WHY...WHY...why this has to happen???

[E.D. man 691]

I am really glad to hear that this is a general concern for the ladies and some of the men.

To answer to ED:

ED, this is not a matter of liking or disliking a client or an SP; this is safety; WE ABSOLUTELY NEVER DISCUSS CLIENTS, we just say, things like "you are safe with him" or "he is a gentlemen", or " ask for another reference because I did not have a good time with him and it may have been me", or the worst of all " I did not feel safe with him/ or his behavior and language was not appropriate/ or he was high on some stuff, etc"

Amelia put it wonderfully (Thanks Amelia you are such a sweet heart if you come to Ottawa all the gentlemen will be happy!!!!).

I am not concerned about looks, or what did you do while you were together; what did you talk about or what relationship you got with the SP; that is absolutely not our question when we ask for referrals.

Most of us receive you in our houses; we are trusting you with our lives, our possessions and any of you would do the same if you were in our place.

Being naked with a man (even if he is not very strong) puts us in the weakest part of the chain. Add to that that we are at home and I read cases of men giving Canadian Tire money or being verbally inappropriate or physically "hard" on our private parts.

We need the safety of knowing the gentlemen are just normal men, not depraved and not jerks.

Of course there is still a little bit of danger , but we run with it, it is part of the turf.

Please understand Pete, this is not talking about you as Pete, rather about you as a safe individual, clean, polite and respectful.

If an SP is rude to you I guess you have to tell the MOD's and she will be off scope and out of sight.....

Please gentlemen understand us. This is not against you, this is to serve you better; to be relaxed when you arrive; to be able to trustt your hands and share our beds.

Regarding the ladies who decide not to answer because they feel the life of the other SP may be on her hands if something bad happens (God forbid!), the solution is simple to explain that to the SP requesting the referral and ask her to request from the gentleman another reference, and if he does not have one, well, the sixth sense has to be tuned up.

Thanks to all

Tracie

(all these ladies are adorable; they always respond!!):rolleyes:

 

Yes I believe this, but unfortunately there are SP's who are jerks as well as clients that are jerks. Its on both sides.

[buggernot 588]

I would have been a more blunt to say, unfortunately some girls are bitches and don't give a damn about anyone else...

 

Well I wanted to say ignorant cunts, but I have to be civil and all ;)

[daddio 2704]

A thoughtful, considered thread TG, as usual.

 

At its core is what hobbyist and SP are very much concerned about - safety, security and discretion; and respect.

 

I would venture to say that in the vast majority of cases the issue of safety is legitimately more of a concern for the SP.

 

From what I read on cerb, part of the "joy" of "hobbying" is meeting new SPs. The hobbyists play the field, they take the initiative in contacting a SP. Which means that SPs are often being contacted by clients who are completely unknown to them.

 

As I understand it SPs do not contact clients with a view to arranging an appointment unless it is an SP who visits from out of town and lets clients she has met know of the dates she will be in town.

 

I think this makes the SP more vulnerable and rightly more concerned about safety issues.

 

Some of the gents may say that they are at risk as well when they contact a SP unknown to them but my guess is that they do not face the same degree of risk that the ladies do.

 

Hopefully, most people on both sides of this hobby will appreciate the need for references and will respond appropriately.

 

It is to everyone's benefit.

[Lowdark 5613]

Perhaps the SPs who don't provide references for "personal" reasons should ask themselves how they would feel if none of the men who visited them recommended them in the Recommendation Section. That's how hobbyist's offer other hobbyists references. Perhaps they don't see their behaviour affecting the big picture, like return business?

[Cara Silver 32412]

Well I wanted to say ignorant cunts, but I have to be civil and all ;)

 

 

This comment pains me. There is no reason to use such language in reference to women. Some girls might not give references but they do not deserve such a cruel denunciation.

[mrgreen760 37785]

This comment pains me. There is no reason to use such language in reference to women. Some girls might not give references but they do not deserve such a cruel denunciation.

 

I concur completely there's never a reason to make that type of comment about any one.

 

Peace

Mr Green

[buggernot 588]

This comment pains me. There is no reason to use such language in reference to women. Some girls might not give references but they do not deserve such a cruel denunciation.

 

I'm not simply referring to girls that do not give references, it's more about anyone who is too self-absorbed to think of anyone but themselves. And just like some men warrant a few choice words about what kind of crappy person they are, there's a few women out there who suit that description quite well.

[Cara Silver 32412]

I don't deny that. But it is still a shockingly harsh description. You may feel some women deserve that word but it is jarring to see any man refer to women that way.

 

 

 

I'm not simply referring to girls that do not give references, it's more about anyone who is too self-absorbed to think of anyone but themselves. And just like some men warrant a few choice words about what kind of crappy person they are, there's a few women out there who suit that description quite well.

[capitalman 3861]

I think a lot of ladies inboxes are so full they just hit DELETE ALL sometimes so the request for a reference might never even be seen. Just a thought....

 

I'm totally fine with ladies discussing me, in fact I hope you are! I think I'm clean and respectful and a good client, so I want that news to be shared. :)

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

I don't deny that. But it is still a shockingly harsh description. You may feel some women deserve that word but it is jarring to see any man refer to women that way.

 

I agree with you Amelia...no matter what, the sp's that don't give references are still women...they don't need to be treated with such harshness...in the real world and this one we are still women. Kind of freaks me out to know that some men think of us like that...

[Lexy Grace 103697]

I agree with you Amelia and Emma. I was shocked to see such a statement. You never said but said it. All I can say is WOW.

Lexy

[Cara Silver 32412]

I agree with you Amelia...no matter what the sp's that don't give references are still women...they don't need to be treated with such harhness...in the real world and this one we are still women.

 

 

Thank you Emma. I'm sad to see that word used in reference to girls, no matter the context. There ARE reasons why sps won't give references-- if you give a bad reference there is an actual fear that it'll get back to the client in question (because the inquiring sp won't see him.) I gave a bad reference once, warning the girl not to see the client, and he wrote me several offensive emails accusing me of being a jealous no-good 'hooker.' In fact, he had left two bruises on me. Was I scared? Yes. He knew where I lived.

 

I continue to give bad references if I have a bad experience but I do so with significant worry. I don't want the girl to get hurt, but I don't want to be the target of a thwarted client. That's my story and it's one reason why some girls may not give references.

[mrgreen760 37785]

Man, I'm so naive about this type of behavior. I just don't get it and maybe it's an age thing but life is way way too short to be miserable, unhappy, mean and rude. If you wouldn't treat your SO, mother, sister or daughter that way,then why is it ok to treat a SP differently. A lady is always a lady until she doesn't want to be.

 

Peace

Mr Green

[Lowdark 5613]

Well said, Mr Green. And I hope Amelia came away from her experience okay. Isn't that why this thread was started-to justify references as a safety tool? Do we need any other examples to justify why ladies ask for them? Quite honestly, I think every SP is entitled to at least one pitbull. no one will give you any problems with one of those on hand.

[mod 135639]

I'm sure MOD can assure you we do not discuss gentlemen in the Sp section...unless your a total ass and we are warning others...

 

FYI: I do not moderate the SP ONLY area as the ladies do this themselves and if something needs my attention (or a need for me to intervene exists) I will step in one one or more of the ladies brings the problem to my attention... and only if no other option exists. I do not read all the threads posted in that section. Some BAD dates listed in that area obviously give out personal information (Phone numbers, emails, IP's, etc..) but if you have done nothing wrong you do not have anything to worry about - this section is for the ladies own protection and they treat the area very well and surprisingly get along very well with each other! (I was concerned that we would have a lot of cat fights but that is far from the case)

 

The ladies do not use the area to gossip about you guys. Referring clients to SP's is actually illegal in Canada so the ladies can not post such things as a "Good clients list" or a "referral list" (I can't allow such a thing legally and such a thing would break a certain expected level of trust)

 

But... if you guys pull no-shows, treat a lady bad, hurt her purposely (Physically or mentally), are rude, drunk/intoxicated, etc... your info will be posted in this section as all "confidentiality" you had with that lady you blew when you wasted her time, ripped her off or assaulted her.

 

Now... if your on the bad date list for anything significant chances are your not a member here. If you are the ladies don't know your membership name here on cerb or they would have you removed.

 

If... one of the ladies reports you for something the other ladies will often comment (Stuff like "Yes, he did that to me too" or "I have not had a problem with him"). Bottom line... the ladies who know you will jump in and save your ass. (This has happened in the past).

[mod 135639]

Well I wanted to say ignorant ....., but I have to be civil and all ;)

 

I don't even know what to say about this!! This comment has been reported to me by more people than any other thread in the past!!

 

I think you just shot yourself in the foot here!

 

Comments I am receiving from MEN and WOMEN are...

• Long time member or not - This language in reference to any woman is hateful and scary.
   
  
  
• can't even begin to say how nasty that comment is...
   
  
  
• This is a really harsh word to use, period. It shocked me.
   
  
  
• Why is this asshole a member on this site still?
   
  
  
• You should ban this jerk!
   
  
  
• Why is it ok for buggernot to make a comment like this about women? You banned me for a month for saying something like this!! and I was joking!!!!!! Just because he is a long time member does not mean he should be given special treatment! If this is not dealt with in the same manner you dealt with me please just delete my account!
   
  
  
• MOD, Please speak with this guy! Not cool..
   
  
  
• Please, please, please delete this. Please!
  

...and I am sure by the time I am done writing this a few more will have flagged this post...

 

So.. I have banned the word... and unfortunately buggernot... you do know better! You twist my arm when you put me in these situations and I am afraid you will need to take a vacation from the site for a month for this.

 

Oh... Note to the guy crying foul about being banned before for such things. You need to just report the post like a normal person and if you think I did not treat the person equally or fairly and feel you have been mistreated... than say something. I don't live inside of cerb and I don't read every thread the moment it is posted. God I hate that!! You can see it was posted today. I hate cry babies (and I am not fond of people who use words like this about women either!!! so you have two strikes against you now!)

[Parker 19761]

I don't even know what to say about this!! This comment has been reported to me by more people than any other thread in the past!!

 

I think you just shot yourself in the foot here!

 

Comments I am receiving from MEN and WOMEN are...

 

• Long time member or not - This language in reference to any woman is hateful and scary.
   
  
  
• can't even begin to say how nasty that comment is...
   
  
  
• This is a really harsh word to use, period. It shocked me.
   
  
  
• Why is this asshole a member on this site still?
   
  
  
• You should ban this jerk!
   
  
  
• Why is it ok for buggernot to make a comment like this about women? You banned me for a month for saying something like this!! and I was joking!!!!!! Just because he is a long time member does not mean he should be given special treatment! If this is not dealt with in the same manner you dealt with me please just delete my account!
   
  
  
• MOD, Please speak with this guy! Not cool..
   
  
  
• Please, please, please delete this. Please!
  

...and I am sure by the time I am done writing this a few more will have flagged this post...

 

So.. I have banned the word... and unfortunately buggernot... you do know better! You twist my arm when you put me in these situations and I am afraid you will need to take a vacation from the site for a month for this.

 

Oh... Note to the guy crying foul about being banned before for such things. You need to just report the post like a normal person and if you think I did not treat the person equally or fairly and feel you have been mistreated... than say something. I don't live inside of cerb and I don't read every thread the moment it is posted. God I hate that!! You can see it was posted today. I hate cry babies (and I am not fond of people who use words like this about women either!!! so you have two strikes against you now!)

 

 

While I know it is common place in Canada that freedom of speech exists as long as it doesn't hurt other people, (something I do not disagree with..) I think we have to remember that Canada is full of people of different backgrounds.

 

I know there are certain words you can't say in Canada that are readily used in other parts of the world... Oxford dictionary defines 'c**t' as; "an unpleasant or stupid person", A Canadian comedian's entire show revolves around the word and how you can say it all you like in Ireland as long as you don't say fanny, (and though considered a bit more of a crude person) Kevin Wilson wrote a song, "You Can't Say c**t in Canada."

 

I'm not saying people don't have the right to be upset, 90% of the time words like such are being used in a derogatory way.. but at the same time this is Canada!, people from all over the world come to live here and I think if we spent a little less time getting mad about semantics.. we'd all be happier people.

 

Was he right to say it, no.. (when is Rome, right?) but at the same time I really don't think he meant it in a derogatory way.

 

The same thing happens when a lady gets called a whore, hooker, prostitute...

 

Spend less time worrying about the words people use to describe you (or other people) and more about the person you are.

Because in the end, it's the person you are that people see.. not the stupid words used to describe you...

 

On a side note; I personally also believe that censorship of words only perpetuates it's bad meaning and doesn't give good people the chance at self control...

 

 

xo

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Seriously? There is a published book with that word as the title. Maybe I'm more liberal than the majority here, but I'm not offended by the term.

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[Megan'sTouch 23875]

Katedot - the term has its origins in misgyny which I firmly have zero tolerance for, particularly in a sex-worker context.

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

Origins, sure. Doesn't dictate current usage.

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[Parker 19761]

Katedot - the term has its origins in misgyny which I firmly have zero tolerance for' date=' particularly in a sex-worker context.[/quote']

 

That's not even factual.. a simple search of Wikipedia will tell you otherwise...

 

The actual word comes from Germanic background.. as someone with German in them who speaks German, I find it overly insulting that the origins of the word are lost and misrepresented...

 

If you read a bit further on the wikipedia page it states this;

 

"Despite criticisms, there is a movement within feminists that seeks to reclaim .... not only as acceptable, but as an honorific, in much the same way that queer has been re-appropriated by LGBT people."

 

I remember when "faggot" was a horrible word as well, now I have plenty of gay friends who say it..

 

Getting all up tight about a word or saying is one thing... but don't make it out to be something it's not.

 

It was not invented to perpetuate hate... and I'm sorry, but it's origins are NOT misogyny.

[ford1976 1074]

always ask the gent to contact the lady first! That way she knows your message is coming and she can make sure she actually knows the guy.

 

I think this may be the biggest reason why an SP may not reply to a request for a reference. Not only is it very impolite to use anyone for a reference with out asking them first, but the SP you saw once a while ago might not remember details about you unless you provide some gentle reminders. In my opinion, if you want to see a SP who requires references, then it is your job to find them, not hers.

[Emma Alexandra 123367]

OK did you ladies not read what he wrote? I'm very very liberal but i certainly would take offence to anyone calling a lady that....especially on a board full of sex workers....we need to stand up for each other and not let people treat us in such a demeaning way...he meant it no other way other then the context in which he said it. It's a sad day when we let others mistreat us that way..i was happy to see that a couple of the gents stuck up for us in public...i was saddened that others didn't...Emma A

[ford1976 1074]

I don't know what was written, nor do I want to know. I think a lot of people don't understand the power of words and what they mean. Demeaning and hateful words are often thrown around in media and popular culture, which desensitizes people to them. A phrase from a comedy routine may be hilarious in one context, but using it in another is very hurtful. Thinking a little before a statement can often save a world of hurt later on. I just hope the ladies and gents on here will continue to treat each other with the respect that we all deserve.

 

OK did you ladies not read what he wrote? I'm very very liberal but i certainly would take offence to anyone calling a lady that....especially on a board full of sex workers....we need to stand up for each other and not let people treat us in such a demeaning way...he meant it no other way other then the context in which he said it. It's a sad day when we let others mistreat us that way..i was happy to see that a couple of the gents stuck up for us in public...i was saddened that others didn't...Emma A

[Kathryn Bardot 99339]

We use the terms dick, prick, asshole, bitch, etc.. Why is a similar word any worse? We can use the male anatomy as an insult, but don't you dare use the female anatomy in the same way?

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