when a lady decides .....

[Miss Jessica Lee 43328]

to politely decline the request for an encounter, for whatever reason, please accept her decision politely.

 

Please understand these decisions aren't made lightly and are the result of a number of considerations, often including but certainly not limited things such as... scheduling conflicts, personal reasons, communication styles, reference reports, posting style & history, a simple lack of chemistry... or a combination thereof.

 

It's important to remember that a lady is balancing her requirement for income with her comfort level and her compatibility with suitors, and when the scale tips too far the wrong way, she is then faced with the delicate task of informing someone that they'd not be a good match.

 

Interrogating a lady, insisting she provide reasons for her decision, & asking for reconsideration will rarely gain you ground, and will almost always result in a lady being very glad she made the aforementioned decision. It makes an already awkward situation even more unpleasant.

 

Please know that a lady makes this decision carefully, and is considering your best interests as well as her own. Accept it graciously.

 

Thank you :)

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

<p>This also include past clients an SP no longer wishes to meet or people who no showed in the past looking fro a second chance.If a guy is on my personal black list for lack of better words then they have done something to annoy the life out of me or something seriously wrong. Stop asking why and move on. Dont call back for another chance because there won't be one. There are principles I follow in this business and I won't swallow my pride and see a person if they have done me wrong in anyway, shape or form. My SP friends in the business have nicknamed me the Ice Queen. I freeze these people out for good. Once I've severed the SP-client relationship, that's it.

[Guest Cr**gCa***ng]

I am in total agreement with this. I am fairly new here with limited posts and few rep points etc. I have only ever seen one lady (CERB member) and I adore her. She is my only source for a reference as well and she kindly provided one for me on a previous occasion to see a visiting lady but I ended up with food poisoning the day before and had to cancel as I was very sick for several days. There's a lot of research involved on the part of both client and SP so I understand fully her decision and right to exercise it hence my need as a mature and responsible individual to accept it and move on. Ladies do what's in your best interest. Guys accept her decision and set your egos aside. It is what it is.

[peacectryguy 12547]

I couldn't agree more. We seem to have an ever growing issue in today's world of accepting the word "no". People assume that they flash money and everybody should be at their beck and call. This business is like many other service businesses out there. Just because we advertise a service doesn't mean everyone gets to have us at a moments notice. And there are certain times when a potential client just doesn't "feel" right. I get it in the business I am in too. I talk to someone about doing their plumbing job and get a feeling that they will be the type that I have to chase payment for or the job is just too much trouble and not worth the ensuing headaches. They, however, act like 3 year olds who can't have candy while in WalMart with mommy. Back to you ladies, you have every right to refuse service to anyone for whatever reason you want. Guys need to understand that and move on. And no, you do not need to provide your reasoning. The only thing I would want in that situation if Iwas being refused is courtesy of a speedy reply and a politely worded refusal. Nothing more.

[VictoriaJolie 64127]

I have notice that it happen more lately that some gents have extreme reactions to our refusal to see someone

Guys bringing pictures of the sps and went to the front desk and gave her room number to get kick out,contacted the landlord of the building to give them unit and advertise lady. Info ,treaths of bad reviews,harassments,insults,try to book under other numbers names

 

This type of behaviors have increase the past few years..

Almost like the clients has no fear and feel completely empower of not leaving us the choice..Which is scary

 

I think it's part of any human being to dislike been decline services,intimate,well rejected however we all need to understand that in such circumstance it should be accepted and move on as it's usually for the best interest of both parties

 

VJ

[cinelli 22184]

Starting off a client/SP relationship by arguing is pretty stupid.

 

A session is going to be way better if the lady is ready and willing than if whe is feeling pressured and uncomfortable.

 

Seriously guys if she says no just wait til tomorrow or whenever. It's in your best interest!

[waterat 20911]

.... if she says no just wait til tomorrow .....

 

I think the OP's original request/suggestion is not to 'wait til tomorrow' but to simply move on.

[cinelli 22184]

Yes I did not word that properly at all! :whipping:

[roamingguy 300292]

If a lady said she does not want to see me, I wouldn't be angry. I would just move on. Getting possessive and clingy in this lifestyle is not a healthy thing...leads to jealousy, and maybe worse behaviours.

Guys who see a lady and choose not to see her again wouldn't appreciate if that lady continually contacted him about second, third...well you get the idea, encounters. Same holds true here, ladies don't appreciate unwanted continual contacts with a man they don't want to see

And who would really want an encounter with a lady who doesn't want to see him. Sounds unpleasant for everyone, and a date the lady rightfully so, would dread

A rambling

 

RG

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

I could not agree more! Most guys do move one but what to do when they turn jealous and possessive?

I went on vacations for 3 weeks this summer ,away from my emails,when I get back I had emails of reproaches because I didn't keep in touch...

What should I say? Ignore or reply? It is not because all was fine for 4 years that I am under obligation to continue (as I've been told)...sigh,

 

There has to be boundaries established in your business and personal life. They have to be separated. One thing to do is create a "vacation message" in your email. When a client sends you an email, they will receive this message and then understand you are gone away.

 

If they get upset about how YOU didn't keep in touch while you were away, then there are some problems with that person and their expectations. When people act out this way, then it's time to take a step back.

 

You do not owe them anything more than the time with you that they pay for. You are under no obligation to "keep in touch with them" outside of an appointment. Most people who have healthy boundaries will understand this. Clients included.

 

If they can't understand the concept that you have a life outside of this business then it's time to re-evaluate the SP-client relationship. Perhaps time to move on from them.

 

I've had to do this a few times and never looked back as some of these client relationships were taking on a life of their own and not in a good way for my mental or emotional health. I do a lot of meditation and am able to deal with these situations much better now.

[Guest *Ste***cque**]

Being rejected in any situation is somewhat painful, doubly so in these circumstances. Ouch!

Just like in a job interview, you can't blame a person for wanting to know why they were rejected. However, a firm "we're just not a good fit" as the OP mentioned is probably the best approach. Now if you've been seeing each other for a while then it may be helpful to give a more detailed explanation. I'm only saying it would be helpful, not necessary.

Of course, moving on is the only option unless you want to give off a stalker vibe. Plus, it's better for your own self worth not to dwell on the rejection. Instead put on a brave smile and move on, as has been already mentioned by everyone else.

[Mikeyboy 27133]

Being rejected in any situation is somewhat painful, doubly so in these circumstances. Ouch!

Just like in a job interview, you can't blame a person for wanting to know why they were rejected. However, a firm "we're just not a good fit" as the OP mentioned is probably the best approach. Now if you've been seeing each other for a while then it may be helpful to give a more detailed explanation. I'm only saying it would be helpful, not necessary.

Of course, moving on is the only option unless you want to give off a stalker vibe. Plus, it's better for your own self worth not to dwell on the rejection. Instead put on a brave smile and move on, as has been already mentioned by everyone else.

 

Well said Steve. I can understand the desire to know "why" in these circumstances, as it is a form of rejection. (Our egos are more fragile than we big strong men let on at times.) If nothing else, I would want to avoid whatever behavior made her uncomfortable for future interactions with other sp's.

 

Giving the person the reasons however, would likely lead to them getting defensive and trying to argue the points. I can see why it is best to stick with the "not a good fit" approach and leave it at that. Gents, accept it and move on. Arguing will likely only confirm her suspicions, not change them.

 

I am surprised and sorry to hear how extreme the behaviors can be, and that it is getting worse not better. I assumed that we were moving into more respectful and understanding times. I guess cerb tends to shelter me from the less pleasant sides of the business. You ladies have my deepest respect. I know it is not always easy doing what you do.

[Gabriella Laurence 301887]

to politely decline the request for an encounter, for whatever reason, please accept her decision politely.

 

Please understand these decisions aren't made lightly and are the result of a number of considerations, often including but certainly not limited things such as... scheduling conflicts, personal reasons, communication styles, reference reports, posting style & history, a simple lack of chemistry... or a combination thereof.

 

It's important to remember that a lady is balancing her requirement for income with her comfort level and her compatibility with suitors, and when the scale tips too far the wrong way, she is then faced with the delicate task of informing someone that they'd not be a good match.

 

Interrogating a lady, insisting she provide reasons for her decision, & asking for reconsideration will rarely gain you ground, and will almost always result in a lady being very glad she made the aforementioned decision. It makes an already awkward situation even more unpleasant.

 

Please know that a lady makes this decision carefully, and is considering your best interests as well as her own. Accept it graciously.

 

Thank you :)

Thank you for the reminder, MJ! I understand what it's like to have a "gentleman" not taking no for an answer and taking it to the extreme. As a result, I also decided to start a thread about the same subject 2 years ago: http://www.cerb.ca/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=101900

 

The grief that "gentleman" caused me was just unreal!

It's quite sad to say the least...

[Icebreaker 3938]

In reading the thread it occurred to me that another reason a lady may make the decision to decline is that at some point during contact or verification is that she may know the gentleman in a context outside the lifestyle. Such as a co-worker, friend or friend of the family, professor or an actual family member. Which is why I suspect many ladies specify clients over a certain age or other screening factors, in order to reduce the risk of booking with someone they know and would be uncomfortable seeing in an intimate setting.

 

In this case when the lady declines the date it would be saving both parties a great deal of embarrassment. Although the lady may not say this specifically in the decline, but any gent should accept a decline gracefully and take it as fate or a sign that the date was not destined to happen.

 

Just my thoughts.

[Fresh start 17467]

A long time ago I worked for a company where I had gotten a promotion. I turned loss into profit, tripled sales and brought quality standard back. I was motivated, to prove some doubters wrong. There were a few coworkers and even some upper management that just gave me a really hard time. It was obvious they did not like me. I had never done anything to them and always tried to please them. I eventual burned out and quit. I used to dwell and ask myself why, until someone explained this to me.

 

If I were to take 10 random people and put them in a room with me 4 of the ten would like me, 4 would hate me and 2 just wouldn't care. So 6 of those people you don't need in your life.

 

He went on to explain this was the results of some university social experiments conducted. Now I don't know if its true or how reliable these statistic are, but I chose to believe it. Now when I meet someone who seem like they don't like me I just chalk it up as one of those 6 people, It just is.

 

So guys if your rejected just think of them as one of the 6 people who you don't need. How much fun can you have if that person doesn't like you?

 

Its sad and it may suck but it's just a fact of life not everybody going to like you. Easier just to move on.

[roamingguy 300292]

I can't see if I were declined for a date that I would at that point even want a date with that lady. Not a bash against anyone . I like a GFE, which for me is more than a menu, it involves a connection/chemistry...granted one that develops over time, but starts with the email exchanges. How can you have a GFE with a lady that right at the outset doesn't want to see you. There is a "relationship" aspect to a GFE one that couldn't exist if one of the parties doesn't want to be there

This holds true with a first encounter, or with an lady you have seen multiple times. And personally, just my opinion, encounters have to be mutually beneficial, you the client must want to see the lady and the lady wants to see you. If one person, lady or gentlemen doesn't want to see the other, move on. There is no chemistry. I know for me if I was declined for a date or didn't want to see a lady for a date, the chemistry is gone (or never was there) and nothing brings it back. There are many SP's and Clients. If one declines you just move on, don't look back

A morning rambling over coffee number two

 

RG

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

If I feel no connection there is no encounter. So far I have cancelled one encounter because of this reason.

[mrgreen760 37785]

A SP doesn't want to see me..... I'd say no problem (has never happened) as there will be another along in a minute.

 

Peace

MG

[roamingguy 300292]

Back in my much younger (pre lifestyle days) when I was dating. I broke up with a girl (ok, she broke up with me) and I wanted us back. A friend at the time gave me some good advice which served me (I think) well. He used the analogy that a relationship is like a glass of milk. But if vinegar is poured in the glass the milk curdles. And even if all the vinegar could be separated from the milk, the milk is still spoiled. He said a break up, no matter who does it is like vinegar in milk (I know, funny analogy but these farmers, my friend was a farmer btw, come up with some good ones) and once you break up, move on.

It's not a shrug your shoulders cavalier attitude. But it's having an acceptance of what has happened, and you need to move forward, not try to hang on to something that either wasn't there, or is no longer there

And I think the same holds true if a companion or gentleman choose not to see a lgentleman or lady. Best just to move on. The SP/Client relationship you want or had is not there anymore, or ever was there.

There are other ladies and gentlemen out there...move forward

Only came to me because my friend just phoned and we had a good chat and I recall his advice

A rambling

 

RG

[cinelli 22184]

The sp relation is a condensed version of a real life love affair,faster to be naked but I would surmise also faster to burn to cinders...

 

That's brilliant writing.

 

My best friend is an ex SP I started seeing 32 and a half years ago. So YMMV eh.

[Hector17 9215]

This thread has more legs than I thought it would.

 

I just cant understand why, if a lady said she'd prefer not to see a fellow as a first time client, why he might think it would be a fun time if he managed to have her reconsider.

There are so many options out there....

 

If it was for a second or third appointment, then I can see it being a bit perturbing as it may just be case where if he is making some mistakes, and he just wants feedback to correct the situation, even if it is for subsequent visits with new ladies.

 

I do however see how it could sting if a long time "regular favourite" just all of a sudden said it was "over"...no more appointments....somehow I would think there would be some "conversation" if that were to happen...I would hope so....dont even want to think about it

[MightyPen 67414]

I just cant understand why, if a lady said she'd prefer not to see a fellow as a first time client, why he might think it would be a fun time if he managed to have her reconsider. ... I do however see how it could sting if a long time "regular favourite" just all of a sudden said it was "over"...

It's an interesting question. I imagine there are lots of reasons guys make this mistake (well, people in general, but here we're pretty much talking about guys), particularly when an established "regular" SP calls things to a halt. A few things that occur to me, from least sympathetic to most:

 

1. Some guys are control freaks and don't want to have another person dictate terms for any kind of relationship, no matter how little the "r" in "relationship". There can sometimes be an element of misogyny here too ("the guy is supposed to call the shots", and other sad and pitiful ideas about gender roles).
    
    
   
2. Other guys are just insecure and see any "no" as a blanket condemnation of their whole selves, and a threat to their sense of self-worth. They'll fight unreasonably to avoid facing this particular terror.
    
    
   
3. Other guys just think that you're supposed to fight for everything you want, to press your case and persevere in the face of obstacles. This is even sometimes a good idea in civilian relationships... other times not. But it's NEVER a good idea in a professional entanglement like this one.
    
    
   
4. Other guys (here we're talking about those "regulars") are just yearning for the connection with this particular woman to continue. It has come to fill a deep emotional hole within them. Letting this kind of emotional fog descend over the relationship is probably why the SP has called things to a halt in the first place.
   

There's no question that it's a mistake to try to change an SP's mind once she's made a decision. But if I try to fully understand the human dynamics at play, the reasons range from contemptible (#1, #2 above) to just badly misplaced (#3) to outright tragic (#4).

 

When you get the news that any kind of human connection is over, or simply refused, it's tricky as a human being to find the right balance in response. It's somewhere between the one extreme of feeling nothing at all and just giving a shrug, and the other of losing all perspective and tilting desperately at a windmill.

 

Even for people with good emotional balance, it can be hard to resist the allure of persisting in the face of adversity to honour your own feelings -- "sure, I'm a Montague and she's a Capulet, but what's that next to my earnest desires?!" That's not really what's happening, but people can re-frame a situation in their own mind to fit that noble model no matter how far off the mark.

 

Learning our way though this minefield and finding the right balance is part of becoming an adult. Not everyone has made it there regardless of age -- and even those who have can forget for a while under the right (wrong?) circumstances.

 

Returning to your original question: I guess those are some of the reasons some people make dumb mistakes like persisting when an SP has declined a client, or called an ongoing thing to a halt.

[Nicolette Vaughn 294340]

What do you do when someone who stood you up in the past and you know is a time waster won't leave you alone even after you've told them you don't wish to see them? It's just so bothersome that someone can't respect your wishes and basically blows up your phone with numerous calls and texts all from different numbers. I told them I don't wish to see them and this lasted for a month and back at it again. Enough already!

Posted via Mobile Device

[IsaMassage 54318]

I think this rule... should not only be applied in a business type relationship such as provider/client.. it should apply to life in general... and not just respect from a gentleman to a lady but also to a lady to a gentleman.... Obsessive behaviours will drive a person away even more... and that type of behaviour will only show that there was never any love.. on the contrary will show that there was never love and was something more driven by physical attraction, compulsive behaviours, and definitely wrong emotions... Yet worse the use of fear and threats to try to get the other person back... unacceptable... that is a pure sign that love was never there.. because I cannot conceive the thought of even think about causing damage to someone you loved ... when you have truly loved anyone as hurtful as it can be you respect their decisions as hard as they can be... and only then you can say you have loved truthfully...

[Hector17 9215]

 

Guessing this is not romantic for the ladies ?