What about forgiving yourself?

[JoyfulC 132299]

Have you ever had to? (Me, more than once.) I'm not asking anyone to confess what it was that they had to forgive themselves for. That's personal. I'm asking about the process? Was it easy? Were there conditions? How did it change things for you?

[LDBF123 675]

I love these thought provoking posts. For me it was when I lost my mum. I had always felt like I had disappointed her with many of my choices in life and even though I think she forgave me, it took me several years, many self destructive nights and bottles of vodka and rye, but I have finally been able to move on. I know she would never want me to destroy myself - she loved me too much.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Have you ever had to? (Me, more than once.) I'm not asking anyone to confess what it was that they had to forgive themselves for. That's personal. I'm asking about the process? Was it easy? Were there conditions? How did it change things for you?

 

That's a good question. I believe in order to forgive oneself you have to love yourself 100%, although I'm learning to I still have a ways to go. I've made many mistakes and in this world there are some who are right there waiting for them to happen, who will sometimes cause them, who take great pleasure in watching you err, fall or fail and they will make the most of those situations. To come out of that, to forgive yourself, a person needs support. I've not always had that. But I do now know some wonderful, intelligent people who are teaching me, guiding me and showing me how to . So, it hasn't been easy but perhaps in time I will forgive and love myself completely, because I know I'm worth it;)

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Thanks for the thread Joy:)

I always try to rectify or make the best of my mistake. I try to make it right. If not to that person(s) then to someone else that may need the gesture.

For me I had to forgive myself for being an addict, for what it had done to my loving family, my body and mind. As a recovered addict now, I lend a helping hand in those that are in recovering or their families.

 

Often times a lady who works with will fall into a mess, I will insist that they come to an early recovery meeting ( designed meeting for those who have not yet accepted their illness) before they book on again. I will not enable a user, but will offer them a way out. If they do not go, then I will not book. Sadly, many choose not to go and just work elsewhere:(

 

For my family, I help to financially support them, as now I do not have the need to waste money on drugs, I will pass Mom and Dad some cash to help them out:)

 

I think it is important to find redemption when forgiveness is needed. Make things right any way you can!

[LDBF123 675]

That's a good question. I believe in order to forgive oneself you have to love yourself 100%, although I'm learning to I still have a ways to go. I've made many mistakes and in this world there are some who are right there waiting for them to happen, who will sometimes cause them, who take great pleasure in watching you err, fall or fail and they will make the most of those situations. To come out of that, to forgive yourself, a person needs support. I've not always had that. But I do now know some wonderful, intelligent people who are teaching me, guiding me and showing me how to . So, it hasn't been easy but perhaps in time I will forgive and love myself completely, because I know I'm worth it;)

 

I agree that to truly forgive yourself you do need to love yourself - I struggle with this as I have always suffered from low self esteem and never feeling worthy of being happy or being good enough. I am looking to get support as I think I'm a good person but I just need to remember this and really believe it. Life can be sooo complicated even without self loathing and guilt. I've been told by a wise woman that guilt is a wasted emotion

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

I agree that to truly forgive yourself you do need to love yourself - I struggle with this as I have always suffered from low self esteem and never feeling worthy of being happy or being good enough. I am looking to get support as I think I'm a good person but I just need to remember this and really believe it. Life can be sooo complicated even without self loathing and guilt. I've been told by a wise woman that guilt is a wasted emotion

 

 

Only wasted when nothing is done to rectify it! Good advice!

[Ice4fun 78407]

From my perspective forgiving yourself is way harder than forgiving someone else especially when it relates to your action or inactions having caused pain and suffering for people you care deeply about.

 

For me personally I have caused my family unbelievable pain because of something I neglected to do...i carry that burden with me every day... on good days I cut myself some slack and on bad days I beat myself up worse than anyone else could.

 

I don't think I will ever forgive myself because that for me would be disrespectful to the people I hurt. I am however finding ways to move forward which for a long time I did not even think that was possible.

 

Just my opinion.

[MightyPen 67414]

I've made Big Mistakes that I've later had to forgive myself for. And I'm really, really bad at the actual forgiving part.

 

What I'm better at, though, is being honest with myself about why the thing happened; figuring out (as best I can) exactly what contributions I made to the mistake and why; and then trying hard to correct those things about myself so I won't make the same mistake again. I can settle for that much.

 

I'm not sure the result is really "forgiving". Neither is it forgetting. It's really just trying to learn from the experience and fixing myself for the future. And that all by itself helps me stop obsessing over the event; it knocks it off its pedestal and stops it from defining me.

 

Sometimes those mistakes have involved other people and sometimes those people have been lost from my life as a result of the mistake. Other times I remove them from my life as part of the solution. Other times we find a way, after a while, to pick up what's not broken and agree to move forward and rebuild from there. Depends on the mistake, and the person involved.

[Guest c**io**m7]

Yes, I have had to forgive myself. 15 years ago, I held a decision in my hands...and, after much internal debate, I made one.

Although I had no control over the events themselves, had I made a different decision, someone may still be alive today as she wouldn't have been in the car, she would've been home with me instead.

 

It took a long time to forgive myself and realize I was not to blame. No matter what happened, the decision made at the time was the right decision.

 

There are no conditions to self forgiveness as you cannot really attach strings to yourself. Each and every day we are faced with situations that can go right, or they can go wrong. Sometimes, we are right...sometimes we are wrong and, sometimes even the right decision may feel wrong. Life is like that.

 

How did it change things for me? I realized I am human, just like everyone else. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I make good decisions and I make bad decisions. Sometimes I hurt, sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh but, in the end, I learned how to love me and love others. I learned peace.

 

My story may not be relevant to you JoyfulC but, if you can't learn to forgive yourself, how can you allow your heart to forgive others? Self forgiveness can only aid the journey to internal peace, love and satisfaction.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Yes, I have had to forgive myself. 15 years ago, I held a decision in my hands...and, after much internal debate, I made one.

Although I had no control over the events themselves, had I made a different decision, someone may still be alive today as she wouldn't have been in the car, she would've been home with me instead.

 

It took a long time to forgive myself and realize I was not to blame. No matter what happened, the decision made at the time was the right decision.

 

There are no conditions to self forgiveness as you cannot really attach strings to yourself. Each and every day we are faced with situations that can go right, or they can go wrong. Sometimes, we are right...sometimes we are wrong and, sometimes even the right decision may feel wrong. Life is like that.

 

How did it change things for me? I realized I am human, just like everyone else. I have my good days and I have my bad days. I make good decisions and I make bad decisions. Sometimes I hurt, sometimes I cry, sometimes I laugh but, in the end, I learned how to love me and love others. I learned peace.

 

My story may not be relevant to you JoyfulC but, if you can't learn to forgive yourself, how can you allow your heart to forgive others? Self forgiveness can only aid the journey to internal peace, love and satisfaction.

 

By sharing this story, you have already helped other's! Finding your redemption through teaching and sharing words of your wisdom! Thanks for that!

[mrrnice2 157005]

The act of forgiving oneself is not as simple as what one might think it might be, and perhaps forgiving oneself is not even the proper term. Acceptance of self? Inner peace?

 

It would be the rare person who has not taken an action that has hurt someone else. On those occasions when I have done so, and I can think of examples with my wife and my family and friends, I am confident that it was never done with intent to "hurt" or to cause pain, however intent is not an issue at a time when you are the cause of that pain. My primary examples of this occurred with words. Words that were spoken in honesty, without the realization or understanding that those words would hurt.

 

Initially I experienced anger - directed at myself. A wish that I had withheld words or told one of those infamous, "little white lies." My upset is with the fact that I have hurt someone else. With time I always spend a LOT of time questioning myself, wondering what I might have or maybe should have done or said instead, and with time I virtually always come to the same conclusion, that I was true to myself. I always wish that the other party was not hurt but acceptance that I am living to the best of my ability MY truth brings me to a sense of contentment.

 

I am quick to apologize in situations and would never give that apology without it being sincere. I do not try to "explain," or justify words. It's a funny thing about words. Once words are spoken, they cannot be taken back.

 

Forgive myself - yes. Regret - yes. Forget - no. I learn a lot about myself with self analysis and am not one to pretend that something did not happen or put it in a box and set it aside. I only hope that others can accept me as I try to accept myself. We are products of our decisions and choices, and when we make a bad decision or choice then that is always a part of you.

 

That is called life experience and eventually, wisdom.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

To me, forgiving oneself is more "acts of self love". We all make mistakes, we all have done something that hurts someone else, this is life. No matter how hard we try, it happens. At that point we can either flay ourselves repeatedly until we believe we have paid the price (and then continue some more) or we can take responsibility for what we did, use it as a lesson for the future and cut ourselves some slack.

 

Big or small, self love is a good thing. We are making ourselves better which gives those around us a better person to interact with which is a blessing for them. When we flog ourselves and treat ourselves badly for the things we have done, it doesn't make us feel very good. We may remove ourselves from the people who care most which is not only punishing ourselves but them too. Or we may then be around them and end up doing other things that make the relationship worse. Guilt is not a good emotion as it sucks the good out of us all. Practicing self love and forgiveness, allows growth and positivity and creates better relationships and moments.

 

Not easy but definitely worth it. It's the little voice that says "I'll try again tomorrow"

[Guest c**io**m7]

To JoyfulC, you are correct, there is a distinct difference between self forgiveness and blame however, in order to not blame myself, I first needed to forgive myself for sending my 7 year old daughter to visit her mother for Christmas when she didn't really want to go.

[JoyfulC 132299]

To JoyfulC, you are correct, there is a distinct difference between self forgiveness and blame however, in order to not blame myself, I first needed to forgive myself for sending my 7 year old daughter to visit her mother for Christmas when she didn't really want to go.

 

 

But you did the right thing. Sometimes well-made decisions turn out badly. Other times, badly made decisions turn out well. That doesn't absolve us of trying to make decisions well, though.

[Guest c**io**m7]

But you did the right thing. Sometimes well-made decisions turn out badly. Other times, badly made decisions turn out well. That doesn't absolve us of trying to make decisions well, though.

 

Absolutely!!

[Ice4fun 78407]

But you did the right thing. Sometimes well-made decisions turn out badly. Other times, badly made decisions turn out well. That doesn't absolve us of trying to make decisions well, though.

 

For me it is really hard to separate Blame and forgiveness... the fact that the decision I have made may not have been an inherently bad decision or the fact that my actions/inactions might not have changed the outcome does not reduce the blame I feel because the outcome was tragic. The facts for me remain that the person I loved is gone and I did not do anything to prevent it.