Common sense, good will toward man, decency, compasion...where did it go?

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I kind of blame the e-world for the decline in basic humanity. Everyone is plugged in and that has led to a very egocentric society. My rant is based on a minor incident that recently happened to me. While it caused me some minor discomfort, I was able to "give back". I am not sharing this for any type of accolade but as a reminder that people have feelings, needs, requirements, emotions...well, you get the gist.

 

So, this past Sunday I made a trip to Giant Tiger. (Yes, Giant Tiger rocks!!!!) It was about 10am but the lot was pretty full. I parked a fair bit away from the entrance but was confident in my stride as I sported my hiking boots!

 

Twenty steps and down I went. Down hard! (a bump the size of a grapefruit on my thigh, as colourful as pansy!) Of course, first reaction was embarrassment and then a bit of panic. Try as I might I couldn't get up (life call commercial immediately sprang to my mind).

 

Many people around, young'ins, my age, etc. NO ONE STOPPED TO HELP!

 

As I finally realized that I should probably roll over onto my knees, a lovely woman stopped and offered her walker as a lever to get me up. Out of a ton of people over 5 minutes (OR MORE) she is the only one to show me kindness.

 

I helped her shop for the St. Patricks day party she was having at her senior's residence. We had such a great time that I made a great big pot of Corned Beef and Cabbage and brought it over yesterday.

 

Back to why I feel that the e-world may be ruining humanity....no one cares to help anymore!

 

Everyone...hug someone today! Show someone, even if in a small way, that you care about all who surround you!

[Guest P**aq]

Meg, your story is quite beautiful and is not a rant in the least, it actually illustrates that there are still nice people out there; in this story there are two of them. While the masses may suck, I think that there will always be other caring people who will always reach out to family, friends and strangers alike.

 

It saddens and baffles me why the others chose to walk by you, but the true story here is about an elderly lady with a walker helping a stranger, who in kind helped her with her shopping and went one step further to make corned beef and cabbage.

 

You, and the woman are proof that humanity isn't ruined!

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

Sadly you are kind of right Meg, something similar happened to me last week, there was even blood involved and nobody even asked me if I was ok :( However, this klutz has fallen on a different occasion where many were concerned and kept asking if I was OK or needed anything so I would say there's still people who care only not always around but I wouldn't say no one cares anymore we just weren't lucky enough to fall around caring people :)

[MightyPen 67414]

Totally with you Meg! On average, people today are absolutely less engaged with their fellow human beings, and tend to see other people as objects in their environment, instead of entities and peers.

 

I don't know that the e-world is to blame though; more like the impersonal nature of the e-world is just an extension of the same tendency.

 

This has been a trend in cities for 100 years; when you force a LOT of people into an environment like sardines, one of the only ways to keep your sanity is to create a bubble of private space. I remember a tv show called War, by journalist Gwynne Dyer, that aired in the 80s. He conducted an experiment where an actor lay down on the ground and curled up in two places:

 

a) a big city (I remember it as New York but could be wrong)

b) a modestly-sized village in (I think) Norway

 

In a), people just stepped over and past he prone figure. The city had trained them not to recognize other people as actual human beings, but rather objects in the environment. In b), it took only minutes before someone stopped, bent over, and touched the prone actor and asked if they were okay.

 

Clearly, I never forgot the example. De-personalization is a natural consequence of urban life (and a few other factors I think). Seems like the canary in the coal mine for our society's future.

 

By the way, I promise that if I'd seen you slip, I'd not only have helped you up, but I would have insisted upon a brief parking-lot waltz, just to amaze the natives. Really! :)

 

 

ps Today I learned: my typing turns to shit after two glasses of wine.

[roamingguy 300292]

It is sad Meg that the world has come to this. Most ignoring others, just focused on themselves. But while it seems there are a lot of people out there who don't care, remember there are those gems, those very special people out there who do care.

And I'll use your thread Meg as a segue to something else. It seems good manners specifically a thank you is now considered self promotion and to be posted in the announcements section. When a lady thanks a city (the discrete way to thank the gentlemen who made a tour successful) that to me just shows good manners and respect. It is not self promotion, IMHO, the tour to that city has already been done. It is a lady showing respect and courtesy to the clients she saw. For me, such a thank you doesn't even apply to me, since I don't even live in any of the cities. A thank you in the general section means it gets seen, but in the announcements section, it will be buried pretty fast, and unless someone is craving thanks, he won't search the announcements looking for a thank you

Anyhow, a couple ladies recently still posted a thank you, and even though it didn't apply to me, they saw either that post given a nomination, rep points or thanks. That's the feedback I give good manners

The world, both the outside world and the CERB world could benefit from good manner and caring for our fellow ladies and gentlemen

Why good manners, something which seems in harmony with CERB policy has now become considered self promotion I don't know. But ladies don't

let this discourage you, your manners are noticed

Anyhow, a rambling

 

RG

[mrgreen760 37785]

Unfortunately and sadly this is very true. And I'm fascinated by it. I tend to pay attention and am often bemused by the me-first attitude of folks illustrated daily. An exasperated person in a line up will then not even acknowledge the staff assisting them as they text, email or chat. Folks seem so angry, so stressed, so unhappy and will rise up and be confrontational over any perceived and minor slight. It's too bad really as most of their crap is self-imposed and rather than look for someone else to blame they should just look in a mirror.

 

Peace

MG

[JoyfulC 132299]

To some degree, though, I wonder if most people today aren't scared off for getting involved for fear of being sued or hung out to dry as a witness, or worse, a suspect. "Don't get involved" seems to be the mantra of the day.

 

It would be a better world if people could help one another. But that's not always rewarded today, and is often punished. Not hard to see how we arrived at this point!

[CristyCurves 169032]

Quite honestly I'm surprised you're surprised. People are people, here, outside and everywhere. that's why I like dogs;)

There are a few good/special ones and that day you met one and it's good that you returned the compassion. But not all do, hence one of the reasons many appear so callous or not wanting to bother. Many people have been shit on, pushed around or bullied so they become withdrawn, disconnected to strangers and only compassionate and giving to their "circles". We can't and shouldn't expect anything of anyone really, we don't know their story and why they operate the way they do, so really getting mad because someone didn't respond the way you thought they should is pointless. Perhaps all of those people have fallen once before and had no help, sure that's a stretch but it's also a possible explanation. A good/nice person imo has the ability to put behind them that kind of crap and just do the right thing. Most of us aren't like that though, we hold grudges, judge and pick and choose who we'll be "nice" to. Think of what happened to you as a gift, even though you were injured you met a good soul and there probably is a deeper reason for this.

[Studio 110 by Sophia 150333]

Meg, reading your post touched me. I must be a tad emotional, cause I had tears for you, then tears of joy for her!

You are a wonderful example of how not to forget the simple things in life, respect and manners!

Thanks for sharing and for reminding us all it doesn't take much effort to make a difference!

xoxoxo

[roamingguy 300292]

To some degree, though, I wonder if most people today aren't scared off for getting involved for fear of being sued or hung out to dry as a witness, or worse, a suspect. "Don't get involved" seems to be the mantra of the day.

 

It would be a better world if people could help one another. But that's not always rewarded today, and is often punished. Not hard to see how we arrived at this point!

 

I think that is why they have enacted Good Samaritan Laws, to protect people who offer assistance. Unfortunately the vast majority of people just seem wrapped up in their own lives.

My two cents

 

RG

[NotchJohnson 214123]

Totally with you Meg! On average, people today are absolutely less engaged with their fellow human beings, and tend to see other people as objects in their environment, instead of entities and peers.

 

I don't know that the e-world is to blame though; more like the impersonal nature of the e-world is just an extension of the same tendency.

 

This has been a trend in cities for 100 years; when you force a LOT of people into an environment like sardines, one of the only ways to keep your sanity is to create a bubble of private space. I remember a tv show called War, by journalist Gwynne Dyer, that aired in the 80s. He conducted an experiment where an actor lay down on the ground and curled up in two places:

 

a) a big city (I remember it as New York but could be wrong)

b) a modestly-sized village in (I think) Norway

 

In a), people just stepped over and past he prone figure. The city had trained them not to recognize other people as actual human beings, but rather objects in the environment. In b), it took only minutes before someone stopped, bent over, and touched the prone actor and asked if they were okay.

 

Clearly, I never forgot the example. De-personalization is a natural consequence of urban life (and a few other factors I think). Seems like the canary in the coal mine for our society's future.

 

By the way, I promise that if I'd seen you slip, I'd not only have helped you up, but I would have insisted upon a brief parking-lot waltz, just to amaze the natives. Really! :)

 

 

ps Today I learned: my typing turns to shit after two glasses of wine.

Thanks for posting this, I'm from a small town and here everybody knows everybody or almost. I'm surprised that the mentality of big city people is to ignore those around them, they are someones mother, sister, brother, father and could even be related somehow to you be by friendship or relative.

When I read what Meg wrote I said to myself "what is she talking about, this never happens" but now I know it does in big cities.

Thanks Meg for sharing and for MightyPen for the detail of the experiment.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

It really is unfortunate. I grew up in a big city - and you learned quickly not to make eye contact when walking down the street.

 

When I moved to a smaller town - I was amazed at the difference. Everyone makes eye contact and says a friendly hello or a nod of hello. It took me a while - do I know you? Have we met, and I've forgotten I've met you. After a while, I realized, this is how it is supposed to be. That the big city way of ignoring those around you is not a fun way to live. I will never live in a big city for this very reason - I could never go back to living life that way.

 

I once came across a lady being beaten up in the middle of the street. There were two cars ahead of me - one a taxi and another a 30 something big guy. Do you think either of them offered any help? The taxi driver could have called dispatch - but he didn't. Once he had his break - he left. The next car did the same. Not me - shit, I almost ran the guy into the hydro pole to stop him. By this time, he was actually stabbing her in the back - I can still remember seeing the whites in her eyes with each stab he took. She jumped into my car and I was able to speed away and get her to safety. She was grateful, but refused additional help and sadly I never found out what happened to her after.

 

I took a risk - and sometimes I wonder why I would take such a chance. However, I will never walk by someone in distress. Must be my years as a first aid attendant.

 

Thank you RG for pointing out the Good Samaritan act - there are many who are not aware of it. For those that don't know - if you help someone, you cannot be sued for assisting them. The only time is if you do something that is beyond your abilities - like amputating a leg if you are not a surgeon (unless it is an extreme situation like being in the middle of no where).

 

MightyPen - thank you for that example. There really is a difference in the size of cities. However, I think they have also done studies of a similar nature - obviously homeless people, vs those that are wearing suits on the ground. Turns out, no matter where you live, if it is a homeless guy, they won't get help, but if you are in a suit, you are likely to get help.

 

Meg - I'm sorry you fell - but, sometimes things happen for a reason, and you got to experience what life should be like and met a wonderful lady and I'm sure you made her day.

[Brad 49548]

Meg, I'm sorry you had such a rough experience. Glad you're OK!

 

I think people should keep hope though. People seem to always think other people are getting worse over time. Have you ever heard the quote:

 

"The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority, they show disrespect to their elders.... They no longer rise when elders enter the room. They contradict their parents, chatter before company, gobble up dainties at the table, cross their legs, and are tyrants over their teachers."

 

Sound like kids today? Yet that line is generally attributed to Socrates and is over 2000 years old.

 

There are bad people out there. And some things do get worse. But I find I can stay happier by trying to focus on the positive. Consider, if you go back just a generation or two, if a husband beat up his wife society would turn a blind eye and stay hushed about it much more than it does today. And while discrimination is still undeniably entrenched, our society has made amazing progress in terms of racism, sexism, and homophobia. Basically, when we talk of "people now-a days", there's as much good as bad depending on your focus, and our memories of the past are often through rose-tinted glasses.

 

Don't get me wrong, there is rudeness and apathy out there a plenty. But just as some things get worse other things tend to improve, and there are and will always be many wonderful folk out there as well. All we can each do is our own little part and try to focus on the good...not that a little fist shake and justified rant doesn't feel good now and then too! :)

[mrrnice2 157005]

Ah Meg that is so unfortunate. It kind of boggles the mind when one hears a story such as that because something like that is so unnecessary and indicative of I really don't know what.

 

I still am very much a believer however that the vast majority of people are good people and that your experience is the exception rather than the rule and that the universe simply surrounded you by idiots for a short period of time.

 

One can "explain" it away as a big city "attitude" but I don't fully agree with that. Last week I was in Kingston, perhaps a small city by Ontario standards but a big city by my PEI standards. I was travelling with my wheelchair and when I use it I have crutches to get me to the back of my Jeep and then I stand on one leg to haul the char out. I am now very good at it but in Kingston at mall parking lots, each and every single time I needed to toss the chair back in, someone approached and asked if they could assist. That does not happen that much when I am in little PEI.

 

So good on the kind people and those who pass by are only losing a part of themselves by not helping others.

 

Have faith in people - Most deserve it. :)

[roamingguy 300292]

Actually interesting about town versus city too. I grew up in cities too, Ottawa, Kingston, Peterborough but now live in a small town and have done so since the early 90's. Would be no hesitation to assist someone who fell or whatever. Is it a small town attitude or just me I don't know

And btw where I live Kingston is a booming metropolis (seriously)...we don't even have a Tim Horton's.

Maybe in a small town even if you don't know the person you are standing next to, he/she likely knows someone who knows someone who knows you.

Anyhow, on that note, time for a second coffee

A rambling

 

RG

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I may be out of topic and if I am my apologies to the OP but yesterday I was walking downtown in what was a very wet day with the snow and slushy streets and noticed a man sitting on the sidewalk outside a Starbucks at a very busy intersection and most people wouldn't even bother looking down to see this man who was evidently very cold. It got me thinking if those who expressed indignation toward all those who did not stop to help Meg would stop to try to help this man.

 

I realize are 2 very different circumstances but both are related to what Meg made the topic of discussion: Humanity and compassion. I truly hope we start getting more awareness of these people (homeless) feeling the way Meg felt every day of their lives and stop ignoring them when we walk by them.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Back to why I feel that the e-world may be ruining humanity....no one cares to help anymore!

 

Everyone...hug someone today! Show someone' date=' even if in a small way, that you care about all who surround you![/quote']

 

I believe in paying it forward... Yesterday as I was finishing up with my dog at the vet, I overheard another woman calling for a cab, as she had a cat in a carrier. I asked her where she was going, it turns out she lives quite close to me, so I offered her a ride home.

It's the small things, really.

[emiafish 30979]

Meg, your story is inspirational. To think that a senior with a walker came to your aide when other hale & hearty citizens went on their way; well it gives me hope. Perhaps we all will gain compassion and awareness as we age.

 

Mighty Pen's example notwithstanding, Ottawa is not a big city. Giant Tiger's are the modern day General Store, more suited for a rural area or at least a non-urban landscape. I think depersonalization may have started in the cities but, over time, has spread to greater areas. I wonder if the same experiment was run today in smaller cities, would the result be the same?

 

Meg, I'm glad you are all right. Let me know when you plan to make another Corned beef dinner. My Irish roots/stomach took notice of your culinary prowess. :chug:

[piano8950 32577]

I respectfully disagree with the sentiment of this thread. Maybe it's because where I came from is one of the worst places I've ever been to, but I truly feel that people here will take the time to help.

 

I got into an accident a long time back, and I have no idea if it was the shock or something else, but I felt like 5 seconds later, there were people helping me recover (Still have no idea how they were able to get there that quickly). Within 5 minutes, there were about 5 people around offering me water, some dude just threw a jacket over me, and a bunch of other things that I can't remember. It wasn't that they were one group, as far as I remember, 3 different cars stopped to help. They just clicked and helped me, and for that I will be eternally grateful.

 

I have been on the receiving end, or witness to countless of kind acts. Winter usually brings out the community in us, pushing out stuck cars, shoveling neighbour driveways. Someone I know was t-boned. He was completely not at fault, but the other person felt like shit. My friend actually calmed him, gave the other driver his own gloves and scarf because he was feeling cold.

 

Sometimes you are just in a bad situation with people for some reason or the other won't help. From my own experiences, I feel these situations are more the exception rather then the norm.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Is this a less caring world.... i guess in a lot of ways it is and I think it is easy to find examples to support the fact that it appears that the world is gone to hell in a hand basket. But you know I have been lucky enough over the last few years to have spent considerable time working with Youth and young adults and quite honestly they have just amazed me and have allowed me to also see all the good things we have to be thankful for.... i used to wonder what would happen in the future but now kinda feel it just might be a better place.

 

Just my opinion.