How open minded are you?

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

I would like to have a conversation about being open minded. Not necessarily about specific things, but over all - are you open minded?

 

I am not looking for the politically correct answer. Anyone can say xxx, but can you back up your words with your actions? We all have our likes and dislikes. Some things we tolerate and others we will never tolerate. However, if someone has a belief that is different then ours, are we correct or are they? I am not talking about abusive or dangerous things here - just consensual stuff between 2 (or more) consenting adults.

 

I grew up in a multi cultural environment. My school friends were from all areas of the world - as a child I didn't realize how blessed I was to experience this. I also grew up with others that had disabilities (myself included), so learning how to accommodate their needs became normal for me.

 

So, I've had some conversations with others recently, seen some questions online, and I've been thinking - what is your tolerance for someone who is different then you?

 

Comments like:

 

 

• 
  
• My son is queer, and my other kid is a faggot who dresses up in girls shit
  
• You know the chick has a dick?
  
• She is a heffer - must be at least 400 lbs
  
• She is so skinny, has no tits or ass
  
• Wow, she is so kinky, she would fuck a horse
  
• Shit she won't even fuck anything - I think she is stuck up on herself
  
• Yes I want to fuck a women with another women there, but don't want another guy there cause I don't want no sword fighting. That's sick.
  

So, at what point do you agree with the comments others make? When do you challenge them? Or do you challenge them?

 

I'm always amazed and sometimes have to stop myself before freaking out. No one is going to change or grow if I'm yelling at them. So, I take a breath, and try to have a conversation to find out where its coming from. There are times it works - other times I just walk away and realize that others didn't have the same experience I have had so will not understand.

 

On this site, I would like to see more acceptance to others that have an experience they would like to explore. Just because you are not interested in that experience, please don't make that person feel like they are weird for wanting to explore this. This is a site, that if you have nothing nice to say, JUST don't SAY it. If you don't like it, just stay out of it.

 

It's like someone who once said "I don't like the wham bam thank you mam" - but what if someone wants that? Is it wrong? Not really. As long as both parties understand, then it should be ok. Yes, you might like to take your time and that is really great too. Just don't judge someone else because they want an experience that is different then yours.

 

Or, someone who is asking about a TG gurl in the area and wants to know what she is like. He already understand she is TG, so you don't have to point out that she has a dick. And, FYI, she is referred to as a girl - not a guy with boobs.

 

How about a threeway? This time, not two women and a man, but two men and a women - maybe the two guys get it on with each other? Is that ok with you, or do you go, "fuck that shit, they are faggots".

 

Don't forget Funky Cold Medina:

 

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man

So, I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener

You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

 

For all those that want to experience something that is different from the vanilla mainstream says is ok - please, let them be who they want to be. Don't judge them and remember, sometimes when we have a strong reaction, it usually means that we are somehow connected and need that, just not ready to explore it yet.

 

I am interested in other peoples opinions and experiences.

[Brad 49548]

First of all, great post Meaghan. You articulate a great philosophy to adopt, especially for this site.

 

As for your question, I'm having trouble saying how open minded I am myself. "Open minded" is one of those terms that everyone defines differently. Does it mean you believe everything or are just willing to hear others out? Does it mean you'll try anything or just that you won't judge someone who does? And where's the balance? Someone once told me it's good to be open minded but not sooo open-minded your brains fall out. :redface:

 

I try very hard not to be fundamental in my beliefs, but always open to change, and willing to accept a new position if someone makes better arguments supporting it or it has the best evidence available.

 

But all of us have our blind spots, and it can be difficult not just to pay attention to those things which bolster your pre-existing views, while turning a blind eye to anything that challenges your beliefs.

 

Our beliefs are, after all, who we are. Is it any wonder we struggle so much to admit something we think may be wrong?

 

As for specific examples, when it comes to sex and sexuality I'd say I'm very open-minded. A person's sexual orientation doesn't phase me, nor which gender they self-identify as. As for sex, well, there's many things I'm not interested in, but what turns a person on is often out of their control, so my attitude is whatever goes on between consenting adults is up to them. I'll enjoy my kinds, wish you well with yours, and let's each have fun, fun, fun however we define it. If I ever have a threesome, it's true I'd prefer it to involve two ladies, but I see that as personal preference along the same lines as I like chocolate milkshakes more than strawberry. And I've no judgement for those who prefer a different flavour.

 

In other areas though I struggle to being open-minded. I've friends that believe every conspiracy theory out there, and I have trouble being patient with them or even hearing them out after a while. And I'll admit if I find out someone is of a certain political party, I'll sometimes make assumptions about them.

 

At the end of the day, I try--imperfectly--to assume the best of people, and act and think under the idea that each person can be who they want to be and act how they want to act, as long as doing so isn't causing another person any harm or limiting their freedom to do the same.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Wow...really interesting topic thanks for posting it.

 

I used to think I was pretty open minded... always said... to each their own but more recently I think I have come to see that perhaps I was not as open minded as I thought... i still think to each their own but the reality of that is more that I have tended to really only be around people who were very similar to me... lol it easy to be open minded to people you agree with.

 

Since becoming involved in this hobby I have met a number of people who have shown me what it is like to truly be open minded they are people who approach life with a willingness to accept anyone who accepts them. They are less likely to judge someone because of how they look or talk or because they have a different sexual orientation.... i have to tell you it was unexpected but very refreshing.

 

As a result of my interaction with these individual I find my self interested in learning more about things I previously thought were in the margins and am willing to try things that I never would have before.

 

Now that said... i would suggest that while I am way more open than I was... i think I am still probably a product of my upbringing....so lots of room yet to grow.

 

Just my opinion

[roamingguy 300292]

I like to think I'm open minded. And hopefully people in this community likewise are open minded. We are judged by the "civilian" world, we shouldn't be judging each other. Now by open minded that doesn't mean I'll do anything and everything. I still will do what is in my comfort zone. But I respect other's comfort zones, choices and boundaries.

But I might...emphasis might be open to having my boundaries expanded, depending on what that boundary might be. And those who have different interests or orientations (hope those are the right words) that don't appeal to me at all, well instead of judging and name calling, I'll respect. As long as people are happy and respect one another who is anyone to judge?

Don't know if that answers your question

A rambling

 

RG

[Guest *l**e]

interesting.

without getting into too much personal detail, I look at open mindedness in a slightly different way.

 

For example, if a lady would love to be in a MMF 3way, but has no interest in being in a FFM 3way, I still would call her open minded if she has no negative feelings about people who do like that type of 3way.

 

Personally, I am not even the slightest bit bi, but I have been in many MMF 3ways and have always had a fun. Limits were discussed at the beginning, and were always respected. Although I have no attraction to men at all, I have no negative feelings towards men who are bi or gay in any way.

 

Although I am very clear in my likes and dislikes, and the activities I prefer to take part in may be more limited than some other people, I consider myself extremely open minded.

 

my 2 cents only. neat thread...thanks

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

To me, being open minded means that whatever you think, believe, know etc. you keep your mind open to being wrong, to learning, you changing your perspective and while you're at it, you work to not judge others. Everyone is an individual and unique and has had their own challenges, lessons and experiences. They also have their own wants, needs, beliefs, thoughts etc.

 

I would never want someone to judge me based on the choices I make or the things I want, need, desire or am interested in. I make a conscious effort to not do that to others. Just because something doesn't interest me or turn me on doesn't mean I look down on those it does.

 

Open minded to me is keeping your mind open to all potentials and possibilities, to all people, to life.

[mrrnice2 157005]

Wow Meaghan. What an amazing thread. It raises so many things that I don't know where to start.

 

I generally am very politically correct in what I say or present to others. That does not mean that I feel that way in my heart in many circumstances. There have been a couple of very recent threads on Cerb that I have not replied to because I would present a point of view that is quite different from what is "expected." If I can get my words together I may do so yet.

 

Being open to new experiences for oneself is one thing and respecting others and their choices can be an altogether different thing. I am very confident that over these many years when I heard of, "this or that," I thought to myself, "Nope, that's not for me," I don't think I would ever have judged others or felt that what someone else did was any of my concern. That is said of course with the understanding that the obvious no no's are not included in that statement - violence, pedophilia, etc. For things of that nature I have no tolerance.

 

With regards to the sample comments that Meagan made I know that I would respond or try to educate whomever said them in whatever minimal way I could if it were a private conversation with someone that I know. If it were in a group situation then I would do the easy thing and say nothing and walk away. Probably not right, but that would be me.

 

For the vast majority of my life I would certainly be called vanilla. As I have written about here several years ago, I was one of the lucky ones, with an amazing wife, having a true best friend in her and with her being my one and only soul mate. We talked, and we fantasized but beyond that it never went anywhere with others or outside the very traditional norms and social boundaries, primarily because she was concerned that it would mess things up between she and I. Who knows as she may have very well been correct. She was a really intelligent woman.

 

Following her death I discovered escorts through Cerb and again as I have written about previously, the myths and the stereotypes were very quickly blown out of the water. I have used this previously unavailable opportunity (by choice) to, "explore," and still on a very basic level I have had amazing involvements with various women, of all ages, sizes, shapes and most interestingly, of such varied opinions and experiences.

 

I have learned about, through conversation, lesbianism, bisexuality, polyamourous relationships, open relationships, sex workers rights, and many other things that I knew little or nothing about. I have consciously sought out some women that are in many ways the exact opposite of me and certainly of my experience over the years. Tattoos have even become a drawing card! I have had several MFF encounters which were amazing. I have had a date where I chose to be totally submissive. That is not one that I would choose to repeat, but, I absolutely am glad that I tried it.

 

I have been told that I am open minded, and even though I never really thought that I was, perhaps that is correct. My boundaries have been expanded and there are several more areas that I still wish to explore. I will at some point book time with a T-Girl, and I am quite looking forward to it. There is no doubt in my mind at all that I am way into women more than men, so when this happens it will be with a person with very feminine features. Maybe that is not being open minded?

 

On the topic of open mindedness, one of the things that I am most pleased about is that my daughters know about my occasional involvement with sex workers and it's pretty awesome that they are not only OK with it for me, but also are not judgmental of me at all. Needless to say there has been an teaching opportunity for me to enlighten them as they also had all the same stereotypes that I used to have.

 

Great thread Meaghan.

[MightyPen 67414]

Great thread.

 

I have a wide array of personal kinks and fetishes I like to pursue with SPs. Since I grew up with them, I feel pretty understanding of others whose unique psychology leads them to seek out stuff that might not make sense to me. My basic philosophy: if you're all adults, consent makes it cool.

 

I haven't seen a lot of hostility to alternate lifestyles here on CERB, but maybe I haven't been reading all the threads closely enough.

 

I DO want to acknowledge one particular thing you raised though, Meghan: that "wham-bam-thank you ma'am" is actually okay. We spend a lot of time on this site extolling the virtues of respecting SPs as human beings and finding the value in the human connection that's available within sex work. Not just "we" -- I spend a lot of time on that subject here. Maybe we dwell on that part of sex work disproportionately on CERB because so few other sex-work communities do.

 

But it's important to acknowledge that just as romantic soft-focus "lovemaking" isn't the only or even the "highest" form of sex for a couple, neither is there only one "best and moral" way to see a sex worker. Entirely healthy people sometimes hunger for an anonymous but sweaty fuck. If that's the thing a client is after, that's entirely cool.

 

For my part, time spent with SPs has allowed me explore stuff that I know has been a challenge to play with in my conventional relationships. I can only cheer for others who have the same experience, even if their particular kinks don't happen to push my personal buttons.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Mightypen, you brought up something that's definitely important. There has been a slant against "just sex" sessions in favor of a more GFE, intimate sort of session. As you said, both have a place because sex is such a varied, colorful and amazing thing and we are all individuals with changing and varying moods and needs. Just because we might want a slow sensual encounter one day doesn't mean that another we are not ravenous for raw powerful lust. One is not better than the other, they are just different and people should not be disparaged because they want one or the other of something completely different.

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

At the end of the day, I try--imperfectly--to assume the best of people, and act and think under the idea that each person can be who they want to be and act how they want to act, as long as doing so isn't causing another person any harm or limiting their freedom to do the same.

 

i still think to each their own but the reality of that is more that I have tended to really only be around people who were very similar to me... lol it easy to be open minded to people you agree with.

 

[quote name=roamingguy;583431 we shouldn't be judging each other. Now by open minded that doesn't mean I'll do anything and everything. I still will do what is in my comfort zone. But I respect other's comfort zones' date=' choices and boundaries.

RG[/quote]

 

Although I am very clear in my likes and dislikes, and the activities I prefer to take part in may be more limited than some other people, I consider myself extremely open minded.

 

I would never want someone to judge me based on the choices I make or the things I want, need, desire or am interested in. I make a conscious effort to not do that to others. Just because something doesn't interest me or turn me on doesn't mean I look down on those it does.

 

Being open to new experiences for oneself is one thing and respecting others and their choices can be an altogether different thing.

 

For my part, time spent with SPs has allowed me explore stuff that I know has been a challenge to play with in my conventional relationships. I can only cheer for others who have the same experience, even if their particular kinks don't happen to push my personal buttons.

 

Thank you everyone. You have each pointed out something that is unique and specific to you. I appreciate it. Your honesty is remarkable and this is why I love CERB so much.

 

xoxo

[Guest P**aq]

Thank you for the thoughtful and very well written Thread Meaghan. It has been on my mind all afternoon.

 

I'm ashamed to admit that at one time or another in my life (primarily my youth) I have had thoughts such as you suggested in your bullets (400 pound heffer, skinny no tits, no ass, etc. teenage boys can be unrelenting!). Over the years I have grown (at least I hope I have) to not judge by one's physical appearance.

 

What I like about CERB is reading and learning about sexuality and experience in all sorts of varying degrees. I am totally vanilla, but all the experiences are so intriguing to me, and who knows, maybe I will break out of the vanilla shell and throw some sprinkles on top!

[Meaghan McLeod 179664]

I'm ashamed to admit that at one time or another in my life (primarily my youth) I have had thoughts such as you suggested in your bullets (400 pound heffer, skinny no tits, no ass, etc. teenage boys can be unrelenting!). Over the years I have grown (at least I hope I have) to not judge by one's physical appearance.

 

Nothing to be ashamed about - our youth is where we learn and grow. It is when we get stuck in our adult life and continue to do/think what we have not learned.

 

It is when you say to yourself, is this what I believe? Or what others tell me?

 

Thank you for your input. xoxo

[Guest c**io**m7]

Your bullets remind me very much of a child hood gay friend. He is today, very successful and recently he ran into a childhood/teenage tormentor. "Faggot" was a common phrase used by this tormentor relentlessly.

 

This tormentor lives on welfare and lost his children to Family Services. My friend wished him luck and the strength to turn his life around.

 

 

That being said: your bullets brought back so many memories...I was one of these people who stood up for the bullied and faced the bullies head on. I played cards with the "heffers", " faggots", "retards" etc...in the cafeteria at lunch.

 

Okay...as for open mind, my mind is very open. I have my limits however, these limits do not induce judgment for those who's limits far surpass mine. I am a firm believer in "to each his own". Should pleasure be gained in activities that are beyond my own scope I say Enjoy!!

[Regent 35404]

I think I would be considered open minded by many people's standards, though I rarely think of my approach to life in that particular term.

 

I really value things like critical thinking, respecting diversity of experiences and identities, sex positivity, consent, harm reduction, kindness and compassion.

 

When looking at other people's choices, identities and positions in life, it's very important to me to do so with empathy. We're fed a lot of stereotypes about all kinds of people who are different from us, and we're taught to make assumptions, and it is so important to critically examine those things and always remember our shared humanity.

 

I don't think it's possible or desirable to be free of judgement all the time. Some things are worth being judgemental about. But I try to limit my judgement to things that are non-consensual, harmful or oppressive, and recognize that everything else is an okay part of the amazing diversity of humanity.

 

I've found my experiences with the community on CERB to be pretty good. One thing that I do find disappointing, though unsurprising, is the way that many people here talk about trans sex workers. I see both transphobic language get used, and really troubling attitudes expressed, like this idea that it's okay to casually out a trans sex worker who isn't advertising as trans or that trans women are not real women.

 

Transphobia is pretty deeply embedded in mainstream culture, and I've just recently started seeing more media attention and awareness aimed at trans issues. It would be really great if everyone in our communities would take some time to educate themselves and if we could see some resistance and shifting away from the really terrible language that seems to be a big part of the sex industry.

 

And particularly for clients, exercising a bit more empathy, mindfulness and compassion when talking about trans sex workers. Casually outing someone can have really horrible consequences for them. Using language that's degrading or talking about trans women in ways that positions them as less-than perpetuates the dehumanization and devaluing of them. That devaluing contributes directly to the incredibly high rates of violence and murder that trans women sex workers experience.

 

I think most people here are really good about recognizing that sex workers are human beings and that stereotypes and stigma are both harmful and inaccurate. It would be really great to see more of that openness and empathy extended to trans sex workers, too.

[CristyCurves 169032]

I would like to have a conversation about being open minded. Not necessarily about specific things, but over all - are you open minded?

 

I am not looking for the politically correct answer. Anyone can say xxx, but can you back up your words with your actions? We all have our likes and dislikes. Some things we tolerate and others we will never tolerate. However, if someone has a belief that is different then ours, are we correct or are they? I am not talking about abusive or dangerous things here -

 

 

 

Comments like:

 

 

• My son is queer, and my other kid is a faggot who dresses up in girls shit
  
• You know the chick has a dick?
  
• She is a heffer - must be at least 400 lbs
  
• She is so skinny, has no tits or ass
  
• Wow, she is so kinky, she would fuck a horse
  
• Shit she won't even fuck anything - I think she is stuck up on herself
  
• Yes I want to fuck a women with another women there, but don't want another guy there cause I don't want no sword fighting. That's sick.
  

But what you mention here is abusive . Anyone that throws out those types of comments is being abusive. They can sometimes affect their target for life, leave unseen scars and change a persons personality. A nice person, someone who is accepting and who is open minded wouldn't say such disparaging things. I feel being nice is part and parcel with being open mined as is being accepting and tolerant of another's view points, lifestyle, looks, personality, choices, etc.

So, at what point do you agree with the comments others make? When do you challenge them? Or do you challenge them?

I challenge anything and anyone who I believe is wrong, doing wrong or hypocritical. doing so has got me kicked off this site, lol.

I'm always amazed and sometimes have to stop myself before freaking out. No one is going to change or grow if I'm yelling at them. So, I take a breath, and try to have a conversation to find out where its coming from. There are times it works - other times I just walk away and realize that others didn't have the same experience I have had so will not understand.

 

Yup:) For example- an sp likes to refer to me as "plastic" I assume because of my boobies, lol, yet she herself wants surgery, a boob job and other things, lol, sigh, life is so ironic. Stopping to have a conversation, well perhaps, but some just don't think their wrong doings are wrong. Even though this is probably the most mature and understanding-open minded way of handling anything,(walking away instead of freaking out, or having a conversation) but often it can be easier said than done.

 

On this site, I would like to see more acceptance to others that have an experience they would like to explore. Just because you are not interested in that experience, please don't make that person feel like they are weird for wanting to explore this. This is a site, that if you have nothing nice to say, JUST don't SAY it. If you don't like it, just stay out of it.

 

I agree 110%. But I think this motto should extend beyond just sexual experiences. We should all be accepting and tolerant of one another always.

Think before you(meaning anyone) speak, next time anyone criticizes someone for doing something make sure you aren't doing the same thing. Don't like name calling then don't call names, don't like meanness, then don't be mean. Don't like hypocrites then don't be hypocritical. Going to flog someone for making a mistake or for fucking up, then you better have a very clean slate and if you want to drudge up someones past, then please make sure you don't have one. We are all equal and anyone that thinks they have or hold something that makes them better than, the best or more worthy is full of shit and needs to be re-educated about humanity, understanding, acceptance and being open minded. :)

 

It's like someone who once said "I don't like the wham bam thank you mam" - but what if someone wants that? Is it wrong? Not really. As long as both parties understand, then it should be ok. Yes, you might like to take your time and that is really great too. Just don't judge someone else because they want an experience that is different then yours.

It's not wrong, period. If you aren't hurting anyone, breaking any laws, involving consenting adults then it's no body's business but those who are involved as to what goes on. It's just that simple:) Why does anyone care anyways about what some else is doing? It's not your business nor your place to criticize. Live and let live:)

 

 

Or, someone who is asking about a TG gurl in the area and wants to know what she is like. He already understand she is TG, so you don't have to point out that she has a dick. And, FYI, she is referred to as a girl - not a guy with boobs.

Respect the differences, know how everyone likes to be referred to and as, we are all entitled to be here, to be accepted and to be what we want to be and to look how we chose. You may not like how I/he/she looks but who said you were a good judge and what gives you the right to judge?

 

How about a threeway? This time, not two women and a man, but two men and a women - maybe the two guys get it on with each other? Is that ok with you, or do you go, "fuck that shit, they are faggots".

 

Or gay for pay? I saw a thread that discussed three ways-two women and one man. The sp's were surprising critical of someone doing this that wasn't gay/bi or completely into the other woman. There are plenty of woman that can and do act out three ways that are "gay for pay". After all as one sp has before quoted, "providing is all about fantasy, we are providing an "illusion" for our clients. "If that is the case in woman/man encounters can't it then be the same in two women one man encounters? In the end this business is criticized, questioned, frowned upon enough by those who are uninvolved and uniformed , do we need to do that to one another?

 

Don't forget Funky Cold Medina:

 

But when she got undressed, it was a big old mess, Sheena was a man

So, I threw him out, I don't fool around with no Oscar Meyer wiener

You must be sure that the girl is pure for the Funky Cold Medina

 

For all those that want to experience something that is different from the vanilla mainstream says is ok - please, let them be who they want to be. Don't judge them and remember, sometimes when we have a strong reaction, it usually means that we are somehow connected and need that, just not ready to explore it yet.

Differences are what make us unique from one another not better or worse and sometimes they can be great teachers. :) Try and learn something today, I'm going to:) Thanks for the thread:)