Topic for Discussion: Self-Esteem among Sex Workers

[RobX 2084]

The idea for this topic came from a quotation I read :

 

"Confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can have. It's much sexier than any body part."

- Aimee Mullins

 

It occurred to me that the SPs on the various escort review boards I have visited come across as exhibiting very high levels of confidence and self-esteem, contrary to the mainstream opinion that sex workers have very low self-esteem.

 

It would seem logical that SPs would have high self-esteem deriving from their physical appearance, for the same reason that models have high self-esteem. As well, confidence with their own sexuality is undoubtedly an additional source of self-esteem.

 

On the other hand, while models are held in high esteem within society (most teenage girls probably dream of being a model), thus reinforcing the sense of self-esteem of those who have succeeded in becoming models, the reverse is true for those who choose to become sex workers. Sexwork is almost totally denigrated by mainstream society. The profession is criminalized, and the four- and five- letter words used to describe sex workers are the same words used against women by men who abuse, hate and fear women. Sex workers cannot generally openly reveal or discuss their work with others, and they are denied the confidence-building experience of having their parents tell them they are proud of them for their career success.

 

Despite this, SPs still come across as having very high levels of self-esteem. I am therefore curious how sex workers are able to maintain their self-esteem despite mainstream society's denigration of their chosen profession. Or, is the confidence displayed by sex workers merely a front that masks a deep-seated emotional fragility? I remember asking myself the same question following the suicide of Nelly Arcand.

 

To finish up on a positive note, I would say that there are probably multiple possible reasons why sex workers are able to maintain their self-esteem despite society's view of their profession:

 

- Sex workers have a higher level of inner confidence than most people, are therefore well able to withstand criticism, even when it seems that the whole world is against them

- Sex workers are acutely aware that they provide a valuable service to those who otherwise would be living totally desolate lives, whether in dead-end dysfunctional marriages, or because, for whatever reason, they have difficulty finding satisfying female companionship

- Sex workers derive confidence from their own sexual liberation, free from the burdens and hang-ups that a large part of mainstream society suffers under.

 

I would be most interested in how sex workers feel regarding this issue.

[MightyPen 67414]

Interesting topic. I'm not a sex worker, just a client. Neverthteless:

 

I think you could write that whole post with "lawyers" instead of "sex workers" and it would work equally well, and produce pretty much the same answers. :) Clearly the subjects have a talent on which they've built a career, act confidently and capably, but suffer the indignity of slings and arrows from a judgmental and resentful culture. Sure -- like any group some individuals could be masking something else... but who isn't to some degree?

 

It all depends on the person.

 

In my couple of decades of very occasional "hobbying", I've met women who run the spectrum. The only women I've ever seen more than once were those who seemed to be genuinely at ease with themselves, with sexual expression and intimacy, and with their chosen line of work. I think that for these confident women, the petty judgements of a narrowminded and uninformed prevailing culture are irrelevant. They get direct validation every day from their own personal experience.

 

It's not exaggerating to say that some of the SPs I've met represent for me the very summit of who and what a woman can be -- just regular folks, but sexy, expressive, bright, engaged, and living their lives to the fullest. For SPs who have their eyes open and heads on straight, I can't imagine anything about the profession that would interfere with their self-esteem.

 

But for anyone who is doing a job they hate because they think they have no other choice, days can be long and hard and satisfaction is hard to come by. That's equally true whether you work unhappily in a bedroom, or just staring at a computer all day in a dull, anonymous cubicle.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Being a sex worker will make you or break you. It isn't for everyone and if you don't have high self-esteem to begin with, this profession will eat you alive.

 

 

I'd like to say this job has given me great self-esteem, but the truth is, I loved myself before I started doing this. You can't rely on outside influences/sources to make you feel good about yourself, it has to come from within.

[bailey summer of Winnipeg 262]

Being a sex worker will make you or break you. It isn't for everyone and if you don't have high self-esteem to begin with, this profession will eat you alive.

 

 

I'd like to say this job has given me great self-esteem, but the truth is, I loved myself before I started doing this. You can't rely on outside influences/sources to make you feel good about yourself, it has to come from within.

 

 

Personally speaking, I have discovered that this chosen path has actually has given me inner strength and the esteem to be more than I ever imagined. It structured internal acceptance, patience, and self worth to someone who was once lost. I am a better person today and am grateful I found my calling. So really, it was a blessing in disguise...loving yourself is a wonderful thing!

[mrgreen760 37785]

Personally I wouldn't see anyone who didn't have high self-esteem. I also feel if I can help someone feel even better about themselves, it only enhances the overall experience for both parties.

 

Peace

Mr Green

[bailey summer of Winnipeg 262]

Personally I wouldn't see anyone who didn't have high self-esteem. I also feel if I can help someone feel even better about themselves, it only enhances the overall experience for both parties.

 

Peace

Mr Green

 

This is one great reason why I love what I do! Making clients feel good physically is surely satisfying for both parties, however it is just temporary alleviation in which it was first intended, which btw is awesome too, but if I do say so myself, everyone yearns to be appreciated and acknowledged at some point, which is why I ensure that my clients leave knowing how very grateful I am for what they have done for me overall. Treat people the way you want to be treated! A kind word goes a long way!

[PistolPete 61421]

Far too many people forget this, and I would like to add a kind gesture also goes a long way in life. Respect is also important. You will find that once respect is given to that person,it is great receiving it back.:wink:

Treat people the way you want to be treated! A kind word goes a long way!

[kih 458]

Although I am a hobbyist and in my view - Most SP?s that I have met have abundance of self esteem. Confidence exudes and for the most part reciprocating.

[lipualipua 4704]

mypleasure : thanks for an interesting post.

[Kate von Katz 49953]

I think we all agree that SPs have solid self-esteem. But I think the stereotype harks from the earlier days of SPs. When society hears the word "escort", "hooker", or "call girl" they think of the street girls. Even Julia Roberts couldn't change that stereotype.

 

The fact is that society is happy to ignore the realities of working girls and therefor also ignore that there are different types of working girl. The independents and agency girls are a cut above. Not to sound harsh, but I think we can all agree this is true.

 

The most visible ones are seldom the best example. This applies to almost anything in life. It's the anti-American Muslims getting all the attention, but there's millions - if not billions - of peaceful Muslims that are not noticed. The extreme feminists got all the attention, not the feminists who really were for equality, not male submission. And such is true of our little world. The responsible, mature, clean, discreet girls are unnoticed. So as far as society is aware, we're all a bunch of drug addicts with daddy issues.

 

Society loves to be blind and holds its stereotypes dear. Otherwise *gasp* society might have to grow the fuck up.

[PistolPete 61421]

A 1O0% and when you say most SP's. I would further state in the area would be around 95% of the ladies I have visited have excellent self esteem.:D

 

Although I am a hobbyist and in my view - Most SP?s that I have met have abundance of self esteem. Confidence exudes and for the most part reciprocating.

[RobX 2084]

Personally speaking, I have discovered that this chosen path has actually has given me inner strength and the esteem to be more than I ever imagined. It structured internal acceptance, patience, and self worth to someone who was once lost. I am a better person today and am grateful I found my calling. So really, it was a blessing in disguise...loving yourself is a wonderful thing!

 

Interestingly, the Prostitutes's Education Network - http://www.bayswan.org - cites a 1986 study which found that the vast majority of sex workers studied did indeed develop higher self-esteem after becoming sex workers :

 

Prince, Diana, "A Psychological Profile of Prostitutes in California and Nevada," San Diego: United States International University, PhD. dissertation, March 1986.

 

The article states:

 

?Some researchers suggest that prostitutes, in general, suffer from 'negative identities' or lack of self esteem. A 1986 study by Diane Prince, however, found call girls and brothel workers had higher self esteem than before they became prostitutes. 97% of call girls liked themselves 'more than before.' ?

 

This study is referenced in several articles and publications:

 

Prostitutes's Education Network:

 

Prostitution in The United States - The Statistics

( http://www.bayswan.org/stats.html )

 

San Francisco Task Force on Prostitution. Final Report 1996

( http://www.bayswan.org/15Resource.html )

 

 

Citizenshift. Media for Social Change:

 

Empowered sex workers: Do they exist?

By: Margo Caulfield In: Research for Sex Work 3, 2000

( http://citizenshift.org/blogs/mmlib/blog_BleuRouge/Empowered__sex.doc )

 

 

Sex, work and sex work: eroticizing organization

By Joanna Brewis, Stephen Linstead

( http://books.google.ca/books?id=ww72PkI_AqcC&printsec=frontcover&dq=Sex,+work+and+sex+work:+eroticizing+organization&cd=1#v=onepage&q=&f=false )

[rileydaniels 1901]

Being a sex worker will make you or break you. It isn't for everyone and if you don't have high self-esteem to begin with, this profession will eat you alive.

 

 

I'd like to say this job has given me great self-esteem, but the truth is, I loved myself before I started doing this. You can't rely on outside influences/sources to make you feel good about yourself, it has to come from within.

 

I am the opposite when I started this biz I was very young, been in it alot longer then most people know. I had self-esteem issues for pretty much my whole life. what got me to rethink of myself image was how I presented myself to my clients I noticed when I would talk negative about myself it would seem to turn off the client, so basically I had to pratice to see myself in a high positive state and eventually I started to believe it.