My First Rant

[Guest s******ecan****]

My first and I hope only rant. Apologies if this has been covered in a previous thread, I did a bit of searching but could have missed it.

 

While I'm not as experienced in the hobby as many of you reading this I'm not a rookie either.

 

My rant or pet peeve regards something which has happened twice now in my time of hobbying with 2 seperate ladies.

 

It concerns my marital status. I am married and frankly the nature of my realtionship and fact that I am married is not something I want to discuss during an encounter. I wear a wedding band and have no intention of removing it for appointments.

 

I really am at a loss as to why any SP would bring up this subject. I can't think of too many things that are a bigger mood killer for me than this. Why I hobby as a married man is my business, please don't ask me to explain, or probe as to whether my realtionship is fulfilling (happened once) or even draw attention to it ("oh you're married"...happened the other time).

 

It seems to me the professional thing (which has been observed by all the other SP's I have seen) is to simply ignore the band on my finger. In fact I would think an SP would want to change the subject even if I brought it up (I never have). I simply can't see the value (maybe its a turn on for some guys? Am I missing something? I know small talk is hard sometimes but c'mon not my marriage please).

 

Both times it has happened has been with ladies who are members here on CERB, and who have been well Rec'd at one time or another so these are not CL amateurs.

 

Perhaps others could weigh in and please realize its not that I'm filled with guilt or anything, its just that talking about my marriage is not what I'm looking for when I book an encounter.

 

:x

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

I completely agree. I've spoken with many clients about their wives, but it's always HIM who brought it up.

[etasman2000 15994]

I wear a wedding band and have no intention of removing it for appointments.

 

Just say you wear it for 'protection' against all the ladies hounding you for marriage :)

 

I suspect its just a conversation starter however you bring up a good point, just as we avoid any questions/mentions about BF or SO the same courtesy should be reciprocated.

[Megan'sTouch 23875]

....just as we avoid any questions/mentions about BF or SO the same courtesy should be reciprocated.

I can't count the number of times I've been asked about a boyfriend/husband! :)

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

The majority of the men I see are wearing wedding bands. I never ask, if they wish to talk about it it's up to them.

As far as my status goes, if you ask I will be honest but I will never bring it up.

[stevecurious 42059]

Scott, I too have had this happen. Although I must say I usually bring it up myself to ensure I return home without any scratches on my back, etc. In my experience after I bring it up it doesn't get discussed again. However this is not a hard and fast rule, as I discovered recently. I recently found myself in the company of a very attractive, very recommended meber of Cerb who insisted on bringing up my wife during our time...repeatedly. I must say I am not sure if this was her way of being "naughty" or just a lapse on her part. Possibly I am taking it the wrong way and making a "mountain out of a mole hill." Regradless I find it very difficult to maintain the mood while giving oral and hearing about my wife from the lady I am giving oral to! To that end maybe I should stop bringing up the fact I am married. I thought that the best way to eliminate it being mentioned during the session. So yes I agree, wive's should be off limits to ladies just as negotiating price is off limits to guys!

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

And further more, wouldn't talking about your wife be a turn off?

[Mikeyboy 27133]

I too have had the question, and was surprised by it. I didn’t think it was an unusual occurrence for a hobbyist to have a ring so it caught me off guard. I suddenly felt like I had to explain myself, even though I suspect that she was just making conversation. I usually don’t wear it now when meeting an sp. It isn’t that I’m trying to hide it, but just that I don’t want the discussion to go there. It’s awkward. I’ve also inadvertently brought up an sp’s boyfriend. (She had “Mike” tattoo which I couldn’t help comment on, but regretted it when the conversation went there.) Both of these discussions detract from the illusion of the GFE that we are trying to create.

[stevecurious 42059]

I suspect its just a conversation starter however you bring up a good point, just as we avoid any questions/mentions about BF or SO the same courtesy should be reciprocated.

 

I can't count the number of times I've been asked about a boyfriend/husband! :)

 

Also agreed, private lives should remain private during the date. In my opinion before and after is a different story. But with everything in life there are exceptions. I know one lady whom everytime we meet we talk about family, home, and our private lives. Of course she will remain nameless as I hold our relationship in the highest regard!

[fortunateone 156618]

This is one of the many "No Go" zones, on both sides actually. There is no good excuse for discussing anything personal or even going so far as to ask exactly where someone works, if they have kids, or whatever. You only talk about what the other brings up, and never ever ask about anything whatsoever that they do not, regardless of whether you can see a ring on their finger, or if they showed up in coveralls with the name of the place they work and their real name on a badge.

 

It may seem crass, but you are paid to keep your mouth shut, fulfill the fantasy, and there are very very few guys who actually want their wives brought into their session, imo.

 

There are also very few who want to talk about what they do for a living, or have someone ask them for a favour, or anything that might create a non-fantasy experience.

[Winnipegcub 21293]

Agree with all the views here. Sometimes it is simply a matter of trying to get to know each and create conversation and rapport. But it shouldn't fall into prying. I've never had it happen but if an SP brought up an area I wasn't comfortable with I would simply say something like; "I prefer not to talk about that and want to enjoy my time with you" or something that would sound more respectful. I would expect any lady to do the same if I delved into an area she wasn't comfortable with. I think done respectfully it isn't a mood killer and allows the session to move on. If it continued - well it would be my last encounter with that woman.

[Guest S**a*Q]

I agree as well... I let the client bring anything up, otherwise, I just rant about me, stuff in the news and that sort of thing.

 

Discretion isn't always just on the outside of the room, it's something that should be though of at all times.

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

.... marital status....I really am at a loss as to why any SP would bring up this subject...

 

Being single myself, this thread is not directly relevant to me. I'm somewhat surprised that the subject of one's SO would be raised by the other party. I myself would never bring up the subject of an SP's personal life wthout their referring to it first.

 

One theory that pops to mind is that, if it happens on a first meeting, it might be part of the SP's process of client evaluation -- much like the traditional question at a regular job interview: "Why did you leave your last job?" If a job candidate responds to this question with an angry rant about his former boss or colleagues, he's likely out of luck in the interview -- no job for him. The SO inquiry by an SP might possibly be aimed along the same lines, the thought process being: "If I bring up a potentially hot-button issue, will my new client demonstrate a latent capacity for hostility (in this case safely directed against his SO, and not at me)? If so, it may be an indicator of how easily my new client might later wind up directing hostility about something else that arises (in a less safe context) towards me (the SP)?" A new client who rants in an angry or frightening manner about his SO (or anything else) may be screened-out of having further dates, as a potential safety risk to the SP.

 

I've certainly heard some unexpected things from SPs (and people from all walks of life and situations). My reaction is that such things are often at least partially a test, and that to pass the test I need only to demonstrate a calm disposition. Having said this, I freely admit that my personal working theories of human behaviour often gang awry.

[BownChickaBown 4829]

I find it works another way too, and that's SPs who go on and on about their SO. Turn-OFF!

 

Sure, a SP may mention they have a SO, but beyond that, it's a big turn-off to hear about their week together, like what the SP dislikes about their SO, how they still love them, blah blah blah, yadda yadda yadda, puke puke puke ...as if I wanted to hear such things, I would go watch Desperate Housewives (which I don't). It just reminds me of why I dumped past GFs.

 

For the limited time and conversation, I am sure there are other, more intriguing and exciting things that can be discussed other than SOs - like existentialism or hockey or sex! ...or existentialistic hockey sex! [you get my point :smile: ]

 

So, can we all agree - more dirty talk, less SO talk? ;-)

 

PS: Great thread Scott - but remember, no matter what, one is forever a Newbie in this hobby (learn something new every day). :bowdown:

[Mikeyboy 27133]

It may seem crass, but you are paid to keep your mouth shut, fulfill the fantasy, and there are very very few guys who actually want their wives brought into their session, imo.

 

Well said. I'm all about the fantasy. Bringing up the "real world" can kill the mood instantly! (Especially if I'm put in a position where I feel I need to justify my behavior.)

 

Additional Comments:

...or existentialistic hockey sex!

 

OK, I'm intrigued...

[jasperzp 132]

I very much agree with everything that has been said. I'm curious though, on the other side of the coin, if it's uncomfortable for some SPs to see that wedding ring on a client, and whether or not most have a preference in terms of if it was removed or not.

 

I think for me personally it would kill a bit of the GFE fantasy if the SP was wearing a ring, so maybe it works the same both ways?

[mrgreen760 37785]

Never been asked.......and have never asked. If my situation came up it's because I brought it up.

 

Peace

Mr Green