Americans - SMH!

bcguy42 · May 25, 2014

Herein are my notes from the strange evening with the Americans.

This evening they were at a sports bar watching the Montreal - New York playoff game. I arrived shortly after 10:00 pm to pick them up. I was due at 10:00 sharp but who leaves a playoff game that is tied 1 - 1? Well, actually, two of them. Took them back to the hotel. Foreshadows of things to come.

Returned to the bar. Game ends. Fourteen gents in varying states of inebriation load into the back and are ready to PAR - TAY!

Mt direction is to take them back to the hotel unless they want to go somewhere else. Whatever - take care of them. I advise the group of this. The response is instantaneous.

Titty Bar! Titty Bar! Titty Bar! Titty Bar! Good Lord! There is the desperation of starving baby birds in their cries of Titty Bar!

We have to go "Across The River". This spoken in tones usually reserved for describing the Holiest of Holies. Titty Bar! Titty Bar! Titty Bar!

We arrive at Pigales. The moment is upon us. The car is strangely silent. Reverential silence? I open the car door and stand back so I won't be trampled by a hoard of inebriated hormonal young men.

No one gets out.

I stick my head in and announce we're here. No one moves. Most of them are staring with great interest at the floor.

One guy looks at me and asks "What's it like in there?" "Well," I reply, "There's naked women." "Is it clean in there?" "There's naked women." No one moves.

Exasperated, I go to the doorman, explain I have a bunch of shy Americans on board and ask if one can come take a quick peek and report back to the others. He agrees. I relay this offer to the boys and ask who wants to take point.

No one moves.

"I hear there's a casino." "Yes, there's a casino."

Casino! Casino! Casino! Casino!

So we drive away leaving the nude flowers of Quebec womanhood unviewed, untouched.

And my head hurts between shaking it and smacking it.

Americans can be odd people. I know. Because I are one.