archer_kempt 258 Report post Posted December 18, 2009 One of the biggest ares of concern publicly around sex work seems to be an objection to attached people seeking it. I think this stems form with how we view relationships traditionally. In all other area of our life we would never expect someone to exclusively meet the others needs exclusively with one person or expect our partner to engage in all of our interests, hobbies etc. This is why people in relationships have external friendships and these are not a threat to the primary relationship but rather. We also would condemn a behavior where one member expected that the other would only engage in certain actives exclusively with but also feel no responsibility to be willing to engage in that activity in return. Yet we expect one person to meet all of our needs sexually. This seems like pretty lofty expectations and one that often even in a great relationship can leave some needs or desires wanting. I think this explains a lot of the drive for sex work. When it's done in manor that is about meeting a need or desire the your partner is uncomfortable or simply unwilling to meet than it's really a win win because it will allow the customer to meet their needs without the risks of developing an emotional attachment that can happen if they had an affair. That said I think even in good professional encounter there is always a degree of connection but it done so knowing the boundaries from the outset. What do you think? 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
buggernot 588 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 Even some of those who believe they have 'relaxed' views regarding monogamy will succumb to hypocrisy given the right circumstance. So factor in the puritanical views many people are ingrained with and there's no surprise that there's much indignation. People fuck around for a reason whether it's a drive, weakness, or lack of something. Always been like that and always will be. Sex workers make it easy because it's anonymous and simple. But if they weren't there to go to, things wouldn't change, they'd just be looking elsewhere for companionship or fucking... 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bethany Westbrooke 7532 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 Archer, I think you have a great point about traditional views on monogamy affecting how people view sex workers and their clients. It is something that has been discussed indirectly in other threads and is definitely due some attention! Buggernot- I feel like my thoughts are so similar to yours that they may not even need stating but I have some pretty strong feelings on this subject so I am adding my two cents anyway- though they may look very similar to your 2 cents... Personally, I have come to learn that we- as animals- are highly driven by sex, especially me! I recently watched a video (linked from here maybe?) that mentioned how bizarro it is for us to expect monogamy when in reality the only animal who has yet to prove this consistently with no exceptions is some weird worm that lives in the stomach of a fish, who fuses with it's mate shortly after birth and is then stuck for life... We are setting ourselves up for disappointment when we expect others and ourselves to remain faithful forever. It can be especially hard to handle when we are the ones being cheated on, not to say that guilt doesn't have it's fair share of emotional weight... Many women have been raised to be "good girls" with the idea that you save yourself for your one true love and then live happily ever after. Unfortunately for the good girls, simultaneously, there have also been enough "bad girls" to fulfil the naughty desires of their husbands... (and vice versa) Of course finding out that your one true love has sullied your happily ever after is a touch hard to deal with and strangely it is more natural to harbour bad feelings against the "bad girls" for being bad when in reality these good girls are simply displacing their own insecurities/fears/anger onto the sex worker/mistress/girlfriend/insert other bad girl type here to make themselves believe that their husband had no choice but to stray/be tempted/corrupted/ etc... Perhaps some of the problem also lies within the "bad-boy" syndrome- tell me I can't/shouldn't have something and it only makes me want it more... In order to change this harbouring of negative feelings against sex workers and bad girls/boys in general it is important for couples to communicate about what is expected vs. what is actually going to happen even if that is something that neither of them wants at the time of the initial topic discussion. A friend I met on vacation recently told me how his gf made sure he brought condoms with him "just in case" and then told him to have fun! That is truly refreshing, and just the kind of mentality and acceptance that we all need to adopt in order to live happier and more peaceful lives without displacing our anger or insecurities on the lovers of our lovers. As soon as we stop lying to ourselves and each other we will stop all this negativity from being created to begin with, and then focus our energy on more fulfilling activities, like more sexy time for instance... ; ) 4 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Lowdark 5613 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 There's something specific about the dynamic between women I have always been curious about and Bethany touched on it in her previous thoughts. It has always amazed me how often women look at other women like predatory comptetitors for the men in their lives. How often do women look at other women as threats to their relationships? How often do they coin the phrase "she's trying to steal my boyfriend/husband/man" Ummm, if the man in your life can be stolen that easily maybe the relationship is too fragile to take seriously. And if that's the case, shouldn't the malice be directed at him for cheating? After all, he made the choice didn't he? A man can't be stolen, only lured. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Megan'sTouch 23875 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 My general view on attached clients as a sex worker is that each relationship is unique and I'm not there to judge. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
geo007 203 Report post Posted December 19, 2009 `` One of the biggest ares of concern publicly around sex work seems to be an objection to attached people seeking it. When it's done in manor that is about meeting a need or desire the your partner is uncomfortable or simply unwilling to meet than it's really a win win because it will allow the customer to meet their needs without the risks of developing an emotional attachment that can happen if they had an affair. That said I think even in good professional encounter there is always a degree of connection but it done so knowing the boundaries from the outset`` I tend to agree with the above comments. In my experience, a relationship over a lifetime often has its ups and downs due to various factors and events. For me, connecting with SPs has eased the down periods to the extent where I can cope and continue with my long term relationship. Otherwise I fear my relationship would have terminated years ago and there is still a lot of value and happiness in maintaining that relationship. I am the type of person who likes different types of people. Therefore I often have fond memories of the SPs I have met. I remember them all. There is a boundary of course which serves as emotional protection for both parties concerned. It's like living in a dream for a while and then coming back to normal day to day life. My thoughts. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
E.D. man 691 Report post Posted December 20, 2009 Well i know some one personally, who was given permission to see SP's from his wife, as long as he did not repeat with the same SP more than twice a year. She was ill and could not give him sex. He was allowed to see an SP twice a month. I also know another situation where the woman chose the SP for long term sex with her mate. But if he wanted to change the SP she would choose again, one lasted for over 2 years the other 5 years. She is now passed. These situations both happened in the 80's!:confused: 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
TracieGold 282 Report post Posted December 22, 2009 I am giving here my humble opinion; please take into consideration I was married before ( a couple of times) and I know what "routine" does to a couple. It may be a straight couple or a gay couple...."routine" is the issue. We get used to the "intimacy" that allows our partners to see us in different and "unsolicited"ways ( bathroom, sicknesses, periods, hard work at our jobs, the children expectations and demands, etc.)we loose the "initial appeal' we had for them. Love is a great word and some are able to survive the "routines", however it is a hard thing to take. I was raised in a regular family and my dad "cheated"on my mother.I had to learn that in a hard way, another story for another day. I was instilled with the idea that Marriage was sacred.....bullshit....it is not. Why? because we do not "buy"each other...most of the persons I know are attached for financial reasons and a little percentage for the children, the family or the appearances, or they struggleto find a loving reason.... I have many "great friends" that do not stand to sleep in the same bed than their wives and at the same time they feel guilty for being with SP's. Society imposes on us rules....how do you think we feel about being SP's? however, every time I (we) see my (our) "friends"I am delighted and happy and full of joy to see them and there is no way that the "sexy feelings" are not there.....I feel loved when they hug me and loved when they kiss me...I feel true desire when they are with me....not only on physical manifestations, rather in the eyes and the hugs and the wordings of every second... I love you all, and "Yes"it is possible to love many people, it is possible to survive having "girlfriens or "SP's" (we are safer than girlfriends however) Many gentlemen have told me that they feel better with their wives after being with a good SP....here at CERB there are many great ladies and you can comfort yourself with us...please this new 2010,do not feel guilty, because society does that, not you! you are a genuine human being, male and "thirsty" Hugs and more hugs to all of you for 2010, be free of guiltiness please!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You are paying your due to your family and you are entitled to happiness, one way or another. If anyone can bring to me 10 couples that do not need to get satisfaction outside of their own lives, I will reward you! Merry life to all of you! Tracie G.:rolleyes: 5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SMYLEE52 101 Report post Posted December 24, 2009 . The age old monogamy question . Of course the attractive woman , who have no shortage of attractive suitors feel that monogamy is unnatural . However I am pretty sure that the less than attractive ladies don't share that opinion because they have a lot more to lose . I think when people speak on this subject they should confine themselves to what is right for them and not generalize that it is right for all or even most people . It would be surprising and hypocritical to hear a sex worker come out in favor of monogamy . 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
misterme 110 Report post Posted December 24, 2009 Being single and having trouble picking up in the 'real world,' sex work is a guilt free way to relieve my sexual tension. That being said, if I were attached, I would hope my SO would be as open to things sexually as I am, and I would not need dally in the SP world. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
etasman2000 15994 Report post Posted December 24, 2009 .It would be surprising and hypocritical to hear a sex worker come out in favor of monogamy . Why ? There are many facets of a relationship that monogamy doesn't have to include every part and parcel of it. Someone could be physically monogamous and yet emotionally share themselves with everyone, or physically polygamous yet emotionally open to only one person. The key point is what constitutes the core of a relationship to the Significant Other. Typically as long as the core of the relationship is monogamous the SO does not feel that any cheating has occurred. A common example is a SO who isn't physically able to sexually satisfy his/her mate and has given permission to seek relieve via a third party. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
capitalman 3861 Report post Posted December 26, 2009 And people wonder why so many people get divorced? The family unit is a farce, only sustainable in this self-indulging self-gratifying and materialistic world if one or both parties are willing to sway from the rules. Marriage and monogamy are religions way to control people. Oh ya, I know many religious girls that are so fucked up because they can't practice what they believe in....they are guilt ridden and full of shame and remorse for just living like the rest of us! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
YoungStud 468 Report post Posted December 26, 2009 Okay, you've convinced me. From now on, I'm not going to date any more nuns. Just kidding. Lol. Seriously, there's a lot of truth in what you say. For me, a long-term emotional commitment with someone who's willing to make the same to me -to share our lives in a meaningful and honest way - counts way more than any kind of sexual "fidelity". Both parties have to feel the same way about that, of course. And walk the walk. And people wonder why so many people get divorced? The family unit is a farce, only sustainable in this self-indulging self-gratifying and materialistic world if one or both parties are willing to sway from the rules. Marriage and monogamy are religions way to control people. Oh ya, I know many religious girls that are so fucked up because they can't practice what they believe in....they are guilt ridden and full of shame and remorse for just living like the rest of us! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Bethany Westbrooke 7532 Report post Posted December 26, 2009 Never once have I even factored in a person's attractiveness in the open vs. monogamous debate. It is a very interesting argument, but I don't think it can be explained as simply as this because attractiveness is relative and there are no rules in open situations (swinger clubs for instance) that state you must be at least this level of hotness to "enter this ride..." In my forays into the world of open relationships, I have definitely noticed a greater than average number of attractive people, but not always or even mostly were they conventionally attractive. The way a person perceives, carries or dresses/grooms themselves can be the difference between a head-turning person or otherwise. The extremely sexual and open people who engage in this type of openness, by their behaviour alone makes them more attractive regardless of genetics. The more sex you have the more people want to sex you! The motivations for being open in a relationship may also work in favour of a less attractive partner, by allowing one another to explore open situations one is more likely to maintain the attentions of their partner by either allowing their partner to explore their fantasies or to allow them to see others desiring them, thereby making them more attractive in the eyes of their partners. Generalizing that monogamy is "old hat" is definitely an oversimplification because yes, there are always exceptions to the rule. I thought that sharing our opinions was the idea on this site and I was very surprised to hear your comments, and while I respect them -I feel that it would be surprising and hypocritical to hear anyone on this site come out in favour of 100% monogamy. Bethany Xoxox . The age old monogamy question . Of course the attractive woman , who have no shortage of attractive suitors feel that monogamy is unnatural . However I am pretty sure that the less than attractive ladies don't share that opinion because they have a lot more to lose . I think when people speak on this subject they should confine themselves to what is right for them and not generalize that it is right for all or even most people . It would be surprising and hypocritical to hear a sex worker come out in favor of monogamy . Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
hunknhot 1067 Report post Posted December 26, 2009 Just my two cents.. Life just becomes complicated when it doesn't have to be. If you truly didn't care about the expectations of others, things might be much simpler probably even happier. It's taking that first step that makes it difficult. I am not great oracle of wisdom. There are things I need look at in the mirror for sure..but.. well... complicated might just be the right word for me. Each life has it's own story.. mine is similar to many and different than most :) Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jabba 18389 Report post Posted December 26, 2009 Just curious, but in this discussion of separation between sex and SOs, how many SPs out there would encourage their SO to see another SP? Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Guest f***2f*** Report post Posted December 26, 2009 And people wonder why so many people get divorced? The family unit is a farce, only sustainable in this self-indulging self-gratifying and materialistic world if one or both parties are willing to sway from the rules. Marriage and monogamy are religions way to control people. Oh ya, I know many religious girls that are so fucked up because they can't practice what they believe in....they are guilt ridden and full of shame and remorse for just living like the rest of us! Nowadays I think it's more the State's control than Religion. There are lots of people who get married with no reference to religion at all. Look at all the Hollywood Stars who continue to have big lavish showy weddings..they are not generally very religious folks. There are still a lot of people who are very insecure and need a legal binding contract in order to affirm their relationship. It's also about financial security for children when relatiohships dissolve. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
SMYLEE52 101 Report post Posted December 28, 2009 The motivations for being open in a relationship may also work in favour of a less attractive partner, by allowing one another to explore open situations one is more likely to maintain the attentions of their partner by either allowing their partner to explore their fantasies or to allow them to see others desiring them, thereby making them more attractive in the eyes of their partners. Generalizing that monogamy is "old hat" is definitely an oversimplification because yes, there are always exceptions to the rule. I thought that sharing our opinions was the idea on this site and I was very surprised to hear your comments, and while I respect them -I feel that it would be surprising and hypocritical to hear anyone on this site come out in favour of 100% monogamy. Bethany Xoxox We usually pass judgement based on our personal experiences and thankfully there are forums like this where people can share their personal experiences and hopefully enlighten us on the broader truths of daily living . My personal experiences is now taking me through the second divorce of close friends of mine, in 2009 , due to infidelity . My sense is that monogamy is the preferred state for most couples because it is much easier to deal with then the threat and rise of insecurities when your SO doesn't find you adequate in satisfying their sexual needs . People I know don't forgive the betrayal of sleeping with someone else . No grey area . What you so casually refer to as exploring open situations is the ultimate betrayal in my world . Not saying it's right or wrong but if you get involved with someone in this mindset there are very serious consequences and devastating repercussions to betrayal . To some people it isn't "just sex" . It's seems like it is almost a large part of their worth as a human being . Bars are filled with people who feel worthless because a different dick was sucked or pussy fucked . Just to put things in perspective there are guys on this sight who do believe in monogamy and can pursue the hobby without being hypocrites . If they are not in a committed relationship then there is no double standard . Some of us are not comfortable with the idea of being in a committed relationship and sneaking around so we date casually and enjoy the charms of the young ladies :wink: . Some guys have had long lasting monogamous relationships end for many different reasons and discovered the freedom , versatility , fun and affordability of the sex trade . We are all different but we are certainly not all living a double standard . Can't judge a hobbyist by his hard on :shock: Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
