Dealing with the feeling of a genuine connection

[jobin 190]

A bit of context: I'm a relatively young guy (the MAs I visit are only about 5 years younger). I'm the type that has only ever been in long-term relationships and has never really had just a "fling". So when I see an MA, I'm the type to want to know more about that person... Who she is, how she got here, where she's going, etc. And I'm also the type to want to maintain that connection (with some more than others of course). I'm really not looking for anything romantic to develop. In fact I'm happily married. But for some reason I can't help but care for the MA and want to maintain a friendly relationship with her. And seeing as how I'm not a frequent hobbyist (it's not really a money issue but I just don't need the "whole experience" that often) that would mean maintaining it outside the usual MA setting (ex: via email). That said I understand that this is completely unreasonable to expect.

 

So is this hobby just not for me? Because my rational side is telling me that from the MAs perspective it is a business transaction after all. But I just can't help but feel a genuine connection with some of these amazing girls I've met.

 

Anyone else feel similarly at some point? Any perspective/advice?

[SexyLacy 8537]

congratulations ... you are human lol

no seriously, what you are feeling is completely normal. It is natural to grow feelings for anyone you have slept with..

You are obviously seeing good girls but you must always remind yourself that we are providing you with a fantasy, it is not real life. Your real life belongs with your wife and your family.. just enjoy the times you spend with the ladies you choose but don't forget about your reality

 

have fun

xoxo

[Guest *l**e]

agreed....Not only have several of my clients become attached to me in various ways, I have definitely felt a connection to a client on more than one occasion.

I think this is just natural based on the intimacy shared during a session.

[dread pirate roberts 4036]

You know your own answer: you just have to reverse the order you've said things. It shouldn't be:

 

"Because my rational side is telling me that from the MAs perspective it is a business transaction after all. But I just can't help but feel a genuine connection with some of these amazing girls I've met."

 

Rather, think to yourself:

 

"Because I just can't help but feel a genuine connection with some of these amazing girls I've met. But my rational side is telling me that from the MAs perspective it is a business transaction after all."

 

There are several very pleasant and exciting women on this board (at least one of whom is reading this thread!) with whom I would happily chat regularly because I've enjoyed my time with them, and I don't take them to have been merely pretending in seeming to enjoy my time. But that has occurred in the context of a professional relationship.

 

I see a physiotherapist frequently who is a very affable young woman, but I wouldn't expect her to carry on even casual non-romantic conversation with me on an ongoing basis by text or email. I think she likes me well enough, but as a *client*, not as a member of her social group. It is the same thing with anyone on this board, though they might provide companionship rather than physiotherapy.

 

Personally I would feel like I was simply exploiting an MA's expectations if I carried on regular private social conversation but did not have relatively short-term plans to engage her professionally. I don't mean I wouldn't banter here on the Board or wish someone a happy new year privately, but trying to establish a social relationship is, I think, either misunderstanding the situation yourself (by thinking that's what they want) or misleading the other person (by creating the impression you are planning to seek professional services).

 

(now to hit post and see whether I've inadvertently included banned words!)

[oldblueeyez 15475]

1. You are not "happily married".

 

2. When your hour is up, your hour is up.

[Ice4fun 78407]

1. You are not "happily married".

 

 

How do you know if someone else is happily married?

 

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[oldblueeyez 15475]

Oh give it up, you are not happily married if you are hobbying.

[Guest A**aTo**h]

I've been visiting regularly with the same escort for almost two years now. Is there a connection? I'd like to think yes, just because of the number of times we have repeated, so there is a history.

 

There is that very happy nice-to-see-you-again smile that we exchange when we meet, her hug and the way she grasps arm; I know she is happy to see me too. There is the catching up on the month that past by since the last meeting, there are the books and movies that we recommend to each other and discuss at the next meeting.

 

It is convenient, warm and fun. I enjoy her company, and I am pretty sure that after 2 years she enjoys mine. It is not love, it a business relationship, but one that has some feelings attached, feelings of friendship and caring.

 

I'm a lucky guy :)

[Ice4fun 78407]

Oh give it up, you are not happily married if you are hobbying.

 

You can certainly speak for yourself but not for me... I have been happily married for over 30 years and hobbying for more than 20. Perhaps your just applying your personal moral standards on others.

 

Just my Opinion

 

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[oldblueeyez 15475]

Fortunately, I have no morals.

 

[Guest A**aTo**h]

You can certainly speak for yourself but not for me... I have been happily married for over 30 years and hobbying for more than 20. Perhaps your just applying your personal moral standards on others.

 

Just my Opinion

 

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Agreed

 

I am single and enjoy my time in the hobby. Whether I was married or not, I could never relay judgement or comment on another's hobbying interests/reasons when I don't know all the facts.

 

Forgo the judgement and let them play!

[oldblueeyez 15475]

"Genuine Connection" WTF?!!?

 

Nut up or shut up.

 

I carry a baseball bat in my truck, just in case of zombies. I also have a baseball and glove just to make the bat "legal". The bat is less of a weapon legally if you can prove it was for its original use.

[Ice4fun 78407]

Fortunately, I have no morals.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Genuine Connection" WTF?!!?

 

Nut up or shut up.

 

I carry a baseball bat in my truck, just in case of zombies. I also have a baseball and glove just to make the bat "legal". The bat is less of a weapon legally if you can prove it was for its original use.

 

Your links don't work.

 

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[oldblueeyez 15475]

I'm a bastard it's true.

 

[Guest D***el B***e]

So I think the OP is falling in love with a lady and doesn't want to admit it to himself ... wrong thing to do.

You can have a great relationship with a girl and still keep it business, I do.

You can provide comfort, relative safety, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can laugh, share personal stories, share some of life's emotions, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can offer advice, you can listen, you can offer treats and gifts, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can have a great connection, you can look at her and speak with your eyes only, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

Remember, it's business relationship, she's there for your fantasy.

[Aellyn Rose 350]

Jobin,

I think that makes you human... It is natural to develop a certain affection to romantic partners.

It is a tricky business for both parties. You would think money is there to prevent feelings from developing, but there is a thin line between treating those relationships as affairs - involving feelings, expectations of one another... or as business transactions. And it differs with each partner, based on chemistry.

As harsh as that may sound, given the fact that you are married maybe you should stay clear of the girls you "like" ;)

Good luck out there

Aellyn

[jobin 190]

So I think the OP is falling in love with a lady and doesn't want to admit it to himself ...

 

Haha. Thanks for the warning but if that's the case then I'm in big trouble cuz I'm falling in love with lots of people including most MAs that I've seen and this after very few visits. Actually come to think of it some people never experience love at all so I must be the luckiest guy in the world! :)

 

In all seriousness I am really not talking about the four letter L word but rather just a friendly connection. A genuine interest in the other person but that's all.

 

And thanks to the poster that noted that it's ridiculous to assume all "attached" hobbyists are unhappy in their relationships.

[Phaedrus 209521]

Oh give it up, you are not happily married if you are hobbying.

 

Your mileage may vary, as they say.

 

To return to the original point of this thread... quite apart from the money issue, remember that when you pay to see Alotta Fagina, what you're getting is... what you want (or at least, what she thinks you want). It's not that what you see is fake or unreal, necessarily, but... Alotta won't spend the first half-hour with you unloading about the horrible morning she had, even if she did. She won't say she's tired and she'd rather not, even if that's the case. She won't bring you her problems, because that's not what you're there for. So, when you're thinking about what you feel about her, remember that behind the Alotta Fagina you think of so fondly, there's another person who you've never met.

 

Of course, that doesn't mean you can't maintain cordial relations outside scheduled appointments... but it's better not to trespass upon her time more than she's happy with (and how much that is may vary enormously) and it's unwise to assume that it'll lead to anything more, even if that may happen very occasionally.

[cinelli 22184]

Although the business relationship may begin with sex it need not end there.

 

My best friends are a couple of retired ladies. They are really good friends, not just acquaintances, people you can count on through good and bad.

 

Being single changes everything. Nobody asking who was that lady you said hi to at the mall.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Thank you for sharing. So you have substance and feelings and concern, nothing at all wrong with that. This isn't a sign that you aren't meant to hobby. Every woman you meet will cause different feelings and create different outcomes, they'll all be original and what comes of them or how they continue is a private matter between the two of you. There are rules we all follow as far as discretion, but just as we all look and act differently we all have different boundaries and rules.

You sound like a lovely gentleman, it would be a shame for you to stop hobbying or caring for a friend you meet. Enjoy and bask in the fact that you have feelings and aren't afraid to demonstrate them, just when doing so respect the boundaries of the one you are sharing with.

 

Additional Comments:

1. You are not "happily married".

 

2. When your hour is up, your hour is up.

 

I used to think that too, when a married man I'd meet would confess his love for his wife. but I have wavered. Who am I to say. I'm am not in their head or heart so I think it best to allow the one speaking to sort out their true feelings without judgement. I appreciate and like your frankness and straightforwardness, lol, though:)

[mrgreen760 37785]

Feeling a genuine connection? Sure, though it's about an hour at a time.

 

Peace

MG

[nntsci 11076]

Oh give it up, you are not happily married if you are hobbying.

I disagree... one can be happily married and still go hobbying... I love my wife, I see service providers because the sexual needs of my wife and I do not mesh, but otherwise I am quite happy with her... we get along as good friends... no plans on leaving her what so ever...

[Andee 220524]

So when I see an MA, I'm the type to want to know more about that person... Who she is, how she got here, where she's going, etc. And I'm also the type to want to maintain that connection (with some more than others of course).

 

I just don't need the "whole experience" that often) that would mean maintaining it outside the usual MA setting (ex: via email). That said I understand that this is completely unreasonable to expect.

 

So is this hobby just not for me? Because my rational side is telling me that from the MAs perspective it is a business transaction after all. But I just can't help but feel a genuine connection with some of these amazing girls I've met.

 

You may want to know more about the lady you are seeing, but right there, that is an unrealistic expectation. I don't know many ladies who are open or comfortable sharing personal details like that. At least not when they first meet someone (or ever). In fact, from my experience that is a sure way to ruin the mood. I have great connections with many of my clients who are not privy to my personal business, nor me theirs.

 

There are some gents I have gotten to know over the years who have become more privy to certain things, but they do not text or email me out of the blue just to chit chat. An occasional hello is great, but incessant texting or emailing is not only time consuming but inappropriate I believe.

 

If you don't hobby often but would like to stay in touch via email on a regular basis, perhaps negotiate a set number of emails per week or month and expected turn-around time, where you compensate her for her time to doing this.

 

If you're feeling of a genuine connection is you wanting to be "friends" with her by sharing personal stuff, then you are being totally unrealistic in my opinion.

 

Just remember yes, it's a business transaction, but that doesn't mean we she isn't being genuine when you are together.

[NotchJohnson 214123]

So I think the OP is falling in love with a lady and doesn't want to admit it to himself ... wrong thing to do.

You can have a great relationship with a girl and still keep it business, I do.

You can provide comfort, relative safety, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen to, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can laugh, share personal stories, share some of life's emotions, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can offer advice, you can listen, you can offer treats and gifts, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

You can have a great connection, you can look at her and speak with your eyes only, but you need to keep it a business relationship, I do.

Remember, it's business relationship, she's there for your fantasy.

 

I'm a boss where I work and all my employees come and sit and talk with me in my office from time to time and confess, ask for advice, share stories, tell me there problems and even ask for a $20-$50 to help finish the week.

Do they love me? I hope they do as a boss, do they want to leave there spouse for me? I sure hope not. Do they respect me? They better.

 

Every thing that happens in my office with my employees stays there, I do not repeat anything with anyone. Yes I laugh with them and I also cry with them too, I have feelings and they are close to me.

 

All this to say that I agree with Daniel on the circumstance that you keep it a business. It's life.

[Guest D***el B***e]

Just want to bump up this thread.

 

I'm sure there's a lot more to be said about the feeling of a deep and genuine connection with your favorite girl. I, for one, see numerous ladies over time, I love them all for they own individuality, their own specialty, their own ways of connecting, their own chemistry with mine, but I somehow gravitate toward a favorite ... why is that? Are you like that too? Do YOU gravitate too?