Question concerning sex addicts in the industry.

[Caged 210]

Considering that there is growing research not only on the reality and compulsive nature of sex addiction and some effective remedies to teach the afflicted to control it, but also on its tendency to escalate either towards ever riskier or ever more violent or more shocking behaviour, we can conclude that sex addicts are also far more likely than most to ask for unprotected sex. What can be done to help sex addicts out of the industry? For example, is the solution for escort ads to inform those seeking unprotected sex of the help available to them and to contact a therapist or SAA? Or might there be another solution to help sex addicts out of the industry to get the help they need for everyone's safety?

 

Any ideas on this?

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Sex addiction is like any other addiction. It is up to the individual involved to seek and utilize help available. There are many forums, services and directives already in place but they must be sought out.

 

In regards to escort ads, not everyone who asks for bb is a sex addict. Some are those who want what they want or are testing or pushing limits. Some just have no regard for much of anything. I do not believe an escort should be responsible for the health and safety of anyone except themselves. This is why there is screening in place and why most blacklist those asking for certain services or behaving in certain ways.

 

If an escort were to take it upon themselves to provide information to someone or to classify someone as an addict because they asked, they are actually opening themselves up to potential legal action. It is like if you work in a casino or a bar, you cannot accuse someone of being an addict or assume they are or communicate this is any way. IF the person comes to you claiming this, then you are free to talk about it. Without that crucial step, you are only permitted to have resources and information available or you may be open to civil actions. Things may have changed but this is what I was taught and trained on.

 

Can escorts be aware and have knowledge, certainly but it is not up to them to make the decision. Independents also do not have the time and resources to commit to such a grand scheme personally. By supporting some of the industry outreaches and programs in place, they are adding necessary resources to the cause. Again, it comes down to the individual to stand up and seek help.

 

Addicts are addicts in the sense that there is something amiss in regards to something. Every individual has varying degrees and levels to which they act, react and escalate. You cannot assume someone is an addict because they displays certain behaviors or react/act in certain ways. Yes, there are signs but not all signs lead to an addiction. Those working in ANY industry where there is potential for addiction should have knowledge but they cannot be made responsible for more than what they have control over (IE: cut off limits, spending limits, limiting behaviors when they get to certain levels, providing resource information etc.). Can we, as individuals care? Yes, to a point, after that it's on the person. If the person acts in a way that steps outside certain societal boundaries, then they can act in a way the reduces the negative impact.

[roamingguy 300292]

Considering that there is growing research not only on the reality and compulsive nature of sex addiction and some effective remedies to teach the afflicted to control it, but also on its tendency to escalate either towards ever riskier or ever more violent or more shocking behaviour, we can conclude that sex addicts are also far more likely than most to ask for unprotected sex. What can be done to help sex addicts out of the industry? For example, is the solution for escort ads to inform those seeking unprotected sex of the help available to them and to contact a therapist or SAA? Or might there be another solution to help sex addicts out of the industry to get the help they need for everyone's safety?

 

Any ideas on this?

 

 

Well first I'm no expert, not pretending to be. But some ideas

First I personally am not a fan of someone using the term sex addict. There may be some, but I am of the opinion that most people using the label sex addict do so to excuse their behaviour. A spouse caught cheating for example by his/her SO justifies the action, "It's not my fault, I have a disease, sex addiction"

Questions, how can a normal activity (sex) be an addiction?

How can escalating bad behaviour be considered sex addiction. It strikes me more as the profile of someone who may be a serial rapist

As for what can be done...it is up to the "addicted" party to seek help. Last I looked we are all responsible for our own actions. Even if labelled with a diagnosis of sex addict, it still doesn't mitigate personally responsibility. He/she isn't exempt from treating others with respect. Non consensual violent behaviour, asking for unprotected sex etc, well within the community they should be blacklisted. If criminal acts (assault, sexual assault for example) they should also be reported to the police

It isn't up to this industry to get sex addicts out of this industry. It is up to the individual to seek professional help and with the assistance of professional help get away from this lifestyle

Just my opinion

 

RG

[Grass_Hopper 18263]

I believe that each adult is able to decide if they want sex because they need it, for fun, as a work domain or to fill an addiction. I hold no PhD and I have no specific knowledge into this matter. So who am I to judge...

 

This being said, if I feel uncormfortable in a given situation, I will need to have a little chat with that person to tell him how I feel. Often, this will end in a good way and I will not give any refferences to another SP or at least I will express my concerns.

 

If it does'nt end the way I want, I will use the tools I have to make sure other SPs are aware of the situation.

 

Again, I am not a psychologist and refuse to ban somebody right of the bat unless being warned or without justification...

[scribbles 6031]

I'm currently studying psychology and neuroscience, though I'm by no means an authority, and am actually academically interested in exactly this topic. It's a complicated topic!

First off, to address RG's question, a "normal" behaviour can be the focus of an addiction if it has certain characteristics. Addictions involve biological, neurochemical and behavioural components that can all be observed and measured to some extent, and involve specific structures in the brain that are generally termed the "reward centre." Behavioural addictions can activate and affect the reward centre of the brain in very similar ways to substance addictions. That's why gambling addiction is a recognized disorder in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM-5).

Sex addiction is a lot more controversial, and it has been classified in previous DSM versions, but removed from the DSM 5. Escalation of the type of sex a person seeks isn't necessarily a sure-fire sign if addiction on its own, as there are a lot of other criteria that need to be met for a diagnosis to be confirmed. One study I just finished reading actually found very little correlation between the level of "deviance" of a person's sexual interests and their level of compulsive behaviour.

Most people investigating the sex industry are interested in the motivation that drives the ladies to work in that field. I would bet that there are as many variations of motivation that drive clients to be consumers of their services. I'm sure addiction is a part of the demographic. An abnormally high percentage of the demographic? I dunno. I'm not there yet, but I'd love to research it. If we believe our illustrious leaders in government (I'm unconvinced), it would almost definitely have to be the case. And, if it were, how does criminalizing clients address what is essentially a mental health issue, then?

 

As RG would say, just some ramblings.

[Andee 220524]

we can conclude that sex addicts are also far more likely than most to ask for unprotected sex.

 

How exactly are you able to draw this conclusion?

 

Also regarding ads, since I am offering time and companionship, why would I find it necessary to make a statement that if someone is seeking unprotected sex, that they should not ask, and seek help. That would infer that I only offer protected sex and why would I do such a thing?

 

Also, industry aside, it is not up to me to ascertain if someone is a sex addict and counsel them accordingly. I am not qualified to do such. Even if I thought they were, unless their behaviour is impacting me, it's really none of my business.

 

Finally, who is to say that sex addicts are only found in this industry? Unless they have an endless supply of funds, I would think that they would also seek out dating and hook-up sites to meet people.

 

I believe there are a lot of assumptions being made on the part of the OP and I am not clear as to why he thinks it is up to this industry to save these people.

[CristyCurves 169032]

Considering that there is growing research not only on the reality and compulsive nature of sex addiction and some effective remedies to teach the afflicted to control it, but also on its tendency to escalate either towards ever riskier or ever more violent or more shocking behaviour, we can conclude that sex addicts are also far more likely than most to ask for unprotected sex. What can be done to help sex addicts out of the industry? For example, is the solution for escort ads to inform those seeking unprotected sex of the help available to them and to contact a therapist or SAA? Or might there be another solution to help sex addicts out of the industry to get the help they need for everyone's safety?

 

Any ideas on this?

 

I do believe there are those addicted to sex. I can't comment on if many, any or lots are involved in the adult industry as I don't have any stats . For anyone to be helped, no matter their addiction, they have to want and seek the help themselves. Any addiction can lead to risky, sometimes shocking or dangerous behavior as the addicted will often act beyond their norm to get their fix of whatever it is they are addicted to. But only trained professionals can and should be the ones to offer help, support or advice. It's no one else's responsibility.

[Caged 210]

Thanks for all the replies. I think there was a misunderstanding of my question, and that might have been my fault for not wording it clearly, so I'll make a more concrete comparison to alcoholism:

 

Let's say I'm an alcoholic, have never heard the term alcoholic before, know I have a problem, want help, am too ashamed to admit to anyone close to me that I need help, have never heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, and cannot even imagine that help exists and so seeking help has never crossed my mind, me thinking that my own will power alone is all the help I will get.

Now let's suppose the alcoholic beverage industry decided to label its products with a quick sentence saying that if you need help to quit drinking, just contact AA, and provides the AA website. This would hardly be accusing each buyer of being an alcoholic, nor would it be claiming to psychoanalyse the customer or provide professional medical help. Rather it would merely be informing me that if I fall in that category, that help does exist and showing me where I can find it, but offer no help beyond just pointing the finger in the right direction.

 

Considering STD risks in this industry, it would seem to make sense that BP and other such websites inform clients with compulsive behaviours that help exists, and just point the finger in the right direction, since some might have never heard of sex therapy or support groups for compulsive sexual behaviour, let alone imagine the possibility of its existence.

We see similar labels on cigarette packages and bar walls concerning drinking during pregnancy and I believe lottery tickets too, and food products will often include allergy warnings and all include a list of ingredients. Toys will often include warning labels too. The advertizing of many products and services is highly regulated for reasons of public safety. So I guess my question is whether websites such as backpage should be equally regulated with the same public motives in mind.

 

I guess another way of looking at it is that if we hope for this industry to ever become legally 'normalized' and like any other industry, then the best way to garner public support for it would be to convince the public that it accepts its social responsibilities just like the food, toy, alcohol, cigarette, gambling, and every other industry. After all, if it insists on a 'social exemption' in one area, then it's natural that this can only turn the general public against it.

[roamingguy 300292]

Thanks for all the replies. I think there was a misunderstanding of my question, and that might have been my fault for not wording it clearly, so I'll make a more concrete comparison to alcoholism:

 

Let's say I'm an alcoholic, have never heard the term alcoholic before, know I have a problem, want help, am too ashamed to admit to anyone close to me that I need help, have never heard of Alcoholics Anonymous, and cannot even imagine that help exists and so seeking help has never crossed my mind, me thinking that my own will power alone is all the help I will get.

Now let's suppose the alcoholic beverage industry decided to label its products with a quick sentence saying that if you need help to quit drinking, just contact AA, and provides the AA website. This would hardly be accusing each buyer of being an alcoholic, nor would it be claiming to psychoanalyse the customer or provide professional medical help. Rather it would merely be informing me that if I fall in that category, that help does exist and showing me where I can find it, but offer no help beyond just pointing the finger in the right direction.

 

Considering STD risks in this industry, it would seem to make sense that BP and other such websites inform clients with compulsive behaviours that help exists, and just point the finger in the right direction, since some might have never heard of sex therapy or support groups for compulsive sexual behaviour, let alone imagine the possibility of its existence.

We see similar labels on cigarette packages and bar walls concerning drinking during pregnancy and I believe lottery tickets too, and food products will often include allergy warnings and all include a list of ingredients. Toys will often include warning labels too. The advertizing of many products and services is highly regulated for reasons of public safety. So I guess my question is whether websites such as backpage should be equally regulated with the same public motives in mind.

 

I guess another way of looking at it is that if we hope for this industry to ever become legally 'normalized' and like any other industry, then the best way to garner public support for it would be to convince the public that it accepts its social responsibilities just like the food, toy, alcohol, cigarette, gambling, and every other industry. After all, if it insists on a 'social exemption' in one area, then it's natural that this can only turn the general public against it.

 

Well a few comments.

First the STD risks...if anything, my experience in this lifestyle is that the ladies are absolutely religious about safe sex. I would hazard a guess that the STD risks are more than likely less in this lifestyle than in random bar pick ups. And my personal experience, clean bill of health STD wise since embarking on this lifestyle in July 2010, and I've seen since that time exclusively professional companions

Second, why are there social responsibilities needed in the actions between two consenting adults in this lifestyle. Partners should be responsible to one another, but social responsibility??? Do you propose the same "social responsibility for bar pick up's. Companions are very religious about safe sex, far more than any ladies I met in civilian life. That said, if your focus is on social responsibility shouldn't it be more directed towards the civilian dating scene

As for your assertion about sex addiction, who warns whom. Does a prospective client warn a companion about sex addiction because a lady may be a sex addict. Or does a companion warn a prospective client about sex addiction because the client may be a sex addict. We are all adults and will choose to do what we like, making adult choices for ourselves. Unless you want us to all have warning labels like cigarette packs have written on us across our foreheads.

What you want isn't social responsibility. It is infantilizing all adults for having adult sexual relations because maybe, just maybe a few adults have sex addiction, and of those, likely even less in this lifestyle have sex addiction

Finally, nothing done in this lifestyle will make it be considered normalized.

As for legally normalized, it was until very recently, legal. And so called social responsibility as you see it wouldn't have changed them from changing the law.

I as of yet haven't seen any evidence from you substantiating your arguments. Just you posting your unsubstantiated opinion and wanting us to accept social responsibility as you see it. Just my opinion but I get the impression from your posts you have some hidden agenda or something in your personal past and you want to blame sex addiction and this lifestyle, and not take personal responsibility

 

RG

[fortunateone 156618]

Sex, whether addiction or not, and provided it is between two consenting people of legal age (in this i include non sex workers under the age of 18 you see), is not the same as alcohol, whether abused as an alcoholic or otherwise. Alcohol comes with label warnings, and bars put up signs referring to why pregnant women should not be drinking. Alcohol has actual physical harms to the body if pregnant, or by abuse. In other words, there is no way to make alcohol use 'safer', not really.

 

Sex does not, hence it is my opinion that warning labels are not required in regards to sex workers or sex itself lol

[scribbles 6031]

To indulge the use of the alcoholic comparison, a bar is obliged to cut off a patron if they seem obviously intoxicated. Whether that happens or not, and at what point a specific bartender will determine a person to be drunk, are up for debate. What isn't up for debate is that a bar will not refuse entry to someone who comes to the bar every day of the week, as an alcoholic might.

Since sex addiction wouldn't, in our current frame of discussion, mean the client is having sex with a provider dozens of times in one day, the only way you could argue that the provider would guess a possible addiction is if the client comes back day after day. In this industry, that's considered a "regular", and doesn't particularly indicate pathology. Going with the bartender theme, if one won't refuse a repeat customer, why would a sex worker?

 

@RG, I find your assertions that there might only be a "few" sex addicts in the mix, and probably fewer here, in this industry, than elsewhere, interesting. Why would you, or what are your reasons for thinking that?

 

Sex workers are not therapists. They aren't here to diagnose or treat disorders, particularly one this complex. Addicts also are, by their nature, not likely to readily recognize that they have an issue and self-seek help. Assuming either of those things is a pretty big mistake.

[roamingguy 300292]

 

@RG, I find your assertions that there might only be a "few" sex addicts in the mix, and probably fewer here, in this industry, than elsewhere, interesting. Why would you, or what are your reasons for thinking that?

 

 

First I'm not entirely sold on sex addiction as a diagnosis to begin with

But I never claimed to be an expert. That said, how do you differentiate bad behaviour from sex addiction. Example a cheating (hate using moralizing terms, no judgement intended when using them) spouse caught having an affair saying "dear, it's not my fault, I'm a sex addict" Or worse, what if a serial rapist

said I couldn't help it, I'm a sex addict.

But as for sex addicts in the industry. A client, unless rich couldn't afford daily encounters with companions

Now a companion, how would one ever know. Whether she is a companion because an addict or because she chooses to do so as her livelihood

And doesn't throwing the sex addiction label put everyone, companion and client as a victim...that none of us are here as consenting adults, but to get our "fix"

Finally, how can we even get accurate numbers. There aren't accurate numbers of sex workers across Canada, nor clients, so how can anyone then start saying there are a lot of sex workers in the lifestyle

When someone provides stats first of clients/companions, and then from that cites how many are sex addicts then a discussion based on facts can take place. My opinions I admit are not based on any statistical facts, just my beliefs.

But even if a bona fide diagnosis it doesn't absolve a individual from personal responsibility. And I can think of greater social responsibilities, like finding housing for the homeless, feeding the poor etc

 

RG

[scribbles 6031]

I was just curious. Wasn't tryjng to attack.

What I see, though, is a couple of assumptions: 1) that a sex addict, definitively, would seek sexual services daily, and 2) that they wouldn't be able to affors to do so, so they wouldn't be clients in this industry. I'd probably argue that, 1) really depends how far the addiction has progressed, as well as whether commercial sex is the only outlet that the individual used to get their "fix," which is unlikely. As for 2), well, the person could be wealthy enough to support their habit, but it's irrelevant; there are plenty of drug addicts with a habit that far outpaces their finances.

 

Why does whether a label could be used as an excuse make any difference on whether a disorder actually exists? There seems to be a lot of moralizing on both sides of this discussion, from the OP to the respondents. *If* it is accepted that sex addiction exists, it would be ridiculous to claim that the sex industry is solely at fault, just as it's ridiculous to claim that because we say we aren't addicts that addiction isn't part of the demographic in the indutry.

[roamingguy 300292]

I was just curious. Wasn't tryjng to attack.

What I see, though, is a couple of assumptions: 1) that a sex addict, definitively, would seek sexual services daily, and 2) that they wouldn't be able to affors to do so, so they wouldn't be clients in this industry. I'd probably argue that, 1) really depends how far the addiction has progressed, as well as whether commercial sex is the only outlet that the individual used to get their "fix," which is unlikely. As for 2), well, the person could be wealthy enough to support their habit, but it's irrelevant; there are plenty of drug addicts with a habit that far outpaces their finances.

 

Why does whether a label could be used as an excuse make any difference on whether a disorder actually exists? There seems to be a lot of moralizing on both sides of this discussion, from the OP to the respondents. *If* it is accepted that sex addiction exists, it would be ridiculous to claim that the sex industry is solely at fault, just as it's ridiculous to claim that because we say we aren't addicts that addiction isn't part of the demographic in the indutry.

 

Don't worry, never thought it was an attack.

First, the assumption about sex daily...I would say if (keep in mind its sort of devils advocate argument, I really have yet to be sold on sex addiction)

one is a sex addict, then that man or woman needs his/her sex fix at a higher than average frequency than one not addicted. What that frequency is I don't know but I would imagine if one argues that there is sex addiction, the addict has sex once daily at least. If only occasionally he/she has sex, how is that different from your average man/woman

To your second point, yes it is true that there are addicts who habit outpaces their finances. It is also true, more often than not, those addicts commit crimes to finance their habit. This I base btw on 29 working in LE

More often than not drug addicts were incarcerated not because of the addiction itself but the crimes committed to finance their habit

One question that has yet to be answered. If we are going to proceed under the argument that there is sex addiction, and that people in the industry need to be warned about the dangers of sex addiction then who is responsible for warning the companion about the dangers and who warns the client about the dangers. After all, if an addiction, I believe that you would see both companions and clients addicted.

Wouldn't we all be further ahead, if we thought we had sex addiction, to take personal responsibility. And book an appointment with our doctor. He/she could refer us to an appropriate therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. That seems a better choice to me than me (assuming I'm a sex addict) expecting an companion to warn me of the dangers of sex addiction. And vice versa, a sex addicted companion expecting her clients to warn her of the dangers of sex addiction

 

RG

[scribbles 6031]

I don't think it's a companion's job to diagnose or warn anyone about sex addiction. Again, the bar doesn't refuse repeat business. I also don't think it's reasonable to expect a potential addict to responsibly seek help, spontaneously. The human capacity to rationalize and justify things that don't line up with your view of yourself is pretty astounding. More than likely, an addict would just think they are a responsible, consenting adult pursuing natural urges. Therein lies the problem with all this talk about personal responsibility and consenting adults.

 

I just think it would be interesting to see whether a logically assumed higher rate of sex addiction among male clients was in fact true or not. After all, a certain Justice Minister proclaimed male clients to all be deviant perverts with impulse control issues, right? It would be interesting to see if there's any kind of actual support for that claim.

[roamingguy 300292]

I don't think it's a companion's job to diagnose or warn anyone about sex addiction. Again, the bar doesn't refuse repeat business. I also don't think it's reasonable to expect a potential addict to responsibly seek help, spontaneously. The human capacity to rationalize and justify things that don't line up with your view of yourself is pretty astounding. More than likely, an addict would just think they are a responsible, consenting adult pursuing natural urges. Therein lies the problem with all this talk about personal responsibility and consenting adults.

 

I just think it would be interesting to see whether a logically assumed higher rate of sex addiction among male clients was in fact true or not. After all, a certain Justice Minister proclaimed male clients to all be deviant perverts with impulse control issues, right? It would be interesting to see if there's any kind of actual support for that claim.[/quote

 

 

If there are those subscribing to the idea of sex addiction, why is it assumed it is just male clients who are addicted? Isn't it just as conceivable that females are sex addicts. And if in fact if there is sex addiction and female sex addicts wouldn't being a professional sex worker be the vocation that a female sex addict would likely seek out.

I'm not sold on sex addiction. But if it is a real addiction why just focus on male sex addicted clients. It wouldn't it be just as likely there are female sex addicted companions too.

Just thrown in for discussion

 

RG

[conquistador 18487]

It is really an addiction - https://saa-recovery.org/

 

A buddy of mine has this addiction, and there are both male and female who are addicted. Just this conversation has been towards just male clients.

 

It's like any other addiction, gambling, alcohol, eating, etc.

 

Yes, it's easy to be like, oh it's just sex, how can you have a problem... But it can. And that can be said for other things as well.

[scribbles 6031]

The creepy thing is when you learn about how a behavioural addiction can actually alter the brain and gene expression...

As Conquistador said, women can be sex addicts as well. I would venture a guess (and it really is a guess) that it's more commonly men because testosterone plays a pretty big role in sex drive, both for men as well as women. Ir stands to reason men, having more testosterone, would be more prone to issues.

[Katherine of Halifax 113932]

The creepy thing is when you learn about how a behavioural addiction can actually alter the brain and gene expression...

As Conquistador said, women can be sex addicts as well. I would venture a guess (and it really is a guess) that it's more commonly men because testosterone plays a pretty big role in sex drive, both for men as well as women. Ir stands to reason men, having more testosterone, would be more prone to issues.

 

This is a complex issue that we need a lot more discussion!

[Midnite-Energies 110563]

Honestly, I don't believe this is as big an issue in this industry as in life. those with sexual addictions feel a compulsion to do what sates their addiction, in whatever form it takes (porn, actual sexual aspects, voyeurism). This is usually a consistent and ongoing basis unless the person is working on controlling it.

 

I'm not saying someone can't be addicted to a sex worker and that thrill or anonymity but think of the resources they would need to do that. It's easier with a full on addiction to troll dating sites or CL/BP to support the addiction. I would also assume it is also cheaper and requires less effort (no screening, no working around availability).

 

Mind you I know nothing of actual statistics, just approaching logically.

 

I have seen a couple escort advertising sites with disclaimers regarding addiction and where to find help. In this day an age, anyone who believes they have a problem could do an online search and come up with available local resources. Whether they utilize them is up to the individual.

[Caged 210]

Don't worry, never thought it was an attack.

First, the assumption about sex daily...I would say if (keep in mind its sort of devils advocate argument, I really have yet to be sold on sex addiction)

one is a sex addict, then that man or woman needs his/her sex fix at a higher than average frequency than one not addicted. What that frequency is I don't know but I would imagine if one argues that there is sex addiction, the addict has sex once daily at least. If only occasionally he/she has sex, how is that different from your average man/woman

To your second point, yes it is true that there are addicts who habit outpaces their finances. It is also true, more often than not, those addicts commit crimes to finance their habit. This I base btw on 29 working in LE

More often than not drug addicts were incarcerated not because of the addiction itself but the crimes committed to finance their habit

One question that has yet to be answered. If we are going to proceed under the argument that there is sex addiction, and that people in the industry need to be warned about the dangers of sex addiction then who is responsible for warning the companion about the dangers and who warns the client about the dangers. After all, if an addiction, I believe that you would see both companions and clients addicted.

Wouldn't we all be further ahead, if we thought we had sex addiction, to take personal responsibility. And book an appointment with our doctor. He/she could refer us to an appropriate therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. That seems a better choice to me than me (assuming I'm a sex addict) expecting an companion to warn me of the dangers of sex addiction. And vice versa, a sex addicted companion expecting her clients to warn her of the dangers of sex addiction

 

RG

 

Interesting points, roamingguy.

 

I would think the online advertizer could be responsible, such as BP for instance on the grounds that if you advertize a product or service, you should also ensure truthful advertizing and take social responsibility for what you advertize. Since BP and other such websites are the ones doing the advertizing, they should therefore take responsibility for it.

 

By the way, sex addiction used to be in DSM in 1987, but was then removed in 2000, though the 2000 DSM included 'sexual disorders not otherwise specified'. There is now talk of reintroducing it into the DSM under the name hypersensitivity disorder on the grounds that such a disorder is acknowledged but it's debatable whether it's an addiction, though obviously this is just pedantic hairsplitting in the mind of the sufferer who just wants help for the provlem.

I also don't see why anyone ought to take on any responsibility beyond just making sure the sufferer is aware of where to turn for help. Essentially an educational model. Beyond that it would be his responsibility. Following the alcohol example, making alcoholics aware help is available and where to get it should suffice. Beyond that, it's his responsibility.

[Caged 210]

Honestly, I don't believe this is as big an issue in this industry as in life. those with sexual addictions feel a compulsion to do what sates their addiction, in whatever form it takes (porn, actual sexual aspects, voyeurism). This is usually a consistent and ongoing basis unless the person is working on controlling it.

 

I'm not saying someone can't be addicted to a sex worker and that thrill or anonymity but think of the resources they would need to do that. It's easier with a full on addiction to troll dating sites or CL/BP to support the addiction. I would also assume it is also cheaper and requires less effort (no screening, no working around availability).

 

Mind you I know nothing of actual statistics, just approaching logically.

 

I have seen a couple escort advertising sites with disclaimers regarding addiction and where to find help. In this day an age, anyone who believes they have a problem could do an online search and come up with available local resources. Whether they utilize them is up to the individual.

 

Some sites actually do that already? As far as I'm concerbed, if what you say is true, then those sites have already fulfilled theirbresponsibility. You can't blame a person with a sexual problem for not knowing help exists. The very idea that help exists for this might never have crossed his mind. Once he is made aware of where to turn for help, the ball is in his court from there on in.

 

I'd be interested to see such a site to see how it is presented, just for interest's sake.

[Caged 210]

Also, just to comment on points that were raised previously, I know for a fact that unprotected sex is easily accessible among some of the demographics that advertize on BP, mostly but by no means exclusively among those who don't know the local language, bearing in mind that even among that demographic many would refuse to give even unprotected oral sex.

If one should ask each time though, he'd be surprised at the ratio that do offer it, even among locals.

[Eric Northman 16522]

Also, just to comment on points that were raised previously, I know for a fact that unprotected sex is easily accessible among some of the demographics that advertize on BP, mostly but by no means exclusively among those who don't know the local language, bearing in mind that even among that demographic many would refuse to give even unprotected oral sex.

If one should ask each time though, he'd be surprised at the ratio that do offer it, even among locals.

 

Wow...just wow. The only way that you could possibly know this is if you were actively seeking it out. I've never been offered, never asked and, as near as I can tell, would most likely be immediately blacklisted if I did. As you say, perhaps you're trolling a particular 'demographic' but damn...really? The fuck is wrong with you man?

 

This reminds me of all the anti-vaxxers out there. You're not only putting yourself at risk but others as well. Do you not believe in the concept of social responsibility? None of us should ever have unprotected sex in this business and we should all refuse to deal with those who do.

[Caged 210]

Wow...just wow. The only way that you could possibly know this is if you were actively seeking it out. I've never been offered, never asked and, as near as I can tell, would most likely be immediately blacklisted if I did. As you say, perhaps you're trolling a particular 'demographic' but damn...really? The fuck is wrong with you man?

 

This reminds me of all the anti-vaxxers out there. You're not only putting yourself at risk but others as well. Do you not believe in the concept of social responsibility? None of us should ever have unprotected sex in this business and we should all refuse to deal with those who do.

 

I've been out of the industry since October at the latest, and even then only because I am locked in a stainless steel chastity cage and have difficult access to the keys (I would have to break a security box to access them: just getting bolt cutters would require less effort).

The only reason I had not left the industry years ago was because I was unaware of the existence of a chastity cage and could not even imagine that such a thing existed. Though I had read about sex addiction therapy and Sexaholics Anonymous and other 12-step groups, I was skeptical as to how talking over a cup of tea could help me to control my compulsive behaviour, which also involved compulsive engagement in high-risk behaviour (a compulsive fetish revolving around blood led me to fantasize about unprotected menstrual sex and eventually masochism including macabre masochism which is when I'd learnt of the chastity cage), and rejected the ideas of 'sex addiction,', hypersexuality disorder', 'sexual compulsivity disorder', or any other such idea as being a cop out or an excuse for such behaviour. The thought had also never occurred to me that such behaviour could be related to PTSD, BPD, and especially OCD, let alone that I myself might be suffering any of these, let alone all of them. In my mind, I was just an aberration and asking for help would have been a cop out, trying to make excuses for my behaviour, or laziness in not just exercising my own will-power, so I decided to just try to be 'normal' and just try harder in controlling my behaviour through will-power alone.

I realized just how compulsive my behaviour was once I was locked in the cage. I'd literally tried to pull it off to the point of excruciating pain on more than one occasion, only to go to bed irate at not being able to act out on the urge before finally giving up on my attempt. Somewhat like Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hyde, I would make plans during my calm state to thwart my efforts during my 'insane' state. I now also use a Screen Time app to control my access to the internet.

Once I'd learnt of a chastity cage and was securely locked into one, I'd started to wonder what other remedies might exist of which I was unaware. Only then did I consider therapy and SA. My therapist was not particularly useful in teaching me to control the behaviour, but at least he helped me to understand its source. I was shocked to walk in asking for help relating to my sexual behaviour and to walk out informed that I suffered PTSD, BPD, and OCD, though as interesting as it was information-wise, it provided no insight on how to control the behaviour. I then turned to SA for help, where I did find a group that was less focused on the theoretical reason for the acting out and more on the practical question of how to control the behaviour.

In retrospect, if pedophiles can be compulsively so, if homosexuals can be compulsively so, if rapists can be compulsively so, then why not more 'vanilla-ish' heterosexuals? I simply could not accept that my behaviour was compulsive until it hit me in the face. I just thought that I was just not trying hard enough to control my behaviour, and maybe that was the case. Either way though, I finally had to admit to myself that whether that was the case or not, that I should seek help, yet even then I had to overcome various obstacles, firstly awareness that help existed, secondly that it would be fruitful, and thirdly having to overcome pride and shame before I could do so.

 

The fact that many in the industry are willing to have unprotected sex does lead to another question: given that public schools the world over have been teaching about HIV and other STD's in compulsory sex ed classes for the last 30 years at least, if not the last 40 years, to what degree do mental health problems influence the decision to have unprotected sex? When making such a decision, are the participants thinking clearly or are they suffering something akin to temporary insanity?

I remember reading a study done in the US indicating that PTSD rates among workers in the industry are comparable to soldiers, police officers, paramedics, and others who work in emergency services, and PTSD is known to cause something akin to temporary insanity in some cases, whereby the person, suddenly emotionally terror-stricken sometimes for no apparent reason, will just go on mental autopilot. Sometimes it can also happen that emotional exhaustion leads them to go on a kind of mental autopilot even when relatively emotionless. It might not always be obvious to others when a person is in that state of mind, and even the sufferer himself might fail to recognize this, thinking he's just being lazy in trying to control his behaviour. I have later learnt that it is in fact common for those who are diagnosed as having PTSD to not have suspected it when first seeking therapy for a seemingly unrelated compulsive behaviour.