Do you have a dirty mind?

Honey Man · February 12, 2015

shy guy who's first language was French at my work sent a message around to the staff when he informed us he was not coming to work that day,

he said "I had a hard night, I kept getting something stuck deep in my throat and I need to rest it before I come to work"

jafo105 · February 13, 2015

I posted on my Facebook page that I was sick in bed with the flu. I received a message from my x-girlfriend offering to come over and cheer me up. :icon_confused:

Oh how I wanted to take her up on her offer. Unfortunately I am too weak and she is married with two children now. :icon_cry:

vader75 · February 13, 2015

Another food one....

Was at a fast food place ane the register lady with big boobs asked me if I want a milk shake.... I giggled like Woody from Toy Story and said 'ohh yaaa'

Studio 110 by Sophia · February 13, 2015

When making a roast beef it is important to massage your meat!!

Yikes, I just seen this in a food recipe, and wondered how many others giggled!

vader75 · February 19, 2015

Always loved to here from my kids hot teacher that we need to talk after school.

Never the good kind though :( LOL

When will I get my spanking????

March 12, 2015

I have a good one for you ...

Ever heard of a succulometer?

No, it's not a device to gauge your enjoyment or your effectiveness under the sheets. lol lol

But rather it's a device to measure the moisture in processed vegetable.

I knew you had a dirty mind ;)

Studio 110 by Sophia · March 12, 2015

Sorry I am late, but I got tied up! LOL

Triple HHH · March 12, 2015

Sorry I am late, but I got tied up! LOL

That sounds like fun !!!!!

Ice4fun · March 12, 2015

As my brother and his wife were leaving our christmas open house this year my wife hugged him and said "I really wish you would come more often" and his wife started to laugh and could not stop... she had tears in her eyes lol

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Honey Man · March 20, 2015

Her: What exactly do you do?

Me: I back up computer systems

Her: Oh great, our guy never comes in and doesn't seem concerned about our backup at all

Me: Not surprising, but don't worry, I'm anal about that stuff

Her: Oh I love Anal

roamingguy · March 20, 2015

A Test For You

If you pass you DON'T have a dirty mind

Don't scroll down for the answers, that's cheating

If you pass, you must close out your Lyla account

But you can apply to be part of the Ancient Order of Turtles

http://www.phoenixmasonry.org/masonicmuseum/fraternalism/turtles.htm

BTW I'm still on Lyla, so I failed (or passed depending on how you look at it) the exam :-)

RG

1. I am a protrusion that comes in many sizes. When I'm not well,

I drip. When you blow me, you feel good. What am I?

2. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People

sometimes lick my nuts. What am I?

3. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm

called a big swinger. What am I?

4. Over 1,000 people went down on me. I wasn't a maiden for long.

A big hard thing ripped me open. What am I?

5. You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up.

I get wet before you do. What am I?

6. When I go in I cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not

to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I?

7. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The

best man always has me first. What am I?

8. All day long, it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft.

Both men and women go down on me. What am I?

9. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard. What am I?

10. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box.

When I come, it's news. What am I?

11. I offer Protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your

fingers to get me off. What am I?

12. I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver.

What am I?

13. My business is briefs. I am a cunning linguist. I plead and

plead for it. What am I?

ANSWERS

1. - A Nose -

2. - Peanut Butter -

3. - A Crane -

4. - The Titanic -

5. - A Tent -

6. - A Dentist -

7. - A Wedding Ring -

8. - An Elevator -

9. - Chewing Gum -

10. - A Newspaper Boy -

11. - A Glove -

12. - An Arrow -

13. - An Attorney

Metalsmith · March 20, 2015

I have, officially, a dirty mind.

March 21, 2015

How do I get in?

Just walk up to the back door, turn the knob and penetrate very gently!

Honey Man · March 21, 2015

Will this fit in your box?

PatrickGC · March 23, 2015

Let's see... do I have a dirty mind? Most bloody definitely!

Being physically disabled society would have me be, among other things, politically correct. That would simply be far too dull of an existence. I am left leaning, both physically and mentally, as well as, in a multitude of other ways.

I was at a party last night and was shocked at how calm and contained things were. Spontaneously I made the suggestion that the water supply the spiked with Ayahuasca and surprisingly the older people in the crowd got it immediately, while those 30 and under were stunned and shocked. [This was supposed to be a left wing party where the radicals gathered.] I think a dirty playful mind is essential for life :), and I will occasionally I do get into trouble. At the end of the day I find it an indispensable gift.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I own this dirty old mind. Whatever comes out of it, I take full responsibility for it. From the best in dirt the most beautiful things can grow. I have met some on the most playful and dirty minded people right here on this site. Thanks to one and all! May we play in the mental mud bath once again soon. I'd say more, but it would be censored but I'm sure the people here can fill in the blanks.

Take care,

PatrickGC

CristyCurves · March 23, 2015

Sometimes, and I used to be able to openly express it here, but like all things... they change. My mind however hasn't. It's still dirty, vulgar to some, however it's perceived, I like my thoughts, they bring me pleasure and sometimes others, and there's nothing wrong with pleasure:)

PatrickGC · March 26, 2015

Succinctly put Cristycurves. It really is all about being open and honest about one's thoughts which allows us to really enjoy the places in our minds and emotions take us. It is the original "Magical Mystery Tour." How gifted we are as a species to be able to experience and appreciate this. :) Magic lives!

PatrickGC

Ice4fun · March 26, 2015

In my opinion there is certainly nothing wrong with a dirty mind... it can help get the heart beating and your imagination all fired up... of course like anything we do we need to be aware of our environment and act appropriately.... not suggesting we should not push boundaries just keeping it realistic.

So yeah... I have a Dirty Mind lol

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PatrickGC · March 27, 2015

When you think about it, the very concept of a "dirty mind" could only arise in a repressive society/environment. Why else would we be so judgmental of basic natural drives? So just as ice4fun said "... there is certainly nothing wrong with a dirty mind... it can help get the heart beating...". I also agree that we must be aware of our environment, and further I suggest that an open healthy mind is both keenly aware of others and naturally dirty. It is human nature to want to play with others in novel and unexpected ways.

It is only when things are repressed that these natural drives go askew. Usually due to the inclusion of anger or other negative emotion .

Let us celebrate the playful inclusive souls among us, who expand our horizons and creativity. Because they are needed now more than ever. I raise a virtual glass of champagne in their honor, every time my dirty healthy mind kicks in :) [And on the occasions when I can afford it, it is a real glass of champagne with them!]

PatrickGC

March 27, 2015

I have another good one for you.

Do you know what a dreamhole is?

I know you have a dirty mind but I highly doubt it's what you're thinking of right now. lol lol ... really, every castle needs a dreamhole!

So what is it? whats a dreamhole?

A dreamhole is a small slit made in the wall of a building to let in sunlight or fresh air. It was also once used to refer to holes in watchtowers used by lookouts and guards, or to openings left in the walls of church towers to amplify the sounds of the bells.

lol lol got ya!

Metalsmith · March 28, 2015

A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste...it's a good thing I have friends to share dirty jokes with, and to attempt to share my humour with.

I was wondering what a dreamhole was when I first read your post...I was assuming it had something to do with wet dreams....LOL

ricky1ricardo7 · March 28, 2015

This evening, we were five couples playing the card game "Pass the Ace", whereas the smallest card lose. We seperated the couples so husband and wife weren't sitting next to each other. On the first round, the lady sitting next to me and was not sure if she wanted to change her card with me, asked me, "Do you have a big one"? (Referring to the card). I replied, " I think so, but ask my wife, she never complained!" Everybody bursted out laughing!!!

April 17, 2015

So tell me, do you have a dirty mind?

What's a dik-dik?

lol lol ... yes many of you may recognize yourselves as being one, a dik-dik, lol lol, but I have a feeling it's not what you think?

Give up? so what's a dik-dik really?

A dik-dik stands a little more than a foot tall at the shoulder ... yes! it has shoulders ... it is one of the smallest antelopes in all of Africa. Their name is apparently an imitation of their alarm call!

So there! and all along you thought you had a dirty mind!!! lol lol lol

johnybird · April 17, 2015

Asked while she was trying to put the cork back into a bottle of Port "Is it in?"