soulmates

[CristyCurves 169032]

What is your definition and do you believe they exist? apparently the link below describes ten elements that defines a soulmate.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dr-carmen-harra/elements-of-a-soulmate_b_3595992.html

[frank97500 18478]

Wow... Thanks to Dr. Carmen Harra, I know I am in a life-partner relationship. Well, I kind of had that feeling a long time ago. But really how do you find your soulmate? Do you look for your soulmate or does she/he comes to you? The world is humongous..... You could be spending your whole life looking for her/him. :(

 

I love the 10 elements of Soulmate.... (Sigh) It would be so amazing to have all these elements in a person! Can you imagine a life with a soulmate?........ While writing this thread, I just caught myself day dreaming about it ;)

 

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I'm including a couple things that fit my vision of a soul mate. For me, it's not just about love, it's about friendship. It's that instant recognition of someone even if you can't explain it. Being open to those feelings even if you have no clue, knowing that it's important and worth a risk. I don't believe soul mates are forever. Some are but some come into your life to show you something or to get you through a difficult time and then your paths part. They will always remain a very important part of your life but not long term. Either way, they are very good for you if you're open to them. I have been lucky enough to have experienced this first hand.

 

[piano8950 32577]

Most of us remain in life-partner relationships because we "settle," for a multitude of reasons.[/Quote]

 

Couldn't disagree with this more. It's a sweeping generalization and makes massive assumptions of so many things I'm not even sure where to start.

 

Maybe it's because I come from a different part of the planet, but some of her points just don't make sense. The looking in each others eyes, or the flashbacks...I don't see how any of that is relevant. That bit about it being intense is also very misleading.

 

Honestly, I feel what should be at the very top of the list, and a word which wasn't even mentioned in the list is respect. No respect, no life long love IMHO.

[jafo105 39057]

I believe that this is possible. I knew a wonderful lady many years ago. We connected on most (if not all) of those levels described by Dr. Carmen Harra. We even knew when the other was nearby without actually seeing each other. That was the most happiest time of my life. :)

 

I have never experienced that kind of connection with any other woman since. :(

 

Thank you for this post Cristy. It took me back to many very fond memories.

[Jack2000 3446]

You're pushing all my buttons today, Cristy...gosh, do you think we're soulmates ?

 

To answer your question, of course they exist ! I feel sorry for someone who has never connected with one of their soulmates , but keep looking y'all, it's pure Heaven !

[Regent 35404]

I don't buy the concept of soulmates, or the notion of The One.

 

I really dislike the idea that we're incomplete without another person, that we can't be whole on our own. I think people who are whole individuals are much more capable of having healthy relationships than people who view their partner as literally a missing part of themselves.

 

How can you respect your partner's autonomy and agency, understand that they might someday have needs that might conflict with your own, or give them the freedom to be their own person, if you don't view them as a whole, separate person from yourself?

 

Viewing your partner as part of you or someone you can't live without creates co-dependence, and it's not a good mindset to be coming from if your relationship becomes unhealthy or you start to grow in different directions.

 

I think the idea of The One is also really destructive. It leads people to staying in relationships that were once amazing but no longer so, feeling like the right relationship should never need any work or effort, discarding good relationships in search of perfect, or feeling like they've settled in their current relationship and being unable to be fully present with their current partner.

 

There is no One magical person out there that we're meant to connect with (and if there were, what are the odds that we'd actually meet them in a world of billions?) I prefer to think that there are many people in the world who are potential partners and that we have varying degrees of compatibility with anyone we might date. Meeting someone wonderful is more about luck, circumstances and putting ourselves out there than destiny. Having a good relationship has nothing to do with destiny and everything to do with choosing compatible partners, being self aware, cultivating connection, and treating each other with compassion and respect.

 

Even relationships that don't last till someone dies can be wonderful and valuable. I dislike any conceptual framework that diminishes the validity and value of relationships that run their course and end.

 

I'm also mildly bothered by the idea that a soulmate can only be a romantic partner. Some of the deepest, most enduring connections I have are with friends and family, and those relationships should not be diminished just because they don't include romance or sex.

[Guest P**aq]

I believe that this is possible. I knew a wonderful lady many years ago. We connected on most (if not all) of those levels described by Dr. Carmen Harra. We even knew when the other was nearby without actually seeing each other. That was the most happiest time of my life. :)

 

I have never experienced that kind of connection with any other woman since. :(

 

Thank you for this post Cristy. It took me back to many very fond memories.

 

I was going to respond to this thread by saying that I've never felt the soulmate connection before, but when I read Jafo's post it brought back a wave of memories of a woman I was involved with in my mid-20's. The connection was nearly identical to your description above Jafo, which is why it brought back the memory.

 

I recently re-connected with this woman (by a pure twist of fate) and it was nice to catch up with her and hear about her life from the last two decades.

 

Thank you for the post Cristy, and thank you Jafo for bringing back a great memory!

[MightyPen 67414]

How can you respect your partner's autonomy and agency, understand that they might someday have needs that might conflict with your own, or give them the freedom to be their own person, if you don't view them as a whole, separate person from yourself?

 

Viewing your partner as part of you or someone you can't live without creates co-dependence, and it's not a good mindset to be coming from if your relationship becomes unhealthy or you start to grow in different directions.

As I said in my comment within your post, you already said pretty much everything I was going to. But I wanted to highlight this part in particular, and how closely it matches one of my core beliefs about human relationships. Other people are awesome and exciting and intoxicating... but they always remain other, separate people, and they are not subject to a prison built of our own needs or emotional expectations. Losing sight of that boundary leads to dark places.

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

I guess I look at a soul mate much differently. This is not a person you can't live without or view as "completing you". A soul mate adds to your life and gives you gifts and blessings that you wouldn't otherwise have. The only person who can complete you, IS you. If you are looking outside yourself for someone to fill in the pieces, you will never be truly happy or satisfied and you will be living from a place of fear because you believe you "need" someone else for everything.

 

A soul mate can be a friend or lover, family member or any person in between. They can be short term or long term. To me they are very very special and when you meet them and interact with them, that is a memory you will always carry with you no matter the roads you may both take.

 

I relate to poly so believe that thinking one person can meet all your needs puts undue stress on every relationship and every person within the relationship. We have friends and family for a reason. To me, this is the healthy choice; having multiple people playing important roles in your life while still being who they are meant to be and of course, being the best You possible.

 

I think those who limit soul mate to love/romantic only are missing the greater divine meaning.

[Regent 35404]

Also, if you see someone as a part of yourself, how can you let them go with kindness, compassion, and respect, if they decide they need to leave the relationship?

 

If my, I dunno, kidney decided to take off, I'd be like, "Fuck that, you're a part of me and you're not going anywhere." I don't care what plans it has, if it's a piece of me, I own it.

 

If my partner decides to leave me, all I can do is express my sorrow and disappointment and respect their choice to leave.