's what they will consider you as. well i made that mistake recently with an sp. i had so much fun with and couldn't stop thinking about her, to the point where i wasn't even interested in seeing anyone else. i did and still care about her well being, but i now realize i can't see her in a business way anymore, which really sucks, because we really connected. this girl is not even close to my usual type, but she got a hold of me, in so many ways, that i now have to back away. I never thought this could happen to me, i know the game, i know the rules, i've been with so many sp's, and this happens. oh well, back to reality!

[Jabba 18389]

The opinions in this thread have very eloquently summed-up all my experiences, feelings, and yes, love/hate relationship with this hobby. The views have touched on the confusion us hobbyist's have when having an SP experience. We're hardwired by nature to screw our brains out while at the same time taught by society to take responsibility and care for those to whom we screw.

 

Me, I like to enjoy the moment and experience the fantasy and joy of physical contact with someone I've never met before. Am I a sociopath because I don't confuse this connection with love? - nope, just a realist. Love is chemical.

 

My name is Jabba and I'm a slug.

[pjrd 324]

I agree with you Loki, being addicted to this hobby is very real. Much more than a love fantasy, there`s no way I can retire either. I suppose that would be considered a con but I`m not complaining.my name is PJ and I`m an addict

today I was reading a thread about us and whether or not we are sex addicts. I found out I don`t fit annessa`s desciption of an addict thank God. that`s scary. so I want to take it back. my name is PJ and I`m not an addict I just really, really love this hobby and would have a hard time giving it up.:motion:

[Cato 160314]

 

 

My response.

[GHT 798]

Cato,

 

Nice, They both look like Pros to me HAHA.

 

:)

[Cato 160314]

Reformulating my argument:

 

[Annessa 22743]

today I was reading a thread about us and whether or not we are sex addicts. I found out I don`t fit annessa`s desciption of an addict thank God. that`s scary. so I want to take it back. my name is PJ and I`m not an addict I just really, really love this hobby and would have a hard time giving it up.:motion:

 

*applause*

 

and theres nothing wrong with that my dear...as long as you're not neglecting the ones you love and yourself via morals, you're good :-)

[hunknhot 1067]

Annessa if the rest of the world shared your views people just might be happier.

 

quote=Annessa2009;98751]*applause*

 

and theres nothing wrong with that my dear...as long as you're not neglecting the ones you love and yourself via morals, you're good :-)

[Seymour 3970]

There is a con to being with a pro? :razz:

Seriously though, after reading through the thread the major con identified seems to be the emotional aspect of either becoming attached to a lady or crossing 'barriers' of client and SP worlds.

 

I think everyone has their rules for how they participate in this. What they seek and what they expect to get out of it. However sometimes situations are not black and white and I believe people can/should discuss what's on their mind to avoid becoming emotionally hurt. Whether we want to admit it or not, the escape of seeing ladies, spending time in and out of the bedroom does have emotional attachment. Is it love, lust, obsession, friendship? There are different kinds of 'love' - call it whatever you're comfortable with.

 

I may be in the minority by saying this, however, nothing ventured, nothing gained. Reminds me of similar threads on falling in love with your SP...

[Kubrickfan 12836]

As to the pros and cons, the sex is certainly nice. ;-) Especially when I'm with a lady that seems to be genuinely enjoying herself.

 

Probably the thing that I have found the most fascinating is that I have met some really intelligent, interesting people that have shared with me some really different outlooks on life and have challenged my pre-conceived notions on lots of topics. Granted, there are some noticeable exceptions to this (uggh ...), and some people are as shallow when you get to know them as you think they are.

 

"Hobbying" for me is probably the most intense thing I do outside of my family life. It enlivens the senses and the mind. Its something I do rarely (when I'm in Ottawa on business, which is a few times a year now), and I'm going to keep it that way. For that reason, I would rather spend that time with an Annessa, Charlotte, or Sydney Lacroix (or from OPG, Trish or Kayla). They will stimulate my mind as well as my naughty parts (smile).

 

As to cons, lets just say if its someone new and they show up at my door with an indifferent, "lets get is over with" attitude, I'd prefer the just take the money and get out. Fortunately, that just happened once, but I was able to connect up with Annessa later on the same trip and everything was good again (yeah!).

 

The other "con," which I'm a little more reluctant to talk about, are the times I send an e-mail or PM, usually after a visit with a lady, usually to thank her, and I dont even get the courtesy of a polite, short response. I will probably still contact that lady or agency, but if they do it enough they may not hear from me. For me, its as much about having a sense of a casual friendship (if not an actual friendship) as the physical activity.

[YoungStud 468]

The other "con," which I'm a little more reluctant to talk about, are the times I send an e-mail or PM, usually after a visit with a lady, usually to thank her, and I dont even get the courtesy of a polite, short response. I will probably still contact that lady or agency, but if they do it enough they may not hear from me.

 

That's a very interesting point. While I understand the reluctance of SPs to engage in a lot of non-paying e-mail chit-chat with clients, I do think a simple, "Thanks for your e-mail, hope to see you again soon." would be the polite thing to do. Also, an easy thing to do. And a good business (because, after all, it's a business) communiations and marketing practice.

 

If that polite reply e-mail precipitates a "chat e-mail" kind of response from the client, then a simple, "Thanks again for your e-mails. I regret I don't have the time to respond in detail or become involved in on-going e-mail conversations with clients. I do look forward to our next meeting, however." would do the trick. Unless she wants to respond and chat via e-mail, of course.

 

After that, if a client's e-mails become a hassle, just auto respond with the message above. He'll get tired of that pretty quickly. Any decent client worthy of a repeat would have already taken the hint of course.

 

Just my thoughts. Others may have others.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Thanks YS ... great idea.

 

Oh, and one other "con" (smile) .... ladies, pleeeease dont have your husbands or boyfriends respond to your e-mails. I caught one doing that once, and I felt like I had to go take a shower afterwards. :>)

[Annessa 22743]

 

As to cons, lets just say if its someone new and they show up at my door with an indifferent, "lets get is over with" attitude, I'd prefer the just take the money and get out. Fortunately, that just happened once, but I was able to connect up with Annessa later on the same trip and everything was good again (yeah!).

 

 

for a second i red that and I thought you were talking about ME having shown up with that lacking attitude...whewf! I re-read it and all is good again as well, haha

 

cant wait for your next visit Kubrickfan! Thanks for the honorable mentions :-) xo

[Kubrickfan 12836]

for a second i red that and I thought you were talking about ME having shown up with that lacking attitude...whewf! I re-read it and all is good again as well, haha

 

cant wait for your next visit Kubrickfan! Thanks for the honorable mentions :-) xo

 

Definitely NOT you sweetie ... sorry for any confusion, and I hope to see you in the new year!

[andflemcol 3975]

 

...."Hobbying" for me is probably the most intense thing I do outside of my family life. It enlivens the senses and the mind. Its something I do rarely (when I'm in Ottawa on business, which is a few times a year now), and I'm going to keep it that way. ....

 

 

This is what I do now as well:...that is, only hobby when I am in Ottawa or Toronto which is only a few times a year. It now looks like I am moving to Ottawa which has me a little worried. I am hoping I am able to curtail my hobbying because access to these wonderful ladies will be less restricted.