Dealing with the feeling of a genuine connection

[oldblueeyez 15475]

So when I see an MA, I'm the type to want to know more about that person... Who she is, how she got here, where she's going, etc. And I'm also the type to want to maintain that connection (with some more than others of course). I'm really not looking for anything romantic to develop. In fact I'm happily married. But for some reason I can't help but care for the MA and want to maintain a friendly relationship with her.

 

Oh gawd, I'm sorry I sounded harsh in previous posts, but really,

"Who she is, how she got here, where she's going"?

None of your God-damn business!

 

So how about you? Are you willing to tell her,

"Who you are, how you got here, where you're going?"

Thought so.

[WealthyCowboy 5281]

Jobin and DB:

 

I have been navigating these waters for about a year now and have to admit that I do gravitate to one woman in particular, although time and money in my case permit an endless supply of beautiful women if I so choose. Yet I still gravitate to this one...

 

It can be scary to admit you genuinely feel a strong connection with someone. And you know you're in deep when you think of her every day and you think of her when you're with another MA. It almost feels like you are being unfaithful to her.

 

Now I know some of you will want to slap me. Boundaries are being crossed. Playing with fire. All true, I suppose.

 

But I resonate with the OP. I guess it's because I see these women as just that, women. If I like them, I like them and their present occupation is of no consideration for me. I make no distinction. So if I meet a woman I really like I would consider a deeper relationship if she feels it too. If she does not, I will keep it professional. I believe you know if it is more than just mutual infatuation. You just know. I expect the connection I speak of may be rare, but there are cases where a client and a lady have an actual romantic relationship.

 

I expect this is way beyond what the OP is seeking: he probably just wants to get to know them better and I expect it may be as a result of years of healthy relationships with women where sharing things becomes normal. It can be difficult to turn that off and to become a fox in the henhouse. I believe the true you will emerge in the end. Some sensitive romantic guys may get attached, most guys will not, and the dirty ones will be just that... dirty. :icon_wink:

[Henchman 562]

I have been hobbying off and on for a few years, and have met some fantastic ladies. I also tend to gravitate to "the one" like many others...(in my case it is more like "the three". I primarily see these same three ladies for multiple reasons. I believe that I have developed a cordial business relationship with these ladies that is very unique to this business, but its a business relationship nonetheless, and while I may not see them for some time due to scheduling conflicts, once in a while I will send them a quick message to ay I hope they are well...I genuinely do hope they are well. I also see these same ladies because I know what to expect. I have really enjoyed the time I have spent with these girls, much more than anyone else I have ever seen, and I honestly feel like they enjoyed the time we spent together also. I have spent time with other ladies and they are all special in their own way, I must confess I have my favorite, I'm sure that is a very common occurrence.

 

As for relationships outside of the business...it would be as awkward for me as it would be for her I am sure. One of the wonderful benefits of this hobby is the discretion. We both get to have a great time, and then get to go back to the real world...NSA Personally I have some ground rules that I follow in the hobby, they work for me, take them for what you will...

 

I travel for work...a lot...so I never see anyone in my home city. I realize that is an easy compromise for me as travelling is about 75% of my job. Not seeing anyone in my home city ensures that there is almost no chance of our social circles overlapping.

 

I generally communicate a maximum of 48 hours before a visit, sometimes frequently (depending on the boundaries of the lady) in the days leading up to an appointment, some friendly banter, flirting, etc. adds to the excitement, but I never worry if the ladies I see don't get back to me (they have other clients who enjoy them as much as I do I am certain), and I don't reach out again until they respond...must respect the ladies time, what if (heaven forbid) I overdo it and she doesn't want to see me again...can't have that!

 

I ALWAYS text or email the following day to say thank you, and let her know I had a wonderful time...end of communication.

 

Long winded I know, but its always worked for me. Jobin, I know what you are feeling, I have felt it to, my feelings on it are this...changing the relationship in any way, including the changes you are talking about would result in just that, a change to the relationship...and I would want to change these relationships, they are each perfect in their own way!

[oldblueeyez 15475]

I kind of get the feeling that you're looking for more than a lady here can provide. This is a physical hobby, sometimes chemical, but emotional? That's looking for trouble if you ask me.

[Guest N***he**Ont**y]

Sometimes the lines blur and the lines are crossed between provider and client where a friendship develops. It does happen between people. There will always be some parts of the individuals lives that will remain private that is not shared but that doesn't mean that the caring or friendship will disappear.

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

Sometimes the lines blur and the lines are crossed between provider and client where a friendship develops. It does happen between people. There will always be some parts of the individuals lives that will remain private that is not shared but that doesn't mean that the caring or friendship will disappear.

 

 

While I agree it can happen, I also think that it still cannot be taken out of context. The friendship was built on a business arrangement - first and foremost. It would not be there without that business arrangement. When things get to a place that certain expectations are placed upon either side, then I think you have to renegotiate those boundaries. You can be an ESCORT and a client who have developed a friendship within your business arrangement. But expectations outside of that reality is when things get messy, and people have to decide if they are going to reel it in and renegotiate business terms, or end things completely.

 

It's complicated - but blurring things too much, getting TOO comfortable, is also a very bad thing.

 

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

[EmilyRushton 253372]

While I agree it can happen, I also think that it still cannot be taken out of context. The friendship was built on a business arrangement - first and foremost. It would not be there without that business arrangement.

It's complicated - but blurring things too much, getting TOO comfortable, is also a very bad thing.

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

I have to disagree here, just because you met someone in a paid arrangement does not mean a real friendship cannot develop. The business arrangement is for business and if a friendship does develop out of the business relationship, it then changes the rules. While boundaries are to be respected, the friendship started as a business decision but developed into much more. I personally have found as long as both parties are clear and upfront, there is nothing wrong. I am one who would take the value of a friendship over the business relationship, however thats just me and being happy is more important than any dollar value. In fact there are past clients who I no longer see as such because I enjoy their friendship and I for one would rather have them in my life as a friend.

 

In order to have a friendship both parties need to be on the same page. Things only get blurred when communication is not clear or one party takes advantage of the other.

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

I don't disagree with you Emily - none of these views can be construed as RIGHT or WRONG. Everyone is different. And every situation is as unique as the two parties involved. It really depends on the people, on the situation, etc.

 

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

[CristyCurves 169032]

I don't disagree with you Emily - none of these views can be construed as RIGHT or WRONG. Everyone is different. And every situation is as unique as the two parties involved. It really depends on the people, on the situation, etc.

 

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

 

Exactly! I'll also add in situations like the op is facing even getting advice may confuse his emotions, needs or cause him to questions himself more.

Human interactions are complicated even when we destruct them down to $$'s and cents.

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

Exactly! I'll also add in situations like the op is facing even getting advice may confuse his emotions, needs or cause him to questions himself more.

Human interactions are complicated even when we destruct them down to $$'s and cents.

 

 

Bingo Cristy!!! Human interactions, emotions, feelings, perspectives, etc ARE complicated. We all have individual circumstances with individual people and hopefully all do our best to find our way.

 

with regards to the OP, communicate and be honest. And if the lady you see isn't comfortable with what you've had to say, she will let you know :) good luck!!!

 

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

[roamingguy 300292]

When I began this lifestyle I certainly didn't expect that a true friendship could happen with a companion. It was after all at it's core a business relationship right.

Well I have met a few ladies that I have connected with, and one very special lady, who has become a valued friend. Yes, at it's core, there is a business relationship. But friendship and business relationship, why are they mutually exclusive. Two other friends in my life, I met through work. Does that mean they aren't real friends...because we met through work? BTW we're all retired and stay in touch, at least once a week

This lady is in fact one of four close (close defined as trusted without reservation) friends in my life.

Friendships can develop in this lifestyle. Both the companion and client need to have their heads on straight emotionally. There has to be mutual respect and the relationship, both friendship and business wise must be mutually beneficial. Friendship is it's own reward, and boundaries still respected. The gentleman shouldn't expect "extras", and the lady shouldn't try to manipulate the man to get more money. I guess when I see this lady, I view it as a date with a friend, a friend who just happens to be a professional companion.

Anyhow, a rambling. Hope it makes sense

 

RG

[mrgreen760 37785]

I have a few game acquaintances that for a variety of reasons I most likely will never meet and we kibitz a bit through email and twitter. There a couple of companions that I have seen and communicate with but most likely will not see again professionally or socially for that matter but we do banter, communicate and have a similar world view.

 

I'm open and genuinely interested in people and have learned lots of personal stuff but by no means do I consider these to be friendships. After all it's a business relationship and when the business ends I have no expectation of anything else.

 

Peace

MG

[roamingguy 300292]

I would add just one thing. Don't go seeing a companion with the expectation that it will turn into a friendship. Just go into an encounter with the expectation that you are paying for companionship for a set period of time (ie an hour or two)

If a friendship develops that is mutually beneficial and has mutual respect that is a bonus

 

RG

[jobin 190]

Nice to hear everyone's thoughts!

 

RG - I am not actively looking to develop a friendship going into an encounter, but seems like I always pick awesome girls as most of the time we seem to connect really well. Then what's difficult is to determine if this is a manufactured feeling or if it's genuine (from both parties). The way I've been approaching it is by initiating contact (if possible) with the lady post session (to thank her) and seeing if there's any interest on her part to maintain a chat of sort. If the responses stop or are very short then I definitely don't pursue it any further. Hope that's appropriate...

[Miss S. Lane 67128]

Communication communication communication. If in doubt, ask. If you aren't sure if she's open to the occasional email then just ask her :) and don't "assume" anything!

 

 

Xoxo, Miss Lane

[bucky501 923]

This is a tough one. There could have been many different MA/SP ladies and then one day you may see someone new and `whack`!!! Right out of the blue. when you are least expecting, certainly NOT looking (like this is the last place one should look for anything but what it is) ---- and SHE appears. You "OMG" and she does the same----immediate attraction/connection. You both go WTF??? It has happened. Things happen that aren`t supposed to happen. Both of you try to keep in professional--but to no avail. You text more/talk more/ see one another a lot more.It becomes intimate in very real terms. talking, feeling, sharing ----- it goes beyond `business`. this is like a `twilight, danger zone`. You ask: Could this work? No way you say. But IT is still there. And you fall in love--OMG. But she continues to be in the business. Now this is stupid--how did i let this happen? And she loves you!!! Crazy!! Now--what does one do with that? it can`t work--can it?

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Anything can work provided the two people involved are communicating openly and honestly and both are aware of and accepting of the terms and conditions of the relationship.

 

In some ways, this has more chance of working because of the communication involved. So many people enter into relationships with a tonne of assumptions whether personal, professional etc. But everyone has a different set of values and beliefs and experiences. In "normal" relationships most people don't say "Ok, I will monogamous only to you but reserve the right to flirt on occasion and don't view kissing as a sexual act". While the other person may be thinking "I will be monogamous with the exception of an occasional threesome and the opportunity to explore my bi side and view kissing as very intimate". They just begin and then react when things happen.

 

We all have things we can accept or deal with, things we won't and then those up for discussion. If everything falls right within ANY relationship and the people involved want to make it work, it can and does.

 

Mind you this also implies that the people involved take the risk of communicating their feelings in the first place.

[Jolie 3396]

I may be an escort but first and foremost I am a woman. Yes this is business BUT it is one of the most intimate businesses out there. It seems sometimes that a gent I may meet thinks I am some sort of machine or borg with no life beyond that ,with no emotions. But tell me this would you want to meet with someone cold and detached or is that small intimate connection even for that moment in time the reason you hobby. You can love your significant other like they are your last breath but lack that bedroom spark. People don't marry based on how the bedroom goes they marry their personality their habits and dreams. We are woman if you treat us right we bloom and warm and that moment spark can be explosive and you leave with a smile. We are in a business and that should never be ignored,like you get up and go to work every day we get up puy on our mask(make up) and clock in. To each their own as one lady already said,ask her but always keep in mind even if you do connect outside that at the end of the day you go to bed with your wife and we take off our masks and go shopping or pay a bill. Ok enough from this peanut gallery good luck and happy moments for all.

[Guest Pa***e-******tty]

A bit of context: I'm a relatively young guy (the MAs I visit are only about 5 years younger). I'm the type that has only ever been in long-term relationships and has never really had just a "fling". So when I see an MA, I'm the type to want to know more about that person... Who she is, how she got here, where she's going, etc. And I'm also the type to want to maintain that connection (with some more than others of course). I'm really not looking for anything romantic to develop. In fact I'm happily married. But for some reason I can't help but care for the MA and want to maintain a friendly relationship with her. And seeing as how I'm not a frequent hobbyist (it's not really a money issue but I just don't need the "whole experience" that often) that would mean maintaining it outside the usual MA setting (ex: via email). That said I understand that this is completely unreasonable to expect.

 

So is this hobby just not for me? Because my rational side is telling me that from the MAs perspective it is a business transaction after all. But I just can't help but feel a genuine connection with some of these amazing girls I've met.

 

Anyone else feel similarly at some point? Any perspective/advice?

We are human. Connections are natural...and don't worry. Unless you're extremely wealthy, you'll only be able to enjoy your new crush a few times a year at best!

[Tempted Monk 5057]

This thread is another confirmation that the beauty of human being is a variety - we are all different. Some of us just sort of allergic to real world and practically live here, the others need to be loved and cherished (even if it is just for an hour), and some want to be with the woman of his dream (even if it is a couple times a year). And Ladies involved in this business are not less different.

When two diverse person meet together and share some act of intimacy, the myriad of different outcomes is possible including good memories, friendship, and yes emotional involvement as well.

It is all very personal. Who can give the rule which outcome should be avoided, what is right and what is wrong? Personally, I think that even illusion of fillings is better than nothing. And can we really define which fillings are real and which are just illusion...

[ggarret372 160]

I think that it'scompletely nnatural to develop a connection with an MA if you see her regularly enough. If youlike her enough to bbecome a regular then it's not all that out of the ordinary to feel some kind of connection. I don't take these relationships outside the rooms though, i don't think that's fair to the lady personally

[johnybird 4391]

In fact there are past clients who I no longer see as such because I enjoy their friendship and I for one would rather have them in my life as a friend..

 

That is so true for me as well

 

There are a couple of women that I have seen, that after getting to know them, I've thought to myself that it was too bad that we didn't meet in different circumstances because I think we would have been really good friends. And I would rather give up the business side of it just to have them as friend, a plutonic one.

 

Not to say that I have no connection with the other women I see, it's just more of a friends with benefits feeling with them, which is great as well

 

:)