Misstress or Mrtress?

[Jabba 18389]

Tiger Woods and Jesse James have gotten a lot of tiresome press over their extra-marital indulgences. It looks like both will end-up in divorce court. That bites for everyone, but, does it have to be that way?

 

Here's the rub, I accept that I have my wondering ways too. To deny my nature is, well, unrealistic. I've been giving some serious thought to having a regular, undercover relationship. A FWB or something close. I don't want to piss-off my SO and have to do something ridiculous like go to sex rehab (sorry Tiger). I know there are some who could offer helpful opinions on morality or openness and truthfulness. Believe me, I would understand those concepts. I'm just asking for some "what if" thinking here.

 

Has anyone here been successful in having a LT affair? Is it worth trying? How would you start one? I'm addressing both sides of the table here - ladies, if you have experience, I would value your opinions.

[Guest s******ecan****]

The reason I hobby is because I think extra-marital affairs be they short term, long term, or one night stands are frought with dangers and complications. As Steely Dan said so well "Love is not a game for 3"

 

With SP's I have discretion as well as an outlet for my needs that is dependable and predictable. I wouldn't recommend anyone go the affair route.

 

Just my two cents

[Guest S******s*m]

The reason I hobby is because I think extra-marital affairs be they short term, long term, or one night stands are frought with dangers and complications. As Steely Dan said so well "Love is not a game for 3"

 

With SP's I have discretion as well as an outlet for my needs that is dependable and predictable. I wouldn't recommend anyone go the affair route.

 

Just my two cents

 

Scott's got it right on cue - I have had 2 one night "affairs" - there is a level of attachement that occurs (knowingly or un-knowingly from either party) and there remains in the back of your mind the possibility of something that will come out eventually. I have stepped away from both very quickly.

 

That's 4 cents now... :!:

[777flyer 1612]

I too agree, I have had one LT affair, lasted over 2 years and frankly the last 3 months were not enjoyable.... definitely NOT a repeat !

 

At first it was amazing, we would make sure we bid on the same routes, which would mean up to 48 hour lay over and it would be heaven.......fantastic times, amazing sex....we could spend nights together....act as a couple since we were far away from home....

 

Then, as time went on, came the petty fights, jealousy, possessiveness....... If we didn't end up on the same routes, I wouldn't hear the end of it...... it was like having a second 'work wife'...just became unbearable....

 

After that, I swore I would never do that again....

 

So, I decided I would find a mature SP that would give me all that I was looking for in a relationship, without any of the hangups that ALWAYS appear in an LT affair ( again, this is MY opinion )

 

I have since found an SP, and have seen her several times, and it's fantastic, we enjoy each others company, and both appreciate what the relationship brings for us both......as well as the inherent limitations....

 

Again, this is my opinion, based on personal experience as well as seeing what has happened to others that also got involved in an LT affair.....

 

Maybe my mistake was having one with a lady I worked with ?......not sure if that made a difference....perhaps ?

 

My 2cents worth !

[Old Dog 179138]

I was married for 15 years and strayed only in the mind during that time. Don't get me wrong, there were physical opportunities and frankly I kicked myself in retrospect for not acting when I discovered that my fidelity was not a two way street. She was the one that had the affairs.

 

I guess the worst part for me was the potential guilt, whether by act or omission, that my actions would be hurting someone when all came to the forefront. I know how I felt when I found out about her, betrayed, used and angry.

 

After all is said and done, I think this forum is the way to go. It is far more simple to justify a physical release without a bond to the heart. Whether you have a long term or short term affair, you KNOW in the end that you are going to have to hurt someone. Your contact and contract with an SP or an MP won't do that, or at least is far more justifiable within the context of a relationship.

 

Just a few thoughts... and kudos to you for putting it out there for comment.

[capitalman 3861]

With an affair comes excitement and interest that you won't find with an SP. Not only do you want to see her, but she wants to see you!

 

You'll have much better sex and be able to explore and experiment and move forward much more than with an SP relationship where you are paying. There will always be that "I'm the client and I'm paying" factor and unless money is no object, you won't build on your relationship like you would with an affair. Your time together with an SP will always be timed and limited and controlled.

 

But I must agree with others too. A long time ago when I was living with a girlfriend I had an affair and it was great, until the girl got drunk one night and phoned my place and got my girlfriend! Needless to say I had to break it off with her and she was very upset....apparently she was in love with me and couldn't follow the unwritten rules we had laid out. I had to threaten her with violence to make sure she left me alone....it wasn't a good scene and I never want to repeat that.

[jman47 233]

Hello Jabba,

 

There is a basic internal question you must answer for yourself before you decide what can work for you.:confused:

I believe what you have to ask yourself is, "What am I looking for?" Is it sex? Excitement? A change of pace? The thrill? A fantasy? Companionship of another? Something else...? Once you can answer that question, then you can answer your question.

 

I don't know if that helps...but whatever you do, good luck.

 

Have Fun:cool:.

 

jman47

[rickoshadows 937]

There is an old saying (And there is a reason it's an old saying): "you are not paying for the sex, you are paying them to leave." But there is no reason not to treat them well, while they are there.

[Loki318 1631]

What ever you do or which ever way you go your going to Stress over one "MS. Stress" or the Other or most likely Both or if your lucky all 3 !!

 

I have been married 36 yrs Dated steady like engaged for 6 before that and have been unfaithful for at least 42 of those years !! Lets just say I'm not a One woman man....The following is not bragging I have reworded it 3 times and it always sounds like bragging ...

 

I have been involved in/with: one night stands, a couple of short affairs, internet love affairs, (these always end very badly) many SPs, One long term steady almost exclusive SP relationship (Expensive) (see sugar daddy thread) one long term affair (on going) and a few flirtatious "Platonic" relationships (these can be sexy too) AND (your SO will call them cheating too)

 

I guess my first point is there is always STRESS!!! and if your to survive you need to find a comfortable level of stress you can handle ...

 

And second point if you play at this hobby long enuf you can get really messed aka F*&ked UP !!

 

When you have conquered the stress and the guilt and resigned your self to the eventual consequences you can really have all the fun you can afford in this hobby ;)

 

So far I have avoided the "eventual consequences" ... maybe I should quit .. but I tried that too ...

 

Loki318