Friendship Requests

[Annessa 22743]

I know there is a thread on this already somewhere but through all my searches I couldn't find it.

 

I have noticed lately a lot of new members joining and requesting my and many ladies' friendship on our profiles.

 

I think there should be a certain etiquette lesson about this again, as some ladies have found lately that there seems to be a certain misunderstanding when a gal clicks "reject friendship" (perhaps we could put a lighter term on the site rather than "reject"? lol).....and this may very well be only my opinion but I have received a few emails lately from members I have not corresponded with who are upset I rejected their requests. (please dont think I'm playing prima-dona here tho)

 

as an SP I (and most ladies) dont add a member without reason....kinda like facebook. its a networking site and we usually like to know who we are befriending before accepting those requests.

 

I generally dont add a member unless I have met them. That way, if another SP has a question about a gent on my friends list I am comfortable saying that this is a trusted friend that I have seen and can vouch for.

 

Quality over quantity.....this is definitely not a site that judges anyone on how many online friends they have

 

That being said, guys, dont feel bad if a member or an SP doesnt let you in to their friendship circle right off the batt (especially if you are very new or have made no contact with that SP)....rather focus not on what may seem like "rejection" and focus on building your own personality here on cerb and PM communication with those you want to befriend.

 

most of all...dont take it personally. it causes us a lot of unnecessary stress to you and us for feeling like we've hurt your feelings.. and really, its not something we're not accepting because we dont think you're worthy (most of the time anyway)....we just may not know you. simple as that.

 

xoxo Annessa

[daddio 2704]

A nice, thoughtful, considerate post Annessa.

 

I'm pretty new to this and I was flattered when Emily in Toronto "friended" me - after the 2nd time we'd met.

 

You have to get to know someone, at least a little, to be friends.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

I know there is a thread on this already somewhere but through all my searches I couldn't find it.

 

Maybe you're thinking of Emma's thread?

 

http://cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=10029

[Annessa 22743]

Maybe you're thinking of Emma's thread?

 

http://cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=10029

 

thats it. :-)

 

did a search for "friend/friendship requests" and it didnt turn up, but Emma raises some great points along with many of the other ladies

[Seymour 3970]

I think the whole topic of 'friend request' will be as diverse as we have diversity amongst the participants here. I can totally understand that some ladies prefer to meet before accepting 'friendship' and others won't have a problem accepting a friend request if the requester did send a polite "hi, how are you" type email/PM.

 

Perhaps some of the technology enhancements to the site (that mod talked about) might provide a way for members to screen or filter friendship requests or only allow the providers to make friendship requests etc. (for those that prefer that approach).

 

But that said, it is likely better for business if one were to accept a friendship request and still screen the individual based on their follow up communication.

 

I think it is definitely a personal choice just like ladies that prefer email bookings versus phone or PM - but of course great idea to raise the awareness of the diversity by starting the thread.

[alexgrenyait 2186]

i couldnt agree more i have many that ask to be put on the friends list and i have not met them x

[Annessa 22743]

I think the whole topic of 'friend request' will be as diverse as we have diversity amongst the participants here. I can totally understand that some ladies prefer to meet before accepting 'friendship' and others won't have a problem accepting a friend request if the requester did send a polite "hi, how are you" type email/PM.

 

Perhaps some of the technology enhancements to the site (that mod talked about) might provide a way for members to screen or filter friendship requests or only allow the providers to make friendship requests etc. (for those that prefer that approach).

 

But that said, it is likely better for business if one were to accept a friendship request and still screen the individual based on their follow up communication.

 

I think it is definitely a personal choice just like ladies that prefer email bookings versus phone or PM - but of course great idea to raise the awareness of the diversity by starting the thread.

 

oh I definitely agree that everyone has their own different way of approaching things like friend-requests just like anything else in the business, thats why I said in my first post that this is only my opinion.

 

my main concern was the members that sent a follow up PM after not gaining access to certain ladies' friendship circles. I always feel a certain stress messaging them back and apologizing but that I only add ppl under certain circumstances.

 

This is totally not a vent, but rather an opinion voiced so that these members dont take our decisions personally....like you said, everyone (member OR SP) has their own way of conducting their profile-page.

 

I just wanted to put it out there that those who have tried and not been accepted to some should focus on the other things that will build their online reputation or online communications....and focus less on a name in their friendship box.

 

a friendship approval, in most cases, will follow :-)

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

Maybe you're thinking of Emma's thread?

 

http://cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=10029

 

that's what my thread was about too. I really don't want o offend anyone when i don't accept their request be it potential client or sp..it just means i don't know you well enough in one way or another to vouch for you. Or perhaps i know you too well....lmao

[antlerman 17064]

that explains why I have no friends.............:sad:

 

hahahahah

[Annessa 22743]

that's what my thread was about too. I really don't want o offend anyone when i don't accept their request be it potential client or sp..it just means i don't know you well enough in one way or another to vouch for you. Or perhaps i know you too well....lmao

 

exactly......I'd rather not offend a potential client or SP in a friendship request but at the same time it just makes sense to only be *friends* with those who are...well....friends (in whatever shape or form)

 

good point (and humorous one) on the knowing some people *too* well as well Emma, lol. I have had a few this year that I've removed for knowing "too well" ;-)

[hunknhot 1067]

I had a few people not friend me in the beginning, SPs and others. It's totally understandable until people get to know you to a certain comfort level. I did not take offence. I actually appreciated the up front honesty. A pm was nice to have saying I can't friend you until "......". Actually, it was good for a relative newbie to CERB to have people tell me why they wouldn't or at least who they would consider a friend and why. I know many SPs get overloaded with pm and friend requests. I personally consider the friend part a friend. I have chatted with many of mine on my list. You know who you are :) Your advice and guidance has been greatly appreciated.

 

This is a good thread.. maybe post it in the newbie section as well ;)

[Annessa 22743]

 

This is a good thread.. maybe post it in the newbie section as well ;)

 

the thought definitely crossed my mind as I hit the "submit post" button....maybe we could double this or move this over to the newbies section mod?

 

(reason for posting in general discussion tho was more for the hope that any gent who didn't think he needed the "ropes" of the newb section would notice....I love u men, but not all of u ask for directions.., j/k) ;-)

[mod 135639]

I copied it to the newbies section - good call!

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

exactly......I'd rather not offend a potential client or SP in a friendship request but at the same time it just makes sense to only be *friends* with those who are...well....friends (in whatever shape or form)

 

good point (and humorous one) on the knowing some people *too* well as well Emma, lol. I have had a few this year that I've removed for knowing "too well" ;-)

 

:wink: don't need to say more...lol

[Guest M***ell***A]

I, too, will only accept friend requests from those I have met at least once... The only exceptions I may make are for someone I have talked to a Lot in the chat room or other ladies on the board.

I always send a PM explaining why I did not accept the request. My biggest problem is remembering what email or name goes with what CERB handle so sometimes I reject requests from people whom I Have met and would certainly add if I realized. lol

A quick PM along with the request would be great so it's easier to figure out who is who :)

 

I also had tried to find Emma's original thread on the matter without success so I'm glad you brought this up again Annessa and it's great that it has been copied to the newby section!

[Annessa 22743]

My biggest problem is remembering what email or name goes with what CERB handle so sometimes I reject requests from people whom I Have met and would certainly add if I realized.

 

totally agree.

 

I have had many gents use my email (not cerb PM) as a first contact correspondence and mention in passing in person their handles on Cerb ( "oh I'm *so-and-so* on cerb and saw your ad")....I have THE worst short-term memory! lol. That being said, generally if I'm given no "hey, its me from last night! this is my cerb handle, hope to chat soon!" I will swear it off as someone I haven't met and click "reject friendship" without a second thought.

 

we are not mind-readers guys! (or cerb-handle-psychics rather!) introduce yourselves again as your online personas even if we have met before :-)

[hunknhot 1067]

Annessa Are you sure you're all not mindreaders ?

or are those secret powers you can't discuss in public. I have been known to have been enchanted on a couple of occasions by some with special powers here ... ;)

 

 

totally agree.

 

I have had many gents use my email (not cerb PM) as a first contact correspondence and mention in passing in person their handles on Cerb ( "oh I'm *so-and-so* on cerb and saw your ad")....I have THE worst short-term memory! lol. That being said, generally if I'm given no "hey, its me from last night! this is my cerb handle, hope to chat soon!" I will swear it off as someone I haven't met and click "reject friendship" without a second thought.

 

we are not mind-readers guys! (or cerb-handle-psychics rather!) introduce yourselves again as your online personas even if we have met before :-)

[Annessa 22743]

Annessa Are you sure you're all not mindreaders ?

or are those secret powers you can't discuss in public. I have been known to have been enchanted on a couple of occasions by some with special powers here ... ;)

 

 

I'm reading your mind via the world wide web text as we speak actually....

 

OOOOOOoooooooOOOOOOOooooooooOOOOO! *insert twilight-zone music*

 

:shock:

[andflemcol 3975]

I know there is a thread on this already somewhere but through all my searches I couldn't find it.

 

I have noticed lately a lot of new members joining and requesting my and many ladies' friendship on our profiles.

 

I think there should be a certain etiquette lesson about this again, as some ladies have found lately that there seems to be a certain misunderstanding when a gal clicks "reject friendship" (perhaps we could put a lighter term on the site rather than "reject"? lol).....and this may very well be only my opinion but I have received a few emails lately from members I have not corresponded with who are upset I rejected their requests. (please dont think I'm playing prima-dona here tho)

 

as an SP I (and most ladies) dont add a member without reason....kinda like facebook. its a networking site and we usually like to know who we are befriending before accepting those requests.

 

I generally dont add a member unless I have met them. That way, if another SP has a question about a gent on my friends list I am comfortable saying that this is a trusted friend that I have seen and can vouch for.

 

Quality over quantity.....this is definitely not a site that judges anyone on how many online friends they have

 

That being said, guys, dont feel bad if a member or an SP doesnt let you in to their friendship circle right off the batt (especially if you are very new or have made no contact with that SP)....rather focus not on what may seem like "rejection" and focus on building your own personality here on cerb and PM communication with those you want to befriend.

 

most of all...dont take it personally. it causes us a lot of unnecessary stress to you and us for feeling like we've hurt your feelings.. and really, its not something we're not accepting because we dont think you're worthy (most of the time anyway)....we just may not know you. simple as that.

 

xoxo Annessa

 

 

I agree, could we not have a couple of options availabe when fielding a friend request, such as:

 

- The person for which you requested a friendship would love to be your friend, or

 

- The person for which you requested a friendship would consider your request once the person has gotten more acquainted with you, or

 

- Hey fella, you had your chance and you blew it, this person would rather go for a root canal than to be your friend.

 

 

Well ok, maybe we could work on the wording of the different options.

 

Anyways, it is an eye opener for me. I have befriended a few SP's and hobbyists and have not personally met all of them. I did not think twice about it. I had exchanged pm's and chatted a fair bit with the individual before I made the request. I think Annessa is right, I think I would have been a little disappointed if I was rejected as a friend by anyone with whom I felt I had established a good rapport. Am I setting myself up for disappointment.

 

Cheers