What do you do if ...

[geo007 203]

Good thoughts and comments from all your friends on CERB. I am a bit like you as am older but hang around with a younger crowd. In my opinion, when you finally meet the woman you really love, age won't matter if she loves you also. Examples exist of all sorts of successful relationships where there is a huge age difference. Time affects these relationships as it does to all relationships. Yes, it is a risk. You have to, at some point in time, risk committing yourself to someone if you are to have a shot at happiness, as all people even of same age group, have to do. Think about it and go for it.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

You know, ... I have been thinking for long and hard whether I should post this and eventually I decided to go ahead and if it is offensive to anyone, I am confident that the mod would remove it.

 

I saw a movie tonight (Elegy) which impacted on me significantly. It was the story of a 50 something year old professor in love with his 20 year old student. He was pathetic, feeling miserable as his life turned upside down raged with jeolousy and the fact that he knew it is only a matter of time before she wakes up and lose her one day soon when she realizes the age difference and walk away with a younger man. He was avoiding her and her family for all good reasons and feeling miserable and guilty all the time. His love turned into nightmare for him and also affected the young lady as she felt rejected and miserable too.

 

Why it impacted on me? Likely because I figure it could be the (future) story of my life. I am not yet there (as old as Ben Kingsley who was playing the professor's role) but will be one day. I have been strongly attracted to 19-25 age range ever since I was 20 years old myself and still am more than two decades later and my guess, still will be 2 decades from now. More importantly I can emotionally only relate to that age range. I wish there was a pill that I could take and change and become attracted to women of my own age. I too have fallen for girls of that age many times, a recent one, only two years ago when a 22 year old asked me to move in with me which I turned down citing age difference and the fact that I like variety (and a couple of more recent but less serious cases), but walking away (before it gets serious so that I don?t hurt the young girl) hurts me instead everytime. Though I must confess the initial stages of falling (and see and feel the interest and response by young lady) has been very pleasant everytime.

 

Anyways wanting to share this (possibly to be qualfied as a problem) and see if there is anyone else like me , do you think that it is a problem? and if so, is there anything that can be done to change me? so that I start having feelings for women of my own age rather than those half my age.

 

I knew other women who dated older men and there was always some sort of underlying reason as to why why young women do this. If you really think about it, they are looking for something they could be missing. A father figure, wanting to act as if they are older, stability whether it's emotional or financial.

 

Most men will think that it's great that a 20 something is showing interest in them because the man wants to relive his youth all over again and this young woman will help him do that but only for a short period. What happens when the young woman wants to pursue her own life and ambitions and starts to understand what she wants? The older man will be dust in the wind.

 

Ask yourself what is it about young women that attracts you besides their youthful looks and body? Sure they have no baggage but baggage is a part of life and is a part of life experience. What is it about an older woman that scares you? Is it the fact that they're aging physically and this may cause you to stop and think about yourself beginning to age as well? At the end of the day the 18-25 age group will not be there when you want to talk or do something that is of interest to you. They are busy creating their own experiences in life and an older man will stop them from doing that. Sure they may have some fun with you temporarily but in the end it will never work. There are no common characteristics for a relationship to develop to the fullest.

 

I hate to say it but most men feel the way you do yet many are in committed relationships and will seek out that 18-25 year old woman for a brief encounter to fulfill their fantasy but they know better to not go and pursue it any further. And even if they did, it will only be for a short while. This type of "ageism" is also carried out into the escort world. I have seen certain guys frequenting review boards for years now and they are always into that one age group. No one above that age is considered worthwhile to them and when that one escort they were once swooning over hits say age 28, she is considered 'too old' for them. Again they are on their quest for that next hot 18 year old. But that's business and seeing escorts is all about fantasy so age discrimination is a given.

 

I also agree with another poster to try and find out why you are no longer attracted to your friend who is now 30 years old. Is her innocence that she once had now gone? Does her maturity reflect on your own mortality? Is it because you feel you can no longer 'lead the way' in your relationship with her? Many men have that instinct to want to take care of a younger woman and now that she is older she may not need you. Is it because you need to feel needed by someone who will look up to you for your insight and wisdom?

 

Everyone is going to get old including all those ladies who are on this site right now that are in your preferred age group. I was once one of those women and while I have struggled with the fate of 'getting older', it is inevitable. It seems that once you are out of your late 20's, you are considered old in society or getting up there. Lately there has been a considerable amount of ageism going on in society today. Years ago, 40 was considered old for a woman. Now it apears as though a woman is old just after turning 30. That's insane if you really think about it. Your life is just beginning at this age.

 

There are proably many reasons why you have a fixation on this age group. I think you have your own reasons for feeling this way but it is not based on the opposite sex, their youth or their young tight bodies. It all has do with how you feel about yourself and how you are aging.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Thanks for your comments Alexa.

 

First and foremost I am sure you are still very attractive to overwhelming majority of gents, even if as you say you are not in the 18-25 age range. Age does NOT matter to most men and that is why I presented mine as a problem and asked for advice to solve it. Though most respondents appear to believe that it may not be a problem. However, I do sincerely apologize if my post might have in any way offended you.

 

The comment you made about the older man becoming dust in the wind is actually similar to mine and I fully agree as a possibility (or confirming my comment) as I cited it as one of the two reasons as why I can't make long term committment to someone half my age (Her leaving me for a younger man 10 years from now with half my possessions lol :) - This was my post).

 

Most of your comments may not apply to me personally however they could be correct in general. I have been attracted to the 19-25 age range ever since I have been a teenager myself and in my 20's and in my 30's. So it is not a recent aging phenomenal that may make me happy to play fatherly figure or fear of aging as commented as a possibility in my post. I do see however, your reason for making that comment as it may generally apply to many.

 

The older woman does not scare me. It is just that physics and chemistry does not appear to be there on my side and I have no idea why :confused: !!!. This was another reason for my post as I was hoping to may be find out as why I have such a strong physical attraction to females half my age and if there are other men like me. Strangely enough I can relate emotionally to the younger age range than my own and I think that is because of the strong physical attraction that I have to that age range that makes me compatible with them emotionally too (as an example, I played in the bathroom like kids with a visiting 20 year old just a few weeks ago when the session was almost over and we both enjoyed it, equally).

 

Your question as whether I like younger ladies because I want to "lead the way" can not possibly apply to me. I am (though a man) and my family always been a very strong feminist. I am sure if you knew half the story about my life and how we have been pursuing the agenda for TOTAL EQUALITY for women all over the world, in particular those regions where women are treated as not equals and how much it disgusts me, you would have never even raised that possibility about me. In fact I have strong feelings about this issue because of my background lol. Again, I do see however, your reason for raising that question as it may generally apply to some.

 

You made some very useful comments that likely would generally apply to some in similar situations as mine and I thank you again for taking the time to post those comments. This thread, though I started it, is not all about me.

[Kubrickfan 12836]

I guess I am one for many meaningful relationships but may be thinking to change for long term committed ones, if I can.

 

SA --

 

Sorry ... I have been tied up since my first repsonse, but it looks like you are getting a lot of good advice. It was good to see Alexa's response as it is interesting to consider this problem in reverse as it is a new way for you to consider the issue. You have been very brave to discuss this issue openly here, but its one that many of us older guys think about a lot, so its a really good thread.

 

The good news is that you seem to have your options available in that you are not in a committed relationship. From your responses, I think you know the answer to your question. Give it a try through a dating service, mutual friends or co-workers, but make sure its a genuine commitment to give it a try. Best wishes.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Yes Kubrickfan, thanks again. Reading through comments made in this thread slowly and very carefully (I must have read each post 10 times) is gradually leading me into the right direction. Everyone, including alexa made very good comments and again thank you all very much for taking the time to comment in this thread and your good thoughtful advices.

[Newton 714]

Alexa,

 

A girl of 30 is old? It's insane indeed. I think they're most sexual n attractive at that age because of their confidence and maturity.

 

;)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

secret Admirer,

 

Thank-you for your comments. I hope you find answers to your dilemma. I think it will take a lot of reflection and self-analysis on your part to find the answers you're looking for. Nevertheless, you are brave for doing so.

 

Alexa,

 

A girl of 30 is old? It's insane indeed. I think they're most sexual n attractive at that age because of their confidence and maturity.

 

;)

 

30 is considered the turning point to the 'mature' category in the escort industry. Maybe it's time for me to receive a gold watch.lol. Although my 'skills' today are better than they were when I was younger.

[capitalman 3861]

The answer for unrequited love is death....are you familiar with The Hunchback of Notredame?

 

And according to some doctors, it's an illness that might just cause death on its own!

 

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/4240579.stm

[survived70s 582]

SA, you definately are not alone. Alexa was very perceptive and it is important to understand the other side. I persued a relationship, became involved with her family, and it did feel a little akward if I got to think about it. (My family put up with it) The most uncomfortable moments was when her mother, my age or maybe a bit younger asked me about children - she wanted to be a grandmother some day.

Actually, during the relationship, I realized how lucky and happy I was to be with her, and made a point of telling her that it didn't matter if she found a younger guy tomorrow, I was enjoying every day as if it were the last.. Don't think I intentionally used her, but we both knew it wouldn't last forever.

As already pointed out, there are basic biological forces, but the media may also have a significant impact on your desires.

At some point you may tire of going out with younger ladies and you may be best advised to keep in touch and stay friends with that 30 year old, if and when the time comes...

[travelfreak 600]

After reading this I realize a lot of comments made applies to myself. I have met very few in their 30's and 40's that have been able to physically attract my attention. I find a lot of ladies getting older, same as we guys, they are also getting a little heavier. I just can't make myself attraced to someone with 10+ lbs too many. I like ladies with a tight body and I can only refer to myself keeping in shape. There are a few ladies that look phenomenal but all of them I have met are all way too high maintenance for me. When you look great in your late 30's doesn't mean I will do anything and/or everything for you but sadly that is my experience. That will eventually be way more expensive than having some SP company for a couple of hours every now and then. High maintenance doesn't guarantee any play time. It is either that or they are already taken by some lucky fellow, that might not even realize or appreciate what he has.

 

At the same time I can't see myself in a relationship with someone that could in theory be my own daughter. The general personality and common interests will not be there after the fun comes to an end. So for now I'm just chilling and spending time with many of my friends just enjoying life for the moment.

 

My 0.02

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Thanks to both survived70s and travelfreak for your comments. I am glad to learn that I am not the only one who has strong attraction to ladies half my age (ever since I was myself half my age:)). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

[whatsup 11893]

SA, Very interesting thread and some excellent input by the members.

 

I think that you would have to do a tremendous amount of soul searching to come to a resolve for what is right for you.

 

I kind of liken it to a list of pro's and con's, what's and what if's, needs and desires ...

 

I can envision one creating a excel spreadsheet and compiling the information to assist in coming to a final conclusion, essentially what is best for you.

 

I thought about posting a listing but I do not want to offend anyone, thus I am just suggesting using a spreadsheet as a tool. With a lot of data available to you right off this thread.

[Capital Hunter 18263]

Thanks whatsup. You can always PM me your spreadsheet (just kidding:)).

 

Yes, I fully agree. many excellent responses from many thoughtful caring members and I thank every single one for taking the time and posting your comments. Sure glad to know that as many stated my case is not likely a problem and there are many who are just like me in this regards.

 

In addition, I have read each comment and each post many times and will continue to analyse it over the coming weeks and months in order to find the final answer or answers specific to myself. The one that I singled out as the one that impacted on me the most (needless to add that every single post in this thread impacted on me very positively) was given by cat (our members choice award winner for favorite service provider) and is quoted below:

 

Why does a relationship have to be "forever" to be considered successful? Why do we expect it not to change over time?

 

The one thing I do know is that fear causes us to miss what is really important. The present. If you are afraid of what may happen and it governs your immediate actions you miss out on life now. The future is an illusion because nothing happens in the future, it happens now. Fear and worry keep us focused on either the past or the future which means we end up missing so much of our lives that's happening right now. Face the fear head on and see what happens. The results may surprise you. . You have three choices when dealing with any situation that is happening now. You can walk away, take action to change the immediate or accept the situation as is. Its very simple.

 

Allow yourself to experience everything life has to offer, even if she is 22. Life has a way of taking care of the details. As long as you have been generous with sharing yourself it will not be a waste on her part.

 

Thanks again at for your very thoughtful comments.

[travelfreak 600]

I think that we are many males that have these feelings, young women are just so damn attractive in their ways. I'm still hoping to find someone closer to my age that can give me that "me want you" feeling.

 

The cougars that are on the prowl for young studs are they any different than us? I don't think so.

We can't get the physical attraction so we search somewhere in the forbidden territory. This is a human urge and I can't for my life put myself in a position where I feel no physical attraction, might be fine to be with and talk to but it would never work sexually. We are guys, there has to be something attractive to look at to get the blood pressure up :roll:

If that is not there, sorry the sign comes up "out of order" and then we get shit for not getting it up. I remember being 20 something and just having to think about a woman and get a hard on, it didn't even have to be sexual 8)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I've been thinking a lot about this topic recently and I often wonder has your access to and use of escorts influenced your ideals in how and what attracts you to a woman? With an escort, it is so easy to just find some hot 18 year old and call them up for an hour. By doing so, has this influenced how you feel about women? How easy it is to just pick up what some men refer to as "fresh meat" that fits your fantasy description. Do you find that these fantasy ideals often become skewed when you enter reality whether it is in your relationship in a marriage or someone that you're dating? Do you find that seeing escorts has ruined it for you in your regular life? One good example would be the age factor. After meeting a hot 18 year old, how do you go about carrying on in your marriage and if there is or isn't an attraction and is it a problem when someone you may be interested in isn't in the 18-25 category? Because let's face it.... Men are not going to have long relationships with women who are much younger than they are and older women aren't going to have success in long lasting happiness with younger men either. Is this all we have to look forward to? Just some simple physical attraction to what we consider youthful experience and that all other necessary characteristics of a relationship are to be thrown out the window for what is played up as an instinctual urge? Is there a middle road? Your thoughts?

[Newton 714]

Alexa,

 

You asked some deep questions. I'm not sure they can be answered fully without touching on value issues. For example, relationships, how important are they? It could be an individual choice.

 

The other day I read this about James Cameron which is instructive.

 

He said everyone can be a good father or husband, but only five people in the world can do what I'm doing. So I choose to do what Im good at.

 

I paraphrased a little bit. But the implication is clear. Individuals make their own choices. It's not to others to judge those choices.

 

Just my two cents.

 

.

[travelfreak 600]

Alexa.

Your questions definitely makes sense. I can only speak for myself but me meeting up with an SP has not effected my personal life. I often try to see SP's in their 30's because I also like to keep a conversation when we meet. Some of the younger girls just can't keep a conversation going for more than five minutes, either they don't want to or they can't - I have no idea.

A fantastic body can easily be overshadowed by a peanut brain.

 

We all have our own preferences as to who we find attractive. I totally believe that there is a special one for every one of us. What if we all looked exactly the same, that would be boring wouldn't it.

 

Our body is something that needs maintenance, just the same as any relationship. If we let go of our body I can just guess what happens to everything else we have to maintain, that will probably be overlooked too.

When we meet someone it is first physical attraction, the brains come in at a later stage because we can see that from a distance, but we can see a nice ass :razz:. If that image is drastically changed over time the attraction will also change. How many times have I been thrown the "we have babies so we can't stay the same" card, way to often. Or the guys with man boobs and a huge gut, it is genetic my dad was the same way so I can't really affect this. To stay in shape is a lot of work, and some just don't do it. The baby is a convenient excuse to not go to the gym the same way we can blame the genetics game. I have female friends that are smaller after a couple of kids than before, how does that work, well a lot of time spent exercising.

 

I think that when someone is keeping up and want to age with some dignity age only becomes a number. What defines a persons age is more how we go around our every day life. I have friends in their 20's acting like retired people and others in their late 40's living life the way it was meant to be - enjoy it!

 

Sorry for the long writeup.