Points to Ponder

[Old Dog 179138]

I have seen a few of these lists floating around... but this one is quite new and clever... heard a good one??? add it to the list!

 

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

 

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

 

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

 

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

 

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

 

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

 

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

 

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

 

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

 

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

 

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

 

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

 

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.

 

14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this - ever.

 

15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Damn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail. What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?

 

16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

 

18. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

 

19. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

 

21. Sometimes, I'll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

 

22. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.

 

23. The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

 

24. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

 

25. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

 

26. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent an A-hole from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

 

27. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

 

28. Is it just me or do high school kids get dumber & dumber every year?

 

29. There's no worse feeling than that millisecond you're sure you are going to die after leaning your chair back a little too far.

 

30. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.

 

31. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

 

32. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about .6 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

[Antoine 502]

Awesome old dog. I'm particularly fond of #2 :cooter:

[bucken 1479]

LMAO - I absolutely love it. Now need to think of some additions, if I can....

[Guest s******ecan****]

Great list Old Dog, my fav's were 12 and 26.

 

My addition

 

33. No one on their deathbed ever says "Gee I wish I'd spent more time at the office".

[Old Dog 179138]

34. Why are the sink counters in public restrooms at crotch height?

 

35. If I am a regular at strip clubs and love to see the dancers, can I pad my obituary with "patron of the arts?"

 

36. I went to the public library and picked up a book. Suddenly I had a horrible vision of a big hairy guy reading in his bathroom. I think that's why bookstores are so popular.

 

37. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to see it, does it get up quickly and tell all the other trees that it was all part of the act?

 

38. I just watched the Stars Wars series. I am baffled by the fact that the Empire equipped their forces with all the coolest uniforms, the greatest ships, the best weapons and not a single one of them ever learned to fire a weapon with any accuracy.

 

39. Do atheists get disgusted when they hear their partners say, "Oh God" during an orgasm?

 

40. Who do hermits think of when they masturbate?

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

My God Old Dog....you obviously have too much time on your hands!!!

Absolutely love your sense of humour!

[Old Dog 179138]

My God Old Dog....you obviously have too much time on your hands!!!

Absolutely love your sense of humour!

 

 

You know Meg if number 39 applied I wouldn't know whether to be digusted or honoured??? heheheh

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

Knew you would jump on that!

[Kate von Katz 49953]

Oh this had me laughing out loud!

[Old Dog 179138]

41. GPS would be more fun if the messages were more erratic and then the directions more frantic.

 

42. Do you ever wonder if Bruce Springsteen would have been as popular if his name was Irwin Springsteen?

 

43. The only thing better than saying the word "nipples" are nipples themselves.

 

44. I never understood why the term "MotherF&*ker" was bad. Isn't that just another word for "dad"?

[A***** A***** 510]

 

44. I never understood why the term "MotherF&*ker" was bad. Isn't that just another word for "dad"?

 

I say that all the time here, and it sure doesn't mean dad to me :pimp:

[Old Dog 179138]

45. Funerals - there are flowers and a stone. Fiancee - there are flowers and a stone. Coincidence???

 

46. How big would the can have to be if a Chinese kid wanted his mom to buy alphabet soup?

 

47. Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because it's much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs?

[777flyer 1612]

Dog

 

My hat's off to you .... bravo !

[daddio 2704]

An old one I know but ... for all those with SOs -

 

If a man is alone in the forest and makes a decision does his wife still think he's wrong?

[A***** A***** 510]

An old one I know but ... for all those with SOs -

 

If a man is alone in the forest and makes a decision does his wife still think he's wrong?

 

Women are ALWAYS right :lol: Just buggin8)

[Old Dog 179138]

48. My boss said that the "early bird gets the worm." My dog had worms and he spent days rubbing his butt on the carpet. What kind of inspiration is that?

 

49. Trust me, judges rarely buy the defence of "the proof is in the pudding."

 

50. It's important to read the fine print. I went to a shoe store the other day for their 50% off sale. Now I need to find a guy missing his right leg, who wears a size 10 on his left.

 

51. The hell with throwing stones, people who live in glass houses should exercise more often.

 

52. For years I thought that Gandhi had a pony pal, Pokey.

[NotchJohnson 214132]

53. I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

 

54. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

 

55. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

 

56. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

 

57. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

 

58. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

 

59. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

 

60. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

 

61. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

[Old Dog 179138]

53. I don't understand the purpose of the line' date=' "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?[/color']

 

54. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

 

55. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

 

56. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

 

57. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

 

58. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

 

59. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

 

60. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

 

61. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

 

 

Well done T'Storm!!!! Kudos!!!!!

[bucken 1479]

53. I don't understand the purpose of the line' date=' "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?[/color']

 

54. Sometimes I pretend not to remember details about people because having a good memory apparently equates to creepiness.

 

55. My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time." I see "Time to Beat."

 

56. Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

 

57. My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like my toaster.

 

58. What would happen if I hired two private investigators to follow each other?

 

59. I wish it were appropriate to say to a complete stranger, "Excuse me, would you like me to show you how to discipline your child?"

 

60. I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

 

61. Double-Stuffed Oreos should just be called Oreos, and regular Oreos should be called Diet Oreos.

 

Hilarious. ROTFLMAO...... Especially the GPS - I think most Guys see it this way.

[Old Dog 179138]

62. My ex wife told me that she was going to get collagen injections in her lips. I told her that she might have trouble putting on her jeans after the procedure. She didn't get it.