ruining a friendship...a question

[Guest *l**e]

Sometimes, when we are in dating life, etc, things are said for a variety of reasons. Sometimes we make an excuse to not date someone that will spare their feelings because we actually like them...here is my question...

 

if a girl says "I don't think we should date because I'm scared it will ruin our friendship"...is it really that, or is she just not into you and trying to not hurt you so much.

 

I am really looking forward to the replies here.

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

She is hinting to you that she is not interested in you. We have all been in that spot at one time or another. Take the hint and remain friends and move on.Sometimes strange things happen with friendships sometime they progress in totally different directions.Good luck!

[Bianca Jaguar 39183]

I have to go with excaliber on that one...

BJ xxx

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

This is code for she is not interested and trying to spare your feelings. Just like the good ol' breakup statement.. "It's not you, it's me."

[roamingguy 300292]

She's trying to spare your feelings. I would part on those terms, don't get angry, and stay open to being friends, but that's all. But let her initiate any contact. If you hear from her, she does want to be friends, if she doesn't contact you, well she didn't want to date nor be friends and was just sparing your feelings

How I'd deal with it

RG

[Guest *l**e]

Ok..I thank you all for you input...now here's the twist

 

A very nice lady friend of mine (beautiful, successful, nice, substance...everything I look for) has expressed interest in me; she basically asked me if I thought we should start dating. I found myself saying "I'm worried if we date and it doesn't work, that I'll lose you as a friend".

 

I'm trying to figure out my feelings...am I really worried about the friendship?? Am I just not into her that way?? Am I scared to let someone close and this is a way of keeping distance??

 

If she had said "let's fuck!!", I likely would have said "yes" in an instant!!

 

Am I just fucked up?? lol

HELP!! lol

[roamingguy 300292]

Why don't you just go out with her and see where it goes...she just might be the one. I wouldn't worry about crossing bridges you have yet to come to and may never come to

My two cents

RG

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

No just let it take its course.Perhaps go out for a few activities as a coupal and see how it works out. If she wants to bed you she will make the first move.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I'll step off onto a limb here. Many times it's fear of the unknown that holds us back. You have someone you have a great rapport with, value as a friend and has many qualities you like. No one would want to lose that in their life so for fear of that, they hold themselves back from perhaps a bigger and greater relationship. As some have said, it could be a signal that there is no interest.

 

You are the only one who can determine if it's fear or disinterest and it may take some heart searching. As I've said before, I would rather risk and have no regrets then play safe and always wonder. I have learned from every chance I've taken, both good and bad. Even during the bad, I would never wish I didn't have the experience.

 

Considering you would fuck her, that says she hold some attraction so maybe you either fear taking it further and having to commit to a relationship or you have no interest beyond the physical. Again, only you can determine that. Good luck.

[Guest c**io**m7]

Follow your heart.

[Old Dog 179138]

Follow your heart.

 

Perfect. If it's MEANT to happen, it will happen. If you try to avoid it, it may come back to bite you on the ass, either in the way of deep regret or in the way of losing her as a friend anyhow.

 

If you go with it and it doesn't work and you see EARLY that it's not going to work, get OUT quickly. That way you can salvage the friendship without severe and critical damage to the emotional part of your heart and equally as important, her heart.

 

I've been there. I still pine for the friend I lost when we ended our relationship as a couple. I loved her. My kids loved her. But too many hurdles presented themselves, and in the end I not only lost the woman I loved, I also lost a friend, who like all friends, is irreplaceable.

 

I was smart enough to avoid that for the last few relationships... two of whom nearly became Mrs Dog (I guess that would make them my bitches... hmmmmm.)

 

Anyhow.. like CuriousM7 said.... follow your heart.

[Guest c**io**m7]

You're a smart man Old Dog!

 

Il Re, if the heart leads the way...let your head guide it but, for the love of God, listen to your heart and don't let your head cloud your heart's judgment.

 

Let them work together to find what's right. This can be a wonderful beginning but, like Old Dog says, make sure you protect her heart too as well as your own.

 

When you find that one love, you don't want to lose her completely.

 

 

Perfect. If it's MEANT to happen, it will happen. If you try to avoid it, it may come back to bite you on the ass, either in the way of deep regret or in the way of losing her as a friend anyhow.

 

If you go with it and it doesn't work and you see EARLY that it's not going to work, get OUT quickly. That way you can salvage the friendship without severe and critical damage to the emotional part of your heart and equally as important, her heart.

 

I've been there. I still pine for the friend I lost when we ended our relationship as a couple. I loved her. My kids loved her. But too many hurdles presented themselves, and in the end I not only lost the woman I loved, I also lost a friend, who like all friends, is irreplaceable.

 

I was smart enough to avoid that for the last few relationships... two of whom nearly became Mrs Dog (I guess that would make them my bitches... hmmmmm.)

 

Anyhow.. like CuriousM7 said.... follow your heart.

[Frank7 3939]

My way of seeing it (so a girl saying that to a guy in my experience) it's BS. They aren't interested period, but in refusing to tell it straight, they cause more hope and pain. Eventually, you catch the secret meaning, but when it's the first times you asked someone out, it's not obvious.

 

I really don't understand the logic if someone really meant that (s)he don't want to risk the Relationship. A lover is so much more then just a friend. In general, most people have multiple friends but just one lover at the time. A lover is much more rare and precious. If someone really valued friendship more then love, they probably would live with their best friend and start a familly with them. (yes, two guys or two girls who aren't interested in each others sexualy)

 

 

So in your case, i don't know. Maybe you know she's not gf material for you or maybe you really are scared of getting closer to someone. Only you will know. Either way, maybe just go on a few dates to see how it goes, but being honnest that you aren't sure you like her -that way-.

[Carrie Moon 68826]

Sounds to me like you already know you would enjoy her in the sack but you also like the friendship.. just not a person you would want romantically in the long run.. and so you know the sex would be short term, fun and then you'd want to stray and eventually hurt her if she wants more..

I say trust your gut.. and don't ruin the friendship. GUT over 'heart' any day..

[waterat 20911]

It took me a while to find this on the net but here is a Gruk from Danish scientist/mathmetician Piet Hein:

 

A PSYCHOLOGICAL TIP

 

Whenever you're called on to make up your mind,

and you're hampered by not having any,

the best way to solve the dilemma, you'll find,

is simply by spinning a penny.

No -- not so that chance shall decide the affair

while you're passively standing there moping;

but the moment the penny is up in the air,

you suddenly know what you're hoping.

 

 

Or put another way: Lose your mind and come to your senses!