"using" SPs

[daddio 2704]

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I have to tell you that I do cringe when I see posts asking if members if someone has "used" a particular SP..

 

"Using" an SP seems to me to be contrary to the principles of CERB and it tends to objectify the ladies, a principle that all the members otherwise (pre)tend to disavow.

 

Personally, I don't believe in "using' anyone.

 

I would be interested in what the SPs in particular say about this.

 

If some gents want to save face, now's the time.

[Ava Foxx 1747]

Maybe I'm overly sensitive, but I have to tell you that I do cringe when I see posts asking if members if someone has "used" a particular SP..

 

"Using" an SP seems to me to be contrary to the principles of CERB and it tends to objectify the ladies, a principle that all the members otherwise (pre)tend to disavow.

 

Personally, I don't believe in "using' anyone.

 

I would be interested in what the SPs in particular say about this.

 

If some gents want to save face, now's the time.

 

I saw the word "used" used in a number of posts in a recent thread and I, like you, cringed when I saw it.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

I think I know which thread you are talking about and yes, at first I got upset but then as I kept reading I found the member that replied referring to the SP in question with the word 'used' thought it was an agency or that's the impression I got, I guess if he reads this he'll clarify that for us.

[Emma Alexandra 123368]

I'm not sure which thread your talking about but fact is it doesn't matter...the word is used too much..we are people too..even if it' s about an agency...i still HATE the word SP too...i think we should change it...in the US they say "providers" even that is a little better but still not cool with me..there are certainly different styles of escorts but to me sp sounds like someone working the street...you know ones that provide this for that...not offending anyone here that's for sure but i just don't like being labeled an sp and pair that with used and i'm out the door...

[daddio 2704]

think I know which thread you are talking about and yes, at first I got upset but then as I kept reading I found the member that replied referring to the SP in question with the word 'used' thought it was an agency or that's the impression I got, I guess if he reads this he'll clarify that for us.

__________________

 

For me, I don't think it matters if the lady is independent or works for an agency, it's the attitude of the hobbiest.

 

I may not be the most popular guy to bring this to everyone's attention, but so it goes.

[Isabella Gia (Banned) 53881]

No, please don't get me wrong. I didn't mean a lady that works for an agency, I meant the impression I got is of him talking about the agency itself not a lady in particular. I would never be 'ok' with that term being used for any person no matter what kind of service is provided. This is the first time I hear that word to refer to an SP , it is sad what Emma says that is used often.

 

think I know which thread you are talking about and yes, at first I got upset but then as I kept reading I found the member that replied referring to the SP in question with the word 'used' thought it was an agency or that's the impression I got, I guess if he reads this he'll clarify that for us.

__________________

 

For me, I don't think it matters if the lady is independent or works for an agency, it's the attitude of the hobbiest.

 

I may not be the most popular guy to bring this to everyone's attention, but so it goes.

[daddio 2704]

I'm not sure which thread your talking about but fact is it doesn't matter...the word is used too much..we are people too..even if it' s about an agency...i still HATE the word SP too...i think we should change it...in the US they say "providers" even that is a little better but still not cool with me..there are certainly different styles of escorts but to me sp sounds like someone working the street...you know ones that provide this for that...not offending anyone here that's for sure but i just don't like being labeled an sp and pair that with used and i'm out the door...

 

Seeing as how I started this thread I feel obliged to continue.

 

Frankly, I don't know what the preferred designation of the ladies on cerb should be - LOCs????

 

I am more concerned with the the level of respect shown to the LOCs.

 

Interestingly, or not, no responses from the gents so far.

________

[antlerman 17064]

I do not use....I see.....and participate in adventures

I do not see Sp's..I see a Lady or Ladies.......

I am a Canadian and I like to think a gentleman.......

[Royalfun 55449]

Since I became a "cerbian" not so long ago, I was wondering about the vocabulary used: SP, MP, Escort, Courtisan, hobbiest or hobbyist... and had to consult quite often the FAQ here on the site for the definition of the abbreviations.

 

And then, to be fully part of this community, I began to use that vocabulary, first to be understood, and then not to offend anybody.

 

I am not so at ease using the abbreviation of SP, and also, when the conversation is about "using a SP", it is a turn off for me.

 

My understanding of the issue here is that CERB is a place to advertise services from providers, AND a community of people that share not only a mutual interest, but also a kind of philosophy of life.

 

When the business side takes over, the unconscious reflex of the consumer is to ask others : "have you used this, and that?" If someone forgets that this business is about real people sharing an intimate part of themself, I think, IMHO, that we loose something fundamental.

 

I like the ladies here at CERB and I am an admirer of their professionalism, and I am interested not only in what they do, but also on what they think, and I feel more a person myself with all the sharing that happens here.

 

I dont have many suggestions about the vocabulary or acronyms, but more on the way we express ourselves, so that we consider each other as persons able of relationship.... and, for sure, fun.:motion:

[Guest W***ledi*Time]

.... Interestingly, or not, no responses from the gents so far ...

 

The post in question was made 41 days ago, so the particular gent is not realistically all that likely to twig to this now.

 

I confess that I scrambled around looking at my own recent posts first, in case I happened to be the one who goofed. Near as I can tell, I'm in the clear on this (although I stand to be corrected).

 

"Use" is such a common, everyday, multi-purpose word that it can easily sneak in where it's not welcomed:

"I like the way your lawn is being mowed this year ... who are you using to do it?"

"I need to get my stove fixed ... who do you recommend I should use?"

Or the dreaded:

"I need some help preparing dinner ... can I use you?"

"Make yourself useful and grab that sack of cement!"

Etc.

 

Terminology is particularly sensitive in our context, of course. There will never be any one word that satisfies everyone -- yet, words are, nevertheless, required for communication. One person's innocent word may be another person's hurtful word, and vice versa. Judging the context and intent can be tricky, especially in written form. So the by-word is to always tread carefully.

 

To the best of my self-knowledge, I respect other folks, but that certainly doesn't mean that I haven't caught myself on any number of occasions having to re-jig my initial (natural to me) wording before hitting the "submit" button -- replacing it with more correct wording for public consumption. (ha ha ... doesn't always work, even so ... but that's par-for-the-course any time humans get together.)

 

Thanks for the reminder about terminology, D. It is definitely news we can use!

[Andee 220524]

I personally do not think most people who choose the word "use" are doing so in a malicious way.

 

I suppose they could say, "saw", "enjoyed time with" etc.

 

I hate the word "service provider". I find it "contrived". I know people who work in "IT" who are called service providers. It's way overused.

 

I don't mind the word "hooker" or "call girl". Some ladies think it's abhorrent. I must admit I don't like the "w" word. I suppose escort or courtesan are okay, but again..I think we all know what we're talking about here.

[masterowls 249]

Myself, if I were curious as to whether somebody had experienced a certain lady which I believe was the intent of the original question. I would have probably asked, "have you been on a date with...?" As to Ava's assertion that the term service provider is mildly offensive, I can see her point. I think it could be changed to professional companion. This is more accurate, and also I believe a much more pleasant term. These are however only my opinions.

[Meg O'Ryan 266444]

I think it could be changed to professional companion. This is more accurate, and also I believe a much more pleasant term.

 

I like that!

[bucken 1479]

I do not use....I see.....and participate in adventures

I do not see Sp's..I see a Lady or Ladies.......

I am a Canadian and I like to think a gentleman.......

 

I have to agree with you Antlerman. I too cringe at the word 'use'. To me it is very disrespectful and the lovely ladies of CERB deserve much better.

[masterowls 249]

I like that!

Meg,

I happen to believe that when a person hires a "escort or service provider"we are actually purchasing companionship for a period of time (whether or not anything else happens or not). Therefore the term, "professional companion" actually is a more accurate description of your profession. I'm glad you agree. :-)

[fortunateone 156618]

Meg,

I happen to believe that when a person hires a "escort or service provider"we are actually purchasing companionship for a period of time (whether or not anything else happens or not). Therefore the term, "professional companion" actually is a more accurate description of your profession. I'm glad you agree. :-)

 

It also becomes PC, lol.

 

Commonly used terms are ok by me, and in fact seeing the term sp is preferable to other words, for me. As service provider, that can mean just about any level; although for out here, for those who work on the street, SW is always used to separate indoor and outdoor.

 

One term that confuses me is MP, as out here it is only used to refer to massage parlour, not massage provider and I think it is used to refer to someone who does not do fs out East? So sp does not necessarily mean only fs providers, but literally anyone providing any sort of sexy service.

[VedaSloan 119179]

I'm totally fine with "service provider." As I see it, I'm providing a service. End of story. Though maybe some of you might prefer "experience provider."

 

Then again, I'm also fond of referring to myself as a whore, but I do not mean it derogatorily. I know many are uncomfortable with that word because of its history as a slur. I'm reclaiming it for whores everywhere (just like 'queer'). However, I will not condone it from anyone who isn't in the sex industry.

[masterowls 249]

I have to agree with you Antlerman. I too cringe at the word 'use'. To me it is very disrespectful and the lovely ladies of CERB deserve much better.

I am also in agreement. I consider a number of these ladies friends, even though I haven't, and realistically probably never will meet most of them. The idea of somebody "using" one of them, actually made me mildly angry. I prefer to say, "went on a date with", or "had fun with "

[Guest C****** K***e]

I'm totally fine with "service provider." As I see it, I'm providing a service. End of story. Though maybe some of you might prefer "experience provider."

 

Then again, I'm also fond of referring to myself as a whore, but I do not mean it derogatorily. I know many are uncomfortable with that word because of its history as a slur. I'm reclaiming it for whores everywhere (just like 'queer'). However, I will not condone it from anyone who isn't in the sex industry.

 

Erin, I'm with you. I see myself as providing a service. I don't think it's any different from if I were providing tax consultant services, educational services, medical services, or table service...

I do use the word whore or hooker to describe myself to close friends, and they know that it's ok to use it to me. However, I've noticed they now hesitate before using in any derogatory fashion...score one for the power of whores! :grin:

[SmartnSexy 2089]

I'm totally fine with "service provider." As I see it, I'm providing a service. End of story. Though maybe some of you might prefer "experience provider."

 

Then again, I'm also fond of referring to myself as a whore, but I do not mean it derogatorily. I know many are uncomfortable with that word because of its history as a slur. I'm reclaiming it for whores everywhere (just like 'queer'). However, I will not condone it from anyone who isn't in the sex industry.

 

Oh here we go. This is one of those cases where I know I should just leave well enough alone, but something compels me to respond. Maybe because reserved vocabulary is a pet peeve of mine. :(

 

Please don't think I'm being rude, I'm really not trying to be.

 

But I don't see it as fair when we use a word, but disallow others from using it.

 

If you want to use whore, then that's fine, there's an actual valid historical basis for using it. Sure it's been twisted and turned over the centuries, but it's original meaning still holds firm. So basically, in my opinion, it's up to the individual to determine whether it's an "ok" word for them. Personally, I don't use it, matter of preference I guess. But I don't think a person should be ok with themselves using the word, but for that same person to consider it to be rude coming from others. A word is a word, it's ok, or it's not. I don't think it should ever be ok for some to use but not others.

 

In my opinion it's the intent behind the word that makes or breaks whether or not someone is being rude. You can say just about anything and make it sound dirty, or offensive, or nice! It's all in the attitude.

 

I hope I didn't upset anyone too much, and I didn't mean to target you Erin, I just needed a reference to quote. I'm also curious to know what others think about this subject.

[VedaSloan 119179]

Oh here we go. This is one of those cases where I know I should just leave well enough alone, but something compels me to respond. Maybe because reserved vocabulary is a pet peeve of mine. :(

 

Please don't think I'm being rude, I'm really not trying to be.

 

But I don't see it as fair when we use a word, but disallow others from using it.

 

If you want to use whore, then that's fine, there's an actual valid historical basis for using it. Sure it's been twisted and turned over the centuries, but it's original meaning still holds firm. So basically, in my opinion, it's up to the individual to determine whether it's an "ok" word for them. Personally, I don't use it, matter of preference I guess. But I don't think a person should be ok with themselves using the word, but for that same person to consider it to be rude coming from others. A word is a word, it's ok, or it's not. I don't think it should ever be ok for some to use but not others.

 

In my opinion it's the intent behind the word that makes or breaks whether or not someone is being rude. You can say just about anything and make it sound dirty, or offensive, or nice! It's all in the attitude.

 

I hope I didn't upset anyone too much, and I didn't mean to target you Erin, I just needed a reference to quote. I'm also curious to know what others think about this subject.

 

 

In general, when the word "whore" is used by outsiders (that is, those not working in the sex industry), it is with derogatory intent. I should have been more specific and said "strangers." Obviously, it's about context--if close friends were using that word, I know they're not being derogatory. It's entirely different when coming out of the mouth of a stranger who has just met me and thinks it's okay because I use the word. It's not.

 

I look at it in much the same way the "N" word is used. Unless you're black, you do not have the right to be throwing that word around.

 

In both contexts, unless you are black or a whore, you don't know what it's like to have that word used to demean you, and you shouldn't use it just because you can.

 

I'm all for free speech, but I'm still going to think you're rude if you're anyone but close friends or other sex workers.

 

Words are never *just* words: they have power. If you want to cast a spell, that's all you have to do--SPELL.

[Old Dog 179138]

[daddio 2704]

I do believe that the word "use" or "using" is inappropriate in referring to the ladies of cerb.

 

It has connotations of a power imbalance between people and also of "ownership" of someone - the same power relationship.

 

I fully realise that it may be used inadvertently without appreciating that it may convey those underlying meanings.

 

It doesn't matter to me how long ago the term was used on cerb, I found it in the new posts; this is a forum for debate and for conveying the opinions of members and if, as a result of a debate, there is some consensus, a given post may prove to be "educational", especially for newbies in the context of respect.

 

The discussion has been broadened to discuss the designation - "Service Provider", or "SP".

 

I adopted that terminology because it is what is used on cerb.

 

I think that this is a debate for the ladies.

 

I have had conversations with ladies when they refer to other cerb ladies as SPs.

 

The hospitality industry is a "service" industry. You go to a restaurant and you are greeted and served by a "server".

 

For the description "SP" it may be a question of avoiding stereotypical thinking. For example, I believe that the the gents know that if an SP is contacted by a potential client the SP is most concerned about what the client is like as an individual as opposed to whether the client is a "salesman", or a "construction worker", or an "accountant".

 

The "title" or "designation" means little to them. It's the person who counts.

 

I'm not sure if that makes a lot of sense but perhaps I can sum it up by saying that when I make a date with a lady on cerb I make a date with an individual who I hope to click with and it has worked for me.

[Suzirider 737]

When I read the post in question, I paused.

Wondering how the ladies hear would react.

Was it said in disrespect ? I don't think so.

But, the word "use" should only refer to objects, disposables.

We don't let friends use us....for long.

You'll never hear a company say " we use our customers for income".

Even autos are not "used" anymore, they are pre-enjoyed !

 

" a rose by any other name ...."

Instead of SP, how about TE (Therapeutic Entertainer...I know it won't catch on)

[Guest s******ecan****]

I "use" things (lawnmower, car, toaster, etc)

 

I "visit" or "see" the ladies. I hope I have always been consistent with that in my postings and Rec's.

 

While I empathize with the point made earlier regarding some individuals being able to use certain words, I agree with Erin that some words are just too explosive. You have to remember that not only were those words used for derogatory purposes, in many cases they were meant to debase, or even dehumanize people which often leads to acts of brutality, cruelty and violence.

 

Old Dog are all of these gruesome album covers coming from your personal collection?