Your Reasons

[Parker 19761]

There are a lot about references and why us ladies take them...

 

I'd like to know what makes them so horrible for the guys?

 

I see a lot of comments in threads about not liking them and I get a lot of e-mails about how horribly unfair it is for me to ask for references..

 

I see references as a pretty common thing in our world... Specialists, doctors, new jobs, apartments, loans... these all require references.. and I've never heard of one of these places/people being "lacking of class" or "unreasonable" because they ask for references...

 

What makes it different when I ask for them?

[PistolPete 61421]

There is no difference when you ask for a reference Naomi or any other SP here on CERB or where ever they might be advertising.

 

They (references) are not horribly wrong as far as I'm concerned.

 

I completely understand that any SP should ask for a reference, after all it is only common sense, because it is for your (SP's) "Safety".

 

If the gents don't understand that, or have a difficult time with it, it is there loss.

[72Nova 116]

"What makes them so horrible for the guys?" Guilt about potentially upsetting a current provider, perhaps?

 

There are probably as many answers as there are people offended by the simple request for some peace of mind. In my limited experience, I've only ever had to give a reference once. Logically, it shouldn't be an issue. She has other clients; it's only to be expected that I see other SPs. It still felt somewhat odd having to say, "while I still enjoy your company, I'd like to try someone else's", but if I got over it, anyone can.

[Parker 19761]

"What makes them so horrible for the guys?" Guilt about potentially upsetting a current provider, perhaps?

 

There are probably as many answers as there are people offended by the simple request for some peace of mind. In my limited experience, I've only ever had to give a reference once. Logically, it shouldn't be an issue. She has other clients; it's only to be expected that I see other SPs. It still felt somewhat odd having to say, "while I still enjoy your company, I'd like to try someone else's", but if I got over it, anyone can.

 

What a great answer!

 

I agree with you Pete, but I understand this as well..

I'm someone who sometimes has difficulty finding the right words, so I can see it being difficult to think up some personable way to say, "Can I use you as a reference to see another lady."

 

The only other reason I had ever heard was the 'jealous SP' ... which didn't make a lot of sense to me...

[Guest Ou**or**n]

I think Nova is pretty accurate in saying that a feeling of guilt to a current provider is a big reason. You know that if she is contacted she may feel that her recommendation is going to result in at least one lost session for her and potentially more depending on how much of a regular you are with her.

 

For ladies that are true professionals this of course is no big deal. They see the big picture and are in the business for the long term. However many guys see ladies that don't fit that description so we worry about how they will feel if asked for a recommendation. It's funny because even though SP's see many other guys between visits with guys the whole GFE illusion can sometimes make guys feel they should be monogamous with their SP's. I think on some level we also feel that an SP will go 'the extra' mile if they think they are the only SP we are seeing.

 

We read threads about how nasty SP's can be with each other - getting each other's ads on CL pulled down, saying nasty things on boards. There was even the thread of some SP's in Ottawa that so many no-shows it appeared that other SP's may have been behind it. So guys are very leery about potentially getting in the middle of that kind of thing. We completely understand all the reasons for references - safety and fewer no-shows.

 

I always like the idea that Charlotte and a few other ladies started here which was to only put past clients in their CERB 'friend' list. Being in that list meant they recommended you as being safe. That way you could give a reference that could be checked immediately. Unfortunately the idea never caught on.

 

All this being said I think guys need to get over it and provide the reference. I'd much rather see an SP that is relaxed when I arrive because she knows I am safe and is in a good mood because she hasn't been dealing with a bunch of no-shows.

[etasman2000 15994]

Hmm......playing Devil's Advocate I came up with:

 

 

1. Beginning hobbyiest who hasn't met anyone or only met one or two other ladies.
   
2. Hobbyiest who flitter from lady to lady without establishing a comfortable relationship.
   
3. Hobbyiest who only play occasionally with long periods of inactivity in between.
   
4. Hobbyiest who are too shy to ask for a reference.
   

 

Ultimately there is no difference in you asking for a reference.

Further more I notice on your website that you have an alternative to a reference. Anyone who doesn't want to provide a reference could use the alternative method.

[Guest *vbu***68]

I see references as a pretty common thing in our world... Specialists, doctors, new jobs, apartments, loans... these all require references.. and I've never heard of one of these places/people being "lacking of class" or "unreasonable" because they ask for references...

 

Normally you don't ask your family doctor for a reference to another family doctor. Its usually for a specialist that provides skills that the family doctor doesn't have. So asking a lady for a reference might give them the impression they don't have the "skills" you're looking for. Similarly, I wouldn't ask my boss to give me a reference for another job while I'm still working for him unless I had already quit first. ;)

 

That being said, I think this line of business is inherently unsafe and you should take all measures you deem necessary to make yourself feel comfortable before seeing anyone. If someone really wants to see you I think they will put the effort in to make it happen. If they are quickly annoyed maybe its a good thing you don't see them. :-)

[A***** A***** 510]

 

That being said, I think this line of business is inherently unsafe and you should take all measures you deem necessary to make yourself feel comfortable before seeing anyone. If someone really wants to see you I think they will put the effort in to make it happen. If they are quickly annoyed maybe its a good thing you don't see them. :-)

 

I agree with you on this one. Some may like references, and have no problem with them, others may not like them, for the fear that "their info" might be leaked, or worse.

[whatsup 11893]

Hmm......playing Devil's Advocate I came up with:

 

 

1. Beginning hobbyiest who hasn't met anyone or only met one or two other ladies.
   
2. Hobbyiest who flitter from lady to lady without establishing a comfortable relationship.
   
3. Hobbyiest who only play occasionally with long periods of inactivity in between.
   
4. Hobbyiest who are too shy to ask for a reference.
   

 

Ultimately there is no difference in you asking for a reference.

Further more I notice on your website that you have an alternative to a reference. Anyone who doesn't want to provide a reference could use the alternative method.

 

Additionally

 

A hobbyist that has seen a provider that is no longer available, therefore he cannot give a reference. This happens quite a bit.

 

A hobbyist that has only been using an agency only for his encounters.

 

A visiting hobbyist.

 

 

I have asked some providers if I could use them as references but I find it uncomfortable asking such a question.

 

I have found it very beneficial to have established a solid reputation here on Cerb and a number of times a reference has not been required.

[Parker 19761]

Hmm... these are all good reasons.

 

I started with references because they seemed easier... which they are anything but.

 

I guess I just wish there was an easier, more reliable method of screening as I seem to spend far more time trying to screening clients than actually seeing them.

 

Maybe there should be some sort of "good client" code...

SPs can change the codes regularly so you only know it if you continue to be good clients... lol

[1963Kennedy 10698]

I have no problem providing references. I thought this board had a private SP only place for people to place warnings about bad dates. I like to tell a new SP a few things about me before we meet. I like to be clean & respectful. For me Naomi, long hair & glasses are a turn on but lip ring is a turn off.

[capitalman 3861]

Maybe we need a client recommendation section....although I think it should be in the SP only area, if it isn't already in there.

[Lowdark 5613]

If hobbyists expect an SP to make their dreams come true, fulfill their fantasies and offer perfect discretion, they have to realize it's a two way street and should never object to the request of a reference. It's completely unreasonable to demand that a woman be your temporary girlfriend, coy and flirtatous, without her having expectations outside of the donation (hygene, reference, etc.). If the SP wants a reference, that's part of the expectation of sharing time with her.

 

That being said, I was asked to provide a reference recently and have to admit I felt a bit awkward asking another SP for one. Turns out she had no reservations about it at all and complimented me in the process. And judging by the time I spent with the SP who requested the reference, it was well worth the awkwardness. I can't say that I might not feel awkward again but I understand the request and don't think an SP should ever be refused it should it be possible to provide one. And if you can't for any of the genuine reasons mentioned previously, I believe the SPs on CERB are understanding enough to appreciate that situation and can accomodate other means of reference if they have to.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Normally you don't ask your family doctor for a reference to another family doctor.

Well, no, but you would ask your family doctor for a referral to someone who offers different services (ie. ob-gyn, urologist, oncologist). We're not all cookie cutters of each other, offering the exact same experiences. If a client wants to see another provider, I'm more than happy to provide a reference because:

1. It establishes contact with another SP, and encourages that SP to give references him/herself. Pay it forward!

2. It shows that the client is willing to go through the reference procedure. I just don't understand why some people have such a hang-up about them - they ensure everyone's safety. Reviews/recommendations are a way of clients to refer a lady, if you think about it.

3. Refusing a (good) client a referral makes me look like a jackass, and probably ensures that he's going to think twice about booking me again. Possessiveness just doesn't mesh with this line of work - I'm certainly not exclusive with a client, so why should he be exclusive with me?

4. If a petite brunette is what has you hot and bothered right now, I'm not going to be able to fulfill that desire. Plain and simple.

 

On that note, I appreciate a note from the client in question asking if it's okay to use me as a reference. Not to ask permission, per se, but it's a sign of respect. You wouldn't give out a work reference without giving that person a heads up that they may be getting a call.

[Guest *vbu***68]

Well, no, but you would ask your family doctor for a referral to someone who offers different services (ie. ob-gyn, urologist, oncologist). We're not all cookie cutters of each other, offering the exact same experiences.

 

If you included my second sentence in your quote, you'd see we said the same thing. Where we differed is how one SP might feel about the services provided by another SP? I was basing this on something posted by another SP in another thread so it's quite interesting to see the exact opposite interpretation here. People definitely are not cookie cutters of each other.

 

Possessiveness just doesn't mesh with this line of work

 

I asked specifically about this in an Ottawa thread and got a different response as well. I like your view points, they make good sense to me.

 

So.... ah.... can I get reference to see Naomi? Oh damn, we haven't met yet... :lol:

[Parker 19761]

I have no problem providing references. I thought this board had a private SP only place for people to place warnings about bad dates. I like to tell a new SP a few things about me before we meet. I like to be clean & respectful. For me Naomi, long hair & glasses are a turn on but lip ring is a turn off.

 

Seriously? Because that's what I was asking right? LOL

 

I hope Mod leaves this up.. Anyone else who thinks your opinions on others looks is uncalled for and stupid can .. choose not to see you as well. 8-)

[spud271 47779]

Well, no, but you would ask your family doctor for a referral to someone who offers different services (ie. ob-gyn, urologist, oncologist). We're not all cookie cutters of each other, offering the exact same experiences. If a client wants to see another provider, I'm more than happy to provide a reference because:

1. It establishes contact with another SP, and encourages that SP to give references him/herself. Pay it forward!

2. It shows that the client is willing to go through the reference procedure. I just don't understand why some people have such a hang-up about them - they ensure everyone's safety. Reviews/recommendations are a way of clients to refer a lady, if you think about it.

3. Refusing a (good) client a referral makes me look like a jackass, and probably ensures that he's going to think twice about booking me again. Possessiveness just doesn't mesh with this line of work - I'm certainly not exclusive with a client, so why should he be exclusive with me?

4. If a petite brunette is what has you hot and bothered right now, I'm not going to be able to fulfill that desire. Plain and simple.

 

On that note, I appreciate a note from the client in question asking if it's okay to use me as a reference. Not to ask permission, per se, but it's a sign of respect. You wouldn't give out a work reference without giving that person a heads up that they may be getting a call.

 

Brilliant insight as always Kate!

[PistolPete 61421]

1963Kennedy that is your choice not seeing Naomi because of a lip ring, but to air it out was not very polite.

 

Having been with Naomi a couple of times, you really don't know what you are talking about with her lip ring, I found it to be very hot, and very sexy.

[PistolPete 61421]

The ladies should have an area where they can actually read rec's on the gents. I personally have no issues with it.

 

Maybe we need a client recommendation section....although I think it should be in the SP only area, if it isn't already in there.

[Parker 19761]

3. Refusing a (good) client a referral makes me look like a jackass, and probably ensures that he's going to think twice about booking me again. Possessiveness just doesn't mesh with this line of work - I'm certainly not exclusive with a client, so why should he be exclusive with me?

 

I fully agree with this.. To me, the jealousy and possessiveness are feelings that were put aside when I chose this profession.

 

I have a handful of clients, most of the married with families, some of them are have nice girlfriends, and some are single, but feel no need for an actual relationship...

If I were going to get all 'jealous' about things having to do with clients, there are plenty of things to worry about...

 

So when a clients tells me he can't give me a reference because his previous SPs would get jealous... it really makes me wonder...

[kih 458]

There are a lot about references and why us ladies take them...

 

I'd like to know what makes them so horrible for the guys?

 

I see a lot of comments in threads about not liking them and I get a lot of e-mails about how horribly unfair it is for me to ask for references..

 

I see references as a pretty common thing in our world... Specialists, doctors, new jobs, apartments, loans... these all require references.. and I've never heard of one of these places/people being "lacking of class" or "unreasonable" because they ask for references...

 

What makes it different when I ask for them?

 

Naomi,

 

Theres nothing wrong with requesting references and is a diligent means to screen pending clients. For those that disagree with your practices or are unwilling to provide such is a determining threshold in itself.

 

Although I never had the pleasure to meet you -- I think your portfolio conveys a women of beauty, class, style and you're damn hot! :)

[Parker 19761]

1963Kennedy that is your choice not seeing Naomi because of a lip ring, but to air it out was not very polite.

 

Having been with Naomi a couple of times, you really don't know what you are talking about with her lip ring, I found it to be very hot, and very sexy.

 

Aww.. thanks Pete..

If I had been asking what people thought of my lip ring, I wouldn't have cared. lol.

 

But us ladies don't need unasked for comments about our bodies or the things we use to decorate them... My lip ring has special meaning to me, I'll take it out when I like.. not when others like. :wink:

 

 

The ladies should have an area where they can actually read rec's on the gents. I personally have no issues with it.

 

While this is a good idea.. Only about half my clients come from cerb.. Even if a bunch of amazing ladies got together and made these lists, there's a lot of problems that could come up.. just as with asking references...

 

Plus.. most of you cerb guys are already great, so you have little to worry about..

[etasman2000 15994]

So when a clients tells me he can't give me a reference because his previous SPs would get jealous... it really makes me wonder...

 

Nod. It also speaks volumes about the guy who is willing to reveal this.

[spud271 47779]

1963Kennedy that is your choice not seeing Naomi because of a lip ring, but to air it out was not very polite.

 

Having been with Naomi a couple of times, you really don't know what you are talking about with her lip ring, I found it to be very hot, and very sexy.

 

Agreed Pete, I have also had the great pleasure to meet Naomi, she was an incredibly sexy woman and loads of fun! As for 1963Kennedy, you should keep comments like that to yourself, that was not polite at all!

[capitalman 3861]

I've only been asked to provide a reference once, by a reputable popular girl visiting from out of town that I wanted to see. I asked a girl I know but felt embarrassed about it.

 

The visiting girl never came for her visit after all!

 

The whole thing was weird and uncomfortable and I've decided never to ask a girl to be a reference again!

 

I know I'm a upstanding respectful CERB citizen and if you the SP's are doing your job, you will have this information in your SP only area. If you don't, then you're not using CERB and the SP area to its full potential. This is what the CERB community is all about, imho.

 

We the guys do the same thing. We read, research, message other members and decide if a girl is right for us. This is what CERB is all about!