Let me vent....please

[TracieGold 282]

Perhaps this is the right time to bring a subject that has bothered me.

I did not mention it in any post and I have not read anyone grumbling about it strictly speaking...some similarities but not explicit as I am displaying it now.

As we all know, the New Years are good for resolutions and here is my little input to try to modify a very rough and offensive approach to anyone; do not forget e-mails are an important exposure of your character.

I'll start by saying that 90% of the Gentlemen I have met at CERB are genuinely that: "Gentlemen"; When they send a PM they use manners and social skills, and it is not because they could not cut corners and be abrupt like the others; rather they have what I usually call " social civil behavior"...nice acquisition in a person!

I'll explain in a minute; My request is that the men as well as the women in this great Board, cooperate here with your thoughts about this issue. It will be great if it does not happen so often and "wonderful" if any of us receives one of those mails ever again...and if you gentlemen are receiving mailings in the rude and vulgar way I am exposing, PLEASE say it now; no person should put up with that written or verbal treatment!

 

Here it goes:

I had at least a 10% of the total PM's reading roughly like this: (four examples of what I have received in 3 months )

 

" I need a BBBJ. Where are you and how much for the job"

 

" How much for GFE and all that fun"

 

"Where do you live and what are your fees"

 

and the worst of all (to me at least)

"rates? abilities?"

 

Now, I have to add here that, there was no other words in the PM's....not "hello" no "thanks" nothing...just plain rudeness and a treatment that I am not sure if they use all the time or just when they decide to.

 

It is not too hard to introduce oneself and then approach the person who is receiving the message in an appropriate manner with all the questions one may have.

 

I have talked to other SP's about this, and I was told that, yes, these men are out there. I decided to expose you guys, without saying who you are.

Do you think we will respond to you in the same way that we will to a polite PM?

Well, you guessed well, we wont.

We receive many mails and those ones are not deserving a response.

All of you who send messages like those, Please polish your manners from inside out! You are verbalizing your feelings, and much more who makes you unappealing and undeserving.:ablow:

Thanks so much.....

Tracie

[belladonna 279]

I agree with you - it insults me when this minority of men think they'll get a reaction when they crudely ask for a bj or a quick fuck.

 

Let me tell you something, mister! If you're going to talk to women as though they are sex toys for your gratification, you'll be having incalls with your hand instead!

 

I thank all the wonderful and polite people I've met on Cerb who make me believe that chivalry is still kicking, screaming and scratching for survival. Hopefully, they will be looked upon as examples on how to behave cordially and professionally.

 

Leave the dirty talk for after the doors have closed.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Very sorry to hear that ... I can't imagine writing to a lady in that manner. You wonder how some people were raised.

 

Of course, there's that other thread discussion where an SP apprently was offering to allow customers to "dump a load in her mouth" for some bargain basement price, so unfortunately there must be a market for that sort of thing. :roll:

[Mister C 1725]

I can't understand why anyone would ask such questions and so rudely. If you want to spend time with these lovely ladies you need to be a gentleman. Thanks for the post and hopefully this will help.

[whatsup 11893]

Tracie, it is important to communicate yourself about these - not so gentlemen - that are basically vulgar in there communications to you.

 

I can not understand why one would expect any form of reply from a lady and they really should be taught that proper communication will be a benefit to them in the end.

 

Polite, kind and courteous communications will put you out in front, Gentlemen.

[bassnut 178]

Wow ..... having been out of the hobby a while, but spending some time in chat where I think I have made a couple online friends I must say most members here on CERB are pretty well behaved. I have run into one or two members, not sure if it is a lack of respect or social skills. Whether that be for themselves or others, I won't venture there but wouldn't you want to be treated the same as you treat others.

For some I would think that it is the financial part of the hobby where the best bang (sorry ladies no pun intended) for the buck mentality kicks in where otherwise good guy's and gal's can degrees a bit. Having spent time in the military I have met more than a few guy's that are pretty rough around the edges and well beyond venturing into downright crazy. Spend some time around any of the special units whether that be Airborne or Submariner, like myself you will meet them in spades but for the most part they were mostly great guys to be around but the minority always stand out.

It would be kind of superficial for someone to look down on another because of her choice of profession when he is there trying to make a date with her. We all come here for different reasons of our own why not do our best to enjoy it. Life is too short not to, trust me I learned that lesson long ago.

[Cowboy kenny 50799]

I tried nominating this post but It said the poll was closed, i sent some reputation pts your way though.

 

Unfortunately there are members out there who do not represent the majority of us, they are rude and abrasive and don't have many social graces. I get many pm's here and emails to my website, many of them just as rude and obnoxious.

 

Comments like "is she a good lay" "i heard she's fat" "is she fake" that's it no niceties or formalities just the rude and obnoxious statements. While it's certainly not exactly the same I understand your frustration. When I get these types of emails or pms I generally don't answer back or if I'm in a particularly foul mood I'll get back to them with a piece of my mind.

 

Good on you Tracy for raising this issue, sadly I don't think the offenders in question will recognize themselves.

[Guest M***ell***A]

Good on you Tracy for raising this issue, sadly I don't think the offenders in question will recognize themselves.

 

They seldom do... Even more sad is that this type of personality would most likely not care even if they did recognize themselves...

[mrgreen760 37785]

How sad :(. I was raised up proper and because of that I have developed impeccable manners. That as well as excellant posture are 2 of the things about me that I truly value.

 

There is no reason to be rude to anyone and certainly not to someone you'd like to see naked. In my books a woman is a lady until otherwise proven. Once a rapport has been devleoped more suggestive kinds of exchanges may take place. But that's not for everyone either. This game is tough enough as we all struggle with our own insecurities and a minimum civility should be the norm.

 

I see very very few providers and don't see everyone I communicate with, for me it's the whole process and as much as I'm being judged, I'm judging as well.

 

In the end even if I don't "hit" it off with a woman and am moving on I will have been respectful thorugh the whole process.

 

Let's be kind to each other!

 

Peace

Mr Green

[PistolPete 61421]

Growing up, I was always told "Respect is a two way street " you don't give it, you are certainly not getting it back in return.

 

So be careful gents, what you say, it just might come back and bite you in the ass.

 

Nice thread Tracie, nobody should put up with that sort of crap.

[geo007 203]

I would start to say that 90% is a great success rate overall in any business. i agree that rude behaviour should be addressed as stated in the thread but in reality, if 10% need to be educated more in how they approach the ladies, I think we are kinda in a good mode here. A lot of it has to do with how things are worded and let's face it, in our domain not everyone is an educated person. I know this comment is like playing the devils advocate and I agree that politeness and civility is a must but a 90% good contact rate is to me excellent. I would expect a much lower rate for the CL contacts overall. ( and I must say I'm always considerate to the ladies)

[Guest M***ell***A]

A lot of it has to do with how things are worded and let's face it, in our domain not everyone is an educated person.

 

Maybe I have misunderstood what you mean by this but I do not feel that a lack of manners and a lack of education are directly (or even at all) related. I think I get what you are saying by wording however I do not feel that a one line email or PM (examples: "how much for a 15min bj" or "where are you and how much" or "how much to fuck you?" or one line messages even so much more crass that I do not care to type them, forget even for a moment that I am always very clear that I do not offer these services so already the person has not even read Anything about me but what kind of way is that to talk to anyone?) is a reflection of someones education or lack thereof. I have received very polite emails/PMs from individuals who are "uneducated" and have been spoken to with complete disrespect and an utter lack of manners by those who were "highly educated".

 

Again, maybe I am reading you wrong and you simply meant "socially uneducated"?

 

Anyway, I think I may be rambling so my point is that I do not think it is the wording that we have issue with so much as the tone. No "Hi, I'm (such-and-such)" or "How are you?" or "thank you for your time" or even a message other than the subject heading! Oh yes, that's right, I have received (and I am certain that I'm not the only one) emails with a subject of "are you available now and what can I get for how much?" with absolutely Nothing in the bulk. I do not advertise on CL so it is not just "those types" who behave this way. I would even say from my own experience of 3+ yrs on this board that 90% polite and respectful may be a little generous! But I will give credit where credit is due, although I think 90% may be a little on the generous side in the polite department I will still say that the vast majority of the people I have corresponded with and met from CERB have been fantastic and complete gentlemen in the true sense of the word.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

Some people forget that we are people too. They treat us as if we have no feelings,no class,no soul. They think they don't have to respect us because we get paid. these are just small minded people. Theses things are shown not just in emails or pm's but in reco's and reviews {mostly on other sites}. words like "she's a good fuck", it reminds me of something you would see on a bathroom wall...it makes me shiver everytime i see something like that.

[Guest S***e]

There's absolutely no excuse for abandoning gentlemanly behavior!!!!!! This is totally unacceptable.

 

Edit: I would have to say that nowadays with all the electronic technology being used face to face social interaction, grace, manners, civility and good judgement have declined considerably to the point where people will type any stupid thing that comes to mind on their keyboards and hit send without any consideration to those on the receiving end. If some jerk said some of the things face to face that the ladies tell us about via their PMs, emils and text messages, a good old fashioned slap in the face is totally warranted (or even a knee in the nuts for the chonically stupid). I don't swear in front of ladies and I don't belittle them by being explicit in any form of requests. I've enjoyed this wonderful hobby now for forty plus years and I shake my head at things these idiots write. Clearly, they are self-centred, arrogant, rude and ignorant of social graces. They are not gentlemen!

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I have received very polite emails/PMs from individuals who are "uneducated" and have been spoken to with complete disrespect and an utter lack of manners by those who were "highly educated".

 

 

Agreed ... manners has very little to do with education in my experience, but those with good manners usually receive an education in good manners, combined with a polite and kind personality.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

Some people forget that we are people too. They treat us as if we have no feelings,no class,no soul.

 

For most of the gentlemen that participate in this forum, it is precisely because you and many of the other ladies on this forum possess those qualities that we like to spend time with you! Keep the faith.

[Annessa 22743]

A lot of it has to do with how things are worded and let's face it, in our domain not everyone is an educated person. I know this comment is like playing the devils advocate and I agree that politeness and civility is a must but a 90% good contact rate is to me excellent. I would expect a much lower rate for the CL contacts overall. ( and I must say I'm always considerate to the ladies)

 

There are as many types of clients on the boards as there are SPs....that being said, we should never generalize a certain behavior as the nature of the biz or feel that a devils advocate needs to be played. true we all may come across those less familiar in "how things work" on here but I do feel that the same goes for any lady dealing with a man...whether it be in or outside of the industry. saying that we're bound to run into new guys on here who don't know how to conduct themselves is like stating the obvious that any gal in "real life" may encounter different (and some less polite) guys.

 

it doesnt mean we have to deal with them......but if we do chose to gently sugest that we will not be seeing them based on their approach and if they wish to try again another time....well hopefully they learn from this. I have been honest in my decision and highlighted their approach as the cause....some have been defensive and hurtful (not worth my time) and some have genuinely apologized and tried again in a different manner

 

I'll admit, abrupt first contacts REALLY tick me off. However, I squirm at the fact that I hate leaving any email unanswered.

 

so in that aspect I have felt torn.

 

I'd reply to, "looking for some fun *insert date*...rates? services? send pics."

 

with: available yes. *$$insert rate*, sorry, I dont discuss services or send pics", then I add my number if they are ballsy enough to call

 

they usually dont. Waste of time? probably.....generally someone who sends an email like that isn't looking for YOU(SP-wise) they;re looking for ANYone that fits their check-list. This is not the client that I'm interested in seeing....I think most gals will agree.

 

Then we get the guy who opens up with a great intro about how they've heard a lot of good things about us and has been trying to have an op to meet us....then gets into his questions (usually minus the services question).....those are emails that get a detailed response equal to the time he put into his intro.....this is a gentleman in my opinion

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

Agreed ... manners has very little to do with education in my experience, but those with good manners usually receive an education in good manners, combined with a polite and kind personality.

 

that's why it's great when the gentlemen participate on here..we get to know you somewhat..

[geo007 203]

Again, maybe I am reading you wrong and you simply meant "socially uneducated"?

 

Well your examples are certainly a lot harsher than the ones cited by Tracie and are totally unacceptable of course. I was trying to say that in trying to communicate, some people just have a difficult time expressing themselves. Also there is always a percentage of people wherever you are who just don't give a damn, regretfully.

[daddio 2704]

Some of us come into this world of SPs and hobbyists from very different backgrounds and upbringings.

 

I think I was pretty naive when I became involved and it has been very educational for me, as well as shocking, to learn rude and disrespectful people can be.

 

And it is invaluable for me to have all the feedback from the ladies on cerb.

 

When I retire I'm going to embark on a cross-country trip and visit all the SPs whose contributions to cerb I have enjoyed so much!!

[Annessa 22743]

Again, maybe I am reading you wrong and you simply meant "socially uneducated"?

 

Well your examples are certainly a lot harsher than the ones cited by Tracie and are totally unacceptable of course. I was trying to say that in trying to communicate, some people just have a difficult time expressing themselves. Also there is always a percentage of people wherever you are who just don't give a damn, regretfully.

 

the hard part of our jobs when it comes to email is deciphering which emails are brought about by lack of social experience and which are brought about by lack of social etiquette or just a general lack or respect.

 

(side note: this is why speaking to your SP over the phone can work wonders in your favor)

 

This is why I feel every email should be given a grain of salt but if an SP feels that a first contact was unsatisfactory, she should also give her client polite feedback (provided that his email wasn't rude or crass or vulgar) that this is not the type of email that she offers business too, but encourage him to try again. At that point it is a learning experience for the potential client hopefully, not a loss. (well...maybe a *bit* of a short-term loss, but at least he has been given the chance to try again, right?)

 

Not everyone has the time to write out a novel, I'll agree....but as a lady in an SPs position we have to be given a *bit* of a reason to feel comfortable having sex with a total stranger (think about it gents, its like going on a blind date with no picture on a dating site....just incomplete sentences that dont paint you ANY picture of who you're seeing or where their best interests lie. when you thik about it that way, woudnt you want your potential SP to have a reason beyond business details to see you?)

 

generally, sparks don't happen with a one-liner email, and I do feel that if a social awkwardness is present at first contact (despite experience or education) how on earth are things to go smoothly in person?

 

all the more reason to spill your guts guys! *wink*

[bago 213]

I hope I am not repeating anyone as this thread hit a nerve and i wanted to add to it before reading all posts.

 

It amazes me how some hobbyists feel the can comoditze play as much as they do. I know of a couple of great girls on this board who SP as say a supplement or just because they are smart and can earn a bit for something they love doing. One in particular is a former swinger who loves to fuck and asks for a donation simply to cover costs for things like lingerie, toys etc which we all expect. How many girls do we know that actually make a real living doing this? I suggest not many. Any guy that approaches a girl on here like he is negotiating a purchase is an ass who will never get a real quality experience.

 

Normally these jokers would make the rest of us look good howeveer sometimes they turn the girls off so much they wreck it for the rest of us.

 

Use your heads guys, treat em with a little care and reap the rewards, keep it fun.

[Annessa 22743]

How many girls do we know that actually make a real living doing this? I suggest not many.

 

not to pick on one phrase, but your other points were great...however some of us (like myself) have our "job" as a full time thing....and make a living (and sometimes more) from it.

 

that being said, its (to me anyway) more of an insult when someon tries to negotiate or barter set donations, this is my job ( regardless of how much I love it) and regardless of my love for it there still should be no bartering.

 

not to distract initially what the thread was about formerly tho.....just felt the need to touch on that point by bago

 

 

I definitely agree bago in that the ones who mis-treat their initail first contact are the ones who are making a bad name for all those who are short in sentence, but kind in acts :-)

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

not to pick on one phrase, but your other points were great...however some of us (like myself) have our "job" as a full time thing....and make a living (and sometimes more) from it.

 

that being said, its (to me anyway) more of an insult when someon tries to negotiate or barter set donations, this is my job ( regardless of how much I love it) and regardless of my love for it there still should be no bartering.

 

not to distract initially what the thread was about formerly tho.....just felt the need to touch on that point by bago

 

 

I definitely agree bago in that the ones who mis-treat their initail first contact are the ones who are making a bad name for all those who are short in sentence, but kind in acts :-)

 

Im from montreal. today i want to meet u for incall. im willing to go for 200/h. Im 27 white with a 8 inch package. so its a win win situation. let me know if interested ok thx

[antlerman 17064]

OMG......that is so funny.....and sad.......

counter offer.......You are willing to see him for 300 if he is 10" and multicolored.........

 

that way you can reach the end of the rainbow......ahahahahahahaha