lee101xxx44 519 Report post Posted January 5, 2014 Tell her as little as possible. It is probably over. Move on. Learn from your mistakes! Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Jabba 18389 Report post Posted January 5, 2014 (edited) I agree with Lee. This is the game we play here & it has its' consequences. Sorry to be the guy who rips the bandage off, but I believe your relationship has run it's course. Will you ever be able to earn her trust? Answer: Nope. Not a chance in hell. Oh wait - Maybe - if you agree to intense psychotherapy, sexual addiction counselling, couples group therapy, etc. IMO you intuitively already have the answers to your situation. "I am not sure what will happen but she says if I want to stay I have to tell her everything." Do you like to do daily confessionals? Answer: Only if you continually want to be the guilty party. You will never pass any test, so why try? You are who you are. Never apologize for that. Do you want to risk being the subject of revenge conversations amongst the ladies at parties, weddings & other gatherings? Answer: It will happen whether you like it or not and you will perpetually be the moral bad guy and she will consistently be the virginal walking wounded. Word gets around OP & you are the dessert d'jour. My suggestion - don't allow yourselves to be caricatures of who you really are. Do yourself & friend a favour & part on amicable terms. Do it sooner than later. Brutal, I know - but it will end badly otherwise. Edited January 6, 2014 by Jabba 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
dunkinsailor 1220 Report post Posted January 5, 2014 some relationships DO survive, and get better. The things that change include: - a core belief change that dishonesty is destructive to MY soul, let alone hers - an active desire (and followthru) to really explore the sexual playground INSIDE the relationship. (when the playground is completely explored, then it's time to look outside. Similar to if I can explore all the stars in the universe in my lifetime, it will be time to check out another universe). - a redefinition of trust - a grey scale, instead of an absolute. Each person reclaims ownership of the level of trust they choose to have about the other. - instead of needing the other partner to be/do what one wants/needs, we free the other to be who they really are, warts and all, and make our choices about whether to stay or leave based on listening to our soul's guidance (intuition, gut feeling, whatever you name it). It's not an inclusive list, but in my experiences down this road, these points seem to follow a common thread in couples that do stay together and thrive. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
inthenavy72 201 Report post Posted January 6, 2014 some relationships work out, some don't. My only advice toward any of this is to spare her the details- nothing positive will come out of that. I speak strictly from my own experience. It's brutal when the other half knows the gritty details and you try and work things out. It's a constant throne! good luck. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
roamingguy 300292 Report post Posted January 6, 2014 While I'll say again, don't tell your SO the gritty details of things done, one absolute no matter what, DON'T EVER TELL HER THE NAMES OF THE LADIES YOU SAW. The ladies are discrete, you should be too The companions you saw weren't the cause of what you are going through now and don't deserve to be drawn into this. Your SO, if she found out may be vindictive to them. This is between you and your SO, nobody else Unless too late, clear your browsing history on your computer and wipe your phone logs and contacts on your cell phone. And a word to the wise, for those with SO's, clear your browsing history on your computer after each use and phone logs and contacts on your phone Good Luck An early morning rambling RG 5 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Athos 108589 Report post Posted January 6, 2014 While I'll say again, don't tell your SO the gritty details of things done, one absolute no matter what, DON'T EVER TELL HER THE NAMES OF THE LADIES YOU SAW. The ladies are discrete, you should be too The companions you saw weren't the cause of what you are going through now and don't deserve to be drawn into this. Your SO, if she found out may be vindictive to them. This is between you and your SO, nobody else Unless too late, clear your browsing history on your computer and wipe your phone logs and contacts on your cell phone. And a word to the wise, for those with SO's, clear your browsing history on your computer after each use and phone logs and contacts on your phone Good Luck An early morning rambling RG I couldn't agree more with RG on this. Keep the ladies you have seen out of this. The last thing they need is potential harassment from an angry and vengeful SO. Porthos 3 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
nsguy73 180 Report post Posted January 6, 2014 I'd also suggest using the "incognito mode" on Google Chrome if that's your browser. It doesn't save any information at all. Many people use auto-complete on their browser, and for a shared PC, it's only a matter of time before their S.O types a web addy in, only to have to auto complete. and the address has something very awkward to explain in it. 1 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
drlove 37204 Report post Posted January 6, 2014 I don't past judgement but the relationship is over, time to move on. In the past when I have been lied to its over, if you don't have honesty in a relationship, you don't have anything. Happy New Year To All !!!! Your point about honesty is interesting... I was in a relationship a couple of years ago in which my GF admitted that she was a former escort. Now, being liberal, I did not pass any judgement whatsoever while accepting and being completely at peace with her revelation. Then, in the spirit of keeping everything above board, I admitted to being a hobbyist, albeit only when I'm single. I thought if anyone would understand, it would be her. Well, imagine my surprise when she gave me the third degree and kept going on about how immoral, depraved, disgusting etc. etc. etc. my behavior was. If that isn't the pot calling the kettle black, I don't know what is!! It turned out to be a blessing in disguise, since it spelled the end of our relationship. Looking back, we really weren't compatible. 2 Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
igab 5629 Report post Posted January 7, 2014 Yes, she doesn't want the gritty details (altho assuming she knows it was sex workers, I am assuming she is stereotyping us all as disease infested drug addicts, so part of what she wants to know should include the safety aspect, and std testing on your part asap). She is definitely not going to blame you as much as she will think she is lacking in some way and/or that the sps lured you in. Somehow women are ready to blame everyone but the guy who chose to do what he did. Give info with little graphic detail. She's going to hear you got a bj from someone and think, well i always give you bjs, so why look elsewhere. The thing is, even with a steady supply of sex, some guys still look at porn and masturbate in the shower. Sometimes it is about being the recipient without having to also be a giver. you don't have a lot of posts here on this site, so it may be possible to show her the posts as some insight to what goes on. I don't think it would hurt any SO to read a site like cerb, since it is pro sex and positive style postings, to get a better insight into the clients and sps who are in this in a mature way. people fear what they don't understand. Will her acceptance and/or willingness to include sps into a 3some situation be an end goal, i think someone mentioned it, and i'd have to say that wouldn't be the point. You sought experiences away and apart from her, so including her isn't a solution. You have to decide if the real reason why you see sps is because you don't want to be in a relationship or if you do want to prioritize the relationship. What your SO needs to know, and she should probably read this thread, but what she needs to know is that sps are not like affairs. There is no long term relationship that is risking her relationship with you unless one or both of you decide to make that so. There is no one else wanting you as an SO (no offense :) ) or trying to take you away from her. Once she realizes that this is a no risk situation, she can put that away. Yes but unfortunately not many SOs will recover from getting this knowledge and some will go to lengths to get it....hacking into phones and emails. In my case it was just as mentioned above...she felt she couldn't complete and that she was not desired anymore. She was very sensitive to the disease factor and insisted on immediate documented testing. She totally rejected the "It wasn't like it was an affair" argument and hit the road within a very short time. If she can't get over it you might just as well pack your bags and relocate. If you want to stay with her and she does agree you should probably consider giving the hobby up. Quote Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
